Advise needed...am I bi? [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

Lesley-Anne-sexylegs

08-29-2006, 03:00 PM

Janelle Young

08-29-2006, 03:17 PM

Bev06 GG

08-29-2006, 03:54 PM

Lesley,
If your having those kind of thoughts then I dont think you really need to ask whether or not your Bi, I think you already know the answer to that one. And if youve come here for support and encouragement in what you are thinking of doing, then youve come to the wrong site. The majority of girls on this forum are decent folk, who, even if they are having a hard time with their partners, would never dream of being disloyal to them. Like Janelle has already pointed out, Adultery is Adultery whatever the circumstances. Im sorry if you find my answer alittle on the harsh side but believe me this is very toned down for the sake of politeness, fantasy or not, you represent everything that I absolutely detest and despise about some men, CDs or not, and its definitely your type that give CDing such a bad name. Why in the world would you think that anyone is going to be interested in your sordid little fantasy.
BEVxxxxx

Sherry Ann Evans

08-29-2006, 04:05 PM

its definitely your type that give CDing such a bad name. Why in the world would you think that anyone is going to be interested in your sordid little fantasy.BEVxxxxx

Holy cow, I can't believe you SAID that. That was sooooo uncalled for!

Lesley: you should do whatever YOU feel you must do, and what's best for YOU. I know that you did come here looking for other people's advice, so that is my advice. If your wife won't have sex with you then you obviously have issues to work out with her independently of your own issues with yourself and/or other men.

By "YOU" I'm not saying to disregard the feelings of your wife / family, but still .... I'd say there is a vast silent majority of people here who also are in traditional M/F relationships and definitely have bi- tendancies. So however you decide to address it, lots of us ARE interested. How dare Bev or anyone else refer to your real issue as a "sordid little fantasy" .... it absolutely blows me away how people in a minority group (i.e., CDers) can be so intolerant of people who happen to be in another minority group (i.e., bisexual people). ** INTOLERANCE & SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS ** are what I "despise and detest"...

Danielle2

08-29-2006, 04:09 PM

Bev,
An excellent answer !! As a lifelong dresser, I have never cheated on my wife although she is under the impression that when I dress, I am cheating on her with myself. I have not been able to provide a satisfactory answer to her in regards to her opinion.

PS and I never will

Bev06 GG

08-29-2006, 04:22 PM

Holy cow, I can't believe you SAID that. That was sooooo uncalled for!

Lesley: you should do whatever YOU feel you must do, and what's best for YOU. ** INTOLERANCE & SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS ** are what I "despise and detest"...
Oh well thats alright then Sherry just so long as you dont mind deceit, betrayal and adultery. Even sharing those thoughts with others when your married is betraying your wife or partner, and I'd be gutted if that was my partner sharing his inner most fantasies with the world and his wife on here. If things are so bad then you take other action, even if it means going down the divorce route, you dont set out to cheat on your partner whatever your sexual orientation.

hotbobbie

08-29-2006, 04:23 PM

Bev06 GG

08-29-2006, 04:29 PM

I agree with you Sherry. Bev you are way of base by being so harsh on Lesley and what makes you think you have all the answers to her or anyone else problems. Lesley you do have to talk this over with your wife and let her know how you feel. This however could be the straw that will end your marriage. I to went thru what you are now going thru and have gone down the path of enjoying men very much. But in the end only you will make that choice. Just be up front with yourself and wife and not let others get in the way of your life. I am sure there life is not perfect.

I dont think I have all the answers Hotbobbie, but I know the answer isn't Adultery. If he's that sure about the route he wants to take, then I agree he should share this with his wife, not us. I do not have any probs with Bi sexual CDs BTW, each to their own, and if your single get on with it. What I really hate about this is he's sharing something very personal with the wrong people.

Wendy me

08-29-2006, 04:29 PM

call me old fashon or what ever but theirs no dateing if your married.... that simple no mater what your intersts are ....married is married...............

maybeJan

08-29-2006, 04:30 PM

....snipped....
... it absolutely blows me away how people in a minority group (i.e., CDers) can be so intolerant of people who happen to be in another minority group (i.e., bisexual people). ** INTOLERANCE & SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS ** are what I "despise and detest"...

For heaven's sake, this comment wasn't a knock against bisexual people, it was a comment on the dishonesty of adultery.

Jan

Bev06 GG

08-29-2006, 04:31 PM

call me old fashon or what ever but theirs no dateing if your married.... that simple no mater what your intersts are ....married is married...............

Absolutely!

ElleCD

08-29-2006, 04:36 PM

Lesley

You have two issues to sort out. Your sexuality and your marriage. To pretend these are not closely linked would be superficial but it helps to look at them separately. Your view of your sexuality may be changing. This happns. The label is unimportant. Discovering who you are and living accordingly is. Your current feelings may be profound or equally may be a reaction to your current situation. Is your marriage the best thing for you and your wife? Are you happy now and believe that you will be in the future or possibly not so happy now but believe its transitory? Given that your relationship is not sexual would your wife tolerate other relationships - highly unusual but not unknown. Or is it the case that you and your wife have entered a relationship at one time that is not right for either of you and should be ended? I suspect that if you think about addressing the issues concerning your marriage first the resolution of your issues concerning your sexuality will follow. I do wish you the best of luck. Both you and your wife deserve to be happy.

Hugs

Elle

Sherry Ann Evans

08-29-2006, 04:37 PM

Bev06 GG

08-29-2006, 04:38 PM

For heaven's sake, this comment wasn't a knock against bisexual people, it was a comment on the dishonesty of adultery.

Jan

Thank you Jan, you have just proved to me that some people do actually read whats written and not what they think has been written.
Take care
BEVxxxxx

Ms. Donna

08-29-2006, 04:40 PM

Hi Im new to the site and have been a crossdresser from the age of about 8.
After one year of marriage ( about 14 years ago ) my wife found out and we no longer have sex. My urges are not great for male to female and have been happy to dress when ever the occasion greets me. I find Im happy when dressed and are having bi thoughts. Ive never had a male to male relationship. Not sure what to do, Ive been loyal to my wife but am finding these urges to stong to hold back and think I should venture towards the unknown. Has any one been through what Imgoing through and what advise do you give? Is there anyone stuggleing with the same thoughts? please help if you can...Luv Lesley-Anne xxx:love:
Hi Lesley-Anne,

What you have to realize is that sex, gender and sexuality are all intertwined with eachother. It is actually a pretty normal for anyone who is Transgender to have thought about this. As we work to understand ourselves, we can find that our 'sexuality' seems to undergo some change. In reality, it's simply a reaction to seeing the world in a different way that the standard Cisgendered - heterosexual POV.

While I can sympathise with the feelings and desires, you are married and need to remember that. Cheating is cheating - that you no longer are intimate is not a good justification for it. Perhaps some couples counseling is in order?

Should you choose to act on these feelings, be prepared for the enevitably fallout which will be the result thereof. It will be little consolation to your wife that you were with an 'man' as opposed to a 'woman'.

You get the 'proceed with caution' from me on this. You are an adult - and neither I nor anyone else here can tell you what to do.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

Sky

08-29-2006, 04:41 PM

Tina Dixon

08-29-2006, 04:44 PM

Look maybe you got problems but you are talking cheating also and to most of us that is a no-no so I guess your just going to have to live with this problem or leave your wife over it, so suck it up.

kathy gg

08-29-2006, 04:49 PM

When I read a post like this I have to wonder several things...why would any person stay married to another person who has refused sex for such a longgg stretch?......is she in some disabled position which you feel you cannot leave her?

I think most people would either {a} go to couples counseling sometimes after the dry spell begins or {b} begin separation procedures {c} already be gone and divoreced after one an half years....I know I would. Surely you could have gotten an annullment?

Not having sex after only being married for one year is nuts. Unless the person had some major surgery or illness or maybe a tragic loss of a child....I could see sex being "postponed" till some balance is reached....but 14 years....who does this??

Well..I guess you do...

......I really could care less if you are into guys or puppets or life size Mickey Mouse dolls....but what kind of martry stays in a marriage where there is no nookie?? I mean I for one would stop any hope and wishful thinking at the start of year two. Kids or no kids {if there are any} this is nuts.

I also think if a *spouse* has choosen to completely withhold sex and has no reason {cding can't be all there is to this story} then you need to basically announce that you will have to find some sex from some other breathing intity. If a spouse then is ready to talk or/divorce/or start havintg sex then at least you know in good conscious that you put all your cards on the table.

And as for those of us not cheering and clapping in agreement with contemplating cheating....{again, the sex of the intented affair concerns me not} umm....this is an open forum, if you post on here looking for opinions about screwing around on your wife, you will get some very strong opinions back. Some you might not like....and by the looks of it... other forum members might not like them either.

I for one am glad you took a chance and posted this, becuase I think sometimes seeing something in writing gives us time to reflect and this might be just what you need to see things clearly.

:hiding: ready for onslught of rotten tomatoes and other produce.....

jennifer easton

08-29-2006, 04:49 PM

Bev and Wendy, I'm on your side of the fence!!, Married is Married!! xoxoxoJennifer

Jennaie

08-29-2006, 04:49 PM

I have always been of the view that if your not happy in your relationship, either get the problem solved or get out. If your choice is to get out, do it before you decide to go explore new horizons.

Of course, I tend to think more like a woman than a man, but if I was married and I caught my wife cheating on me, I would have divorce papers served immediately. I'm way too sensitive to tolerate that kind of rejection.

In answer to your question, am I bi? Well, only you can answer that. I believe we are all bi to some degree, to what degree is up to you to decide.

Kate Simmons

08-29-2006, 04:55 PM

Regardless of what you decide to do, Hon, you have to live with the outcome, remember that. Maybe you and your wife have not been intimate but is it worth losing the RELATIONSHIP? If you are intimate with someone else, she will find out for sure--count on it. Ericka Kay

CarmenG

08-29-2006, 05:25 PM

this is why i just love this site..... we all cross borders, we have rules to adhere to, we all believe how we as a society should behave. girls vs boys, women vs men, i believe that covers everybody unless you have both types of plumbing. on a scale of 1 to inf.......... everybody will fall in line somewhere. unless i am a man with man problems, then i feel i can comment on the issues. icertainly can not comment on "GG" problems because i am not a female. everyone knows men are dogs and act like dogs..... perhaps someone should have told my ex-wife that before she got caught with my neighbor's husband.... hey i have no hard feeling about women, actually i rather admire them. i don't want to change into a woman, just dress like one. been married for 20 years and have not had sex with my wife for 8 years now. that's my business..... i love her dearly would not leave her for the world. but to chastise a man for reaching out to other "MEN" for whatever comments they have..... I say GO FOR IT and the hell with what others say... my advise, take a magic marker and write the name "MANUEL" on the right hand, and "MANUELA" on the left. when you get the urge as a man see left hand, when you get the urge as a woman, see right hand.......:heehee:
hey, best of luck.....

Lesley-Anne-sexylegs

08-29-2006, 06:17 PM

Thanks everyone for your views...at the moment you must understand that for 14 years I have not had an affair, just wondering if there is something wrong with me...if you think I can not share my feelings then like someone said where should I go to,,,, I was just asking for help on my situation...some TVs dont tell there wives about dressing..IS THAT NOT CHEATING!!!!...
My views on my relationship is just being up front with nothing to hide...please understand it was not trying to lower the standard of the site in any way shape or form...kind regards....Lesley-Anne xxx:love:

Lesley-Anne-sexylegs

08-29-2006, 06:26 PM

Oh well thats alright then Sherry just so long as you dont mind deceit, betrayal and adultery. Even sharing those thoughts with others when your married is betraying your wife or partner, and I'd be gutted if that was my partner sharing his inner most fantasies with the world and his wife on here. If things are so bad then you take other action, even if it means going down the divorce route, you dont set out to cheat on your partner whatever your sexual orientation.

You quoted my partner sharing HIS views, you are therefore not a TV, I thought I was asking other TV's in similar circumstances....sorry to offend! regards Lesley-Anne

Ms. Donna

08-29-2006, 06:33 PM

You quoted my partner sharing HIS views, you are therefore not a TV, I thought I was asking other TV's in similar circumstances....sorry to offend! regards Lesley-Anne
We have a nice mix of people here and unless you specify that you only are looking for other CD/TG people to resond, you can get replies from anyone. I'd suggest considering all replies as the GGs here often have some of the best advise to offer.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

tekla west

08-29-2006, 06:34 PM

Sex drives are not always in the same gear at the same time, one recent study

http://www.alternet.org/sex/40854

finds that women's begin to go down after year one. There are a lot of people who define marriage in any number of ways. Your way may be right for you, so swell, but you have no right to force it upon others. Many men have mistresses, often known by their wives, but they stay married for whatever reasons they feel attached to. Marriage is a economic and social deal, not a religious institution. Your may have that component added to it, but its not the alpha and omega for all people. Not by a long shot.

They should talk sure. But often we talk to others before talking to our spouse, or even in lieu of talking to our spouse. I'm sure the GGs in here have gone and talked to friends before they spoke to the hubby. And I have met a few married women who were not exactly following the party line either.

So, sure, talk it over, whatever, its not like after 14 years its going to change or anything, call me a skeptic, so be it. If they can reach an accommodation, fine, if not, split. Life is too short to be unhappy, or unfulfilled, no matter what the reason is.

And sure, sometimes the GGs have good advice, but they are coming at all this from another place too. That should be taken into consideration.

Vannacd

08-29-2006, 06:39 PM

Charleen

08-29-2006, 06:44 PM

Back to your original question. Only you know. None of girls can make that call for you. As far as I can figure, you have only had the thought and have not taken action on it as yet. My PERSONAL opinion is that as long as you're married, let it stay a thought. I will not presume to comment on the state of your marriage as I don't have a clue as to what's going on. That is between your wife and yourself. In other words, I can't help.The only thing that comes to my mind is that you have a lot of soul searching to do personally. One suggestion- try counciling either as a couple or by yourself. I wish you peace in your life. Love abd xxxx, Lily

Ellie

08-29-2006, 06:45 PM

Talk to your spouse about your growing desire, perhaps she will pack up and leave right then but perhaps she would like to share the experience of being with a "manly" man with you.

Hard to say, you are the one that knows her best.

In any case I have found that it is much better to be up front rather then have to cover your rear!

:2c:

Lesley-Anne-sexylegs

08-29-2006, 06:53 PM

Thanks Beth...

..................When I came into this world and started to dress at 8 I thought I was ceating on my mum...had real thoughts about coming out and still have...my parents still dont know...should I tell them!...I say NO because I dont want to hurt my mum at this point in her life............my wife and I are great friends....like sister and sister....and so what if I dont have sex...dressing interests me more....I was trying to understand my self with similar Tvs in similar circumstances....to try and understand myself better...I am really interested by every bodies views and take on board what has been said...I suppose I would like a TV friend and go round for coffee.....but at what point am I cheating on my wife...do I tell her...do you get my drift!
Kind regards Lesley-Anne:love:

Sherry Ann Evans

08-29-2006, 07:07 PM

just wondering if there is something wrong with me...some TVs dont tell there wives about dressing..IS THAT NOT CHEATING!!!!...

There is NOTHING wrong with you Lesley.

Not telling your partner about a particular desire is NOT cheating. Cheating is quite black-and-white I think -- you're either dating someone else or you aren't. Even if you dress and go have some fun with other CDs, you're not cheating with anyone unless it gets sexual. It might necessarily be noble, but that's up to you to decide. Frankly, in a situation where your partner can't tolerate you dressing but you can't tolerate breaking up with her, then while there are definitely problems, I wouldn't see anything wrong with you dressing and having real-life girlfriends (in the platonic sense) .... not that you asked, but in case you were wondering. :) But in ANY situation there is NOTHING "wrong" with bi or gay or trans tendancies. Or in modern culture terms straight from Seinfeld: "Not that there's anything wrong with that..."

GG Vanya

08-29-2006, 07:08 PM

You quoted my partner sharing HIS views, you are therefore not a TV, I thought I was asking other TV's in similar circumstances....sorry to offend! regards Lesley-Anne

The *only* place, that I am aware of, where GG's are forbidden to post, is in the M2F "GM Only" forum. The reverse would be true of CD's....they are forbidden in the "GG Only" forum.

This "to hell with what others think DO WHAT YOU WANT" attitude is sad. What happened to integrity?

And, who said the wife was using sex as a weapon? I don't find that anywhere in the posts by the originator.

Isn't it quite possible she can't accept the fact that her husband crossdresses? Some women simply can *not* accept it, feel betrayed, and withdraw emotionally.

Certainly there are two distinct issues here. Adultery was mentioned *first*, in spite of the fact that the thread title is "am I bi", and then the possiblity of having an adulterous bisexual relationship is tossed in as an afterthought, IMO.

Lesley, if you are trying to use the lack of sex in your marriage as justification for having a bi sexual relationship, it simply doesn't wash with me.

If you *must* follow your "uncontrollable urges" (your words), then for the sake of your vows, and the love you swore to your wife, first try counseling.
If that doesn't, or won't work, do the honorable thing and tell her your needs, and/or divorce her.

There are many GG's on this site, and the topic of cheating comes up often. Almost unanomously, the GG's are going to be very blunt with their opinions on it, and *many* of the CD's feel the same.

When you ask for advice, and it involves cheating, buckle your seatbelt.

Sejd

08-29-2006, 07:32 PM

Lesly Anne, you got a problem if your wife won't have sex with you. If anyone goes long enough without sex, any object becomes attractive. I even understand the old story about the farm boy on this issue. The fact is that Threrapi is long overdue for your folks. Drag your wife to a good therapist with you and start working on your problems, and forget about the bi thing until all else has been worked out.
Hope you figure it all out, good luck
Sejd

angelfire

08-29-2006, 07:51 PM

I am with the people who say cheating is wrong, no matter what the justification. If your marriage isn't work, I would suggest divorce, and then it wouldn't be cheating at that point. However, at least try to resolve the issues, and again, my opinion is that cheating is wrong, and I would never do it.

joanlynn28

08-29-2006, 08:04 PM

Gosh, I have had these same thoughts. I have always thought of myself as a heterosexual transgendered mtf but now I have my doubts about that. About a month ago a had my first sexual experience with a man, a rather handsome and well endowed one at that. Well anyway a couple of days later it is all I can think about is having that kind relationship again. And than two weeks ago the bouncer at our bar came over to our little afterhours T-girl party and difinately rocked this little T-girl's world. But I still like girls too, so what I am saying is that yes I am coming to accept myself as being bisexual. Maybe the p-docs are correct about me, a couple of them that I saw mentioned that I may be a latent homosexual. Than again at this point in my life I still am not sure what I am.:o

dancer1

08-29-2006, 09:43 PM

After 22 years of married life, my wife has forgiven all of my short comings and flaws but it would break her heart and this she would not deserve.
Stand on your word and you will always be recived.
Reguards Nadeen

Kaitlyn Michele

08-29-2006, 10:06 PM

lesley anne

you have to learn one thing...only YOU can decide what is important to you

bev and others, sherry and others have different views but they are stating whats important to them, from their point of view..

i went thru the end of a marriage..i tried, i didnt cheat...i have very mixed feelings about it as now i can dress more, but i feel i hurt my wife and that makes me sad..i struggle with how far i want to go with the dressing..i've asked others what they thought...in the end tho...it up to ME!!! its all in my head and for you its the same...

this is universal in ALL THINGS>....i want to gamble and drink more..its fun!!!! but i dont because its not good for me..in moderation its great!!...same goes with dressing for me anyway..i cant drop my whole life and dress every day..i want to, but MY CHOICE IS TO DO IT MY WAY!!!>.

thats what you have to face...its time...i feel for you and i bet many others do to ..but its all you girl

KewTnCurvy GG

08-29-2006, 10:13 PM

Lesley,
And if youve come here for support and encouragement in what you are thinking of doing, then youve come to the wrong site. The majority of girls on this forum are decent folk, who, even if they are having a hard time with their partners, would never dream of being disloyal to them. Like Janelle has already pointed out, Adultery is Adultery whatever the circumstances. Im sorry if you find my answer alittle on the harsh side but believe me this is very toned down for the sake of politeness, fantasy or not, you represent everything that I absolutely detest and despise about some men, CDs or not, and its definitely your type that give CDing such a bad name. Why in the world would you think that anyone is going to be interested in your sordid little fantasy.
BEVxxxxx
A few clarifications. Being BI does not equal adultery! Having bi thoughts is normal and harmless. Yes, your answer is on the harsh side. What is wrong with bi men? Do you have something against them? And why is having bi thoughts "sordid"? Are we to feel guilty about our sexual feelings?
I'm a GG btw, not TG.
Kew

GG Vanya

08-29-2006, 10:17 PM

A few clarifications. Being BI does not equal adultery! Having bi thoughts is normal and harmless. Yes, your answer is on the harsh side. What is wrong with bi men? Do you have something against them? And why is having bi thoughts "sordid"? Are we to feel guilty about our sexual feelings?
I'm a GG btw, not TG.
Kew

It seems another one missed the point of Bev's post. It wasn't the bisexualilty she took issue with, it was the adultery. Sheesh.

(copied from the original post):::

I find Im happy when dressed and are having bi thoughts. Ive never had a male to male relationship. Not sure what to do, Ive been loyal to my wife but am finding these urges to stong to hold back and think I should venture towards the unknown. Has any one been through what Imgoing through and what advise do you give?

KewTnCurvy GG

08-29-2006, 10:24 PM

It seems another one missed the point of Bev's post. It wasn't the bisexualilty she took issue with, it was the adultery. Sheesh.

Yes, but he did not say he would or that he is going to venture out. He said having strong feelings, what do other think. MY guess is his loyalty to his marriage is in part what made him post here. Hell we ALL have temptations of varying sorts that pull us in directions we'd rather not go. So what I heard was someone saying "help", "what do I do?" Not I'm going to do it and I don't care what anyone thinks. And, fyi, for all those in sexless marriages. To me, that's like life without air. I don't get how you have one without the other. An ocean without water. **** dat grrlfriends. Sex is the glue. Lose that, you don't have a marriage. You have a roommate situation.
Kew's 2

Melanie

08-29-2006, 10:27 PM

Hi,

while I am generally pretty open minded,I tend to agree with Bev,Jannelle and Danielle about not seeking sex outside of your marriage.You married your wife to be with her for the better or the worst did you not?,what about keeping your vows and honouring your marriage?.If you really want to have sex outside of this then at least be honest enough to let her know you want your freedom and either seperate or divorce.

It's so encouraging to see so many in here with a strong sense of morality,gosh I thought I was one of few in this very liberal world.

Hugs ,
Melanie :hugs:

tekla west

08-29-2006, 10:36 PM

GG Vanya

08-29-2006, 10:49 PM

Yes, but he did not say he would or that he is going to venture out. He said having strong feelings, what do other think. MY guess is his loyalty to his marriage is in part what made him post here. Hell we ALL have temptations of varying sorts that pull us in directions we'd rather not go. So what I heard was someone saying "help", "what do I do?" Not I'm going to do it and I don't care what anyone thinks. And, fyi, for all those in sexless marriages. To me, that's like life without air. I don't get how you have one without the other. An ocean without water. **** dat grrlfriends. Sex is the glue. Lose that, you don't have a marriage. You have a roommate situation.
Kew's 2

My Father and Late Mother would disagree with you there Kew. For the last 8 or so years of her life, Mother was non ambulatory. For the last year she was bedridden. Sex was out of the question. However, Dad was right there holding her hand when she drew her last breath and told her as she was leaving: Wait for me by the river of life, I'll be there soon. Their love never wavered, even though he was never away from her, except to attend church on Sundays and Wednesday nights. (He's the pastor.) And of course, an occasional doctor visit for himself. But even during those times, he made damn sure she was in good hands, and worried himself sick about her while he was gone.

Love is not sex, and sex is not love, necessarily~in my opinion.

angelfire

08-29-2006, 11:05 PM

Well said Vanya. You made a very good point.

CheriTV2006

08-29-2006, 11:33 PM

Hi Leslie,
Frankly, I think counciling was obviously neccessary for you and your SO after that first year you mentioned regarding the sexual intimacy component, which I think is certainly very important in relationships, especially for the core male needs. I don't know the weight of your thoughts regarding the bi-curiosity. Despite the fact that I myself am definitely wired heterosexual, I have had several male-to-male sexual experiences for different reasons. Two involved cd'ing partners, all also wired hetero. But I can definitely attest that we all prefered being a "submissive bottom" in the female role. My hetero ex-marriage involved some bi-couple swinging. Again I only preferrred being the submissive female. I'm certainly no professional, but I do agree that with the others here that it's normal to have the thoughts. I also think you might want to examine wheather or not you see your thoughts just as an extension of the cd identification. You might also want examine if your considering actualization of your thoughts is out of frustration from lack of sexual intamacy. During periods of sexual withholding of my wife at certain parts of my rocky ex-marriage, my frustrations/emotions went crazy.

Miss Vicki

08-30-2006, 04:06 AM

Leslie- Your thoughts of being BI are probably real. Your marriage to your wife is real. If you have stayed loyal to her this many years without having sexual relations, then you are both together because of the friendship and love that you have for each other. That is a bond that you both made many years ago and , as far as I know from your posts, that you both follow.

I believe that after so many years of a non- sexual marriage, you should follow some advice.
1) Get Divorced and start over. You will be able to crossdress whenever and whereever you want to. And you can share a sexual relationship with a male or female. No hangups about marriage or worries about hurt feelings.
2) Stay with your wife and Get a GRIP on Life. Or Take matters into your own hands.
This will keep you both together for many years.

Miss Vicki

Ellaine

08-30-2006, 04:06 AM

Hi Leslie-Anne, There is so much info missing, that I wonder what else has a bearing on your circumstances.

If I understand correctly, You have been married 14yrs and have had little or no sex for 13 of them?
And you said...You and wife are more "like Sisters".

Sounds like you have less than average testosterone for one thing.

Yet your CD'ing is just "when ever the occcassion greets me". Does that mean there is no great compulsion to CD? Is it more of a hobby?

Does it make you go a bit "flaky" when you can't dress?

On some level, you and your wife must be happy, to have lasted so long.

You don't mention kids, Is that because there are none?

I wouldn't want to advise on a course of action when there are so many mysteries.

But I am convinced that we are all so brainwashed by Societys' morality that we start to doubt our own sense of right and wrong.

You ask if you are Bisexual. Well I have to wonder why you want a diagnosis, or a label. You would only use a label if you knew for sure it was correct, and that needs to be tested in some way, over time. Asking yourself questions, using your imagination and mentally exploring possibilities is totally normal, and can't be criticised.
One thing is certain, we are just as likely to change over time, as we are to stay the same.

I would sugest you try to discuss this with your Wife. If she is not sexual, or very adept at quietly getting her jollies elsewhere, she may not object to you being open and honest. Same applies if you are "like Sisters".

Marriage is a Partnership, it should not be used as a noose. If you are honest and open about your thoughts, a lot of blame and guilt just don't apply.
IMHO

Sandra

08-30-2006, 04:36 AM

Are you BI? Possibily and there is nothing wrong with that , but that doesn't give you the right to go and have sex with another man, as has already been said that is cheating.

You quoted my partner sharing HIS views, you are therefore not a TV, I thought I was asking other TV's in similar circumstances....sorry to offend! regards Lesley-Anne

Why would you think you were asking other TVs, this site is for families and friends it says so at the top of the page. Perhaps if you only wanted replies from TVs then perhaps a site that doesn't let family and friends join.

Lesley-Anne-sexylegs

08-30-2006, 04:37 AM

Thanks for those comments...about the best to date...Im a Tv and know that now...I wear tights most of the time but due to work and commitments find it hard to find the time to CD fully. Recently been to a dress service which helps the urges to dress but at £50 a time its not very often..dont have a huge income and Im the only breadwinner...married with one child
(15) and the feelings that I have not had an affair means maybe Im a bit bi... in the 80s with all the aids scare I did not take that option when single....hope this makes some kind of sence...Im not looking for an affair .... ...a graet believer in FATE and just a bit mixed up at the mo...Thanks for every ones input,
kind regards Lesley-Anne:love:

Bev06 GG

08-30-2006, 06:43 AM

If your wife is with holding sex from you because she found out you "dress", then she is blackmailing you sexually, which is inexcusable. First thing you should do is to confront her on this; re-evaluating your marriage.

Bi urges aren't bad, and plenty of people, including myself, enjoy satifying them (safely). But I wouldn't play around on the sly. That's cheating on your spouse and it ain't fair.
Hi Vanna,
Yes the wife has got alot to answer for here, this is cruelty of the worst kind. Having a good relationship with your partner includes sexual intercourse, (unless of course there is a problem), and to withhold it is a very dangerous game to play, almost asking for trouble. To be honest I doubt I could go 14 days let alone 14 years, but then I would have confronted her long before this.
Take care
BEVxxxx

CDsWifey GG

08-30-2006, 09:15 AM

Obviously yes you are bi, but that doesnt mean you need to have relations with men it just means you have attraction for them the same as women I am bisexual and monogomous. As for cheating, no I cannot condone it, but whatever you do be honest with yourself and your spouse. That being said, let me say this...if I had gone fourteen years without sex I would be humping the neighbors :heehee: Seriously tho get help for you and your wife.

kathy gg

08-30-2006, 04:03 PM

in the 80s with all the aids scare I did not take that option when single...

Umm..AIDS still has no cure. And I think "scare" is far to kind of a word to describe what it is: an epidemic.

CarmenG

08-30-2006, 04:29 PM

Yes, but he did not say he would or that he is going to venture out. He said having strong feelings, what do other think. MY guess is his loyalty to his marriage is in part what made him post here. Hell we ALL have temptations of varying sorts that pull us in directions we'd rather not go. So what I heard was someone saying "help", "what do I do?" Not I'm going to do it and I don't care what anyone thinks. And, fyi, for all those in sexless marriages. To me, that's like life without air. I don't get how you have one without the other. An ocean without water. **** dat grrlfriends. Sex is the glue. Lose that, you don't have a marriage. You have a roommate situation.
Kew's 2

I am surprised no one picked up on my "men are dogs" line lol......anyway that is not why i am responding.... your"FYI" item....
sexless marrage ? life without air ? how life is grand, we grow as we go we learn as we strech..... WALK A MILE IN MY SHOES...... then perhaps you can comment on why there are sexless marriages, mine derives from a medical nature, not by choice. would i leave my wife ? never !!!! have i had the oppurtunity ? countless...... i will sit by her side till the sun doesn't rise in the sky.......GLUE ???? well never mind, but you do have an interesting insight. look forward to reading more.......

Annaliese

08-30-2006, 06:00 PM

I am surprised no one picked up on my "men are dogs" line lol......anyway that is not why i am responding.... your"FYI" item....
sexless marrage ? life without air ? how life is grand, we grow as we go we learn as we strech..... WALK A MILE IN MY SHOES...... then perhaps you can comment on why there are sexless marriages, mine derives from a medical nature, not by choice. would i leave my wife ? never !!!! have i had the oppurtunity ? countless...... i will sit by her side till the sun doesn't rise in the sky.......GLUE ???? well never mind, but you do have an interesting insight. look forward to reading more.......

Lesley, not having sex for the past 14 years, there is more to this. How was the sex before your wife found out you were a CD. If she like sex then holding it from you is also hirting her. Have you ever just sat down and talk to her about this not the CDing but the sex thing.

I have a friend that his wife had been abuse at a young age and she only would have sex to have kids.They have been married for 30 years and they had all there kids in the first 5 years and he has not had sex for the past 25 years he has try to get her help but she refuses. He love her and understand but it is still hard for him.

You need to sit down and talk to you wife and both of you need to get counseling you both need professional help.

Anna

Ellie

08-30-2006, 06:16 PM

Quite frankly, you're bi if you want to be.

Try it out, if you like it then call yourself bi. If you don't like it then stay Hetro.

No biggie one way or the other.

LaurenS.

09-01-2006, 09:44 PM

LaurenS.

09-01-2006, 10:03 PM

Hi Im new to the site and have been a crossdresser from the age of about 8.
After one year of marriage ( about 14 years ago ) my wife found out and we no longer have sex. My urges are not great for male to female and have been happy to dress when ever the occasion greets me. I find Im happy when dressed and are having bi thoughts. Ive never had a male to male relationship. Not sure what to do, Ive been loyal to my wife but am finding these urges to stong to hold back and think I should venture towards the unknown. Has any one been through what Imgoing through and what advise do you give? Is there anyone stuggleing with the same thoughts? please help if you can...Luv Lesley-Anne xxx:love:

Hi Lesley Anne,
I didn't realize this was such a religious site. Obviously we have some CD ministers out there. Unfortunately few with any helpful advice which is why you wrote. As I'm sure you realize, you need to work out the sex issue with your wife with professional help if neccessary. But it's easier not to do anything and just play with the cards that have been dealt to you. If you want to try and solve your issues you will. It's up to you. As for the bi thoughts....well I have no idea and nobody else does either if you are. You're simply having thoughts. At times I've wondered about it but then it hits me and I'm repulsed by it and then wonder what in hell I was thinking. I'm not bi because I had thoughts about it. But maybe to some of the understanding, tolerant CD's out there I am. Well, do what you have to do. Adultery is something YOU have to think about. Maybe it's not a big deal to you. It's none of my business what you do. Try it, you might like it!! Then again you might try seeking counseling and try to mend things with your wife. I apologize for the intolerence you received here. Of all places, I thought this site would have kind hearts and tolerant minds.

KewTnCurvy GG

09-02-2006, 01:29 AM

My Father and Late Mother would disagree with you there Kew. For the last 8 or so years of her life, Mother was non ambulatory. For the last year she was bedridden. Sex was out of the question. However, Dad was right there holding her hand when she drew her last breath and told her as she was leaving: Wait for me by the river of life, I'll be there soon. Their love never wavered, even though he was never away from her, except to attend church on Sundays and Wednesday nights. (He's the pastor.) And of course, an occasional doctor visit for himself. But even during those times, he made damn sure she was in good hands, and worried himself sick about her while he was gone.

Love is not sex, and sex is not love, necessarily~in my opinion.
Exactly, the last 8, let's hope they had a rockin' 20!
My POINT is, not when someone is physically disabled though that still is a tough call. If I had gotten married young, say 25 (to me, that's very young) and my husband became disabled at 26. I don't know what I'd do. That would be a huge sacrafice. Hopefully we'd get creative and/or some sort of 'open' relationship would happen. If however, same scenario, my husband of 28 years became disabled. That'd be different. I suppose I'm responding to how shocked I am to hear of the number of sexless marriages on this board. Sorry, kidz, but that's the Kew's 2.
Kew

KewTnCurvy GG

09-02-2006, 01:32 AM

I am surprised no one picked up on my "men are dogs" line lol......anyway that is not why i am responding.... your"FYI" item....
sexless marrage ? life without air ? how life is grand, we grow as we go we learn as we strech..... WALK A MILE IN MY SHOES...... then perhaps you can comment on why there are sexless marriages, mine derives from a medical nature, not by choice. would i leave my wife ? never !!!! have i had the oppurtunity ? countless...... i will sit by her side till the sun doesn't rise in the sky.......GLUE ???? well never mind, but you do have an interesting insight. look forward to reading more.......

AGAIN, medical reasons aside. But, sorry kidz, if I just wanted a buddy I'd marry my best girlfriend! :p
Seriously, again, if it's due to medical reaons that's one thing. BUT, even then that does not always mean sex of any sort is not possible. There are ways to have sex in spite of a disability--i.e., kissing, holding, and other things I can mention or I'll really get banned.
Are we all frigid here or what? Geeeeeeeeeeesh.

KewTnCurvy GG

09-02-2006, 01:56 AM

Three very reputable resources. I'm not crazy!
Kew

http://www.thirdage.com/news/articles/ALT03/06/07/04/ALT03060704-01.html

http://health.discovery.com/centers/sex/marriage/marriage.html

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/11/03/earlyshow/living/main581561.shtml

eleyna

09-02-2006, 03:27 AM

Lesley, I think you've come to the right place, but if I were you I would re-draft your first post and start a new thread.

I think you are what some call "bi-curious". You've been dressing up since forever and now you find yourself having sexual fantasies that involve men, and you don't find yourself missing intimacy with your wife, to whom you are otherwise happily married. You're not planning to cheat on your wife, you just don't know if those thoughts are genuine sexual attraction to other men or some spin-off of your dressing - right?

Atlanta Peach GG

09-02-2006, 06:24 AM

I am gonna chime in on this thread lest it become locked............

First off.....adultery is adultery...........no matter if you are gettin' with another guy/CD or GG. I am however NOT going to judge Lesley........I am just throwing my .03 into the ring here.

Second, Lesley, is it possible there are OTHER issues going on here that after 1 year of marriage the physical part of your marriage is over??? Did it all stop the minute you told your wife about the dressing??

And thirdly, I have been betrayed in a CD relationship I had for 5 years. The lies, the deceit ect.......I have been there. Getting told one thing and then finding out something else entirely different. The person I was involved with would give his cell phone number to men on the net in hopes of meeting them while I was at work. (yeah, I was recently tested for HIV because, well, I didn't know what was going on behind my back) There was herbal and prescription hormones hidden around the house. I could never understand WHY there HAD to be MORE secrets, as I liked, approved and had fun with the BIGGEST secret, and that was his dressing. Maybe someone, somewhere can help me understand WHY there has to be all these secrets in dressing. I crave openess and the ability to share it all with your partner.

When I first started exploring this whole CD world I was told 80 percent of CD's are straight. I now know those stats are put out there by perhaps the Tri-Ess Organization.....I have a feeling that most CD's entertain bi thoughts, they are bi curious, although many do not act upon the feelings. I now know there are many bi CD's, and by "bi" I mean "getting with men and other CD's"........80% of CD's being straight is just unrealistic. Can someone point me to any true blue stats that might give a more realistic number?? I would say at least 50% are bi.......maybe even more.

And finally, Lesley........go ahead and "get this out of your system".......you are going to find that men just want one thing. There is NO substance in CD/men or CD/CD sex. It's just a quick release that will leave you feeling hollow and empty. So many TS's soon find that men just want them to "see what it is like" and for a simple piece of ass. "Getting used" is horrible and demoralizing. Lesley it sounds like you are just looking for a substitute for what is lacking in your marriage to your wife.

Again......this is just my .03............

JD Jade Dream GG

09-03-2006, 02:39 AM

Perhaps there has been no intimacy because your wife
has fears that you are already bi. Perhaps she thinks
you don't want to be with her as man and wife.

For me...cheating is/was a huge fear, a deal breaker and a
completely devastating end to a relationship. But I was
always afraid of the fact that if he wanted to be a
woman, would he eventually want to be with a man.

I agree with Peach, so many CD's must have bi curious thoughts,
and Lesley, if your intention is to act on these adulterous
thoughts, please have enough respect for your wife and
your marriage to get divorced first.

eleyna

09-03-2006, 04:32 AM

*Cheers for Jade* I was beginning to lose hope.

PS - If anyone cares to read his first post, I am *startled* that folks are so keen to find fault that you fail to do simple math:

After one year of marriage ( about 14 years ago ) my wife found out and we no longer have sex.

They've been married for 15 years! Put away the claws, for pitties sake, and see the guy looking for help. Or take down the banner that identifies this as a community and replace with "hissy, embittered clique".

Shame on you all.

ty7

09-03-2006, 05:48 AM

i think the original writer was not asking for advocates or rebels of adultery. if we want to get into things that are defined as wrong, adultery being one, then we are entering an entirely different issue. adultery is defined as morally wrong by the bible which essentially gathers the followers of christians or other members of society (i am in no way knocking those that follow religion)...and in essence, i'm sure we could find some insert from the bible that would also choose to say that crossdressing is wrong, somewhere along the lines of loving oneself and the body god gave you. i am sure the original writer knows that "morally" it is wrong to cheat and if that person wants to be morally wrong in the adultery sense then it is entirely their choice, just as it is your choice to be "morally wrong" in society's eyes by being a man dressing as a female or a female dressing as a male. ( i am not saying that i agree with society...obv i am a supporter of crossdressing being that i am one haha) let the choice be up to the decider and try to offer insightful experiences, as was the intent of the question. i think this is wrong place to judge right or wrong since we all tiptoe the very fine line by being who we feel we truly are, even if others disagree.

now getting to the original question...i have a somewhat relevant experience. i am female to male, which may not be helpful but here is my story. i always knew i was attracted to females...but also didn't have any experience sexually with men. so after dating a few females and feeling completely comfortable, my longtime gf dumped me and i was lonely and curious. after a drunken night, an offer was made to me by a guy friend to come back to my place and hang out in the jacuzzi. well the scene happend and intercourse occurred. immediately after it happened i felt disgusting and confused. didn't know why i did it when i knew i wouldn't like it. it took me back about 10 steps because i lost some confidence and self esteem that i had built up by being my true self, a female to male. in addition to that, i couldn't make myself talk to this guy, who had been a good friend, without getting sick feelings, so i now avoid him since i see him often (we work together). i am now in a wonderful relationship with a girl again and feel like my old self. so i think it is entirely something you would have to venture into if you so choose to and see for yourself...because it different for everyone

so in answer to the "am i bi" question...not yet, unless u have done the deed with another man. if you want to get technical, i would consider you bi-curious because bisexual means you have had sexual experiences with persons of the same and opposite sex.... and building onto that...with crossdressers trying to define their sexuality is like opening another can of worms haha. technically i am gay because i am female and prefer females...but considering i look at myself as a male, then i would be straight...get me? hope that helps

MsJanessa

09-03-2006, 10:40 AM

Hi Lesley---I've just read some of the posts on this thread as I know that you have and by now I'm sure you've realized that many of the Girls here are married(either happily or unhappily--mostly unhappily if thier posts are any indicataion) and heterosexual--or at least so they say--I didn't look on your post so much as asking advice on whether or not you should "commit adultery" as more asking what others are feeling about sexual attraction towards either males or other T-Girls---am I correct in this? My experience is that most of us are somewhere in the middle between gay and straight---just where you stand in that continuum depends on your own personal circumstances. Even the straightest, most butch of men indulge in gay sex if the circumstances are right--for instance in prisons, or the military or anywhere else men are in the exclusive company of other men. So if you do have fantasies about having sex with males or, better yet, other T-Girls, don't worry about it. It's more common that most people realize. As far as those fantasies being related to x-dressing, a TS friend of mine told me that transgenderism is more about gender than sexuality. I've know TSs, TGs, and TVs who like men, those who like women, those who like other T-Girls and those who like all three---I doubt that you could find a common thread in the TG community. On this website there appear to be more heterosexual crossdressers many of whom are married, than in the general TG community so you can expect moralizing judgements condemning your thoughts from them as well as from their wives. As far as acting on your bisexual fantasies, that's up to you. I won't encourage you or condemn you for doing so---I will give you a word of advice however that when you start to lead a double life, in a sexual sense, it is very stressfull. Even if your marraige is not very forfilling or rewarding, cheating still creates a climate of tension that you carry with you all the time. Also you should understand that a fantasy is just that--a fantasy or makebelieve. Most of the time the real thing is nowhere near as hot as you thought it would be(but occasionally it is--lol) I sympathize with your desires and hope that you become forfilled both in a sexual sense and in a more general way---what you really should do is sit down and think about your marriage---are you getting what you want and/or need out of it? If not, why not? Perhaps the best thing would be to end it if your attraction to men is overpowering you. Don't let the moralizers, name callers and bullies on this site depress you---they are not in your marriage--you are--and if it makes sense to end it, then you should.

Veronica GG

09-03-2006, 11:14 AM

Hi Im new to the site and have been a crossdresser from the age of about 8.
After one year of marriage ( about 14 years ago ) my wife found out and we no longer have sex. :

The same happened to me and my husband when I noticed his crossdressing. Even I am still trying to understand and accept it, I made an effort to keep our sexuality unaffected.
Our therapist said it was the better we could do.

Riema's here

09-03-2006, 11:15 AM

Bev, I think down deep your a little worried that your old man just may have that same little sorted fantasy. Reality sucks sometimes, no disrespect to any of you, I'm just speaking my mind.:o

flatlander_48

09-03-2006, 11:30 AM

While I am not struggling with thoughts of sex with a member of the same sex I do have a thought on the subject. If one is married, having sex with anyone other than your spouse is adultery. I guess it comes down to how much you value your marriage vows and if you believe cheating on your wife is something you can live with. The fact that you and your wife are not having sex at this time is not a factor to even consider, (imho).

BTW, welcome to the forum.

Yes, been there, done that and no arguement with what you said. I was a bit delusional about the situation when it was happening, but eventually I came to understand that I was, in fact, cheating on my wife (now ex-wife).

Anyway, I believe it is definitely true that sexuality is a spectrum. One end is heterosexual. The other is homosexual with all sorts of grey area in between. Where you fall is where you fall. Unfortunately experience is the only teacher. This is not an academic exercise. It is real people with real emotions and real desires.

I don't confess to having a ton of experiences, but I have had more male partners than female at this point (both numbers are still pretty low!). What surprised me about the first time was how easy it was to switch sides, so to speak. Sometime later I mentioned this to my partner and he was surprised that he was my first.

There is no substitute. Having an experience is the only real way to tell where all this sits for you. The question is: How badly do you want to know?

AmberTG

09-03-2006, 12:15 PM

Personally, I think that if your wife cut you off because of your cross-dressing, and has not given you sex sense then, there is a real problem with the relationship to start with. Another side question, (and it's like putting a stick in a hornet's nest)has she been faithful to you for all these years? That's also an important factor. I have experience in women who decide to cheat on their husband because he cross-dresses and is therefor not man enough to be faithful to, but still wants to stay married for the kids and the security. Is that kind of marrage worth saving? Not for me, it isn't.
If she's been using your CDing against you for 14 years, it should be time to consider your marrage options seriously. Please do that first, cheating hurts everyone involved and the concequences can be quite ugly. There comes a time when you have to decide to do what's necessary to move on with your life and be happy. Sometimes you need to think about you instead of others, if you give too much away, there's not any left for you.
Amber

GG Vanya

09-03-2006, 12:25 PM

Bev, I think down deep your a little worried that your old man just may have that same little sorted fantasy. Reality sucks sometimes, no disrespect to any of you, I'm just speaking my mind.:o

First Bev is attacked for her brutal honesty with her feelings on this issue. Now we have others "projecting" about her post. While I don't know Bev IRL, I *have* been around here for a few months, and, through her posts, get the feeling Bev is in a very solid trusting relationship with "her old man".

It might interest you to know that Bev does a "dress up service" for the CD community, and as such, gets an inside look at CD's and their personalities. It's possible, just *possible* she knows a tad more about the underbelly of crossdressing than the average wife of one who crossdresses.

I, for the record, stand solidly, not behind, but beside Bev in her sentiments here. Fidelity, to me, is not a religious concern, but rather one of integrity. Integrity means keeping your word.

While I'm sure many (if not most) SO's initially have the fear "is he gay/bi" when they find out about his not-so-little secret, *some* of us stay the course and through love, communication, and trust, arrive at a place wherein we know, beyond a doubt, that our marriage is solid, we are both fulfilled, and fidelity, hand in hand with integrity is the foundation of this place.

Someone once asked on this board "what do you look for most in a man". My answer was immediate and easy: INTEGRITY. It can't be bought, it can't be taught~but if you have it, you are among men most desireable, IMO.

It's the one thing I value most in my life. It cannot be taken from me, but if I throw it away, I've lost everything.

Melanie

09-04-2006, 03:15 AM

Morality is not a liberal or conservative value, its mostly a religious one. Like all such things its socially and culturally based, and like all such institutions people are free within it do define it in a way that is best for them. As long as both agree then I think its between them. And having thoughts does not make it real, anymore than thinking you are the Queen of Spain puts you on the throne.

NO Tekla West I disagree here.Basically morality in it's simplest definition as related to this case would be:

A person considering being unfaithful to their spouse but having enough morality as to possess a conscience which prevents them from doing so.

ReginaK

09-04-2006, 08:09 AM

And finally, Lesley........go ahead and "get this out of your system".......you are going to find that men just want one thing. There is NO substance in CD/men or CD/CD sex. It's just a quick release that will leave you feeling hollow and empty. So many TS's soon find that men just want them to "see what it is like" and for a simple piece of ass. "Getting used" is horrible and demoralizing. Lesley it sounds like you are just looking for a substitute for what is lacking in your marriage to your wife.

Again......this is just my .03............

Try not to paint all men with that brush. The more you do it, the less likely you will find a man who doesn't "just want one thing." And this goes for all the women, genetic or otherwise. Like they say, "You attract more flies with honey than vinegar."

Becky Blue

09-04-2006, 08:18 AM

Poor Lesley, she asked a question, probably a common one which was if she was havig thoughts about men is she bi? all she got was to be shot down for infidelity.

I am a married tgirl (my wife does not know) I am also straight and faithful, but the big difference is my wife and I have an active sex life. If I had been married for 14 years and had not had sex for 13 of them, I think it would be hard to remain faithful. We only have one chance at life and to have to spend it with no passion and intimacy, just to say you were faithful, what is the point?

nettiereno GG

09-04-2006, 09:16 AM

Hello,

I can't say whether you are bi or not, but I do have an opinion on this. I think that it is abnormal to have a significant other relationship and not have a healthy sex life. Based on the fact that you do not have sex with your wife, I believe any attention is what you lack, be it from a male or female.

In closing, I have to say that I do not believe in infidelity.

Annette

cindie

09-04-2006, 12:09 PM

Marriage is difficult and is all about comprise. I think you should understand your wife's position but she should also respect your desires.

Its a two way street!!!!

Cindy

Bev06 GG

09-06-2006, 04:29 PM

Bev, I think down deep your a little worried that your old man just may have that same little sorted fantasy. Reality sucks sometimes, no disrespect to any of you, I'm just speaking my mind.:o

I can understand you thinking that Riema but you couldn't be more wrong. It has however hit a raw nerve. As Vanya has quite rightly pointed out I do run a dressing service for CDs. I have helped many gain confidence with their look, taken them out, entertained them in my home with regular social evenings and introduced them to others in the same boat. Most have been decent guys who have become very close friends of ours.
However, there has also been one occassion very recently whereby a CD came regularly to use my services and then betrayed his wife with other CDs. He used to confide his fantasies to me, and like Lesley, told me that the Bi urges were becomeing so great he too thought he should venture into the unknown. What did I do? I sat on the fence thats what I did. I didn't think it was any of my business so I kept quiet. Not that my opinion would have swayed him in anyway because he seemed hell bent on acting out his fantasy anyway, so I do not blame myself in anyway shape or form. Nevertheless, the end result was very upsetting as the wife blamed me for aiding and abetting his infidelity and I witnessed the devastation that this mans actions caused to the family concerned. Something that I found awfully difficult to deal with specially as there were children involved.
Tamara, Lesley was not just asking about whether or not he was Bi sexual, he was stating that he thought the urges were becoming too much for him to bare and he thought he should venture into the unknown, a statement which I took to mean that he was seriously considering being unfaithful to his wife. I know that this is a support site, one which we all come to with our worries or concerns, or our joys and experiences, but I thought that this was something that should really have been shared with Lesleys wife not any of us.
BEVxxxxx

julie lavender

09-06-2006, 04:56 PM

Hi lesley Anne,you need to sort out your relationship with your wife one way or another, this is a must. DO NOT have an affair with any one while still married, because it is deceitful,a betrayal and will be adultery.I had an affair with a man while I was married,I wanted to express my feminine side, it was so wrong,I caused so much pain to my then wife,and my family,do not make this mistake, regards ,julie.

Kerry Owens

09-06-2006, 05:25 PM

A little experiment, a little fling can have far, far greater consequences than you might expect. STD's can mess up your health and Aids is not a joke, it's still killing people. You need to start making decisions on your lifes priority.
Either fish or cut bait on the marriage, because you both need to sit down discuss things with each other or get in touch with a lawyer.

CDLauraNJ

09-06-2006, 08:49 PM

I just don't understand cheating. It's never easy facing up to difficult issues, but that's the decent thing to do sometimes. Talk to your wife. If you can't work things out then get divorced or whatever and then have at it. Just my two cents.

victoriapink

09-06-2006, 09:02 PM

Yep. Give yourselves some time apart to answer whatever need to be and then decide. but based on the data, my perception is on the title. Hope for the best!
Kisses
Victoria Pink

victoriapink

09-06-2006, 09:03 PM

Adultery is never justified.
Believe me, I know.
Victoria Pink

Deborah

09-06-2006, 11:33 PM

....no BS suggestion? Get divorced and find a women who doesn't withhold her love from you. I was married to someone like that and thank god she's gone.

Sejd

09-06-2006, 11:41 PM

even though it is great that you bring this up in a forum, this is a question that actually belongs in a session with your sexologist. No one here in my humble oppinion should give you advice in any way. You need to address this issue in a clinical way with a professional. I strongly advice you to spend the money needed for your personal enlightenment.
Good luck
Sejd

stlthygrrl

09-07-2006, 04:01 AM

"Adultery" ... please this isn't church or the GOP party headquarters, this is Crossdressers.com. Lesley, nobody including me would come right out and say "Yes go cheat on your old lady," but nor should anyone be talking down to you! Bev said you are "sharing something very personal with the wrong people" ... if we can't share intimate concerns and feelings about being torn over CDing and sexuality HERE of all places, then where can we? The reason * I * am here is because it's an (otherwise) welcoming and safe place to do EXACTLY that -- share stuff -- especially my innermost feminine feelings and worries.

Sherry,

I'm late to the thread, but I must say, I think you're way off base and a bit over the top with your comments rather than Bev. This has nothing to do with politics so don't try to turn this into "the Christian Right" vs "the Liberal Left" debate. This has everything to do providing honest feedback that Leslie had requested.

Look, all of us here come from various backgrounds, beliefs and values. Just because crossdressing is something we share in common, it doesn't necessarily imply we all share the same views in other aspects of life like relationships and marriage.

In my humble opinion, infidelity in any relationship is never the solution. Although it may momentarily satisfy urges in the near term, the short-sightedness of acting impulsively in pursuing the instant gratification of sex outside of a relationship like marriage is at its very core a selfish act destructive to the marriage as well as to both you and your partner. Could you live with the knowledge and guilt of having caused so much pain and hurt to someone you had taken vows with over urges you could not control?

The dilemma you are facing, Lesley-Anne, is whether to honor your marriage or yourself. Both are in conflict and, under the circumstances, you can not be true to both. You must decide but you can not have it both ways. If you choose to honor your wife and marriage, the answer to your question becomes all the more obvious -- you don't act on your urges and curiosities. Otherwise, in all fairness to your wife, you really should discuss how you feel and evaluate whether divorce would be the solution that enables both of you to pursue happiness in life.

I hope you make this decision carefully and I wish you the best,
Ashleigh