Don't ask don't tell...where do you go ?

[loki_uk]

How many of us are in that sort of situation where the other party knows but you've never had the big talk

Just got me thinking seeing the jeans thread, at least for me I'm the one refusing to talk rather than my missus I still feel too insecure to talk about something that I can't explain rationally

I even had my missus waving some knickers at me that she found wanting to know whether I'd had another women in the house as they weren't hers, I couldn't say much apart from that there is no other women but I couldn't admit they were mine when I know it's rather obvious I just couldn't talk about I'm not ready for that big talk and more than anything I don't want a big row leading to a divorce so for every incident I've bluffed my way out of it

But now I know it's something that will have to be talked about and I wouldn't know where to start, I certainly can't answer the why questions

I know I can let this blow over for a while (again) but I want her to see the man she married not the other bit of me I don't want things to change...I fear change to much but that's the way it is

Considering she screamed at me seeing me dressed as she jokingly told me to do it when she was younger...it's been something I've been hoping to avoid

No doubt I'll go home and avoid the issue again when I get back, but it's one thing that keeps coming back

How do you deal with this, and yes I know honesty is the best policy but divorce is rather painful when you have children and something I'd like to avoid

[tammie]

Hi Everyone: As I was reading this I remembered the day my hot young (long time ago) GG SO came home and found a leotard I had mistakenly left out. She demanded to know who the other woman was. I thought it would be best to tell the truth and put her mind at rest concerning me cheating on her.

Big mistake! If anything it was worse as she ranted and called me; faggot queer pansy sissy buttboy etc. Then she stormed out only to come home when I was gone, find my clothes and ruin all of them, pack her things and move out. She then proceeded to call everyone that she could think of and tell them I was queer.

The result was she appeared to be a woman scorned and ridiculous. Not many believed her, if any, and noone ever came out and asked me point blank if I was gay or a CD. When she left she moved in with another guy,but she kept coming around and jumping in my bed for her benefit.

She lied to me and told me she had moved in with her girlfriend. After 6 weeks of stories about how they couldn't get a phone installed, I followed her to her apartment one evening. I had a PD friend run a plate number and knew her "girlfriend" was named "Robert". Then she got pregnant and didn't know who was the father of her baby. I begged to marry her (I was young and stupid) and she choose him.

One day she came over and after we "felt the earth move" it was always magical, I laid across her beautiful sweet shapely body to reach something I had placed under the bed. I came up with my cordless shaver/trimmer and with one deft movement I shaved off almost all of her pubic hair while she screamed and struggled. She was only 112# of hot young woman and me 200# of muscle. Then I said to her;" now go home and lie to Robert". I wish I had had a camera to catch that look forever.

Now I had done something that she couldn't hide and that she indeed had to "lie to Robert" about. After she was married and the baby born she still kept coming back to my bed on a regular schedule. It was only later that I decided to end it when I became involved with another young woman and I didn't feel that I could continue to see my X GGSO and be committed to another woman.

When I told my X GF she immediately burst into tears and slammed the door. Later I concluded that she must have felt if she were willing to break her vows with me I should be willing to break a commitment outside of marriage for her. I truly didn't mean to hurt her, but I did intend to be honorable in my dealings with my GF.

We later got engaged to be married, she had been a virgin when we first got together and I felt obligated I suppose. After several yrs of waiting she threw the ring in my face and stormed out slamming the door. I had doubts about marrying her and was stalling because she had unrealistic ideas of how happy being married was going to make her. The misgivings were verified when she was married 10 weeks later to a youngman she had dated in highschool.

Meanwhile I now see "the other woman" in the mirror almost everyday now. Not only is she a good friend, she is very dependable and terribly witty and comforting to me.