Need advise

[marissa1985]

Hi there. I am new to this site, but I need help. I have been cross dressing for going on seven years now, but only a few friends and even fewer family members know. Recently I was diagnosed with depression and my councelor said that my closet cross dressing may play a part. I need advise on how to tell all of my friends and family about my cross dressing. If any one could give me advise, ie thier personal accounts or what they have heard that works well. If it is your personal account of how you told your family, how did it go? How did they react? Thanks to all who give me advise.


marissa1985

[nikisbest]

If you will look back through the archives, you should see alot of threads about telling SO's or family. Some might tell their storys again, but if they dont you can find alot of them in archives.

Niki

[Deborah]

Well first of all welcome to the forums :D

As to coming out to your family i just came out and said it. I don't consider myself a CD though so i had to explain the "I feel like a woman in a mans body" to them and yes i dress up too.

Good luck and when the time comes i'm sure you'll find the right words. There is no correct way to do it i suppose. Make sure it's what you want to do also. Once those words leave your mouth there is no taking them back.

[Marla S]

Welcome to the forum :D

I think it might be depending to what degree you do or want to crossdress, but it is good that you already have a counselor.
My strategy is to just do it. Meaning as I am not going for emulating a woman, I just dress (efemminate man so to say). Depending on whom I'll meet, a bit more fem or a bit less, but always a bit of makeup and some obvious feminine clothes. This way I just wait until someone asks me, 'cause I think it's not my duty to beg for pardon. If nobody asks - not my fault, and if - it's still time to explain. I admit though that it is not all that easy at times, and fear and panic come back. It's good to have a counselor then.

[Calliope]

I think you are only going to get the most generalized, perhaps esoteric, advice given what you've stated above. Each member of your family and each of your friends may require a different approach and, as Marla pointed out, how you dress will be a factor.

From what you've said, though, I'd surmise you need to come out and you even seem to have an Rx for so doing. Generally speaking, when it come to coming out, remember to reassure your loved ones, despite the 'big news,' you're still you.

[jennig]

HI interisting post If I were you unless you are planing on thking your crosdressing to the next level such as hormons sugery ect I would not run out ant tell everbody about it you will find that most people dont take this kind of news as well as you might expect. well good luck.
hugs jennig

[Wenda]

If I understand correctly, it sounds like your counsellor is saying you are likely depressed because you are not forthcoming about your dressing. Get a new counsellor.
Most depression is a biochemical imbalance as is diabetes or hypertension. It can be triggered or exacerbated by unhappy, stressful or negative situations, but the fundamental cause is usually related to body chemistry, which is often inheritted. Check out the depression discussion group. (Just the fact that there IS a depression discussion group says something?)
I believe, as do many others, that our urge/need to dress and our tendency to depression are both symptoms of other physiological conditions. Not all people who dress are depressed and not all depressed people are CD, but there is a very high corelation.
My eldest son was finally diagnosed with depression when he was in grade eleven. Over the course of a year he had slipped from happy, solid B student to an exhausted struggling D student who couldn't sleep at night and couldnt wake up in the morning. When we finally found a counsellor who recognized the problem, and when they finally found the right pharmacuetical treatment, he rebounded quickly. He said it best, "When you say 'depression' people think of grade ten girls sitting around saying 'oh poor me, I am sooo sad, I want to die', but that's not it. I couldn't think, I couldn't move, I couldn't DO anything, no matter how much I wanted to."
A couple of years later, I was struggling with pressures from a new job, couldn't sleep, couldn't wake up, couldn't move. Didn't see the pattern. The third doctor I went to (I was checked for diabetes, infection, mono, etc, something 'real' not 'imagined') immediately recognized depression. It took a couple months to find the appropriate treatment (Zoloft), which I have been on most of the time since(12 years).
My son, now 30, who also dresses periodically, and I believe that there is a relationship.
Hiding your dressing from important people in your life won't help, and it will cause sadness, frustration maybe even guilt, but I really doubt it is the root cause of your depression. PM me if you wish. The medical system can perform miracles, but many of them dismiss depression as something imaginary. luv.:hugs: w

[vbcdgrl]

I have been through depression. In my case, CDing wasn't a direct cause, it was more related to financial issues. It's some trauma in your life that causes a chemical inbalance in your brain. So, if telling your friends and relatives is creating trauma for you, CDing could be a factor. One of the symptoms of depression is you don't enjoy the things in life that you once did. In my case, that was very true. In fact, I purged all my stuff at the depth of the depression. I had no interest in CDing, or anything else for that matter.
Were you diagnosed by a Psychiatrist? I was, and he immediately prescribed
an anti depressant. The stuff worked for me, and within about 2 weeks I began coming out of the black hole. After about 6 weeks, I was pretty much back to my old self. Good thing, too, 'cause 9/11 occured about a month later, that would have put me over the edge.

Vikki

[sandra-leigh]

Not all people who dress are depressed and not all depressed people are CD, but there is a very high corelation.

I discovered my cross-dressing in the middle of a fairly stiff depression. I was confused and unable to initiate or plan things much of the time, and often just didn't feel like going out of the house ("Ah, it can wait, I can do that tomorrow, or the next day") But for whatever reason, cross-dressing was something that I could do, something that I could plan and execute and that even if my mind was foggy when I left home, but after being out for 20 minutes or so my mind would often clear up (longer, though, if I was feeling guilty about being out crossdressed when my unsuspecting wife was expecting me home in pure drab.) Crossdressing was one of the two things that could actively lift my feelings of depression and keep them off for hours.


He said it best, "When you say 'depression' people think of grade ten girls sitting around saying 'oh poor me, I am sooo sad, I want to die', but that's not it. I couldn't think, I couldn't move, I couldn't DO anything, no matter how much I wanted to."

He was exactly right. And for me at least, the hard part was not the decreased feelings of confidence in my own abilities (I know that I'm quite good at my job): the hardest part was feeling like I would never get out of it. It is much harder on the system than "just a little unhappy": some days I had to sleep 14 or more hours because my body demanded it, not to "avoid thinking about feeling sad."

[kittypw GG]

I agree with Wenda. Get a new counselor. Comming out to all of your family and being depressed? Well I think you might be asking for a double wammy. Start taking antidepressants for a few months until your body and mind adjusts and you start thinking more rational. Then decide wether or not it is to your advantage to come out. You might just find that accepting yourself is all that you need and who else needs to know? Unless of course you are planning on doing something visually obvious like take hormones or live 24/7 as a women. Good luck but treat the depression first before making serious life changing decisions. Good luck :hugs: Kitty

[krisybryant]

At least get a second opinion.

If they were my counselor, I'd be to suspicious they would want to "cure" my CD. If they are truely professional they help you deal with issues associated with CD that come up - not try to restructure you life away from something you are comfortable with, something that makes you happy. (I'm assuming CD makes you happy in some way or you probably would not have continued for so long.)

[Tina Dixon]

I wish I could tell you to just tell them out right but its not easy because if it was there would not be any closet dressers, but keep going threw the forums for there are many tails of others here that have came out, my self I struggled with how to tell my wife I dress and put it off so long that she discovered pictures so I was cough so good luck on your adventure.