CDing before the internet

[Dana Carlton]

I guess these questions are directed to those of us who crossdressed before we had access to the interenet. How long did it take you to come to accept your crossdressing? Has the internet opened your eyes more to crossdressing? Has it changed your comfort level in crossdressing? Do today's beginning crossdressers have it easier with their access to the internet, than we did?


To me it has had a big impact. I used to wonder what was wrong with me. Why do I enjoy dressing as a women? Am I gay? I purged a number of times, trying to fight this habit that seamed wrong. The internet has helped me to realize that I am just one in thousands who have this desire. I never fully accepted my crossdressing until the internet arrived. I am so much more comfortable with myself now.


Interested to hear from others who have experienced the power of the internet regarding their feelings towards thier crossdressing.

[Shiny]

I started in the mid 1960's and by the time I really wanted to get my hands on some really nice ladies clothes (which then were still really 50ish and feminine) I couldn't because I couldn't walk into a store as a kid and buy lingerie or dresses. It was tough because you couldn't tell anyone and could only look when sisters or relatives got new dresses or nightgowns especially on birthdays or holidays.

I carefully tried to get catalogs over the years but it was tough to do and how do you get stuff shipped secretly without getting a PO box? So I went without except for a few cast offs here and there.

I think the people starting out these days have it a lot easier due to this forum for one and the chance to learn that although they/we are "different" we are not alone. If you calculate a medium sized city of 100,000 and figure conservatively that 10% of the men are CD's that's 10,000 people in that one city alone who share our "hobby!" Interesting thought isn't it?

[ChristineRenee]

I first started in the early 1960's. I had a very male childhood and despite my mom always wanting a girl, she never tried to dress me or treat me as such. My grandfather, father, and brother were not macho, but more what you'd call "men's men", and very misogynist. Perhaps my cd'ing was an unconscious effort on my part to "reject" that kind of thinking and mentoring. My mother also took female hormones prior to and during her pregnancy with me. Perhaps this had some effect and contributed to some hormonal inbalance in me as well...I don't know. I do know that it was very difficult to grow up in those days and be the type of person I was. I knew of nobody else who was like me or thought the way I did either. You grow up feeling like a freak of nature inside and wondering why you are this way. Plus...you keep this locked inside of you and in no way try to acknowledge it to others or even yourself. You are supposed to be a MAN...and not have any feelings, emotions, or mannerisms that suggest femininity. Back then...males who outwardly exhibited feminine qualities were considered gay (referred to back then as a "homo" or "queer") or a "sissy"...and as a male with mentors who were VERY male...that was the last thing you wanted to be associated with. I considered my time back then as being in the "wilderness"...wondering aimlessly through my life trying to find out who the real me was/is.

It has only been in the last 5 years that I have realized that I am TG...and I will be 55 this month. I probably have been this way most of my life and never realized it. The internet and other media has played a great part in helping me to educate and understand myself a lot more, and to connect with others of similar experience. It has helped greatly too in educating my wife of 12 years as to understanding the woman that is inside her man. It has helped her to look at cd'ing and being TG much differently than she ever has before. During our first year of marriage, she actually referred to it as a "mental illness" that I had. She has come a long way since then and I credit the education that she has gotten from books, and the internet sites such as this one, and the connecting with my many colleagues in this community and their wives who support them, for making it easier for her to live day to day with a TG/CD husband.

[Annaliese]

I was totally lost and alone before the Internet, thought I was the only one that like to dress.

Anna

[Jaydee]

Anthea, I could not have said it better. I grew up with feelings I did not understand. Suffering through purges and self doubt and loathing. The internet and this site in particular has helped me start comming to terms with myself. It is a wonderful way for those of us in the closet to reach out to others.

Jaydee

[Calliope]

The internet (and this forum in particular) has been really swell for meeting others and gaining a larger view, but I have to admit online contacts are, at least for me, still quite secondary to real life contacts. I started dressing out in 1986 and gained a lot of confidence from meeting, quite serendipitously, a couple of post-op TGs. Here in Portland, the experience was repeated by a chance encounter with a bold out CD who assured me this town was safe. (It is!) As the commies always remind the utopians, there's no substitute for practice.

Oh yeh, the other question ... I accepted my dressing right off, never felt ashamed, never purged. I guess being crazy in the first place came in useful after all. 'My analyst told me I was right outta my head but I said, dear Doctor, I think that it's you instead ...'

[Bonnie D]

I've been crossdressing for a long time whenever I could find myself alone, which was rare. I'm not sure when I accepted the fact that I was a crossdresser, I knew I needed to dress whenever I could and that the need wasn't going away. I also didn't know how 'common' it was. I thought there was something wrong with me and that I just had to accept that fact and that no one was to find out about it. I also knew that dressing wasn't my only issue, my gender was also in question. Years later I got married and thought that everything would straighten out although I pretty much knew deep inside that it wouldn't. The internet did indeed open up the TG world to me and made it easier to buy a lot more clothes than I've ever had before. In a positive way, it has shown me how not alone I am, and helped me accept myself and learn more about myself and others. In a negative way, it has pushed me farther out of myself than I've been before and will probably drag me right out of the closet and then right out of my marriage. I know she will not accept it. Before we were married I told her about my cd'ing in the past. She was fine with it as long as it was in the past. Soon after we were married I told her that it was still an interest, she could not accept it and demanded that it stop. I've kept it hidden since.

The internet has pulled my female self further and further out from deep inside myself. I realize she is not a separate being but is part of my whole self. I'm still not quite sure who my whole self is.

Bonnie

[Butterfly Bill]

My mother took a lot of psychology classes in college in the process of becoming a speech therapist, and I remember a dinner table discussion (yes, the whole family had supper together in the dining room in those days) when I was at the age of an eighth grader about "transvestism", and my mother saying, "Everybody does some experimenting". She also had the three volume set of Havelock Ellis's The Psychology of Sex, which had a big section on "Eonism", and lots of vivid case histories of late nineteenth century crossdressing "patients". So I knew I wasn't alone in the world, even tho I knew nobody at my school or other parts of my social network who also did.

The internet has made me realize how apart from the mainstream of CDs I am. Looks like most want to pass; there aren't too many other androgynes.

[KateW]

Throughout my childhood and teenage years I was always looking for some definative explaination of why I felt the way that I do. The internet helped me to have more understanding, made me aware that I'm certainly not the only person on the planet that does it, and most importantly, helped me come to terms, accept, and enjoy my feminine side.

[KarenSusan]

For years I thought i was the only one in the world who wanted to do this. I had heard of Christine Jorgensen but didn't think I wanted to be cut. Anyway, sometime in the 80s I was in a library looking for books on "transvestism". I found a book expecting to read a dry treatise when out popped a business card for the old ETVC group in San Francisco. Some kind soul had gone around putting these cards in library books. Bless her. I surreptitiously took the card home and hid it away until I got up enough guts to join.
When I got the newsletter I could not believe how many other girls there were like me in the local area.
Since joining this board, it's heartening to see how many girls there are like me in the whole world. Funny, no one wants to think they're alone.

[Sky]

The Internet is a step backward. No, really! In the good old days, "contact" meant physical contact with real people, for better or for worse: you showed who you were, they did too, and you learned something real out of it -sometimes useful, sometimes not. Nowadays it's a fact a large amount of what is posted over the Internet is complete b.s. (get mad all you want, but that's how it is). We all give advice without even knowing who the other person is, or how true their story is (and I'm as guilty as anyone). And in the end, knowing that there are a lot like us is of little help, if any. We would know it anyway, unless you live in Antarctica. And when it comes to making a decision, such as coming out of the closet, only you, your family and the real people you find outside your door really count, not a thousand virtual friends.

[SherriePall]

I knew there were transexuals and I knew there were drag queens. But I knew I had feelings towards women and I liked my plumbing, so I knew I wasn't either transexual or gay. Therefore, I thought I was one of a kind -- a heterosexual who loved to dress up which was certainly not right. I tried stopping many times, but couldn't (at least, not for long). Finally, I figured that's the way it is. Several years later, the internet and voila!
P.S. Sky -- I've known people in person who could throw a good line of bull, too. So, we just have to be careful and use discretion.

[Dana Carlton]

The Internet is a step backward. No, really! In the good old days, "contact" meant physical contact with real people.........,

Sky, I disagree and agree with your comments (does that make sense :rolleyes: ??) Yes, back in the day, we actually met others, in person, and it was the only way to talk to someone who also dressed. We showed our true colors. The internet has taken away, from most, the personal meetings, and/or joining a cd/tg group, allowing many cd's to be satisfied just chatting, using the forums, etc.

Alot of BS is posted, but I think alot is true and actual experiences. Though sometimes I wonder about the person commenting, especially if they do not show a picture of themself actually dressed.

However, the internet does allow for those who might be having mixed thoughts about their behavior. In reading these posts in this thread, alot of girls have stated that the internet has helped. And those who are comfortable with this lifestyle can get great tips and advice. It does helps in the decision to keep dressing or not.

So I don't believe the internet is a step backwards. Just one virtual opinion.

[Casey Morgan]

The Internet has made all the difference to me. I was the only one I knew who crossdressed. And I sure didn't feel comfortable seeking out others in real life. Add my gender issues into the mix and I was feeling mighty bad about myself. The Internet let me interact with others and get information anonymously. Without that I'd still be a mess.

Bill, if it helps any my cursor is on the "identify as androgyne" button and my finger is hovering over the mouse button.

[Shelly Preston]

The internet is a great move forward

When I first started crossdressing in the late sixties learning about crossdressing was almost impossible. very few libiraries had books which covered the subject.
Who could you tell, how would you find any similar minded people. Extremely difficult for most people worse, if you live in a rural area.
Some educational book were available, but mostly I found out I was not alone through a magazine which published letters.
Now we can talk with people in similar situations, and to try avoid the mistakes that someone else has already made.

Communication is the key and that was not easy in the sixtes or seventies.

I am so glad we can communicate now

[Sky]

Sherrie and Dana,

While I believe I pretty much expressed my opinion on this, as I was reading what I wrote again, I noticed I missed an important thing I wanted to say. So here it is:

The false stories over the Internet (I insist there are a lot of them, more on this later) also create a false sense of "knowing" for the honest people who is afraid to come out and base their knowledge of the cd world on what they read here. Somebody makes up some crap about something and it becomes sanctified "Web truth". Sherrie, when you say people can lie in person too you're absolutely right, but there are limits to it: at least you know what that person looks like, and even whether he is a real cd or not. (Digression: this would be an interesting guess. How many of the group members are actually cds, in percentage? No way to know for sure, of course.)

Another unusual idea (sorry, I have plenty of them): the Internet might actually increase the percentage of closeted cds. Before, if you tried dressing at home and had fantasies about going out, the only way to scratch that itch was to, well, go out: today, somebody dreams he (she?) stopped traffic in his (her?) Maidenform, posts it over the Internet, and it becomes Web truth: writing may be a substitute (a poor one IMO) for real life experience.

My final rant: sometimes these groups go too far in the way of support. I understand some people need continuous encouragement, and Internet groups like this provide it, but I personally prefer old time in-your (my)-face sincerity, no matter how harsh. You can't improve if, whatever you do, everybody tells you "you're awesome!"

[raquel]

since the internet and welcoming sites like this I now know that
I and thousands like me are part of a worldwide sisterhood.
Love and kisses
Raquel

[krisybryant]

I think the Internet breaks down barriers a lot easier. Where before you might have called a hot line - someone listening to your voice - as you try and explain your situation or feelings or ask for support. Now, you can type away. It's impersonal, some might say scary, and you can be who ever you want on this side of a computer.

I also think the Internet lowered the ethical standards. You can download as many pictures of CD as your computer connection can handle in a matter of seconds; gives just a taste of how many ladies like us there are.

[Lisa Golightly]

I kind of liked the dark old days... People were... real.

[Wendy me]

i think this might answer it for me.....http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=6295

[Dominique Melt]

I think Sky makes some valid points, as do the others. For myself, the 'net made it easier for me to find and have contact with other CDs and reinforce the idea that we really are not alone and that we are not abnormal. I do belive that for me, personally, going out in public enfemme to some meeting or to some other place is the next step -- the up-close-and-personal component of living as a comfortable CDer, as Sky points out. But truth to tell, I think the 'net has helped me quite a bit through the hard times of my nature.

[Calliope]

Wow, does this thread remind me of a certain hot topic on socialism forums I used to frequent. The Greens would invariably raise the flag of organic this and local that and, sure enough, the Marxists would invariably point out the sore contradiction of championing organic this and local that over the net. Score! Nevertheless I will fearlessly join the 'hypocrites' by wholeheartedly agreeing.




[...] when you say people can lie in person too you're absolutely right, but there are limits to it: at least you know what that person looks like, and even whether he is a real cd or not.



I kind of liked the dark old days... People were... real.

I have to admit, since joining this forum, I have PMed every other CD claiming to live in the Portland ME area and received all sorts of pleasant chit chat - but, when I invited to meet them for coffee downtown, they just plum evaporated. Maybe these gals just couldn't find the right outfit.


[...] the Internet might actually increase the percentage of closeted cds. Before, if you tried dressing at home and had fantasies about going out, the only way to scratch that itch was to, well, go out: today, somebody dreams he (she?) stopped traffic in his (her?) Maidenform, posts it over the Internet, and it becomes Web truth: writing may be a substitute (a poor one IMO) for real life experience.


Oooo - I sense a hot topic there! I think a good combination of online contact and human contact is ideal. It's great to write out thoughts and also to gain a sense of how it is in other parts of the country (discounting bluster and posers) but it is paramount to live in the real world. I've known perfectly nice, outgoing folks who got devoured by their computer fantasies, and I have seen cyber affairs that kill marriages.

So I guess the Greens really do know what they're on about.

[debbie m]

It took me a long time to get over the guilt about my dressing.I started crossdressing in the late 1960's.I was in my early forties when I finally accepted myself.The internet is a great help for information and letting you know you are not alone.

[DonnaT]

I started in the 60's and have always accepted it, and never felt guilty.

[Dana Carlton]

Everyone has valid points, and great opinions. Guess I've never looked at the net as a deterant to crossdressing, since it has helped me so much.

I suppose we could add a new category to xdressing...."Virtual Crossdresser". Those who are pretending to be crossdressers, but don't actually dress.

PS> Sky...you're awesome :GD: :GD: Thanks!!!

[suanne]

Hello to all the above and below. Well the internet has opened my eyes to alot of things. It is a great learning tool. That really goes for cding. I just turned 60 a week ago. Ugh! It sounds worse than it is. I believe you are as young as you feel. Ok, enough of that. I discovered this forum by accident over a year ago. I always felt that I was completely on my own with the dressing. I dressed by myself and kept it to myself for over 50 years. I never desired to share that with anyone else because of fear I guess. I didn't want to be found out, I didn't want anyone to think I was gay, I didn't want anyone to think I was weird, and it goes on and on. After spending alot of time here on the forum I got rid of alot of those notions. I see there are a raft of people here just like me. I am a part of this group because I choose to be and that really feels great. So, the Internet has truly helped me in coming to comfortable terms with me and my other partner...Suanne. I am more open and a peace with myself and Suanne than I have ever been at anytime in my life. Thanks, I am glad someone brought this topic up.

Suanne

[RebeccaLynne]

began my crossdressing experience. Age 5, friends sister's dresses (both he and I), made me feel content and complete. Continued to dress secretly until meeting my future wife, now my ex, who supported and encouraged my desires. To my knowledge, she was the only person aware of this aspect of my personality. I believe I didn't accept my CD'ing until she was involved, at which point her acceptance allowed me to relax and enjoy my alter ego without fear of scorn or ridicule. Fast forward to a year ago. Never familiar with, nor owned, a computer previously. Got one just to make it easier to figure out my status and options with my employment. Lo and behold, happened to look up "crossdressing" and found this site. Absolutely astonished by the level of participation, and am appreciative of the depth of emotion and insight demonstrated throughout in the postings. Has become required reading for me whenever I'm "en femme'. Just to know so many are similarly inclined is heartening and inspiring. Although only "out" at Halloween, enjoy the narratives of those who've ventured into the real world in their feminine personas, and, I guess, live vicariously through them. Satisfied to represent my preferred gender in the comfort and privacy of my own home, I nonetheless applaud the enlightened spirit of adventure exhibited by those more uninhibited than I. If the internet has spawned a new breed of crossdresser willing to expand their horizons and explore the possibilities of interaction with the general population, I'm all for it.

[Joyce1702]

I grew up in the late 50's and early 60's, and like many others have said, I thought I was the only boy in the whole world who wanted to wear girl's clothes. I don't remember how or when I first heard the word "transvestite" but it was a revelation! There was actually a name for it. And there it was in the dictionary..."a person who dresses in the clothing of the opposite sex". WOW!

But it was still a secret activity. The only other person I told was my wife before we married. In the late 80's, I got into the online world, with a 300 baud external modem and joined GEnie. It was a text-only online service. There I met several other transgendered people. We put together a TG Roundtable on GEnie and I made many lasting friendships which, in some cases, translated into real life friendships. I met people in real life from California, Canada, Texas, Virginia, Pennsylvania, New York, and Connnecticut. The very first face-to-face with another crossdresser was the result of being on GEnie. It did seem in those days that there was a lot more "honor" among online people. Just like eBay in the early days, before all the scammers got on board.

So, the internet has been huge for me. It has opened my eyes to the number of others like myself who are out there. It has enabled me to chat with others and to meet them in person. It has provided an endless amount of information and shopping opportunities. It took me from thinking that I could never go out dressed to believeing that maybe I could, to actually doing it.

Being in a rural area, there was no other way to come in contact with other TG people.

Joyce

[ElleCD]

I love the Internet. Its brought me a whole world of understanding and opportunities for contact. I am better informed and have higher self esteem because of my access to this site and others. I can well recall my teenage years of guilt and isolation because I had no reference points and the bad decisions I made because I felt it was an either/or choice and the "or" was normal. Yes there's alot of rubbish on the net but nothing good anti virus, healthy scepticism and a sense of humour can't handle. Meeting in person is certainly not risk free. The internet has probably enabled more people to go that step further and meet in person rather than discouraged it. I'm sure that the internet is helping alot of teenagers today to find out about themselves in a relatively safe way and they are likely to be happier and healthier because of it.

[Kimberly]

Do today's beginning crossdressers have it easier with their access to the internet, than we did?
Without a doubt.

In only little over a year I've learnt a hell of a lot about crossdressing, other people's experience of it, and where I fit into all of it.

I've learnt acceptance quickly, and have come out to a good few friends. This forum more than anything has opened my eyes to what would have just been a fetish to an expression of who I am, and I can clearly see the TG spectrum, and can surmise where I fit in - (if anywhere!)

What I think it has done, though, in a negative way - is pushed me. I want to get out of this house, but this forum put the idea in my head first. I do just want freedom outdoors to express who I want to be, whichever gender, but factors like fear stop me. But this forum has pushed me further than I thought I would go. :)

[tekla west]

In the dark days, before the net, what was it like? Way cool. Miss Lisa is right, it was real. (Of course for some of us, it still is.)

I think you had to try. You had to work at it. You had to get down with your own bad self, in order to be stepping to the bad side. You had to MAKE AN EFFORT. You had to GET OUT. You had to BE THERE NOW!

I joined a group in SF in the early 1980's before the net. I had written to the Tri-Ess crowd, and they seemed to me to be a bunch of stuck up old rich girls whose wives kept them under lock and key, and the constant - almost engraved in their forehead - chant of "We are straight" was off putting- even though I'm straight. I wanted to go out, and not just to a hotel room (which is just a bigger closet of a sort) but to real places, meet real people, have real experience. I got that, in spades.

I HAD to find these other people on my own. I had to do the research, read, look, learn, explore, and discover. That discovery was of course, a voyage of self discovery too. But what I really, really had to do - and I mean HAD to do - was risk myself. I had to walk out. I had to go out. I had to go to places that - back then - I would have never ventured into. I had to meet people I had never met, never been trained to meet, and in any other life, would have never met. But first - and foremost - I had to get away from that mirror in the bedroom and take, what Bruce Springstein called, " that long walk, from your front porch to my front seat." And like he also said, "The door's open but the ride ain't free."

So I went out. I went to some little bistro on the marginal side of town. I have never been so scared in my life, not before, or since. And that was just going from my house to the f**king car parked not five feet from that door. So I go there. Now, could I go in? And that great unknown, what happens then?

Well I got out of my car (vintage 1968 Mustang, 289 "'k' series", V-8 catch me if you can! - Teal Blue by the way.) I was dressed, this is the early 80s and all - in a teal blue - what is life worth if not color coordinated??? jumpsuit - that's right, no dress, no skirt, with leg-warmers (I have that flash dance feeling) a cami and nylons. So, I was fem, but not real girl. I was a block and a half away from where I had to be. Left foot, right foot, I kept repeating to myself. I went forward, in for a penny, in for a pound as the Brits say.

I stood across the street. I had a smoke, and then, another. "Now or never" right? I walked in the door.

I do not know or remember what I was expecting. I know that it was not this. Here were a lot of people, some straight, some gay, some dressed, some not, and me, looking like god knows what. So, I went straight to the bar. As I was sitting there, perched on the edge of my stool, so afraid that someone might notice me, and not because they knew me, but because the other people there looked so good, an I was, perfectly and completely out of it. The GG next to me started up a conversation with me.

Her BF was there too, told me the 'meeting' was in the back. I'm sure I stammered, I shucked and jived, and did my level best to avoid having any real human interaction with her at all.

So I drifted to the back where a fashion show of sorts was going on. I of course, was sticking myself way in the back, up against the wall, and had I the ability to go though it like Superman I would have.

Then, some grad student in some Sociology deal had a questionnaire for us. Hey, I'm good at that. I can do that. So with a number 2 pencil I sat down and began filling it out. Never did get the chance to thank her, but it was a real turning point in my life. Here I was, out, dressed (sort of) with other CDs and having to think about it - and believe you me, I hate to think.

After that, I was there, thinking. like I said, I hate that. So out to the bar, for another beer. And damn it, if that same seat is the only one open, with that same girl still sitting there. Feeling somewhat better I had a conversation with her. First girl I ever spoke with while in drag who I was not intimate with. I don't remember what I said, and its unimportant now, its just that it was OK. Even though I had not talked to one CD the entire night, I vowed to come back to the next meeting the next month.

And so I did. The walk to the car, which seemed like swimming the English Channel the first time, was easy. The drive went well, I even found parking much closer. And even better, I dressed for it, Really bad dress, I'm embarrassed to even think of it now, still I wore it. I talked with other CDs, I went out and smoked a bowl with one. I was invited to the after party at the Black Rose.

Now, the Black Rose was an institution, I knew of it, but come hell or high water I was not about to go into that neighborhood and get out of my car, hell I would not even take my car into that neighborhood. But, how could I refuse. Here I was INVITED, how to turn that down?

I took the knife out, held it to my side - did I say this was a bad area of a big city? Then I walked in.

The Black Rose was a pro bar. Them were hard core girls, to say the least, and my first introduction to "admirers" who to this very day I believe have one purpose in life and that is target practice. I swear a nice middle class person like me had NEVER been in a place like that, and there in was my first GREAT lesson. That just because you like to dress like me does not make you like me, nor me like you. Here I was, finally in a place with all these other cross-dressers and other than that, not a single thing did we have in common.

So, I stuck with the "meetings" if only to have a place to go to once a month, I tended to hang, and not attend, I would rather go out and smoke and talk than listen to anyone anyway. But what it gave me was other options, real options, real world stuff. And the net does not give that.

As to the "am I gay question I never doubted that since I knew that I did not want any guy shoving their dork down my throat and shooting pecker snot all over my tonsils, nor did I think that my butt was a two-way street. So that never occurred to me.

The Net has helped me understand just how lucky I am by being gifted at being stupid as I am. Other wise I would just be sitting in a room typing this, and not out and about doing it on our downtown wireless web, at a pub, with real people, who really like me.

I was comfortable with myself long before the web, and I'm not sure, had I had it that I would not still be locked into lies, deceit, and deceptions of myself and others, living a real life in virtual space.

I came to realize that I was not alone long before this, and I also understood that it did not matter. What did count was my interpersonal relationships with others, in real time, in real space, in real life. That has made all the difference.

SKY ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Listen well to what she said, and take it to heart, I think she is right.

[kwebb]

Its been both blessing and curse for me. In a way, it makes my own CDing less special. Less unique, or exclusive to me. I now know that CDers' come a 'dime a dozen' so to speak. And sometimes that makes me think, well, we are all sick. Indeed I've seen and read some things that left me this conclusion.

I used to say well this is how God made me, and me alone, I can't say that anymore, it made a gang of us. But when I really think about it, we just HAVE to exist. With gender roles soooooo different between men and women, there have just gotta be men like us. There are times I don't want to be one of us, and that is mostly due to society's reaction to it. I mean, I do enjoy CDing, but when I really think about how low on the totem pole we are, well I get pretty sad aboutit.

That said, yes, there are thoughts I never would have thought, things I would have never done had I not peeked into the powers of suggestion that I regularly find on-line.

The interesting thing is, I often feel better about myself and all of this when I back away from the computer and stop filling my brain with all of this stimuli, some positive some negative, but always something to make me think in a way I'd never thought before at times.
Its hard not to be swayed for me because I am somewhat easily impressionable.

[Phoebe Reece]

I started contacting other crossdressers back in the early 1970's. It was more difficult and slower then. I had a much smaller circle of crossdressing friends then. Those of us who had made contact knew there had to be a lot more out there, but means of finding them were very limited. And I have to point out that there was no shortage of BS that could come from those who we did correspond with in those days. It just took a lot longer to get to you.

Today you have the same choices as then. You can choose to dress in private and never actually go out. You can simply correspond with others and either tell the truth or not. You can also choose to meet people either individually or through support groups. The Internet just makes information available to more people a lot quicker. What people choose to do with all that information is certainly subject to question.

[eleventhdr]

I was aware that something was going on out there before i had acccess to the net..JUst did not know exactly what and how much of it did excits before the net hmm.


I had inklings that I was somehow different but agian did not know how or where to go with it before the net now i sure do know that there are a whole lot of us who are trnasgenered and that there is nothting really wrong with us at all.

But before that did not know just how to deal witht the facts of wanting to dress and be girly like i am now still most of the time whenever i can escape right like being a girl is something awful when it is not at all

Wanting to be so is perfeactly natural and normal as i do now see and understand.

Jay Suzy!

[terza]

cd forums, and forums in general are new to me though i'm a software engineer. this is a microcosm where polls, frivolous banter, ethical high grounds and low grounds,self promotion/exposee, of repeated topics go round and round. there is a quagmire of moving in a circle that gets tighter and tighter. how does this, as it is, "educate" the real world. it does not.
i came educated from many reading material available while i grew up, as well as a degree in psychology. it was between myself and my ex-wife that i came out to a few of my closest friends. there are no substituting the real people you know w/ the voices of the unknown -- don't accept anything less.

is this purely a form of futile entertainment or can it be a form of attainment and mobilisation of moving cd toward all of humanity and away from our present outcast state.

[KarenEdwards]

I suppose I've always known, since early childhood, anyway, that I am a crossdresser. I started at age 4 or 5, was quickly taught by my parents that it was not something little boys did, but did it anyway. In all the time since, I've never really stopped.

I started dressing "totally" and gave myself the name Karen in the late 60's, well before the internet, when I was 25 or so years old and, although I had never met or seen another cd, I was soon going out in public. For some reason, I didn't really worry about being "caught" and seldom have been. Not many times that I know of, anyway. There was one time, though....well, that should be the subject of another post.

I heard about Tri-Ess by reading an Ann Landers column in 1970 and communicated with Virginia Prince (her address was in the Landers column). I joined the "Society for the Second Self" shortly thereafter and became a member of a Tri-Ess chapter around 1990.

The internet and forums like this one have certainly helped me understand that there are many, many other people like me "out there" and that we have many things in common. I cannot say that it has made me more comfortable being a crossdresser because I've never really been uncomfortable with myself as one.

I do think that most people, if given the chance to meet and get to know us, are more tolerant of differences than we often give them credit for. The internet might help us, the crossdressers, but it does little to educate society in general to the fact that we are not a bunch a perverts or worse. That education must come from meeting real people.

[Stacie Stockman]

My first introduction that there were others out there who felt like I did, and there were options was the Phil Donahue show!

[Billijo49504]

I've always liked silky material, moms panties and slips. But I really started dressing heavy, in the early 70's, after the service.
My first wife thoght it was cool that I like wearing panties. And helped me dress for halloween. After she died. I had several baby sitters, and as I've said I fired the 4th one, at the alter almost 22 yrs ago. She asked if I wanted to have my back scratched, under my bra. Before she went to bed. Sure I said. It felt gooood!
She says, after I retire, I can wear a bra every day. Except with the grand kids. The grand daughter said granpa has a bra on, it was a shoulder holster. So I have to be careful....BJ

[Calliope]

Damn, Tekla, you wrote such a great post!




[...] and believe you me, I hate to think.

Ah, forgive me - that's the one false note.

[Raychel]

I also started dressing in the 60's, Then I knew from magazines that I was not alone. There was adds all over the place for transformation places. I still was not accepting of myself. Always living in fear of getting caught and having that guilty feeling. All this lasted right up to about 3 years ago. When I told my wife that I like to wear panties. That brought on some acceptance for me and a litle relief that it would not be the end of the world if I got caught.

Then I found this forum. The people here helped me build up the courage to tell my wife about the real crossdressing me that I am. I must admit that it did not go very smoothly. But in my opinion after several months my wife is starting to relax and realizes that I am still the man that she married. I am becomeing more accepting of myself ever day.

So thanks to the internet and ever more thanks to the forum, for letting me be myself.

[Kate Simmons]

We made it up as we went along, I guess. Basically all we had back then was Michael Salem's(overpriced) mail order house and a couple of "seedy" tranvestite journals. Did a lot of driving at night as well. Stopped in a lot of rest areas on the interstate to use the ladies "john".Nothing but excitement.:happy: Ericka Kay

[Siobhan Marie]

I have found the internet to be a godsend. It told me that I wasn't alone, they are more people out there who are like me. I am more accepting of who I am, am getting there slowly. It takes time and I'm making progress every day. I'm not one for going out and I like to think that I've got a few friends here.

:hugs: Anna x

[MsEva]

Wow, good question! I guess it made a great difference in my dressing. First let me say that like many many of us, I knew at a very early age that I was somehow different. My first friends growing up were girls. I used to go over to Brenda's house in the ruse of playing with her younger brother, but really I loved playing with her. I grew up for the most part a typical boy. I played sports, with the guys. I don't think that I was ever considered femmy. But I remembered asking a couple of kids that weren't in my neighborhood, but went to the same school, to play "pretend girls". Iwas shocked when they said OK..how do you play that? I was vexed..never thought it out that far:o

I guess I was in denial for a long time. I had an attraction to my mom's shoes, and lingere, but never really wore them. Later on in HS, I came across a stash of merry widows left by the former owner of our house in a hope chest. Well they fit quite well. The owner, a family friend would come to visit as they had moved to NJ. She had the most wonderful selection of makeup. I would spend a lot of time dressing in the merry widows and doing my makeup.

I didn't really dress much in college in the seventies. I keep the merry widows and started dressing after I got married. I dressed off and on for long time, but the internet opened my eyes to the fact that I was not alone for sure. I started to dress in earnest, buy my own clothes, and use a lot of cast off makeup my dear wife cast off. I worked on losing weight, and developed a femme persona. I was caught by her around ten years ago. It was a bit bumpy at first, but she came to realise that I am the same person she fell in love with all those years ago in college. So she is really accepting and helpful. God bless her. I am truly lucky.

Now, the internet is double edged sword for me. Yes I know that I am not alone, I dress more often and more freely, but I still have guilt just about everytime I dress. I don't think any technology will ever help that.:(

[sterling12]

I grew up in the 50s and 60s. First memories of dressing start at four and I probably was experimenting even earlier than that. I knew NO ONE who was like me, not a soul! And, I felt very much alone.

Somewhere, somehow, the concept of Transgender comes into my consciousness. I believe I may have seen an article about Christine Jorgenson or something similar, probably around the age of ten. I know that I felt a compulsion to try and find out about what I then perceived to be, the three or four other "freaks" who were just like me.

I had an Aunt who liked to read "racy" magazines and left them around my Grandmother's House. I secretly and avidly searched for anything in those mags and on TV that might relate to what I was feeling. I was almost desperate to try and understand something, (anything) about myself. Later on, as a teen in The 60s, I have those awful experiences of going to some raunchy part of town and buying overpriced "specialty" mags down at the local Dirty Book Store. It was a desperate compulsion, How I remember the smirkes, and the absolute shame!

Eventually, I pieced together a self-constructed picture of my CD World. Apparently, there were a few other guys who did what I did, they all lived in NYC, probably around Greenwich Village or in Europe, and I had a few grainy, black and white pictures to prove it! I hid those pictures and my clothes in my "stash" under the rafters in the attic.

Living in isolation, taught me to be secretive and to always present a male picture to the outside world. I suspect that a lot of the Gurl's could relate a similar story. Can't believe that I thought I was almost unique, but it sure seemed to be that way at that time.

About ten years ago, seemed like everyone I knew was buying a Computer. I decided that I wasn't going to get left behind and that my mind was good enough to cope with all the new technology. I don't believe I had a single thought about crossdressing being an adjunct to my early forays onto The Net. One day, Joanie decides to do a little investigating, via a search engine and voila!

In retrospect,The Internet has certainly been the most important thing that has ever happened to Joanie! I am now aware that there are millions of us out there, we aren't nuts, we have brains and insight that are way above average, we are slowly becoming a community, and I can now network with support groups and individuals who share a commonality with me. Hey, that's a Hell of a lot!

Without the net, Joanie would have never found her Tri-Ess Chapters to join. Without The Net, I would never have found so many lasting and endearing friends. Ultimately, for me...The net has meant a final end to all the isolation! I really appreciate that, it only took me 52 years to get here.

By the way, I have a couple of meetings to attend next Saturday Night. It's one of the high spots of the month, for myself and a lot of others. To actually make contact and actually meet with My Sista's in person, just an amazing thing. That little boy of so many years ago, living in isolation and misery could have never imagined where it would lead.

Just an idea but maybe these words will inspire somebody else to make that big jump and start to enjoy their CD Life more. You now have the computer to "expand your horizons." Maybe you will choose to do so.

Amazing how that box full of electronic widgets that sits under my desk, made such a fundamental change in my life! " Who would have thunk it!"

Peace and Love, Joanie

[EricaCD]

For me the internet has been sort of a mixed blessing. Without the internet, of course, I would not have had access to a fantastic array of opinions, comments and suggestions - all of which have been indispensible to my mental well-being as a CD. And, of course, the 'net immeasurably facilitated access to fem clothing, makeup, shes, etc.

On the other hand, I have to acknowledge that I would probably have been much less "into" crossdressing had it not been for the internet. I used to wear fem stuff very occasionally, for limited periods of time, and that was about it. Now it's a much bigger part of my life-and there's no question but that one reason is the ease of access to information, support and stuff.

On first reflection, part of me thinks that having a secret, occasional indulgence (even with the associated guilt) would have been a more "normal" life. It certainly would have meant less of a shift in my marital life! At the same time, my life has been profoundly enriched by this peculiar means of expressing my feminine side. I'm not sure I would willingly give that up in retrospect.

Erica

[Rachel Morley]

Oh my gosh! the internet has totally changed my life! I'm 43 but I didn't really start to explore my crossdressing until I was in my mid 30s. I got my first computer (and therefore got online) in the summer of 2000.

When I first went online I couldn’t believe the amount of resources and seeming endless numbers of people that were crossdressing in the world. This was a good time for me because I used the internet to find out exactly where I fitted into things. However, the biggest thing about the internet for me, is that it introduced me to online crossdressing forums, and this is where I met my darling wife Marla in the spring of 2001.

Crossdressing before the internet isn't something I can relate too......but mostly because of my not recognizing myself as cder rather than anything else.

[MistyCD]

I started dressing in the 1970's, and did accept it, although I had to keep it hidden from others.....

this was way before the internet and personal computers.....

as far as finding information on cd's and cd'ing, there was and still are places that are called 'Public Library' or a local community college library where books on the subject could be found...

hugs Misty

[DAVIDA]

I'm shure everybody has their stories. I have been in this mindset since I was 5 years old . Trust me, that was in the old days! Most of my life I had no idea what the hell was wrong with me. It took me telling the girl I married to help me understand that this is what I am and that there is nothing wrong with me. The whole gamut of feelings have pased through my head at one time or other, likemost of you too. As far as the internet, back in the "old days" I never met anyone, never talked about it with anyone, and never would have. The reason I am here now is for the fact that I can talk to (or rather type to ) other people with some of the same problems, fears,and questions that I have had in my 51 years. If there are people here who are not who they say they are, I really can't worry about that. Those people have a lot more problems than I have thats for shure! I like it here and I probably will hang around for a while and enjoy all the talk!

[gennee]

The Internet is a step backward. No, really! In the good old days, "contact" meant physical contact with real people, for better or for worse: you showed who you were, they did too, and you learned something real out of it -sometimes useful, sometimes not. Nowadays it's a fact a large amount of what is posted over the Internet is complete b.s. (get mad all you want, but that's how it is). We all give advice without even knowing who the other person is, or how true their story is (and I'm as guilty as anyone). And in the end, knowing that there are a lot like us is of little help, if any. We would know it anyway, unless you live in Antarctica. And when it comes to making a decision, such as coming out of the closet, only you, your family and the real people you find outside your door really count, not a thousand virtual friends.

You make a valid point, Sky. I think that's part of the reason for me wanting to go out in public. I do enjoy the advice on this forum nothing compares to meeting other crossdressers and listening to their experiences. I think both have their place but I agree that physical contact is better.

Gennee

[AmberTG]

I was a teen in the late 60s-early 70s so I guess I'd have to say I started in the late 60s. I was alone in my thoughts and my crossdressing until the internet came along. I knew that there were others out there, but I didn't know any of them, and like most of the people who started in the 60s, I had no source of information. I know the internet is full of good and bad, and it's often hard to tell the difference, at least it's something, and on-line access to clothing is a real benefit to those who can't or won't shop in person. At least it's good for something.
Amber

[terrigurl]

I remember having to go to an "adult" bookstore to find magazines that had articles about female impersonators, called "FI" or something like that. But it was about professional impersonators, so nothing about regular people who happened to cross dress. The internet has shown me that I am far from alone, and that has made a huge difference in my life.

Terri

[Veronica GG]

The internet has helped me to realize that I am just one in thousands who have this desire. I never fully accepted my crossdressing until the internet arrived. I am so much more comfortable with myself now.


Interested to hear from others who have experienced the power of the internet regarding their feelings towards thier crossdressing.

Dana:

The Internet (and my therapist of course) is helping me as a crossdresser's wife to understand it and I hope to accept it.
How could I learn all I am learning now if I had no Internet?
I think it could change my life for good.
Veronica

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

I think you had to try. You had to work at it. You had to get down with your own bad self, in order to be stepping to the bad side. You had to MAKE AN EFFORT. You had to GET OUT. You had to BE THERE NOW!

Walking 10 miles to school through hip-deep, year-round snow uphill both ways was also character building too. :tongueout

The internet is another example of: technology happens.... In other words, the technology isn't inherently good/bad, it's what we make of it.

To me, it's been a two-edged sword.

As others have attested to, it's enable many folks to realize they weren't "the only person on earth who felt this way." It's enable people to make connections that they wouldn't have made otherwise. I've developed some very good friendships with people on the otherside of the country. (That said online friendships are just a different kind of friendship and not a replacement for face-to-face interactions -- and I'm looking forward to getting to meet some of my online friends later this year.) Likewise, it's provided people with places like this, that only a lucky few who lived in certain areas had access to.

The internet probably has increased the number of people who self-identify as CDs and who act out some sort of femine persona, even if it's strictly in an online space. (In his pre-internet book on crossdressers (http://www.amazon.com/Transvestites-Transsexuals-Cross-Gender-Perspectives-Sexuality/dp/0306428784/sr=1-2/qid=1157351836/ref=sr_1_2/002-0877382-4201638?ie=UTF8&s=books), Richard Docter, argued that adopting a femme name was a significant step in the "career path" of CDing, since in that era, it usually coincided with going out in public.) Of course, online life (or Second Life, etc.) isn't the same as physical life. But just as some people travel the world and others are content to be arm-chair travellers, what really matters is whether you're happy.

OTOH, I will say that it's easier to be "fantasy gendered" online -- although I've met a number of similar folks offline as well. (Sorry, but unless you're Tina Turner, a 60-year-old in a mini-skirt (male or female) usually isn't a pretty sight....) And online forums, Second Life, etc. can be a way to avoid dealing with the physical world. And I know one young CD who was freaked out when she went looking for info about crossdressing and initially ran across nothing but porn.

But that problem isn't really new -- as shown by those who had to go to porn shops to find crossdressing magazines. Nor is the bad information a product of the internet. Go back and look at some Virginia Prince's writings that verged on propoganda -- such as her infamous grading of accepting wives, or her insistence that CDs were absolutely, positively, straight as an arrow, and the CDs never, ever transitioned. (Helen Boyd took a lot of heat in some quarters for pointing out in "My Husband Betty" that the evidence showed neither assertion was quite as clear-cut as Prince portrayed it. And based Prince's biography, also by Richard Docter, Prince herself certainly provided evidence to the contrary.) And Prince -- who did do a lot of good -- wasn't alone if you go back and look at the writings in other CD literature (as quoted in books on the subject).

The internet is a tool. It's enabled people to connect in ways that weren't imaginable a few decades ago. OTOH, fools with a tool are just more efficient fools.

[tekla west]

Ani De Franco says "Any tool is a weapon if you hold it right." That was true for the writings of VP for sure, but her status as being the only person up to that point that really looked at it as anything but a pathology was unique to say the least. Much like Kinsey, its her sample that was skewed, and thus, gave more skewed results as a natural consequence.

And suppose there is a need for fantasy, otherwise I'd be out trying to get rid of all the copies of Lord of the Rings and the writings of Ursula K. Le Guinn. Be that as it may, a "a way to avoid dealing with the physical world" is also a description of drug addiction. It might be fun to imagine life in some gender playground but it does leave those who are looking for something more real a lot more chafe to sift through to find the wheat.

[Helen MC]

I too started to CD in 1965 when I was 12 and when the idea of the PC in every home far less the Internet was Science Fiction. To begin with at home I could borrow and wear my big sister's and my mothers panties 24/7 and their skirts, dresses, bras etc when I was alone at home. I found out what a Transvestite was from the "Problems Page" of one of my mother's magazines.

When I moved away to live on my own when I was 18 I had to use catalogs etc to buy female clothing although I did buy panties at shops .

To me the Internet has been a gift from the gods. Buying female clothing is now a matter of great ease with no hassle or possible embarassment.

I have also learned a great deal more about Transvestism/Crossdressing and its many aspects, from the underdresser who only wears panties under his trousers, to the closet indoor TV , to the biological male who dresses and lives full time as a woman, and of course the Transgendered person who was born Male but has GRS to become a woman. I would categorise myself as an Androgyne and a closet TV who wears panties 24/7 and who has a strongly fetishistic aspect.

I never in any way have felt "wrong" about Crossdressing, anything but and have never "purged" indeed the whole idea of doing so is as weird to me as cutting off one of my thumbs!

All in all I feel that the Internet has been a great benefit to CDs and wish I had had it when I was starting out in my early teens in the mid 1960s.

[Karen xxx]

I would have to say that the internet has been a positive help for me
to have at least some contact with other cd's. To meet in groups of course would be better but at least this is something.
one foot out of the closet!
Karen

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

Actually the internet first introduced me to the idea of whole body shaving. Once smooth, the CDing followed.

[Sky]

PS> Sky...you're awesome:Thanks!!!


SKY ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, I didn't know you girls had seen my oldies band live! :tongueout

(I know what you're thinking, and no, I don't play in drag.)

[TrannyJenny]

GOD bless internet, I would be so frustrated in the age before it, because that would means no friends, no answers, no chat, no tips, etc :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
: :thumbsup: WWW

[Cathy J]

As a long-lived life long CD'er I have found the internet my mental salvation. Before I found some of these forums I wasn't sure what I was. All I knew was I enjoyed CD'ing, it felt good and I didn't really want to quit although I purged a number of times much to my later regret.
I guess you'd say I'm a "Happy CD'er" now.

[Caitlintgsd]

CD'ing before the internet? It was a hassle. First you'd have to light a big fire. Then we'd have to toss some wet lumber on top of it 'cause it was mighty smokey after that. Then you'd have to find somebody coordinated enough in heels to hold the other end of the blanket over the fire while you sent the signals. Thank goodness that now, all we have to do is type.

[Melinda Lou]

When I started at the age of 11 or 12 (this would have been around 1980 or '81), I was sure I was the only boy who liked to wear girls' panties--there just couldn't be anyone else. I never met anyone else, and even once I heard of drag queens, they seemed like something different than adolescent, girl-crazy (even when wearing girl undies) me. No one ever saw me dressed (that I know of), and no one ever talked about it. I remember hearing a girl I knew in high school comment that "they say 10% of men are wearing women's underwear at any given time", and laughing along while thinking, if only she knew...

Once the Internet came into maturity (as I did) and I found online CD's, I came to realize that I was not the only boy to go into a girl's underwear drawer and try on her panties; some of the stories I read were so close to my own that I had to verify that I hadn't posted them under another handle. Although this hasn't led to me meeting anyone else, just knowing you're out there has been reassuring. I'd say having the 'net has been invaluable.