How are you treated in public?

[Chrissycd]

This is a bit of a survey I wonder if you girls would comment on for the benefit of everyone here. Here's the question: How are you treated in public? Please give at least a vague idea of the part of the U.S. you live in (sorry girls elsewhere, but I'm just trying to see if there are areas in the U.S. that are more accepting and respectful than others.)
I live in a suburb of Minneapolis, Minnesota, and, generally speaking, people here don't SAY anything negative. They just stare, gawk, and giggle like a bunch of buffoons. It's often annoying and uncomfortable for me when I'm out and about and I think I pass fairly well. It's somewhat better in the inner city, but there people are either totally sweet or totally rude. In the suburbs, people are just victims of their own lack of exposure to diversity and it's very tiresome.
Please share your impressions about where you live (at least tell your state of residence, otherwise it's not really helpful.) I know there's no perfect place for girls in transition, but there's got to be better than this. Please don't paint a rosie picture of your state just for the sake of pride. My heart goes out to those of you who have it tougher than I do.
Hugs,
Chrissy

[ArleneRaquel]

I live in Chicago and go out enfemme every day, though sometimes only to the mail box. Generally no trouble, sometimes I get very long looks, it it probably only in my warped mind, but I like to think that they are admiring my legs. On warm and sunny days I always wear shorts. Teanage and early twenty - -something boys can be a problem, they like to show off and show how macho they are by calling me " fag "," drag queen ", and so forth. The last time that I was name called was early last June walking to the mail box, and that was by a 40ish year old male. :love:

[Annaliese]

I live in the southern part of Utah, I go to Salt Lake to go out with a group call Progressive Ladies I have gone out 4 times dress and had not problem. But I would never go out where I live and no way would I go out in Provo which is a good size city 30 miles south of Salt Lake City. Provo would be considered the close minded capital of the US.

ANNA

[ArleneRaquel]

Back Again ! I should say that all of the sales associates at Sears, or at the Jewel or A & G (local grocery chain ) that I have encountered have been kind and friendly. As I said on another post a short time back a very friendly Black Lady, not a sales associate, was very helpful to me in finding matching shoes. I am white, and I was enfemme. :love:

[GypsyKaren]

I live just outside Chicago in Indiana, not exactly the trans capitol of the world. I've never really had any problems, people are for the most part nice to me because that's how I am to them. I've been giggled at twice by teenage girls, and I get my share of long looks and such, but I have no complaints at all.

Karen

[cindianna_jones]

You'll find the best acceptance in the major metropolitan areas where there is great cultural diversity. The most accepting are Boston, New York and San Francisco. But these can be very expensive. I lived a while in the LA area and it was okay. Anywhere in Utah is pretty tough as was previously mentioned. That's where I'm from.

The thing about living in a diverse area is that you'll actually get clocked more often. But those who recognize you won't laugh. You must remember that there are cultural jerks wherever you go.

The thing about living in a redneck area is that they don't expect a bender living in "their" city. So, you actually have a better chance of getting by without anyone ever knowing. I live in such a place. There are two of us here as far as I know. When I run into the other, we smile and say hi, but I've never actually talked to her. She works in the local market at the deli. She doesn't pass very well in my eye, but she gets by just fine here.

Cindi

Oh... and I almost forgot... How am I treated. Believe it or not, I prefer to dress in jeans and tees. I will often be wearing steel toed work shoes when I go into town. They are what I work in and are very comfortable. So, I'm pretty much dressed as a guy. I'm tall and I have broad shoulders. So from the back, I look like a guy with long hair carrying a purse.

Occasionally I'll get called sir in town. But when I turn around, that person will blush with embarrasment. I respond with "Oh, don't worry, I get it all the time."

I do a lot of work on mountain tops in the dark. Mostly men attend these astronomy events. So, frequently, they don't know me. And from my voice they will assume falsely my gender. It's amazing how those that I know will correct them.

The key for me is to just ignore it or let it slide.

So, am I clocked because of any of this? No. I'm just an unusual tall woman with broad shoulders. Everyone knows I'm married and I have kids.

An interesting side note is that I seem to attract women. I pick up signs from lesbians everywhere I go. I give them a grin back in recognition. But that's as far as I take it.

Cindi

[MarinaTwelve200]

But why complain about it? Those who go out dressed in public KNOW what to expect from others when they do it. They dont HAVE to dress. Irs a choice with its own price----Apparently the "price" is worth paying, or they would not go sressed in public in the first place.

[cindianna_jones]

But why complain about it? Those who go out dressed in public KNOW what to expect from others when they do it. They dont HAVE to dress. Irs a choice with its own price----Apparently the "price" is worth paying, or they would not go sressed in public in the first place.

Those of us who make the change don't go out "dressed". We wear clothes to be sure. But no matter what we wear, whenever we go out, we have a very strong need to be accepted wholely as female. I believe this is what Chrissy is asking. She is looking to make that change and may be considering her choices as to where to live. This is very good thinking, I believe.

Starting the transition is very tough. When you have long hair and breasts, you really can't make a concious decision to be female in public. You are. Granted, there will always be someone who will do something hurtful. But wouldn't it be easier to do the transition in a more friendly place? And then later after confidence sets in, move to a place more favorable to how you want to live your life. I think that's what Chrissy is looking for.

Cindi

[joanlynn28]

I go out everywhere in femme with the exception of work, most of my coworkers know about me because a told a few and it kind of got around about my future intentions of transitioning. For the most part when I go out to the stores and am treated like the girl that I am inside. I am at the point now that I often get mistaken for a woman even when I am dressed in my male clothes. I live in southern california and reside in the area of town that is just outside the known gay area of San Diego. But I have not had any problem yet even when I have been out in the eastern part of my county which is very conservative and is redneckville. And the final thing is a was making a doctor's appointment for myself just yesterday and the receptionist thought I was making the appointment for my husband. But there are areas of San Diego County where I would not venture out alone enfemme. The one time I did have a problem was when my friend and I where shopping at a Walmart and these two black girls were trailing us through the store making comments such as "Work that thing honey". Thoughts of store security taking us in for child molestation was running through our heads. Gladly their mother called them on their cellphone and they left us alone to find their mom.

[michelle19845]

when i go out in femme 100 % i have had no trouble passing.knock on wood.i went partially once and had some idiot try to make a macho man of himself.he just used bad language .there are few and far between for tg people in our area.i am fortunate to not be too far from chicago though.1 hour.i have thought about moving to the city somewhere .just so noone who knew me as male mode saw me and noticed.i have been told i present a femme face,so i mostly have no problem as long as i hide the forearms.for now.

[Chrissycd]

I didn't start this thread so that just to complain about where I live and hear other girls complain about where they live. There are a million things I LOVE about where I live, but I get frustrated at times b/c I just don't think people here have a clue about diversity compared with other parts of the country. I visited northern Arizona in June (Flagstaff), and I felt SO much more comfortable there than I do here b/c people just don't seem to think it's a big deal there. They were SO much more open minded and courteous there. That's what I'm trying to find out. I was chatting w/ a girl from Colorado, and I was a little surprised to find out that it's a wonderful place for tgirls to live. I just thought it was more rough edged there, so I was enlightened by that news. I want to know more.
Chrissy

[AmberTG]

I've thought seriously of moving to Colorado, probably the Denver area. Here in my neck of the woods, Upper Michigan, people are pretty redneck about alternate lifestyles, you have to understand, it's only been the last 10 years or so that we've had any kind of racial diversity here. People used to move away from here, not to here. So many of the people I went to high school with got a big shock when they left here to go to college. I'm an Air Force brat, so I lived many places as a kid, but many people I know have never been farther then a shopping trip to Chicago in their whole lives, they just have not been directly exposed to other things.
On the flip side, if you're passable, they are less likely to notice you here, they're not looking for or expecting it. This place is not a good place to go through the transition, when you're still easy to notice.

[Natasha Anne]

I was in Seattle for just over a week recently. I found it no different than being in South Africa (Cape Town and Johannesburg).

No one was rude to me in the slightest. I'm a large 6' girl, and I'm not exactly of slight build either. I was just fine there, even when I went to night clubs in Pioneer Square i.e. not located in the more well-known GLBT areas like Capitol Hill.

In South Africa, the only time in my RLT I've had difficulties is with some people at work, and also right at the start when I was not quite as convincing as I am now. By convincing, I mean I am told I'm convincing. I still don't feel I'm as convincing as I would want to be.

[CaptLex]

I know there's no perfect place for girls in transition, but there's got to be better than this.
There's no perfect place for boys in transition either, but some places are better than others. I live in NYC and so far people don't give me a hard time (just strange stares), but some other transguys I know have been physically and verbally assaulted. If I got "bashed" it would probably be because some homophobe thought I was a lesbian and not for being read as a transman. :rolleyes:

[Chrissycd]

Thank you, honey.

[gennee]

I live in New York City and I have had no problems. I have been stared at, and was even called 'Ma'am' once. A couple of times I thought that I was going to be serenaded by men. Otherwise, it has been a positive experience.

Gennee

[Denise01]

While i am from Canada, i do vacation in both Virginia, the Chesapeake area and also in Florida in the Clearwater area.

Normally I have not had any problems when out femme, and 99% of the time do get addressed as Maam or another femme pronoun.

When i am on vacaton i will often be totally femme for a week or 2 at a time.

There was one day, while in Florida, that i was out for the day. All day long in the stores and even by some of the customers, i go addressed in my feme mode or Maam.
I went into a restaurant for supper that night, and the hostess there called me sir for some reason, and while the waiter did not call me sir, he sure did not address me in my femme mode either.

Accordingly the tip was appropriate to my dissapointment for not being addressed properly.

While i will normally tip, when in a restaurant, i feel the only way to get the message across for either poor service, or not being addressed as to the gender we are portraying, it to show it by the size of the tip.

Denise

[ArleneRaquel]

Denise01 - You are 100 % correct. When I first went out enfemm to dinner I always tipped the staff,now that I have gotten smarter I tip only those that me treat as a lady. Non - tipping has only occurred two or three times, so I have been treated very well,and that does extend beyond restaurants. I have found all parts of Chicago to CD friendly, with a very few exceptions. Katrina sends her :love:

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

But why complain about it? Those who go out dressed in public KNOW what to expect from others when they do it. They dont HAVE to dress. Irs a choice with its own price----Apparently the "price" is worth paying, or they would not go sressed in public in the first place.

Ummm... you did notice this was posted in the TG/TS section. A little different than CDs going out...

Anyway (speaking as a CD), I'm been out in the Bay Area and LA, and generally been treated well. Yes, there's the occasional stare and giggle, but it's the exception. In part, both areas are quite diverse, so folks are used to being around others who are "different" in some way.

But to honest, I think my blending in has more to do with most people being too preoccupied notice and those who do notice not really caring. Certainly in close-up interactions, I don't have any illusions of being mistaken for a GW.

In part I think people will take their cues from you. If you act like you're doing something something normal and you've got every right to be there, most people will respond in kind. One in awhile, I'm gotten called "he" but I think that's been more ignorance than malice, since I was otherwise treated well.

[tori-e]

Canadians have a reputation (generally) of being friendly and living in Vancouver, where the city has become incredibly diverse, I've never had any problems. (touch wood). Interestingly, I know a trans-woman that went on a road trip through Washington, Oregon and California. She is petite and attractive. Very passable in my opinion. When she returned, she said she had no problems anywhere. Except, in San Francisco. You generally think of this town as being so liberal, but she had a number of problems there. Would have expected the opposite.

Victoria

[Stlalice]

But why complain about it? Those who go out dressed in public KNOW what to expect from others when they do it. They dont HAVE to dress. Irs a choice with its own price----Apparently the "price" is worth paying, or they would not go sressed in public in the first place.

Marina,

You did notice that this is the TS/TG forum didn't you?

Chrissy,

I have to agree with the posts by Marlena and Cindianna - there is a huge difference between being TS living full time and going out once in a while as a CD. As a TS living full time you are out there in everyone's face 24/7/365 with no retreating to your former self and some places you are much more likely to be accepted than others. Hence your question. As for places to live - the San Francisco Bay area is about as good as it gets - ditto for other large urban areas - Chrissy, for your purposes the Minneapolis area may be better than most. The state of Minnesota is one of very few places with laws that specifically include gender identity in the anti discrimination laws. But when you get down to it, success and acceptance of your status is mostly determined by how you as an individual carry yourself and act. Act/behave with confidence and where you live should not be a big issue. :D

[Chrissycd]

I think Alice is right. Probably the reason I feel uncomfortable is that I've only just begun my RLT, and I almost always feel ill-confident and defensive when I'm out. It doesn't help that I lack a strong social life, so when I go out, most of the time it's not for fun, but for groceries and all that rot. And, of course, I'd never go out alone at night like I did when I thought I was a male. It's a little early to despair, but I am struggling with it so far.
I have heard people say that Minnesotans are as cold as the weather, and I wonder if others would agree. My experience here is that people are not very outgoing in mixed company and that they tend to just sit back and passively people watch rather than mingle. Are people outgoing in public where you all live, or do they keep to themselves and theirs? Here, if you aren't introduced to someone by someone that you know, you just don't meet new people much at all.
Chrissy

[Stlalice]

Chrissy,

Sometimes it is just a matter of where you go - but I'll also grant that the early stages of transition can be rough socially speaking. Confidence is something that you build up slowly. I'll make one recomendation on a place to go to meet people and build your social skills as Chrissy. The Metropolitan Community Church in Minneapolis is about as trans positive and friendly a place as you will find. Odds are that if you go to a Sunday service there that you will meet lots people that will accept and help you along. The Rev. Robyn Murphy is on staff there and is a personal friend of mine - tell her I said hi. You can find more info on MCC churches at their website - www.mccchurch.org - you should be able to find full contact info there. Click on the "Find a church" link at the top of the page. :D