Fear of relationships

[FROCKYHORROR]

After persevering with online dating and having little success, it looks (at last) that i could be going on a date soon. Hooray for that...alls good,not had a date in years and its about time.No sooner am i celebrating the prospect,i'm already getting anxious and apprehensive...this is the thought pattern "oh no..if we get on well then maybe we'll become an item..if we become an item...then thats it ...i'll never beable to shave myself again...i won't beable to dress up whenever i want..i'd have to live a life of supression..i could end up hurting/damaging someone emotionally...", not just that, i've realy started feeling girly and feminine, living on my own for so long,it feels second nature to me..i keep saying to myself "No! you're a man, you shouldn't feel like this", but i do.Everyday i have moments where i just sense my femininity,when i'm driving i'll hear a tune on the radio and start bopping my head like a girl,and i'll catch myself doing it, or i'll be walking along and start to sense that i'm swinging my hips..or and (i know i shouldn't smoke) i'll be smoking it like a girl...when i catch myself i think "OMG whats happening to me", what disturbs me,is how normal and natural it feels for me.Tonight I realy had the strong urge to shave my body hair,but have so far resisted,but couldn't resist dressing up, i'm doomed...how can i go in to any relationship like this,i've been acting,dressing femme for so long i've almost forgotten how to be a man. I love women,but how on earth am i gonna get them to love me?...when i'm doing all this "living a double life" stuff. so because of this thing/hobby/ these sensations of feeling utterly feminine i live in fear of getting into relationships..can't be "normal" can it?

Sorry if what i say sounds like inconsistant ramblings with no clear point or query,but i would appreciate any feedback if any of you can identify with my situation..

[EricaCD]

Simple. Go on the date. Don't worry about crossdressing. No first date has ever led to a person having to immediately desist in dressing.

Before it gets too serious (but sufficiently far along that she cares enough about you not to blab) tell her that you are a crossdresser. At that point:

1. She will reject the concept, and you move on.
2. She will readily accept, and you just struck gold.
3. (Overwhelmingly most likely) She will not immediately reject but will only have a limited understanding, in which case you educate, communicate, persevere and incorporate your fem side into your relationship.

As I said: simple! Don't forget to enjoy the date though - otherwise what's the point...

Erica

[KrystalJem]

I can relate to those first date fears. I talked to quite a few women on the net and before I would send a picture of myself (as a man) usually I would tell them of who/what my "alter-ego" "hobby" etc. (whatever excuse I came up with at the time, so not to fully come out) and it always ended quickly and the mystery "got booted" activity happened. Its ashame, I wish more GG's were as open and understanding as my wife is, but we all need to communicate better and maybe, first dates won't be such a stressfull moment for CD's/TG's...anymore.

[Calliope]

Yo, Frocky,

Consider how few crossdressers are out in the world.

You're a rare item, babe.

One in a million.

Only the most special woman deserves even an evening with you.

Don't settle, don't compromise (most relationships are a godawful grind) - go for that happy ending ... on your terms.

She (the one in a million) is waiting - and dreaming - for you.

Now grab your purse, hon - and go somewhere sparkly tonight.

[Wenda]

Yo, Frocky,

Consider how few crossdressers are out in the world.

You're a rare item, babe.

One in a million.

Only the most special woman deserves even an evening with you.

Don't settle, don't compromise (most relationships are a godawful grind) - go for that happy ending ... on your terms.

She (the one in a million) is waiting - and dreaming - for you.

Now grab your purse, hon - and go somewhere sparkly tonight.
THAT'S A BIG 10 - 4 BABE! I turned 59 last month, my GF will turn 59 in October. We sometimes lament the fact that we didn't meet 40 years ago, but we also ackowledge that, had we married 40 years ago, we may very likely have divorced by now. When I rediscovered dressing two years ago, and shared it with her, he was very nervous about Wenda, thought perhaps she had lost her guy to some imaginary woman. She was willing to go along with my dressing and see what happened. She/we have come to regard Wenda as a third person, a special friend, a secret we share (like last weekend when we were both scrounging the sale racks for bras at $.99 and thongs at $.44!! )
I have been working on my breasts and nipps, with some success. My GF has some health issues that prevent us from being intimate, but she has come to view my nipps as her property, her control buttons in our relationship. It is fantastic beyond my wildest fantasies, and it is an intimate activity that she had never visualized.
So, don't downgrade yourself as a prospective partner because you crossdress. There are ladies in your vicinity who fantasize about such a relationship.
If this date isn't one of them, law of averages. If she is attractive in other ways, pursue it. Don't offer your dressing on the block right at the outset. Not every GG will regard your sacrafice as a bonus. Some will prefer you just the way you are. In another thread, I described an adventure as a cheerleader, and one of my co-workers later massaged my thigh, and informed me that she was bi-xexual, and that "somone like you would be my dream come true." Wowzer!
As my GF says, just her and me and Wenda and we have a threesome! Don't sell yourslef short. good luck. :D

[kathy gg]

I'm trying to figure out why you think supressing who you are and why you should stop doing the things which bring you pleasure take second seat to a *potential* date.

I know this might sound very hard to believe when one is sinlge and wondering if they will ever find someone....but there are cool women in this world. There are women who won't run and there are women that will find this fun and refreshing.

I say be true to yourself first (and foremost) and fate and good karma will reward you.

I completely believe that fate rewarded my husband by sending me his way (and if anyone thinks I am tooting my own horn (oh well..maybe I am)... my hubby spent many..many (talking a decade here!) alone and also broke up a *potential* engagement/relationship because he knew he could not go into it without her knowing. And he was not ready to tell her, so therefore the solution was to dissolve the reltionship. ANd they dated like 3 years.
But he was true to himself and had gotten through the tough times of guilt and weirdness and when I found him I was THANKFUL to find a guy so loving/open/honest and all that he is I adore and cherish. I prefer for him to be smooth and express himself and we have few boundaries...

All I know is good things happen to people who are true to their believes and inner self and honest.

Don't stop being you because of some girl. If she is the REAL DEAL she will think you are a prize.

[Rachel Morley]

I keep saying to myself "No! you're a man, you shouldn't feel like this", but I do.
Oh my poor Frocky, I SO share your pain. I was just like this in my past. OK, I don't normally volunteer this kind of information but here goes: Before I met my wife Marla, I had not had a relationship for 12 years! I hadn't even kissed a woman passionately on the lips for over 6 years! I used to blame my crossdressing (or should that be my TG-ness?) for it all. I would say to myself "this in not normal behavior for a guy" and "what are you doing? you shouldn't be "fanning the flames" :(

I used to think that my femme self was driving women away, because in boy or girl mode I do look, and also have, quite feminine attitudes, opinions, and mannerisms....feminine in the sense that they are completely opposite to most men I've met. I'd tell myself that there was "something about me" that women did not like one bit....and I assumed that it was that, as a man, I'm not very manly at all....and women like manly men right?....WRONG! Some women like manly men and some do not. It's just a question of finding a woman who happens to not like Neanderthal Man! IMHO, women don't openly volunteer that they like a non-manly (or even feminine) man, you have to get to know them first and discover what kind of guy they like and what would be their "ideal man".

I say you should definitely go on your date. Try not to be overly girly or manly. Don't try to impress her, just stay relaxed, calm, be happy and friendly and just enjoy the date for what it is... spending time with a GG friend, but do let her know that you find her attractive (that's assuming you do). What I'm saying is don't worry about something that hasn't happened. Get that second date, then the third and forth....as you get to know one another better you'll be better placed to sound her out as to "what she likes in a man" and then (and only then) should you worry if she says she hates girly guys who like to express their feminine side.

Good luck, and remember trust in love, there's someone for everyone, and if it's meant to happen.....it will!

[Wenda]

I say you should definitely go on your date. Try not to be overly girly or manly. Don't try to impress her, just stay relaxed, calm, be happy and friendly and just enjoy the date for what it is... spending time with a GG friend. What I'm saying don't worry about something that hasn't happened. Get that second date, then the third and forth....as you get to know one another better you'll be better placed to sound her out as to "what she likes in a man" and then (and only then) should you worry if she says she hates girly guys who like to express their feminine side.

Good luck, and remember trust in love, there's someone for everyone, and if it's meant to happen.....it will!

:D Yup, that's what I was going to say! She said it. No need to say it again. Did you get it?:D :D

[ReginaK]

This is a perfect example of why you should just meet people dressed or at least "out", even if you aren't actually dressed up. When they ask about you, just say, "Hey my name is Mike. I work in a cubicle and i'm a crossdresser."

[FROCKYHORROR]

Thankyou so much for your brilliant replies. I now feel armed and ready...Wenda ! yup i got it..Angel you got it too,spot on, the sort of things i'm telling myself "..i shouldn't be doing this..i shouldn't be fanning the flames"etc..i've made a mental note on not acting too manly or girly...Kathy the only way i can explain the suppression is because of this notion that the rest of the world is normal and i'm so obviously not,so if i go out into the world and try to connect with one of its "normal" members i feel i'll be in violation to that person,i'd feel like i'm a virus trying to invade a pure body,also i have had this idolised belief that all women are "normal" and well they want a "normal" bloke,ok he can be extrovert,quirky,shy,sporty,hunky or even weird, but still a bloke,not one that likes mincing around in heels and touching up the makeup etc..so thanks for putting me straight on that my thinkings been all wrong.Erica thanks for the outcome senarios and i've made note on that 3rd important one. Anyway, i would like to thank you all again for taking the time to reply,its very much apprieciated.

Frocky xx

[Siobhan Marie]

I'm on my own because I'm scared of looking. You might say scared of the consequences of getting in too deep, possibly. I'm not lonely, I'm not. Am out to a few people as being TG at work, they know I CD as well, don't have a problem there. I also think that they're are some nice GG's out there and they're better off without me!!

:hugs: Anna x

[AmberTG]

Anna, I tend to be that way too, I seem to be hard on relationships, I'm too self absorbed to really be sucessful in a relationship that requires a lot of work, and most of them do. Then throw in the fact that I am TG and like to dress up in my house..... My x wife didn't like any of it, and she knew before we got married, I guess it just got to her over time and I was discrete around her. My current wife doesn't mind my CDing, but she'd rather be with a "man" than a TG person. She has a very high sex drive and I have a low sex drive, not a good match. You can guess the rest of the story
We're still friends, but not lovers.
Amber

[Siobhan Marie]

Amber, recently I've come to the conclusion that I'm better off on my own. I can do what I want when I want, come and go as I please. If I want to dress then I will, in fact if you came into my flat, my heels are where they can be seen. Like you I have a low sex drive, in fact if it gets lower, it will go into reverse!! Just joking. Trust me, being on your own is not all bad, apart from the housework!! Guarenteed peace and quiet for one thing and having my own space, thats something I'll not give up easily.

:hugs: Anna x