Passing thoughts

[DonnaG]

In my previous post I failed totally to make my point. What I wanted to get across was that before anybody gets caught up with the passing fever that they think long and hard about stepping out. Many of the posts and replies that I've read on this forum suggest that there has been a fundamental shift in the way the public views crossdressers. While that may be true my experience is that it's still much like it was twenty years ago.
I would love to be able to turn off this machine and drive to the mall dressed as I am. A lot of the girls reading this could do it. My dress is appropriate for such a trip and my make up and hair are as good as I can get. But I still can't pass. I want so badly to walk down the street wearing a pretty dress and have others see how happy I am. I can't because no matter how hard I try I will always look like a man in a dress. The cost for being recognized would be just too high professionaly and socially.
Before going public I would suggest that you take a picture, wait two days, and then take a serious look. If you like what you see and if your prepared for the fallout if you fail go for it. Love Donna

[tifftg]

Donna, like you many of us have professional or personal reasons we can't be "discovered". This may or may not be an option for you. What I have done for the last two years and am getting ready to do again is go out of town. I check into a hotel in Chicago as a boy and spend the next 3 days totally enfemme. I do my best to look my best and blend in, but in the end I don't care who knows or suspects, I am being who I want to be. This has helped me a lot these past few years. It was my 50th birthday gift to myself.

Hugs,

Tiffany

[Kate Simmons]

I understand your concerns Donna and agree you have to be careful. This gal, however doesn't worry about it, never did, never will. If I'm "made", so what? Their opinion, not mine. I don't attempt to be something I'm not. Sometimes I get asked directly: "Are you a man or a woman?" My answer? Yes! That kind of puzzles them but usually shuts them up and/or they can debate it with their buddy. I'm myself for myself, period. Ericka Kay:happy:

[Calliope]

Yes it's easy to put on utopian airs when online. We don't all live in the same region or social situation. I'm a housewife - no job to lose - in a liberal town with a big gay population that cleared my path. When tempted, I should hold my tongue about giving advice about outing.

I will also point out that the 1960s 'commune' has grown up and become a viable reality in America. There are 'queer' communities - and there could certainly be a CD community should enough gals with enough $ ever get it together.

http://www.ic.org/qic/directory.html#abundant

[leanne44]

i began going out to shop dressed totaly as a female
in a near by town. No one there knew me or cared wheather i was male or female. I seem to pass with no trouble and the emloyees often asked me (and my wife who was with me) how are you today ladies.?I am an older man(67) but i don't seem to show my age much.i wear a 42-d bra and fill it out very nicely.
i dress almost 100 percent of the time enfemme and love everyminute of it.
unlike many of the posts i have read on here i abhore denims or bluejeans.
i prefer to wear polyesters knits and soft strechy materiels.they are so much more comfortable.my chosen fem name is leanne .

[Sejd]

You raise a good question, however despite my limited experience here on the forum, I think that most of CD's dress because we love it and not just to pass. I think that when I eventually go out (which will be this coming Friday) I will do it because I want to, because, this is what I need to do. Not because I want to pass, I want to do it because I am Sejd. Love me or not world!!! I know I look happy and I feel great
love
Sejd

[DAVIDA]

The biggest pleasure I could ever dream of would be to go out anywhere dressedup. The problem is when I lift up my skirt, My cahunahs never seem big enough to get through a task like that:eek:

[Joy Carter]

I will let you all know here shortly how it is to go out. I just dropped a small fortune in CD gear and I'm meeting a couple of other gurls from here in another city, film at eleven.:D

[sterling12]

I begin to sound like a broken record! Join a group, group, group, get it! If you take that huge first courageous step and get in touch with a Tri-Ess Chapter or another group and actually go to a meeting. You will find out that your not the only one who can't pass. Bet you will say to yourself, "I ain't the prettiest, but I ain't the worst!"

Then, the first time you go out after the meeting with some of the others and you realize that it gets a lot easier when you are with other CD's.....your on your way!

To paraphrase some of the first encounters that I've read about in this forum: The first time out, alone, in the mall, talking to some 20something Jr. Miss-sized Salesgirl about your bra choices. That would send shivers down the back of just about every one of us!

Trust me, once you get out of the house and start to dress in public, it's one of the biggest thrills you are ever going to have.

And by the way, for most of us in the groups, it is very satisfying to act as a "big Sister" and support and help the newcomer. I've done that very thing twice in the last three months and it's so special to watch someone else "blossom", just enjoying their femme self, no longer worried about their ability to "pass" and hide in a crowd.

One more time, join a group, a group, a group!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Barb Valentine]

Hey Donna
I feel the same way
No way in hell I'd pass
But you know what I don't care if I can pass
Yes I would love to go for a walk down the street dressed
But it's not going to happen
I'm quite happy to sit in my closet all dressed up
Talking to all of you
:hugs:
Barb

[AmberTG]

Nothing wrong with that, Barb, each to their own, I say.

[KarenEdwards]

I wholeheartedly agree with Joanie; by all means, if a support group is anywhere near you (e.g., a Tri-Ess chapter), then join it. I can promise that you will receive the help and encouragement you need. You will also find that you are not the only one who can't "pass" and you will learn from them that passing isn't the point, anyway. The real reason for joining is to meet other cd's in a very non-threatening environment and, finally, to have fun being who and what you are. Once you get the butterflies in your stomach flying in the same formation, you CAN have fun and that is what a support group will help you do!

[Marla S]

Hi Donna,

here's my broken record. If your personal circumstances and social situation allow it, try to slipp slowly into Donna and make the people in your surroundings used to it. You will have to forget about dresses and high heels though for a while, though.

IMO this has three advantages.

1.) You don't need that amount of courage if you dress partially as when you do the full program.
2.) It's easier to balance non-passing and dressing, and collect experiences.
3.) Some male items are almost like a bit of a protective shield for you and the public.

If your personal risk is to high, go somewhere where nobody knows you.