Telling a friend

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

Only my wife knows, but I have a friend I would like to tell. He is a highly educatied and a political liberal. He is also a sociolist. But I don't know for sure. There is still so much prejudice and misunderstanding out there. I considered e mailing him a primer on transgenderism but and not sure about that either.


Sasha Anne

[Joy Carter]

Only my wife knows, but I have a friend I would like to tell. He is a highly educatied and a political liberal. He is also a sociolist. But I don't know for sure. There is still so much prejudice and misunderstanding out there. I considered e mailing him a primer on transgenderism but and not sure about that either.


Sasha Anne


Sasha (pretty name BTW) why do you feel you have to tell +? Has your friend said anything that would make you belive he would accept +? I was outted two years ago and lost many friends. Only one has had the courage to step forward and remain a friend. I think that my former friends could not have been that much as friends to have left but given the choice they would have not found out.

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

You are right. I probably should keep my mouth shut. It is much better to share these thougts with real t girls than expect the unitiated to understand. This is why this forum is so wonderful. Thanks.

[Julogden]

Only my wife knows, but I have a friend I would like to tell. He is a highly educatied and a political liberal. He is also a sociolist. But I don't know for sure. There is still so much prejudice and misunderstanding out there. I considered e mailing him a primer on transgenderism but and not sure about that either.


Sasha Anne
Hi Sasha,

Pretty difficult for anyone but you to say whether to inform your friend or not.

I feel it's good to tell, a least people who are likely to be accepting, it does make life a little nicer, as long as you feel that knowing about you wouldn't be a burden for your friend.

Also, the more we make our presence known, the more people will become accustomed to dealing with us on a personal basis. A little outreach, if you will.

Of course, there is the chance that he won't be comfortable with your information, but hopefully he'd be polite enough to not cause problems for you, from what you've said.:2c:

Carol:hugs:

[Nikki Dee]

It's not always who YOU tell.!!..it's who THEY tell.!
Nikki.

[Shiny]

Yeah, I think I would keep "MUM" about your little hobby. Once you open "Pandora's" box there's no putting things back the way they were and you could find your friends doing a dissappearing act, permanently! Be careful!

[Lindsay Marie]

My question to you is is this a close friend? I have a friend I'd like to tell someday but it's hard to say, you know? I've been friends with this person my whole life, they're my best friend but it's one of those things where if I tell them the wrong person may find out then and I can't have that happen so I feel you on this one Sasha. I know they would accept me because we can tell each other anything, but I think you gotta value the relationship you have with this friend and if this a friend you think you can tell something like this to. My CD'ing is something that I don't want everyone to know, and that includes certain family members. My advice to you is I'd evaulate the friendship with this person, and then see what you think of the situation. Just because some is highly educated and political doesn't mean they're any more understanding or able to understand the concept. I have a couple of friends who are very intellegent, you know book and street smarts, but they're idiots with no common sense. Simple things are complex issues to them somedays, so you gotta look at that too. Good luck sister!

[Calliope]

Sasha Anne,

This forum is a lot more polite than the capitalism / socialism forums I once inhabited, but no less partisan. Of course, I'm stunned to think anyone would take the advice of a bunch of strangers (some of which appear to be cartoons) on such an important decision but I can only conclude anyone asking has essentially formulated their plan and proceeds from there to validate it with the opinions of others.

As usual, important info is lacking: (1) Does your knowing wife support you, or does she want you in the closet?; (2) Are you seeking to come out a bit more in the future?; (3) Do you seek approval from your friend, or is the 'secret' holding back your relationship?; and, last but not least, (4) Is your area of residence / employment generally liberal? (I'm out as hell - and that's largely because I have no job worries and live in a mellow town.)

Finally, staying in the closet, in my opinion, requires a compartmentalization of persona that says 'I crossdress only on rare occasion' (why tell your friend about your sex fantasies?) or, perhaps, 'I crossdress because I feel the urge - but, sometimes, it weirds me out.' Being open with your friends and family is, in essence, the first step in being open with yourself.

Hope that gives you some things to consider before you act.

[Jena11]

If you are thinking about telling you should look at why you want to tell your friend? I have told my close freinds and have gotten plenty of support. I spent quite a bit of time and years knowing some of them. It was a matter of honesty with me. I then made friends with a lesbian couple and I thought about telling them for about 6 months but after talking to my best friend she told me to just tell them since it would help me. It is taking a risk that you might loose the friendship but it is not really that great of a friend if they can not accept you for who you are. I should mention that I have only told Female friends. I really only have 2 guy freinds and I am not that close with them. Jena

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

Thanks for some cogent thoughts. I see that my question is a bit more complicated than I anticipated.

First, my wife is highly supportive of my dressing. In fact, she is the one who first fully dressed me and has taught me many things including fashion and makeup.

I don't have any compelling need to tell my friend and not doing so will have no effect on our relationship. I just have the urge to be more "out" since Sasya Anne is such an important part of my life.

I live in an area with a population ranging from highly liberal to arch conservative. It is a small community and I was a public figure here until I retired last year. If the news ever did get out I am sure it would spread like wildfire.

Based on these threds, I think it would be prudent to keep my mouth shut. It is such a shame that we t girls and still so broadly and intensely misunderstood. But the times are what they are and we will just have to live with reality.

Thanks again

Sasha Anne

[Calliope]

I live in an area with a population ranging from highly liberal to arch conservative. It is a small community and I was a public figure here until I retired last year. If the news ever did get out I am sure it would spread like wildfire.



Ah, Sasha Anne, presuming your public record is upright and esteemed, such good it would (probably) do (the CD and TG population) if you came out. Of course, no one has the right to ask another to wear a 'crown of thorns' they, themselves, do not wear. I respect your decision.

[julie w]

unless you are in transition dont tell you friend ,what have you to gain ?the chances are he wont understand unless he likes crossdressing to

[myMichelle]

Lots of good advice here. Day Tripper makes some excellent points to consider! My only two cents worth would be to NOT EVER tell someone of your lifestyle via e-mail. For one thing, it's fairly impersonnal; More importantly, I just don't think it wise to put something so personal in writing. You never know how and when such writings may be held against you in the future.

[Lanore]

Hi Sasha
The only one that truley knows who I am is my lezy gg. She came up with that word. I'm not married and that makes for a great friendship, most of it by phone. She's not in a relationship and we've known each other for years. It feels good to have that kind of friendship. I agree with Nikki. The one you trust might be your friend, but the one they tell may not be.

Lanore

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

Hi Girls!

Thanks for all the great advice. I am new to this forum and I am amazed how satisfying it is to talk to the other sistes out there. It is really an uplifting experience to talk to such wonderul t girls who are on line.

I probably will remain in my closet (albeit a 2,600 quare one) for a while but the dream lives on. Perhaps some day I can throw caution to the wind.

Meanwhile, the contacts we had today mean a great deal to me. Thanks everyone for all your thoughts.

Sasha Anne

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

I've told close to dozen friends so far and so far they've all been accepting. I suspect my motivations were similar -- I just got tired of compartmentalizing my life.

OTOH, I was fully aware there always was the possibility that someone might out me to a lot of other people -- and I was willing to accept the consequences if that happened. If you want to tell others, it's just a risk one needs to accept. (Although for what it's worth, if one loses friends, I'd question whether they were truly friends in the first place.) Socially, I don't really care, my only concern has been on my livelihood, since I'm self-employeed, but I've decided that while word might spread among my fellow professionals, it's unlikely that every potential client would know (or care).

As DayTripper said, in many ways you sound like you'd be an excellent ambassador, but obviously it's decision that only you (and your wife) can make.