My husband invited me to join this forum...

[JD Jade Dream GG]

and in the 2 weeks I have been here I have
learned quite a lot. I have come to understand
him more.
Circumstances being what they are though, I
have inadvertently scared him away!
I figured this was a place he'd want me to
speak my mind!
So who here wants to hear it like it is?
The way I see it, feel it and live it?
Or should I sugarcoat it to appeal to the
way he would want me to?
Should I be a silent observer?
Would he prefer I go away from here
and never return? Did I intrude on his
support system too much? He has only been
here a few weeks himself.
I would graciously leave if it would
make him happy and more secure
in his new life! His expanded acceptance.
Your opinions would be appreciated.

[Joy Carter]

Jade I hope you haven't scared your gurl from here. But you are a member here too and your opinion is valued here and we all appreciated it be it positive or negative. Please tell her she needs to be here as well we are all waiting to hear from her too.
Joy :hugs:

[SherriePall]

If your husband invited you to join us, then he should take it like a big girl and come back here. As for you, don't sugar-coat it. Most of us can handle it. And some of us who may not will just have to redo our mascara if it runs.

[Kieron Andrew]

maybe refrain from posting things that may causes hurt, upset or friction in the main forum and talk to the rest of the GGs in the GGs forum, that way you are still getting support but your other half cant read anything that might cause him upset????? but you are then still getting support

[AmberTG]

Tell her to put on her big girl panties and deal with it, most of us would rather have honesty than the sugar coated version, even if it's not what we want to hear.
Amber

[JD Jade Dream GG]

Kieron,
Great advise!
So should I delete any posts that might have
hurt or embarrassed him?

LOL panties and mascara!

[Kieron Andrew]

Kieron,
Great advise!
So should I delete any posts that might have
hurt or embarrassed him?

LOL panties and mascara!
lol nah let him deal with it lol

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Jade

By all means, tell it like it is. Sugar coating is for children and cotton candy... if your SO is an adult who wants to be treated like an adult, then never be afraid to talk to him like one.

Karen

[eleyna]

I don't know the details of what's happened, but maybe it's actually "hopeful fear". Maybe you've opened a new door?

If you've truly hurt him though, maybe some judicial editing of those posts, some "just the two of you" time, and a heart-to-heart.

We're often different people on forums than we are in person, and maybe he doesn't know which you are or which he prefers.

[Melissa A.]

I don't know if this will help:

The first time I shared Melissa with an accepting, interested woman, an interesting thing happened. This should have been a dream come true for me. But she eventually complained to me that as Melissa, I was a bit withdrawn, and very selfishly into myself. I was crushed, as I wanted nothing more than to get away from the lonely crossdressing and share this very important part of me with others.

But she was right. The problem was, and I suspect that I was not alone, that I had been dressing alone for so many years that I really didn't know any other way to act. I had to learn how to invite others into this part of me. And I did. Melissa still doean't get out and meet others as much as I would like, but I have learned how to share who I am with interested women and others, and be a sociable, fun girl to be around. But when you do something one way for years, it can take a little time to learn another way. Maybe something similar is happening to you two. Yes you are on his turf, and he is probably not used to that. But if he wants to share it with you, he NEEDS to get used to it. You aren't doing anything wrong by being here. But you should maybe be a little patient with him. He'll come around, I believe.

Like I said, I don't know if the two situations are exactly paralell, but I think they might be similar.

Hugs,

Melissa:happy:

[Sarah Rabbit]

:rolleyes: As much as my S.O. accepts Sarah, I for the life of me can not get her to come here:straightface: JD tell your S.O. to grow up. There are members here who would give anything to be in that position.

Sarah R.:bunny:

P.S. Only sugar coat it when you are dealing with me. I'm FRAGILE:D :D

[JD Jade Dream GG]

I think maybe you are right too Melissa.
Maybe I said too much...too fast.
This CD progression is usually pretty slow.
You all seem to want out of the closet
but only a little at a time and only to
a person or two. Unless, of course, it
is totally anonymous, which is what I
thought this place was.
I jumped in with both feet and have
no shame about anything I say or do.
I wish y'all could find the same freedom.
Alas in your closets is where it is safe
to be who you wanna be.

Please exclude yourslves if you are
totally free to be the person you feel
you really are.

[GG Vanya]

Jade,

I checked back over your posts. I see you've edited one or two~ but the original posts are still in replies where someone quoted you. :D

My response to you:

Well, he *did* invite you here, did he expect you to be all sugar and spice about your divorce?:rolleyes:

You pulled no punches, I can respect that. If he can't, that's his problem. He should have considered that before inviting you here.

[Rachel Morley]

Please exclude yourslves if you are totally free to be the person you feel you really are.
I'm almost there, but it sure took a hell of a long time to get here :( I do think Melissa may have hit on something. Be sensitive, but do tell it like it is without the sugar coating. I know you're only one person, but I think it's important that we all hear what GGs have to say about CDing from their perspective....whether good, bad or indifferent.

[myMichelle]

[QUOTE=JD Jade Dream GG;551421]I think maybe you are right too Melissa.
Maybe I said too much...too fast.

I jumped in with both feet and have
no shame about anything I say or do.
QUOTE]

As a relative newcomer, I think it's awesome that you took the bull by the horns and decided to start posting here. At the very least, this is likely an "interesting" time for you as well as for your hubby. Based on what you've written, I personally do not believe that you have done anything wrong--as you have pointed out, it sounds as if you're only trying to be open and honest...Ultimately, you may have to slow things down just a bit to find a good comfort level for your hubby, but for whatever it's worth, I think you're on the right track. I'm sure you have a ton of questions yourself. Please feel free to ask them here--that's the purpose of this forum, even if your hubby gets a little upset by it:2c:

[Josephine Bonne]

Please it is so very important to be honest with each other; but do not forget that BOTH of you have feelings and hurt is hurt! All that I am trying to say is that how you feel is very important, but so is how she feels. If there was not love between both of you, there never would be the honesty to tell/talk about it. Be sensitive to each other's feelings and work through it, telling my wife was not easy, and listening to her feelings about my feminine side hurt, but now that we have worked it out, we really have a deeper relationship. If you both love each other than being honest well work out.
Hugs and Kisses,
Josie

[eleyna]

That slow baby step process is quite simple, actually; at some point we don't understand what it is that we think we are. A lot of guys with CD desires are terrified by images like Silence of the Lambs or think that to dress up they *have* to be gay, and they don't feel the least bit gay.

So these people compartmentalize and turn inwards, they put everything into small boxes. And yes, this is both self analysis and self repression because they put each of those little pieces away. But eventually they start unboxing. They look in each box at the contents to evaluate it for suitability.

It's a lot like dressing, but its psychological. And its difficult, because each little box contains a joyously bubbling or tearfully weeping piece of yourself that longs to contribute to your whole self.

[Tessa Wire]

I have to agree with Amber. We as in most of us would rather not have it sugar coted, I know that I would rather my wife be honest and stright foward, than to lie, and make me out to be the fool.
Also try to see things from her point of view, and perhaps offer some suggestions that would help.

[Karren H]

You have as much right to be here as he does and if he invited you then let the chips fall where they may....

Love Karren

[Tina Dixon]

It is a forum so go for it I guess, but don't for get you can also have a bit of fun here instead of treating crossdressing as a life or death matter, not all of us are thinking of jumping off a bridge if we can't get dressed or get caught, catch my drift sweet hart:devil:

[Kate Simmons]

I like hearing it like it is. Nothing less than that. Ericka Kay

[Julie York]

Are you using the forum.....for you?

Or as a third party whilst "not addressing anyone in particular"?






(Remember when you were a teenager and just 'happened' to be in the same place as your ex and Oh what fun you were having laughing out so loud as your eyes flicked across the room to see if you were being watched).

Take it to the GG forum.

[JD Jade Dream GG]

Tina D. It is fun here. And don't go jumping off any bridges kay?
CD is fine with me. And if you want to get caught....get dressed
and do a parade down my street...this I'd love to see!:hugs:

I don't want to hurt anyone. I really have no intentions of
doing that! Unless ....your into that kind of thing.
JK! Really I just want to see and hear that more and more
of you get the chance to do it and tell about it.
I have become some kind of CD voyeur in the last couple
of weeks. I am enjoying it!:hugs:

Jade Dream(flirt)

[Calliope]

It seems to me posting here could get kinda weird - one person is reading through the other person's stuff and vice versa, then going through the responses and the 'advice' ... politics.

I would make sure the primary communication happens between the two of you - without an audience. Let us not forget those final seasons of The Sonny & Cher Show, eh.

[JD Jade Dream GG]

Are you using the forum.....for you?

Or as a third party whilst "not addressing anyone in particular"?






(Remember when you were a teenager and just 'happened' to be in the same place as your ex and Oh what fun you were having laughing out so loud as your eyes flicked across the room to see if you were being watched).

Take it to the GG forum.

Define using.
I have responded and posted to different
topics in the first and the third person.
Depends on if I want a personal or
a general response. If I want to give
a personal or a general GG response.
I AM using this forum for personal and
general information.
Was that an answer?

Both!

[Tina Dixon]

Tina D. It is fun here. And don't go jumping off any bridges kay?
CD is fine with me. And if you want to get caught....get dressed
and do a parade down my street...this I'd love to see!:hugs:

I don't want to hurt anyone. I really have no intentions of
doing that! Unless ....your into that kind of thing.
JK! Really I just want to see and hear that more and more
of you get the chance to do it and tell about it.
I have become some kind of CD voyeur in the last couple
of weeks. I am enjoying it!:hugs:

Jade Dream(flirt)Hey I like your come back so your cool, we need female feed back here just don't want to see some have there feelings hurt, some are a sensitive but as you can tell i'm not, I'm the big red headed sister that can be mean at times but yet lovable:devil:

[RikkiOfLA]

A marriage counselor once suggested to my wife and I that we "tell the truth with love." That's been good advice that we've both tried to follow. In other words, we don't sugar coat when we tell each other the truth, but we do try to say it in a positive way when we can. Works for us.

Why are there closets (with crossdressers and similar folk in them)?

As long as there is a Peter Oiler (who recently lost his job for crossdressing OFF the job), there will need to be closets.

As long as there are families who will disown you for crossdressing, there will need to be closets.

As long as children will be viciously teased at school for "what your daddy does" there will need to be closets.

In other words, as long as prejudice, hatred, fear, and discrimination are far too common reactions to crossdressers, transsexuals, gays, lesbians, and other people like us, I guess there will need to be closets.

I'm been out of the closet 10 years myself, but I have more respect than ever for those who aren't free to make this choice.

Rikki

[Joy Carter]

I have become some kind of CD voyeur in the last couple
of weeks. I am enjoying it!:hugs:

Jade Dream(flirt)[/QUOTE]


OK Jade I'll leave the curtains open tonight, The two storie brick house, middle of the block, first floor last window the West side. Wink Wink Nudge Nudge :heehee:

[Sarah Bayen]

I don't really want to judge without hearing both sides of the story, but I'm sorry you feel shorthchanged.

Do you REALLY want him to tell you how it is as well from his viewpoint?

[keydup2]

jade,
Tough choice but you came sou've seen we hope you will stay and gentlely support him into coming to terms with you feelings, desires and dreams



go lady(your brave)
keydup2

[CaptLex]

Hi, Jade, and welcome . . .

I think Rikki's advice of telling the truth with love is very good. As a diabetic, I try to avoid anything sugar-coated myself, but I want to point out that there is a difference between sugar-coating and using diplomacy. I'm all for honesty, but I've had to learn to temper it with tact as I have a tendency of being too blunt and causing hurt feelings. So, no, I don't think you need to lace your words with honey, but try to find the least hurtful way to express yourself.

Hope you both find the answers you seek. :thumbsup:

[DAVIDA]

Maybe if you have become a voeyer, you can get him to dress up and you can watch him from outside the window.:thumbsup:

[monalisa]

Perhaps by hearing the truth it will make us better women. But you also will learn our thoughts, ideas, fears, frustrations and excitements and perhaps also become a better and more understanding partner. This is a forum where we pour our hearts out, sometimes looking for help or acceptance and sometimes just venting and everyone's situation is different and certainly different in how we are dealing with an issue. This is life. People are different. We don't always like everyone nor do we like everything that is said or not said but I'm not quite ready to be a Stepford Wife. If nothing else you will read some interesting stories, problems, and issues that affect that particular person. Some we ignore and others we respond to if we can offer good advice or sympathy or have successfully dealt with the same issues in the past. Then sometimes you will also have a good laugh.
We always welcome all thoughts and opinions. I would even welcome a compliment once such as " You are prettier than Miss America". "You are the most georgeous woman I have ever seen." "I wish my girlfriend was as hot as you". Or anything similar. Examples of criticism could include "Your earring is crooked" or "Your lipstick shade is not red enough" LOL

[Annaliese]

I would graciously leave if it would
make him happy and more secure
in his new life! His expanded acceptance.
Your opinions would be appreciated.

The point is he has gone on with his new life he has given up his right as far as you are conserned.
You need to do what makes you happy he made his choice.

Good luck and don't ever sugger coat it, if he is not man a enough to handle it, then he should be the one to leave.

Anna

[Sheila]

JD Jade Dream GG.


My husband invited me to join this forum... and in the 2 weeks I have been here I have
learned quite a lot. I have come to understand
him more.
Circumstances being what they are though, I
have inadvertently scared him away!
Did I intrude on his
support system too much? .

I have only know for 7 weks about my partners crossdressing, after discovery the silence was deafening - not from my part - but we really talked the other day and guess what ------ I freaked him cos I didn't freak :rofl: , went out and bought him some underwear the day after I found out.


Did I intrude on his
support system too much? .
I can't say for you both, but I discovered that he thought I was trying to force him into dressing because I went out and bought him things, not just undies --- lack of communication here --- I wasn't trying to force him to dress but just trying to make it easier for him to do if he wanted.
He has always been the easiest person to talk to if you have something bothering you, he makes so much sense, he makes me laugh even when things are tough BUT try to get him to talk to you if he has a problem -------- pulling teeth senario here lol.

He said that it has taken him a while to get his head round not only the fact that I knew,that I didn't freak, but also that he could if he wanted to. He just had to find a way to be comfortable with himself that somebody else knew I guess and that they didn't go running around screaming freak to everyone around them. Don't forget hon they are GM's and have some funny ideas at times/ well at least mine does lol :OMG: :rofl:

Jess (SO)

P.S Claire Jane :luvu: :hugs: :rose2:

[Angie G]

May be you have to talk it out and be more sensitive to one each others feelings :hugs:
Angie

[margie remojeme]

Welcome hun. And don't feel you have to sugarcoat anything. If you can't express your true feelings in an online annonymous chatroom,then where can you express them.
huggs
margie

[bgirl]

I generally assume that my wife can see anything I post here. But as CDing was my big secret and now that she knows, I dont have anything to hide.

[ashlee chiffon]

please stick around! and please post a pic for us!

[Snookums]

and in the 2 weeks I have been here I have
learned quite a lot. I have come to understand
him more.
Circumstances being what they are though, I
have inadvertently scared him away!
I figured this was a place he'd want me to
speak my mind!
So who here wants to hear it like it is?
The way I see it, feel it and live it?
Or should I sugarcoat it to appeal to the
way he would want me to?
Should I be a silent observer?
Would he prefer I go away from here
and never return? Did I intrude on his
support system too much? He has only been
here a few weeks himself.
I would graciously leave if it would
make him happy and more secure
in his new life! His expanded acceptance.
Your opinions would be appreciated.

fire away