Just when you thought you were safe...

[angelfire]

Alright, this is an experience I had when a CD came into my place of employment. I am just telling it like it is, so I hope I don't offend or discourage anyone.

This happened a few months ago, before I realised what/who I was. I had a hint, but I hadn't admitted it to myself yet. I work in retail. A crossdresser came in. She was wearing a white dress with purple flowers on it, heels, white tights, and a blond wig (or hair), and she was at least 6'3. Now, I had walked by her, but only saw a back view of her, so I tought "Either thats a crossdresser, or one tall girl." I just continued walking like nothing was different, because well, nothing WAS different (not that its something I see every day).

So a friend of mine runs up to me and says "I saw the funniest thing, I have to show you! Theres a crossdresser in the store!" So I just reply, "What?" and she tells me to follow her and tries to find her again. It ended up being a cat & mouse game, as every time she was nearby, my friend whispered "over there!" so I would turn to look, but before I had the chance, a customer would come up and ask me for help, and she would walk right behind me. I found it kind of funny that I missed her by a second every time (this happened about 3 times). Anyway, my friend told about 4 other people and told them they needed to see it too, and by that point she was gone.

Now, the reaction she got from all the people she told (All between the ages of 16 & 21), was "I don't care if someone is gay, but I hate it when they flaunt it like that." Now, at this point I jumped in and said "Most crossdressers are actually heterosexual" (I didn't raise suspiscion in knowing this because I was studying human sexuality in college). Then they asked "Then why do they dress like girls?" Now obviously I don't want to give myself away, so I reply "There could be a number of reasons really. Some like the feeling of the clothes, some like to express their femininity. I don't really know for sure."

I was told by the girl who pointed this out that her uncle was a crossdresser, but he never went out in public, so she couldn't understand why this CD would. But regardless, they all found it a riot.

Now, there was a woman helping her find some things in the store. This woman is in her 40's, and she helped her out without any problems, and didn't find it funny or anything. Just treated her normally. While the people around my age were trying to keep a straight face while walking by, then as soon as they were out of earshot bursted out laughing.

Anyway, I have been trying to educate people more on the topic, but every time I say something like "Not all crossdressers are gay." I get asked "Then why do they dress like that?", and it seems like a huge shocker to them.

Just thought I would share this, as it is a harsh reality. Most people are nice to your face, because if they aren't obviously their job could be on the line, but once you leave, they might be saying or acting totally different about the situation.

[Joy Carter]

.

Just thought I would share this, as it is a harsh reality. Most people are nice to your face, because if they aren't obviously their job could be on the line, but once you leave, they might be saying or acting totally different about the situation.[/QUOTE]


You don't have to be anything other than just not liked to have that happen. Some are just so satisfied that they are the epitome of humanity that they have no tolerance for others. :rolleyes:

[KarenSusan]

This is why I will probably never go shopping enfemme. It is one thing to shop for women's clothing in drab but who needs the store help stalking you commando style through all the aisles. No thanks.

[angelfire]

True enough. I also find that people (at least where I work) around my age are the first to pick out any flaws someone has. For example, if someone is over weight, they get talked about as well. But still, its just I read so many times that people went shopping and the employee "never batted an eye". Not to your face, but they may have said some things after.

But then again, who cares at that point, you are already gone.

[prophet]

The first time I dressed in public. I went to the airport with my friend lauren. When I walked in every single person their was watching me. I heard a few rude remarks. But for the most part everyone just watched. Honestly I have never been to such a quiet airport. Anyways after we met laurens bf at the gate and got his bags. We started walking out.. And their was an uproar of laughter.. I guess I could have taken that as a bad sign.. But honestly it just made me laugh myself. It wasn't a bad experience and i've gotten better since then.

[ArleneRaquel]

Maybe I am just not conscious of it ,but I have never had an experience such as that. If I did I would definitely speak to management about it. If it were customers doing it, that would be a different story. Now that I am "an old bag " I think that I just might look them down. Katrines:love:'es all her forum friends

[angelfire]

This is why I will probably never go shopping enfemme. It is one thing to shop for women's clothing in drab but who needs the store help stalking you commando style through all the aisles. No thanks.

Thats exactly it. It was like undercover reconnaisance. Just cause you can't see it, doesn't mean its there.

"Assassins? I dont see any ass..." (dead)

[Satrana]

It is a good reminder that lay people know nothing about hetrosexual crossdressers so you will always be labelled as a gay, or transsexual at best, if you go outside. And until crossdressing becomes socially acceptable, people will always snigger behind our backs for sure.

[Calliope]

Anyway, I have been trying to educate people more on the topic, but every time I say something like "Not all crossdressers are gay." I get asked "Then why do they dress like that?", and it seems like a huge shocker to them.



Arguing that 'mosts CDs are not gay' is simply buying into people's stupidity and bigotry in the first place. Slamming gays, however indirectly, is not gonna help any CD any time soon.

[ArleneRaquel]

Sometimes when I am out walking and I notice someone looking at me with what I perceive as a hostile attitude I often just stare back. If it seems friendly I will smile, but move on. Katrina sends her :love:

[angelfire]

Frankly, whether anyone (CD or otherwise) is gay is no one's frickin' business - and I think you should have said that, and left it. Arguing that 'mosts CDs are not gay' is simply buying into people's stupidity and bigotry in the first place. Slamming gays, however indirectly, is not gonna help any CD any time soon.

I hardly think I was 'slamming gays'. I was simply correcting the misconceptions. I have no problems with gays, however, just because I say 'not all CDs are gay' does not mean I am saying being gay is wrong. It is like someone saying "Shakespear wrote some great books." and correcting them by saying "He was a play-writer, not an author."

I have alot of friends who are accepting of gays, and those same people seem to dislike CDs for some reason.

[Calliope]

I hardly think I was 'slamming gays'. I was simply correcting the misconceptions.


You seem to be 'reassuring' your co-workers that CDs weren't, er, even more different from them.




So a friend of mine runs up to me and says "I saw the funniest thing, I have to show you! Theres a crossdresser in the store!" So I just reply, "What?" and she tells me to follow her and tries to find her again. It ended up being a cat & mouse game, as every time she was nearby, my friend whispered "over there!" so I would turn to look, but before I had the chance, a customer would come up and ask me for help, and she would walk right behind me.

'Cat & mouse game'?

If I had been you, I would have simply said, So What? and got back to work.

I guess it just seems to me that you fed the trolls.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Just thought I would share this, as it is a harsh reality. Most people are nice to your face, because if they aren't obviously their job could be on the line, but once you leave, they might be saying or acting totally different about the situation.

True enough... But that's one reason I try to interact with people (ask them how their day is going etc.). It's harder to reduce someone to a stereotype that way.

Angelfire, repeating the point that the "not all CDs are gay" probably does end up playing game on their terms (vs. saying something like "what's the big deal"), but I appreciate you trying to educate folks. Personally, I think it shows their immaturity and insecurity more than anything else. Which might be another way to play it: "[the 40-year-old clerk] didn't seem to have a problem with it..."

[Lawren]

Just thought I would share this, as it is a harsh reality. Most people are nice to your face, because if they aren't obviously their job could be on the line, but once you leave, they might be saying or acting totally different about the situation.

My dumb question is this. If they walk out of earshot and/or sight before they show their true reactions, why worry about them? It would seem to me that they are the harmless type of objectors.

[Karren H]

Don't know why it seems to be the younger people that have a problem with crossdressers...that's why I shy away from places where groups of youth congregate!! But you can't avoid them completely...


I went through a Wendy's drive thru window enfemme a while back and ordered a drink. Gave my money to the boy in the first window and he gave me the change.. I could tell he knew since his jaw dropped big time. Lol. I picked up my drink at the second window and as I drove away I heard him yelling "Roy...Roy..you got to see this...". I was laughing so hard almost got diet coke up my nose!! Guess they don't see many crossdressers in WV...probably ruined the boy for life. Hehehe

But who cares what others think anyway....as long as your happy being yourself and having fun!!! And if you don't know that they know or what they are saying, then it doesn't matter...


Kind of like "If a tree fell in the woods.....and there were no crossdressers there to hear it...(Because they were all at the mall for a big dress sale. :D.) Then did it make any sound? And how much money did they save at the mall?? Hehehe
What type of heels do you wear in the woods for a tree falling anyway? :)

Love Karren

[Krystal Lee]

What type of heels do you wear in the woods for a tree falling anyway?

Any thing you want dear, just be carefull not to get the heels stuck or then it would be what kind of noise does a crossdresser make falling over in the woods.

Hugs Krystal:heehee:

[Lindsay Marie]

The way I see it is most of the people who act in such a manner are usually uncomfortable about their own sexual being. I used to work on a receiving dock where we'd joke with each other about things, but when it came down to it if a customer who was a little different happened in then most of the guys would try to avoid the person only because they couldn't handle the person being different. They weren't mature enough or secure enough about their own sexuality to be around someone who was different mainly because the person in question was more intellegent and more understanding then they were, and was usually a hell of a lot better looking and acted in a much better manner than them too.

[Tessa Wire]

I think that you handled the situiton correctly, and if I was in your shoes, I would have done the same thing.
If I even lived around your area I would be happy to shop at your store, enfemme. :hugs:

[Kimberley]

Hi Angelfire.
Been a while hon. Hope everything is going well for you.

Anyway, I have to agree with a couple of the others that you fed into your coworkers insecurities. I think that in your situation I would not have engaged your friend in her stalking to begin with and after the fact when the comments came out it would have been, "Uh huh. You people need to get educated." Then I would have walked away. It sends 2 messages, 1) that their ignorance and prejudices are showing and 2) that you are above that sort of thing.

Still and all, I think that you did what you could with what you had at the time.

:hugs:
Kimberley.

[julie w]

I think if you are dressed like a normal women of you age .people may give you a look , but I think they tend to laugh if you are dressed in something
total ridiculous for where you are , and women can be cruel to other women
to ,and old lady dresssed like a teenager will get laughed at

[Sherry Ann Evans]

Don't know why it seems to be the younger people that have a problem with crossdressers...

The problem isn't young people, it's uneducated people. Angelfire didn't specify where she works, but clearly it's someplace where you do not need years of experiene or a college degree. The other example was a Wendy's... again, not exactly the kind of establishment where they require a massive brain stem for employment. Of course plenty of older, more "educated" people are just as stupid in the real world. That backs up the point.

CDs post here ** all the time ** about the WONDERFUL experienes they have when, for example, shopping in higher-end stores. That makes sense: higher-end stores demand more from employees.

So I feel that if you want to avoid snickering when dressed or if you just want to avoid intolerant morons in life overall, then stay away from places where they're more likely to go.

[Bobbie cd]

What type of heels do you wear in the woods for a tree falling anyway? [quote]

Karren, I would reccomend knee-high front lace-ups with at least a 3" heel, with gartered stockings and a mini-skirt.:D
(But that's just me. LOL)

[AmberTG]

Karren, I'd go with the chunky heels, they don't sink into the dirt like spike heels, I know this from experience:heehee: I used to walk in the woods en femme all the time when I lived in the country.
I live in a moron infested area and some of the comments I've heard said about other CDs were cruel and stupid. It just shows ignorance and intolorance by people.

[eleyna]

Anyway, I have been trying to educate people more on the topic, but every time I say something like "Not all crossdressers are gay." I get asked "Then why do they dress like that?", and it seems like a huge shocker to them.

"Are you saying what they were wearing is ****ty? Do only lesbian women wear mens clothes? Why do guys get aroused when their girlfriends wear their clothes if their wearing them means they are gay?"

I think, consciously or not, most CDs wear have an interest in femme clothes rooted in some disatisfaction they have with societal proscriptions of what is "male" and what is "female". Maybe the guy just likes the feel of materials that are only used in women's clothing, or maybe it's an externalisation of his own willingness to be sensitive to his emotions where society says men are supposed to be insensitive.

If anything, I think in most cases a guy comes to wear female clothing as an expression of his not-gayness. Most gay guys dress like men, because gay men aren't usually attracted to women...

[angelfire]

CDs post here ** all the time ** about the WONDERFUL experienes they have when, for example, shopping in higher-end stores. That makes sense: higher-end stores demand more from employees.

I agree with your point entirely. Realisically, I work in a department store. Cashier get no insentive based on their sales (but do on if they can get people to use their store credit card, but even then it is very little insentive), therefore, the employees generally don't feel like there is any reward for being helpful versus being apathetic.

At a place like VS, they likely get incentive. Even future shop (Canadian electronics store) gets commission. Places like that, the employees need to be nice and as helpful as possible, because by doing so they get more customers. More customers = more sales = more insentives/benefits/money. Therefore, they have a reason.

As where if you are working for 8$ an hour in a simple chain retailer, and if you are cold and distant, but still answer questions, you get the same pay. If you are nice, friendly, and helpful, you get the same pay too. So what insentive is there for going to extra mile?

and Eleyna, I think you have a very valid point there, which I had honestly not considered.

[Sage GG]

I think you handled the situation the best you could in the place you are in. I worked for a doctor, he would be very nice to two lesbians that came in that had been good customers for years, after they left he would say the most awful things about them.
There are well educated morons.