unpredictable reaction

[princessmichelle]

Hi,

I've been struck by the unpredictability of who will be supportive, and wonder if anyone else has had similar (or different!) experiences.

For example, a coworker who is one of the sweetest people on the planet, and I would have predicted that she would be tolerant. WRONG! I once asked how her vacation was, and she told me of a nice time, but added that "...there was a guy dressed as a woman, which is obviously disgusting..."

Have you ever been surprised by who is or is not supportive?

princessmichelle

[Melinda]

You know, I (like most of us?) was raised to think homosexuals were nasty and disgusting, pretty much the worst thing you could possibly be, worse than criminals or Pat Robertson. Then I met some... Guess what? People just like me. Duh, should have been obvious but thats a pretty common reaction, isn't it? She might just be parroting what she thinks she's supposed to say or what she thinks you want to hear, afraid you might not like her if she shows sympathy. Not that I think you should show up in a dress and ask her of course.

[angelfire]

Yea, I have had a similar reaction. I have a GG friend from work who is a very strong supporter, and has protested for the gay rights movement. Thus, I think she is rather tolerant of other people's sexuality.

I got talking to her one day, and she mentioned how a few of her friends thought she was gay, cause she would always get dragged to a gay bar, but she assured me she was straight. So I started joking a bit saying "Are you sure?" or "Maybe you're Bi?" and then asked "What about a crossdresser?" And her reactions were "Yes I'm sure, No I'm not bi...and ew, no."

[ArleneRaquel]

Methinks that she protests too much ! :love: from Katrina

[Lisa Golightly]

I tend to approach with the Agent Mulder 'Trust no-one' ethos... That way I'm often pleasantly surprised rather than disappointed.

[Silkblouse]

.. .. so , last week I almost "came out" to my lesbian cousin

. . . this week , another ALMOST with a gay friend of many years


sheeesh , oh well , ... I'm happy and not OnEdge about it

[except of course , what the SO Drill Sargent will do , but even that is outta my hands]

[Joy Carter]

I tend to approach with the Agent Mulder 'Trust no-one' ethos... That way I'm often pleasantly surprised rather than disappointed.

Gotta agree here with Lisa.:straightface:

[Satrana]

Remember most people adopt society's prejudices as their own until they are forced to confront the issue with a loved one/friend. Only then will you find out if they are truly prejudiced or open minded about it. Until then it would be safe to assume that just about everybody will think CDs are perverts because this is society's viewpoint.

[Nigella]

Tolerance starts in the home, and is fed there until you get out into the big wide world and learn.

I was a racist, due to my upbringing, all gays should have been shot, and druggies, well lets not go there.

Yes my parents were bigots, and I learnt it from them.

I left home and boy was my eyes opened.

Now I have a simple philosophy, "live and let live". You can be pleasantly surprised by peoples attitudes, but if yours is one of intolerance, then dont be surprised of others.

Search yourself first!

[Angie G]

No Some people suck
angie

[bgirl]

The person I think should have been the most accepting and supporting was the most difficult person as far as my acceptance and coming out. I am referring to myself.

[Karren H]

Unpredictable responses are the only thing that is predictible......It's a crap shoot and your always surprised...I would have sworn that my wife would have divorced me in a heart beat.....wrong.....she's not happy about my hobby but we are still man and wife and life goes on as before...

Love Karren

[Melissa A.]

Totally unpredictable. Demeanor, level of compassion, friendliness, political affiliation, they all are completely useless barometers.

Wellllllll...maybe a tad few less conservatives than liberals are tolerant of transgenderism, in general. But any random individual? ya just never know.

Hugs,

Melissa:happy:

[Calliope]

'Not fair' dep't: Because minorities are minorities, sometimes the only **** anyone ever meets is just one individual.

Let's say I finally met my first **** and was readjusting my earlier, media-fed preconceptions when I discover **** is also ... a litterer, a commie, an Ozzy Osbourne fan, whatever ... then this new prejudice wants to go wholesale into that first preconception.

Like it or not, we are the vanguard. Our personal probity in human interactions will influence how CDers meet the world later on.

[rpservices1]

about three months ago I told a dear friend of mine for over 40 years now she won't talk to me her lost Brenda

[Jodi Lynn]

Unpredictable responses are the only thing that is predictible......It's a crap shoot and your always surprised...I would have sworn that my wife would have divorced me in a heart beat.....wrong.....she's not happy about my hobby but we are still man and wife and life goes on as before...

Love Karren

I agree whit Karen on this one. I felt my wife would respond the same as Karen did, and we too are still together too. As far as if I were to come out to anyone at work I think they would react the same way they did to another "girl" that use to work with us. When others found out about her they would pick on her, put her down and all those things. Hell he even went to the frist gulf war and they would say things like wonder if he is wearing his bra and panties under his uniform. So I don't think I would want to come out at work. :hugs:

[Caitlintgsd]

I had a friend who I've known for about 6 years, an exworker from a previous job. About 6 weeks ago we were out (I was drab) and enjoying a few beers. Sometime in the course of the evening I made a reference to knowing several people who dressed. Haven't heard a peep out of him since.

[Lilith Moon]

Unpredictable responses are the only thing that is predictible......It's a crap shoot and your always surprised...I would have sworn that my wife would have divorced me in a heart beat.....wrong.....she's not happy about my hobby but we are still man and wife and life goes on as before...

Love Karren

It was just the opposite for me. I had reason to think that my wife would be surprised but eventually would be happy to incorporate it into other, er, "common interests" that we both have.

It didn't happen, her reaction was much more negative than I expected. We are still together and we get on OK much of the time but things just aren't the same between us any more :(

[brittanny]

I have been suprised a few times some have no bones about it who you would swear would never even speak your name again and others who you swore would be cool about it go right over the edge

[midwest GG]

Remember most people adopt society's prejudices as their own until they are forced to confront the issue with a loved one/friend. Only then will you find out if they are truly prejudiced or open minded about it. Until then it would be safe to assume that just about everybody will think CDs are perverts because this is society's viewpoint.


PERFECTLY SAID!!

[ColleenCD]

Co-workers rarely present their full support for CDing due to societal opinions. If the desire to be Outed at work outweighs the need for a safe employment environment, then enjoy. We are all tempted to have some level of support from our associates at work, but ramifications such as strained relationships, or backlash from employers make the risk too great.

This sight is essential for for me to have those I KNOW understand and accept me as I am. Much safer than the workplace.

Colleen

[Amy Hepker]

I think sometimes people react the way they think they want others to react. It really does turn a lot of GGs off, and they just can't undersdtand why we would do such a thing. They may have had a bad time growing up themselves as Females or had some bad times in their later life as Females. Some don't want to be thought of as Gay accepting a guy as a female.

[Penny]

Gender brainwashing effects everyone differently. It is amazing though, how many people don't realize their not thinking for themselves!

:hugs:

Penny

[Kate Simmons]

I usually try to use humor to try and defuse such a situation. Of course the person who is intolerant has to have a sense of humor. If not, I figure I'm just wasting my breath and go on my merry way. Usually people who are intolerant are projecting their own fears or problems into someone else and using them as a convenient "victim", especially if the "offender" isn't present to defend himself. Usually if such a peson is backed into a "corner" they have no valid defense for themself really and it becomes evident what kind of person they are. Not worth my time really.:happy: Ericka Kay

[Kitty Sue]

Great topic. I have several people in my life who know I am a TV(no, not a television) and they are all okay with it. One of my mates I wonder about though. When I leave the army he wants us to get a place together. I am not to sure about that as I want a place where I can just be me without having to cover up. I tried telling him I was bi a few years back and he laughed and would not believe me. I did not press the issue. I do not think he would be happy if I told him I was a CDer, still at least if I told him he would probably not want to get a place with me. LOve to all, KS.

[marie354]

Gender brainwashing effects everyone differently. It is amazing though, how many people don't realize their not thinking for themselves!

:hugs:

Penny

Penny, I think that sums it up well.
:hugs:
Sandy

[Kimberly]

My dad was my biggest surprise... He doesn't want to talk about my TGism. End of, really. :( xx

[julie w]

unless you plan to go full time why would you tell people ? there is a
very big risk that they wont be supportive, most people aren,t

[Bernadina]

I belong to a church that is supposed to be tolerant of everyone. Although the church has a Christian background it doesn't preach from the Bible. One of the very long time members surprised me one Sunday when I asked jokingly if he was going to see the Gay Pride parade the next weekend.

He said he didn't believe in that stuff and it wasn't right. When I asked more about it he said that was what the Bible said.

I was somewhat shocked that here was a person who was going through the motions of love and acceptance of everyone week after week, year after year, and not believing in any of it at all.

[Michellebej]

All of my close GG friends know about me. Some of them have been the most supporting.

I have had only two really negative reactions. Both from women that I thought 'fur sure' would have supported me. Both were very liberal women. Advocated Gay and lesbian rights, ect, ect. Both have disowned me and won't have anything to do with me anymore. The upside is that both are savy enough not to say anything to anyone else at work. Wouldn't look good to oppress a minority, you know!!!!!!!

On the other hand my make-up lady is a fundy Christian who is sure that I am 'gay'. But; she has taken me out to lunch once ( to prove to me that know one would look twice at me), and we talk for hours when she comes to visit ( and not about religion).

Actually the girls that are the coolest with me are on the Conservative side. Anyone else have the same reaction?

Merry Christmas,

Michelle

[Chiana]

My GG friend who knows about me is supportive, but with reservations. We discuss cross dressing issues all the time. She has given me clothing, shoes, purses, etc. We have gone shopping together. But I have noticed that she will do just about anything to avoid seeing me in drag even though she denys that. Then the other day we were talking about negative reactions that people have to cross dressing. Specifically SO's. She said "I don't have a problem with you or anyone else dressing, but there is absolutely no way I would tolerate it if it was my husband."

[Rachel Morley]

Before I met my wife, I was very friendly with a GG friend (platonic relationship) and she always "talked the talk" and "walked the walk" of being tolerant and accepting of almost everything different in society - that's to say in a general sense when she encountered it. Anyway, to cut a long boring story short, we were on vacation together (just the two of us) and one alcohol soaked evening I came out to her about being a CDer. Guess what? It changed everything.....for the worse!!! She was not at all accepting. It was very much a case of "not in my backyard, thank you very much!" :(

[Marla GG]

Very interesting topic. I believe from personal experience and from all the stories I've heard from my TG friends over the years that it is nearly impossible to predict who will and won't react negatively. I know of people with extremely liberal, progressive values who have completely freaked out and refused to accept it, and I know of other rather old-fashioned, traditional types who didn't bat an eye. You'd think the length and closeness of your relationship with the person would make a difference, but nope, that doesn't seem to be the case either.

I have told this story here before, but I had a good GG friend whom I was on the verge of telling about our lifestyle. She is very sweet and understanding, has a reputation for being nonjudgmental, and is good friends with a gay guy at her work, plus we had shared a lot of secrets already. But just before I told her, she coincidentally told me a story about a guy she used to date and how she found out that he was a CD and it disgusted her. I still remember her saying "And to think I actually kissed him! Ewww!" Needless to say I never came out to her after that.

[gennee]

My wife is not totally accepting about my dresing but she says that it's me. We share some clothing. She commented that I have better outfits than she does. She still doesn't know that I go out dressed.

Gennee
:D

[TxKimberly]

Hi,

I've been struck by the unpredictability of who will be supportive, and wonder if anyone else has had similar (or different!) experiences.

For example, a coworker who is one of the sweetest people on the planet, and I would have predicted that she would be tolerant. WRONG! I once asked how her vacation was, and she told me of a nice time, but added that "...there was a guy dressed as a woman, which is obviously disgusting..."

Have you ever been surprised by who is or is not supportive?

princessmichelle
Yes I have. It seems to me that the "girly girl" type GG's are often offended by us, and the "Tom Boy" girls are OK with it. I think maybe the tom boy's didn't appreciate being shoved into roles and images that they didn't care for and so tend to be more forgiving of others that don't fit the stereo types.
Kim (Once again acting like I have a clue when I know darn well I don't)

[TxKimberly]

Sounds like that c**t needs a well placed 5.56mm round :mad:
OUCH! I think a round from an M16 is a bit much! (I almost said "over kill" <G>)
Kim

[Jocelyn Quivers]

The first person I ever told was my older sister. I had made preperations to be disowned from the family as a result of my telling her about my CDing. She suprised me with her repsonse. She had no problems what so ever and even agreed to take me shopping several times.

When I told my SO I also came up with a worse case scenario that she would not only reject me but also tell all of my friends and co workers and I would get fired from my job. I was even more suprised when she not only accepted my coming out but wanted to have dinner with me completley dressed the following week:D Jocelyn

[JenniferMint]

she told me of a nice time, but added that "...there was a guy dressed as a woman, which is obviously disgusting..."

I wonder, does she really think it's disgusting, or was she only taught to think that way (and thus she may be susceptible to changing her mind if her assumptions are challenged)?

[jjjjohanne]

I guess if you want to test some waters, come back from vacation with a story about "I was at XYZ and there was a crossdresser there." (You don't have to mention that it was you or that you were in drab.) Anyhow, you can see everyone's reactions. Warning: People may ask how the CD was dressed or what was your reaction. Replying with, "I thought I looked pretty darn good," might not help you keep your secret...

[Helena]

Recently, several unlinked groups in my life have had a similar conversation about seeing men dressed. They could be hinting that they have their suspicions about me, but that is another subject. Generally the reactions were of gentle amusement, which was better than I was expecting, and certainly no aggressively negative reactions. Of course they were all referring to "strangers" and I am not sure if the reaction would be the same for someone they knew better (if for instance I was to confide in some of my co-workers). Probably could summarise as "degrees of separation"

One unpredictable reaction I had was when at a fancy dress party, doing a very poor impression of Cher (which I shall save for another thread). A mature lady, pillar of the community, was very excited seeing me dressed up.

Helena

[Marcie Sexton]

Hon I work with people like that every day...just be glad you got the heads up now...

Some how people who eat you up to your face are usually the ones who would twist the knife after you're dead...:Angry3:

:heehee: ...that is the kind I love to, excuse the pun:rolleyes: kill with kindness...keeps them on edge looking for that knife.

[gwenrob43]

Hi all,
Kitty, get your own place; you'll love the freedom you have to do as you please.

I was surprised that my wife accepted me when I told her. Of course we've been married 30 years. But her viewpoint is that it's like a disease; she asked me once if I thought "it" was getting worse. That almost surprised me more!

[Lanore]

I like the show and tell approach. This is who I am and how I look. Since I'm not hidding anything, they can't say anything, except behind my back. But that is where my butt is, so enjoy.

Lanore

[Amanda Jane]

i have more good reactions to being a cd then i do when people find out i'm a lawyer / they perk up when i tell them i retired, till they find out how i retired when i was 30 years old

[occdresser]

Co-workers rarely present their full support for CDing due to societal opinions. If the desire to be Outed at work outweighs the need for a safe employment environment, then enjoy. We are all tempted to have some level of support from our associates at work, but ramifications such as strained relationships, or backlash from employers make the risk too great.

This sight is essential for for me to have those I KNOW understand and accept me as I am. Much safer than the workplace.

Colleen

:wave2: :iagree: you will have some people approve which would be great, but you also would have a few non-supporters out there:happy: Is it worth it?

[steffany]

I tend to approach with the Agent Mulder 'Trust no-one' ethos... That way I'm often pleasantly surprised rather than disappointed.


That's also my mantra Lisa.
What they don't know, can't hurt them (or me!)
Only 1 person knows about my penchant for dressing, and that is my beloved wife....apart from my wife, no-one else needs to know.

[goofus]

Okay this thread is just convincing me all the more that people are pretty much nuts :)

[goofus]

I think that when we get negative reactions from people we would not have expected to get them from, it only proves that some people are not as open minded and tolerant as they think they are or claim to be!

[goofus]

Sounds like since you're using the past tense she's no longer your friend? If so, methinks it's just as well :)



Very interesting topic. I believe from personal experience and from all the stories I've heard from my TG friends over the years that it is nearly impossible to predict who will and won't react negatively. I know of people with extremely liberal, progressive values who have completely freaked out and refused to accept it, and I know of other rather old-fashioned, traditional types who didn't bat an eye. You'd think the length and closeness of your relationship with the person would make a difference, but nope, that doesn't seem to be the case either.

I have told this story here before, but I had a good GG friend whom I was on the verge of telling about our lifestyle. She is very sweet and understanding, has a reputation for being nonjudgmental, and is good friends with a gay guy at her work, plus we had shared a lot of secrets already. But just before I told her, she coincidentally told me a story about a guy she used to date and how she found out that he was a CD and it disgusted her. I still remember her saying "And to think I actually kissed him! Ewww!" Needless to say I never came out to her after that.