Coping with crossdressing

[StephaniejaneSmith]

Hi this is the first time i have seen a place where i can get advice on the thing that has and still controls my life i hope someone has the answers

I have crossdressed for as long as i can remember and there are alot of people i know who i think are still my friends after finding out about me

But my main worry is that it is going to escalate i am 28 now and it seems that the girly side in me has had enough of having to hide and over the last few years has taken more and more risks and wanted to do more and more, does this mean that i will one day want a sex change or is this normal? i know i dont have the courage to go through that and so, will be unhappy all my life. i know now im happy being both girly sometimes and a man others but will this change? Does anyone know how i can get counciling for this ?

I have had a few girlfriends who have ether execpted me and some who have helped me which was great for the girly side but after a while the man side would get all defencive and ends the relationship in the hope for a normal life and out of guilt. what should i do ?

Thanks
Stephanie

[Yes I am]

See a shrink.

But seriously. It sounds like a professional opinion is what you need to seek out, in terms of what course of action will suit your needs the best.

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

Hi Stephaine!

I,too,at one time thought I wanted a sex change. However, I had no desire to ever be with men. But over the years concluded that my male and female self can coexist quite nicely. So long that I can fully dress every day I am fine. I think you will be too.

Sasha Anne

[ElleCD]

StephanieJane

You are just finding the level that suits you. You may not be there yet but certainly the end point is unlikely to be a ex change. Its normal to have times when the desire to pursue this thing is very intense and other times when things seem to plateau and feel stable. You clearly are very honest about yourself with others. This is likely to give you the best chance of ultimately finding a long term relationship that works. By all means see a counsellor if you feel the need but I think you are just experiencing a phase of quite normal self doubt.

[CheriTV2006]

Read these forums, you'll get alot of insight. So many angles here. Counciling is always helpful. Take care, Cheri.

[Janelle Young]

Hi Stephanie,

The only person who has the answers for you is you. You have just not found / discovered / seen the light yet. You will find the place / level that is right for you. A counselor may be able to help you get to that place faster than you could on your own.

I think Elle made some good points and I doubt you will want a sex change, but if you do and it is right for you then do what is right for you.

[eleyna]

But my main worry is that it is going to escalate i am 28 now and it seems that the girly side in me has had enough of having to hide and over the last few years has taken more and more risks and wanted to do more and more, does this mean that i will one day want a sex change or is this normal? i know i dont have the courage to go through that and so, will be unhappy all my life. i know now im happy being both girly sometimes and a man others but will this change? Does anyone know how i can get counciling for this ?

It doesn't have to mean anything, its a fairly common thought while being our girly selves is still something we have to "allow": when you are climbing out of a hole you look skyward, but it doesn't mean you truly want to become a bird.

[Shiny]

I don't think you'll want a sex change but CD'ing covers a wide range of the human condition. If you do any psychological studies or read any books on the subject you will find pretty much that the textbook follows reality in a lot of instances. I would search out the libraries and read a few of the basic books. The really dusty ones like Havlock Ellis and Sigmund Freud are pretty much dead paradigms now but the Master's and Johnson investigation was much better, although that one is showing its age as well.

It won't take long to read just about everything on the subject because not much is written about CD'ing because most guys aren't willing to participate in any type of study. Even though a lot of the musings of the headshrinkers out there that mention a basis for any type of study, the resultant hypothesis is unfortunately, usually either opinion or speculation which brings us back to square one once again.

CD'ing starts in the very young male, they don't know why but it usually happens by the age of 6 or so. You start by fixating on one item of clothing and then put that out of your mind but as the years pass you start adding to the wardrobe until you find yourself fully dressed from head to toe and from the skin out in your later years. There's no trying to make sense of this, it just "IS." It's who you (and many of us in here) are.

Some on this site say "I'm 35 and just started CD'ing." Or something to that effect but I don't know where that fits into the general mix, and I don't think that those people are true Cross Dressers. A true CD starts very young like most on this site. Read the accounts and you'll find a general concensus real quick.

According to the DSM fourth edition CD'ing is part of an Obessive Compulsive Disorder according to the experts and is some kind of paraphelia/fetish/fixation as well. Like I said I have been through the decades with this "phenomena" and have lived through the symptoms and the results and tend to agree with most writings and have even had thoughts leaning towards the SRS deal but figure that it might just be a cureall to drop the pretense and just come "out" once and for all. But in reality that isn't an option. As easy as it would be to live as a women for me I don't have the look and I am not attracted to men.

Anyway, the effects are cumulative over time and I like to think that nature and not nuture creates this CD "thing" in the male of the species. It's just my opinion but I believe it to be a valid one. Hope this has been of assistance to you of the younger set. I wish I'd had the internet 40 years ago when I had all these questions!

Shiny