A Strange Reaction

[Brianna Lovely]

Hi gurls, I’ve been going to the same nail-tech., I’ll call her “Mary”, for a few months now and we often chat while she works.

The first time Mary did my nails, pedi and manicure, it was the first time she had done a man’s nails, and I had made the appointment in my male name. Although I was in drab, I told her that I cross dressed, she was a little surprised, but took it in stride.

The second and third time, I made my appointment in Brianna’s name (she had asked me what she should call me if we met when I was “dressed”) so, I’ve been using Brianna.

I had called Mary on Wednesday and made an appointment for Thursday morning.

For some reason, I decided to go fully dressed, makeup, wig, etc. Although I think I make a strange looking woman, Mary said that I looked good, and I did not get the usual stares from the ladies getting their hair done, actually got a few hellos and a few nods, nice feeling.

Anyway, while Mary and I were chatting, I mentioned that when I called to make the appointment, I was at a Mall and was wearing a skirt, blouse, sandals and carrying a purse, but no makeup or wig. Now, having seen me in drab and now fully dressed, I was surprised at her reaction. Mary said that she thought it was terrible for me to wear a skirt and a blouse, but no makeup and wig. She felt that made me a “man wearing women’s clothing”, and that was, “just not right”.

I’m not sure that I understand Mary’s reaction, I’ll have to think about this.

After I had my nails done, I went to the car-wash and then to the car dealer. I felt comfy with myself and was just another “lady” with a deep voice, giggle.

My current avatar (with a blue top) was taken just before going to get the car washed.
Brianna

[MsJanessa]

Honey---she just wants you to look as good as you can---while its ok with us( or rather Me) if you don't want to wear a wig and makeup they do complete the look but to each her own. xoxo Janessa BTY you look good in your avatar

[Brianna Lovely]

Thank you for your comment.
Right now I'm just a mixed up gurl.
Sometimes I like the "look" of presenting myself as a woman, and sometimes I just like to be "a man in a dress".

Of course I'm always Brianna, no matter how I'm dressed.

[kneehighs]

Classic "either/or" syndrome.

Either you are a man or a woman, but not both.

When truly, this, IMHO, is a "both/and" situation.

You are both masculine and feminine at the same time--when in semi-drab/semi femme mode.

[Rachel Morley]

I think this is just how people compartmentalize things. She's knows intellectually that you are a man in women's clothes whether you wear a wig and makeup or not, but emotionally, her comfort level is higher if she only sees you presenting as one or the other...not a little of both.

Some people just aren't comfortable with partial dressing, it probably either just goes against the grain or she thinks it's a bit odd. Either way, she's not there yet. That's OK. I'd say respect her boundaries if you still want her to be your nail tech.

[Brianna Lovely]

I will continue to use Mary as my nail-tech., because she does a wonderful job. In a way, I guess I should not be surprised by her reaction, after all, I am in "red-neck" country.

[Marla S]

I think this is just how people compartmentalize things. She's knows intellectually that you are a man in women's clothes whether you wear a wig and makeup or not, but emotionally, her comfort level is higher if she only sees you presenting as one or the other...not a little of both.

Some people just aren't comfortable with partial dressing, it probably either just goes against the grain or she thinks it's a bit odd. Either way, she's not there yet. That's OK. I'd say respect her boundaries if you still want her to be your nail tech.

I subscribe to that. It's easier to see a man or an "illusion of a woman" (not ment disrespecting) than something she hasn't a "positive" category for (if any).
I think you can find the same effect here on this forum, too.

[Penny]

Due to gender brainwashing, men are not supposed to look pretty and women
are. I think that's what creates confusion in us and others.

[Marla S]

Due to gender brainwashing, men are not supposed to look pretty and women
are. I think that's what creates confusion in us and others.
I subscribe to that, too.

[Brianna Lovely]

Mmm, don't know about your dressing preferences, but agree that society and especially some people on this forum, believe the wall of "girls clothes are only for girls" should not be scaled.

Although I enjoy "the full Monte", I also like the "man in a dress" look, because I like the way the clothes look and feel.

Somewhere along the way, I think the line between "cross-dressing" and "cross-being" has gotten a little blurred on this forum.

[Lisa Golightly]

Look... She works in an industry where Hair, nails and make-up perfection are de riguer... Of course she expects the three, it's just how the look has been sold to the masses... :)

[Marla S]

Mmm, don't know about your dressing preferences,...
Well, I tried a few things.
I tried to make myself passable (passing wise) .... :eek: has been one of the biggest shocks in my life, when I realized that this is impossible for me and had to ask myself "Who is this weird sketch of a woman in the mirror ?" ---> Stopped Cding for 2 or 3 years and felt terrible.

Tried a few very "woman's-styles" without the intention to pass.
My reaction on that has been very similar to that of your "Mary" (just no category for that). Additionally there have been the consequneces of dressing by accident - give me any skirt and some heels, and it will look good and feminine --> error

Took me a while to realize that a "man-in-dress-style" can have a beauty on it's own (building up a category).

Starting from there, I didn't try to hide my male body anymore and stoped trying to emulate someone else than me.
Started to develop a feminine style that is approriate for my male body and my male facial features. Not done yet (lack of practice), but this way I am able to integrate all of my "features" without denying some, dress 24/7, feel even fem (me) enough in almost drab mode (if this is necessary), can wear skirts and heels (at home, though; don't want to cause unessesary crowds ;)) etc.
All in all I can say: I feel perfectly fine with myself right now (clothes wise) and I am eager to develope my style further. Probably I could even emulate a women's look now, but I don't want to anymore.
(Hope it will stay this way. I am bit afraid of a set back and expect it every minute).

That's my story in brief. A strange development.;)

[Robin Leigh]

Look... She works in an industry where Hair, nails and make-up perfection are de riguer... Of course she expects the three, it's just how the look has been sold to the masses... :)

Yes. 'Mary' is, after all, employed in an industry that maintains a stereotypical feminine attribute. A nail salon is like a church where the religion of the Sacred Nail is practiced & propagated :). So I think it's only natural that people in the beauty industry have definite opinions on matters that relate to the community "standards" for gender presentation. Many of them these days, like Mary, may be enlightened enough to cope with someone who wants to experiment with the opposite gender category, but may not be too happy if you try to redefine the categories or disrespect the existing structure. You can jump into the other gender box if you want, just don't go around trying to change those boxes.

Some beauty artists will even appreciate gender blending, but it has to be done artistically. The direct juxtaposition of masculine & feminine elements can be disturbing (even to non-artists :)). I've never been fond of the "man in a dress" look myself, and I can understand why it makes many people feel more uncomfortable than a CD who is trying to present a uniformly feminine look. Also, unexpected juxtaposition is a major source of spontaneous humour, and I don't like to give people even more reason to laugh at me than they have already. :)

Robin