how does everybody keep hte Femme from taking over?

[shawnaraylynn]

I have found that even though i have just got the approval of my So and mother(BOUT TIME) ,that i find HEr taking over more and more . My wife accused me of being Gay or a tg (I dont yet) ,But I am more comfortable in drag thatn drab. Plus I have been noticing cute guys. When I told her I was Bi she AQsked of I hadf seen cute guys I said no (DUH) she said I had no standards . So I opened my Eyes AND Girls There are some Hellafine guys out there. If anyone hs suggestions or help please let a girl know Huh?

[ArleneRaquel]

For more than one year I have been Katrina Maureen virtually 24/7, so in my case I believe the femme aspect has taken over.If so --what will be will be ! :love: From the Eternally Female Katrina

[Deborah]

It comes down to how much you want others to know or see you. ;)

[shawnaraylynn]

I Am Getting to the pojnt where Screw them! But I have a hard tim losing My friend and wife.
:love:

[JenniferMint]

how does everybody keep hte Femme from taking over?

I don't. I'm kind of letting her.

[shawnaraylynn]

][/COLOR]


so Am I But sometimesw she comes out at the worst times

[JD Jade Dream GG]

OMG
This is probably the #1 reason there are not more supportive
GG SO's. And you Shawnraylynn just proved the doubts and fears
many of us have.
Have you been otherwise straight?
And now...'you don't know?'
How could you not know?
How old are you?
How long have you been married?

I'll help you out!
Knock it off
Your married.
It no big deal who you think is cute
but, you are off the market.
Therefore, so is everyone else for you!
Unless you decide to 'lose your friend and wife',
and divorce her...
end of story!

[Tina Dixon]

Getting dressed in full transformation is fun and yes it can consume you and make you wonder who you really are and where is this heading, I know read some of my early posts I was confussed, but when my SO dicovered my little hobby here I gave up dressing for a bit and realized its just some thing I like to do, I'm not a TG or gay or bi, I do it because I have fun doing it.

[Ashley Helen]

I just think about my wife and not wanting to hurt her.

Helen

[Yes I am]

Through a lifetime of acquired shame, repression and lots of alcohol.

[Ronda_B]

My alter EGO comes and go quickly. I think that she work in foreign country because I don't see her as often as I would like to. My work, kids, wife and a small town have alot to do with it, I guess.

[sportschick]

OMG
This is probably the #1 reason there are not more supportive
GG SO's. And you Shawnraylynn just proved the doubts and fears
many of us have.
Have you been otherwise straight?
And now...'you don't know?'
How could you not know?
How old are you?
How long have you been married?

I'll help you out!
Knock it off
Your married.
It no big deal who you think is cute
but, you are off the market.
Therefore, so is everyone else for you!
Unless you decide to 'lose your friend and wife',
and divorce her...
end of story!

There should be no doubt about this! If it's a fantasy or hobby it's not much different than playing golf, if well outside mainstream acceptance. But if you head down this road, then you need to be single.

[eleyna]

By bottling up your femme persona, you're forcing yourself to explore "illicit" fantasies. Chances are your male-allusions are the result of a series of steps of fantasy.

I would be more concerned about keeping the fantasy from taking over, because that way might lie actions you would regret. If your marriage is important enough to you, I would suggest you put your cd/femme on the backburner and take the time to repair the bridges between your wife and yourself, and see if there is a future for the two of you with you cding.

If not, or if you feel your cding/femme is more important than you to your wife, then you should at the very least be fair to her - even if you feel she isn't to you - and bring it to a close.

[Lanore]

I'm not gay or bi, I really do love everything about women. Fem took over many years ago and I'm very happy and satisfied with that. I thought once, what it would be like if I had a wife and she came to me and said she wanted to be more like a man and then wanted another woman while she was a man? That's why I only thought about it once. I have to go with Jade on this one.

Lanore

[Kate Simmons]

I've found I have to be in charge and be in control. Otherwise what happens is my femme self gets loose and it's like a bull in a china shop or Wonder Woman without her bracelets of submission. I control "it", "it" does not control me. It wasn't easy by any means. It took me years to be able to over ride the impulses to just be femme and throw caution to the wind. I'm much better off now and really freer to express myself how I choose when I choose.It can be costly both in family relationships and by spending too much money on femme stuff if you allow "her" free reign. Ericka Kay

[Angie G]

I don't Angie can have as much of me as she wants :hugs:
Angie

[Phyliss]

I CROSSDRESS because it's fun. Phyliss likes to go shopping for clothes, because "she" can. "She" also works for a living, (albeit in a male mode).

While the idea of "being" with another guy is a FANTASY of Phyliss, there are LIMITS, period!!!! One of those "limits" is that I'm married, and doing something like that is forbidden. (as far as my morals are concerned)

OK OK I will dress like a "loose woman" sometimes, but that's all I do.

As for the original question, is my fem side taking over? The answer is yes, somewhat, but then I'm not resisting it either. If I want to feel a bit more fem even if I'm wearing some grubby jeans and "T" shirt while cutting the grass, that doesn't mean I can think like Phyliss.

[Marla S]

I'll help you out!
Knock it off
Your married.
It no big deal who you think is cute
but, you are off the market.
Therefore, so is everyone else for you!
Unless you decide to 'lose your friend and wife',
and divorce her...
end of story!
Exactly, though maybe not whole the story.


I control "it", "it" does not control me. It wasn't easy by any means. It took me years to be able to over ride the impulses to just be femme and throw caution to the wind.
Good point.

IMO "enfemming" bears two risks that belong here.
1.) A self-progressive-development due to a misunderstood idealization of womenhood.
2.) Overinterpretation of feelings and reactions.

To avoid this some rational thinking brain cells have to be reactivated.
(Control it, but don't let it control you)

@1.) It is straightforward to think: I want to dress like a women. --> Why ? ---> I want to be a woman --> To be a woman means to like men ---> So, to fulfill my desire to be a woman I should like men too. (or similar)

This bears some pitfalls.
"I want to be a woman" might only be the trial to justify your CDing for you and others, because you and others are lacking the category (image) of "a man dresses feminine in order to express his feminine side". Side means there is also another side that easily is overseen. Feminine side is not the whole personality. A problem that isn't solved by splitting the personality in a fem-self and a male-self.
"To be a woman means to like men": Your CDing is not directly interrelated to your sexuality. You can dress and be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual (genetic sex wise). Non CDing men and women can be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual.
---> Your clothes style says nothing about your actual sexualitiy or that sexuality you might think you should have due to your dressing. If you try to interrelate this, you just try to justify your dressing again. (A mistake that is done by our SOs too, quite often: Are you gay ?)

@2.) Due to 1.) you might think of a guy that you otherwise would have seen as interesting, good styled, nice,trained etc. as cute and a potential sexual partner.
To quote JD "You are out of the market". Thinking in "male mode" you probably have a natural barrier that prevents you from thinking about leaving your family for every "cute" woman you see on the street. You don't know her, you have a cute and loving SO already, maybe family, a relationship is not only sexuality. Let the girl over there be cute.
You might loose this barrier due to overinterpretation if your are too focused and emotionally trapped in your CDing.

I can't judge if this applies to you (maybe you are indeed a man loving TS), but I think it is worth to scrutinize your behavior, observations and feelings from a less emotional but from a more rational point of view.
This is nothing to be done in a few seconds, but needs some time (see Ericka) and rational self-observation.
Here indeed, you need kind of a split personality. The CDer and the non-CDing-observer that observes the CD's thoughts and actions from a rational point of view and draws its conclusions.
This is not easy, because you can't be the CD for some time and switch to the observer at another time. You have to be the emotional CD and its rational observer at the same time, predominately.

A bit in this way it worked for me. I have no problem to appreciate a good formed male body, a decent male style, smart and humorous man etc. I even dare to say that guys like Jonny Depp are cute. But that's just the way it is IMO and not a sign that I would want to copy them or to derive some conclusions about my sexuality. Straight heterosexual male. Ever has been this way, probably ever will be that way, though I had my doubts meanwhile too.

[rpservices1]

I think for me I dress because I like the feeling I have never wanted a male but want female company at all times. for the past week my wife has been up in maine and I have been dressed all the time she been gone so if it wasn't for her it would take me over she doesn't aprove of it Brenda

[Julogden]

I have found that even though i have just got the approval of my So and mother(BOUT TIME) ,that i find HEr taking over more and more . My wife accused me of being Gay or a tg (I dont yet) ,But I am more comfortable in drag thatn drab. Plus I have been noticing cute guys. When I told her I was Bi she AQsked of I hadf seen cute guys I said no (DUH) she said I had no standards . So I opened my Eyes AND Girls There are some Hellafine guys out there. If anyone hs suggestions or help please let a girl know Huh?

I had to pull back several years ago, as I was rapidly going to the feminine side of life, and at the time, I felt that I needed to remain mostly in the masculine realm, as I was a father (still am, and also a grandfather now) and I wasn't willing to take away my childrens father, not to mention that I am too tall to easily pass for female, so transition is still not something I feel that I can ever seriously consider unless I get thicker skin and become willing to live life as an obviously male woman.

Regardless of where I end up, I feel that I will always be willing to present as a male when my family is around, so that's another complication. I am not willing to sacrifice my relationship with family over this.

So I cut way back on dressing and going out (although that was also partially due to being unhappy with the gender "community" at the time too), and went back toward the masculine side of things.

But this is an excellent example of why I feel very strongly that anyone with gender identity issues should be brutally honest with themselves and work things out before getting into any committed relationship, as it really isn't fair to your spouse and family to be deciding after marriage that you want to change sex and play the field, as it were.

Just my:2c: , and not intended as criticism in any way.:happy:

Carol:hugs:

[Honey Lynn]

It's quite simple. I leave a trail of donuts leading to the closet. She see's, she follows, she eats, problem solved:D

[Shecil]

Well i know how not to keep the lil naging B**** in check.
ive not dressed for 3 months. mostly becouse of opertunity.
Summer vacation means the house is full all day every day and i love that more than i like to CD.....BUT its allways on my mind.
atleast 100 times a day i think about it. il see a makeup commersial
or a cute skirt on QVC and my mind is off to the races. and i know there
is no way its going to happen . this is killing my spirit. i just look kinda sad alot. every one has asked me "Whats the matter can they help"
so for me i can safely say ... out of site is not out of mind.
See Ya
Shecil

[Janet Marie]

I am encouraging Janet Marie to be a little more involved in my life. I feel more comfortable and a lot calmer, when my femme side is there, even if only mentally. At home, since I live alone, Janet can and does dress as she wishes. In me life outside of home, janet does take the quiet mental side, but is almost always there. Snce I am single, I do look at guys, but my prefferance is to find a totally accepting GG to be in my life.

Janet Marie

[sparks]

just fight the good fight if you don't want it to consume you than don't let it.

[shawnaraylynn]

Thannk you Girls,
I really apriciate the advice it really has shown me things in my life and personality that i forgot was there. My wonderful beatiful wife has accepted me in ways i couldnt imagine. It seems now that bi and gay are out of the mix. Maybe it was just a nasty fantasy phase.

I love and care for each and one of as close
personal freinds and if any of need anything
dont hesitate to ask.Ill be there




Shawnaraylynn, ps hugs to all
:bighug: :bighug: