How Far Are You Willing To Go?

[Sandygal]

I myself would like to go as far as being able to dress in front of my wife. I would like to be able to shop with her for clothes for the both of us. I would like to get my nails done with her. But I'm not going to force the issue. I know that others have chosen their cding over wives and girlfriends.I know that some of you lost your SO,not by choice. I couldn't go that far. No way, I love my wife to much. So things will only go as far as she let's me. When you answer this question.Really think about it, your answers could help other people. Is your cding more important than your family and friends?I know this is a heavy thread, so really put some thought into it.

[tekla west]

If you are only willing to go as far as some other person will let you, then you only have to ask them. Its all in their hands. Why ask anyone else?

It seems to me that there is a range of people who are involved in this some way or another. For some its 24/7, for others its wearing panties under their suit a few times. Only you know where you are now, and no one can answer the question of where does it all end. It ends in different places for each of us.

[Yes I am]

^^^tekla's right. You determine your own level of involvment. If you're waiting for your SO to advance your crossdressing fantasies for you, please, don't hold your breath.

[dancer1]

I will go no further than i need to quench the desire to achive self reflection of my femine side,
I would hope that there would be harmony in the two, my life has taken so many turns they were like eras in time.
My family is important to me, as yours and everyones are, there are times that my wife concerns are not pro Nadeen and when i converse with girls on this site or meetings she cant bring herself to share in it.
Thats ok it not her thing tradishional mom housewife full time worker.
Just the otherday when i came home from a CD meeting she said that she dos'nt feel comfortble haveing meeting at our home, not that i know of any that are held at a persons home but i heard her concern.
As far as my relatives go i have been there for them at call, i would feel very hurt inside if how i dressed afected thier opinion of me.
But i guess its possible, Just quickly a letter my sister left me after leaving my house and she discover my atier, she said she did'nt know me and thogh i was haveing a break down she remembers the rock i have been to our family, and could'nt fathom how i can ride my hog compeat wit my horses in the rodeo, my term in the service and all the macho male persona, I have lost many things in my life and i replied that all that male persona did not keep me from crying for a long time afterwards. Today things are better and Nadeen continues to fill a very important part of my life , she dos not control it because we are one.
The rock and solid friendship i offer to all is not generated by the persona at the time we meet but by the heart and commitment they and i make.
I have raised 4 sons and have told them judge not by what you see but by the heart, for sometimes the eyes are tearfull and sometimes they are closed, but your heart will give you a warm feeling inside when you do for someone with out exspecting agknowagement for said.
So In Responce I Will Let My Heart Guide Me. :love: Nadeen

[Sandygal]

Tekla....I'm sorry. I find your answers evasive.Try to just answer the question, how far would you go! Should we all be selfish and tough s..t to who we hurt on our way to self discovery. Sure I could say that I would give up my whole life with friends and family, maybe even my job. Just so I could wear a skirt. Sorry, I love dressing up, I'm a crossdresser, I'm a guy who likes to wear womans clothes. If I want to be a woman. I believe that is a step far greater than being a crossdresser and should be in a different forum. So maybe what I want to know is ,Can you be happy being a crossdresser or are many of you wanting to be......woman.

[Honey Lynn]

Well I'd like to go as far as being able to accept myself and to have the confidence or as they say "Have the B*)#*$LS" to live my life the way I wish I could. But alas right now I'd settle for going as far as the donut shop down the street in my bathrobe and fluffy bunny slippers. There's a fresh batch in ther air tonight and those slippers aren't gonna walk themselves:D

[Bernice]

What is it many often quote here? "This who care won't matter, and those who matter won't care".

Frankly, my family is in shambles, so I care not what they think, except I might have a significant inheritance if I keep my mouth shut for another year or two.

On the other hand, I am perfectly content to let my dear wife of 30+ years set whatever limits she needs. Bless her heart, she now posts here.

[Karann]

I have to agree...there is nothing worth losing your family and friends over. Unfortunately many of us have to remain in our closets and in hiding whenever we to experinence our alter, often times more sensitive sides. I think a lot has to do with you defining the reason why you participate or enage in the art of crossdressing. For some, it is an emotional release. Some, a sexual excitement. For those few who can live entirely in freedom and acceptance by their partner, I am envious. If I ever said anything or was caught, I would be divorced and looking for a house! :(

[Billijo49504]

Hi, it's easy for some ppl to say go for it, and let the pieces fall where they may. But you have to live your life as you want. Yes, my wife is very supportive, she asked if I needed help with my bra. But not every SO is that supportive, so only you know what works in your house...BJ
ps.. That said, I don't believe in hiding your dressing from your SO.

[Calliope]

No way, I love my wife to much. So things will only go as far as she let's me.

How sadly ironic, seeking a fem identity and the most significant fem in your life controls your self actualization. Is the 'fem identity' you seek an identity that stifles the actualization of others? Pardon my bluntness but: does your wife stifle your life or are you (passively) the one responsible? If you were really OK with that, I think you wouldn't be here looking for - what? Confirmation? Sympathy? Truth? I don't know, I hope you do, life is a one-time deal.

[Stephenie S]

I'm with DayTripper 100% on this.

We get one shot at life. It's going by faster than you think. When are you going to do what YOU want?

While I do not advocate deliberately hurting your family and friends, how and why are you going to let someone else determine how you are going to live your life?

I think there needs to be a little give and take on both sides. Why does it need to be all one sided?

JMHO

Steph

[tekla west]

"But I'm not going to force the issue. I know that others have chosen their cding over wives and girlfriends. I know that some of you lost your SO,not by choice. I couldn't go that far. No way, I love my wife to much. So things will only go as far as she let's me."

This is the key here. You have placed the power, the control, and the limits on her. What I, or others, would think does not matter, as we are not her.

Though I'm sure that some in here have lost marriages over this, I'm willing to bet that in most cases there was more to it than just that. CDing was often used in the divorce, but more than likely was not the critical reason.

That you would place all that power in another - any other (no matter who they are) is somewhat disturbing. That's a lot of power to hand over. And such power exchanges in an intimate relationship is the beginning, not of life long love, but of co-dependency. For sure DT is right on about this. Its not the path to self-actualization. But hey, it sure is going to make it easy to find someone to blame if you turn out to be unhappy ain't it? (But don't 'cha dare do it, you turned over the power to her, its all your fault when it does not come out the way you want it. Bet on that)

"When you answer this question. Really think about it, your answers could help other people. Is your cding more important than your family and friends?I know this is a heavy thread, so really put some thought into it."

First, and formost, I don't think my answers help anyone. People like what I say when I say what they like. People hear what they want to hear.

My family does not care, nor do my friends. So that does not enter into it at all. My life is such - and in such a place - where all things considered its not that big a deal. Does it keep some people away? Perhaps, I would not know, as they don't get close to begin with. That might go for other things in my life also. People might not like my work, my education, my religious views either. Would I change them to please others? I doubt it, and I have not yet, and of course, some things like education you can't change.

But this is what I do know. I know that my CD is one part of my life. But it is only one part. Its is part of who I am, but only part, nor does it define me. I control it, it does not control me. For people I know who do not like it, well I don't take them out dancing with me, they can do something else.

And for me its not all that heavy at all. This is a light and pleasant part of my life. Nothing heavy to it. Shopping, dining and dancing. Bright lights and big city and tripping that light fantastic. I'm not into some psycho/sexual deal - I do sex pretty much naked, so I don't need anyone to play along with me in that way. I would never 'force' it on anyone.

They can share in that part of my life, or not. Just like rock and roll, come to the shows if you like that stuff, if not, well don't. I prefer classical, particularly scholastic choirs - otherwise known Gregorian plainchant. Its not everyone's cup of tea to be sure. Matter of fact I go to most of them by myself. I'm not going to not do it just because the people I know and hang out with are not into monophonic unison chant done in Latin. So be it. I'm not going to lose anyone over it either.

My brother did some bad stuff as a young man. He did some heavy time in some very bad prisons. No matter. He was still my brother. We did not toss him out, and now years later we are good friends again. So, in my family at least, my 'clothing problem' is not all that big a deal.

What you want, or seem to be seeking, is to have this incorporated into your intimate life with another, and that is a whole different deal. My short take on that is that I feel sex is critical to such a relationship and I would not get into a sexual based relationship with someone who did not share the same things I like. But my CD is not critical to my sex life. So I can keep each in its proper sphere.

If it was that big a deal to my friends - some of whom are CDs, so I guess they don't even count in your grand scheme of things - I would think there would also be other parts of who I am that would also bother them. They can deal or walk. No big thing. The world has a few billion people in it, I would find others. No friend would ever ask you to give up an important part of yourself. Such a person is not - NOT - a friend. They might request that you keep it away from them, OK, fine. Nothing wrong with that. I have people in my life that do things I'm not wild about. So they don't bring me around when its going down. Easy as that.

[JenniferMint]

How Far Are You Willing To Go?

I'd go all the way to SRS, if I ended up in a serious relationship with a lesbian who preferred me with female genitalia.

[Lisa Golightly]

Is your cding more important than your family and friends?

CD'ing as you like to term it is an intrinsic part of me... The same way as I like Brussel sprouts but loathe celery... love fur but hate pvc... drive BMW's but love Mercedes. Everything I experience makes me unique, and cd'ing is another facet or flaw depending on your viewpoint.

As I've said before, and I'll no doubt say again in the future, you can only be yourself... everything else is acting.

[Kate Simmons]

It wasn't the CDing as much as it was finally being myself. I'd say very important in my case, though. My family turned their backs on me and I lost all of my friends. What's the price for finally being able to be yourself? It depends on how much you are willing to "pay" to do it. Ericka Kay

[VISHAL ELIZABETH]

I Would Like To Go And Carry On Till My Would Be Wife Accept Me As A Girl Friend. I Would Like To Make Up Together With Us, Make Nails And Toes, Wax Legs And Hands Together, And Shop Together.
In A Sense I Would Like To Have A Common Wardrobe.

I Have Always Wished To Be A Wife Rather Than A Husband Or At Least A Girl Friend Of My Would Be Wife. As I View Many Profiles Almost Every One Some Where Have The Desire To Be The Same.
Now Iam 29 And Would Like To Get Married After A Year. The First Thing I Would Like To Tell My Wife In My Honey Moon Is That I Love Cross Dressing And I Am An Expert In Ladies Dresses And Make Ups And Like To Demonstrate The Same. I Would Like To Develop My Wife To Like My Taste.

This Is All About Me. If Any One Have Advises Kindly Share With Me.

[Paula Thomas]

Vishal - Re "The First Thing I Would Like To Tell My Wife In My Honey Moon Is That I Love Cross Dressing And I Am An Expert In Ladies Dresses And Make Ups And Like To Demonstrate The Same. I Would Like To Develop My Wife To Like My Taste."

Although you may be governed by a different culture than in the U.S., I would suggest (since you "Love Cross Dressing") that you tell her before you get married.

At least in the U.S., and perhaps not so much in some other cultures, if your wife is against your cross dressing then (i) she can make your life a living hell, or (ii) perhaps just ignore it.

In either case, you will not be able to "Develop [your] Wife To Like [your] Taste."

If she accepts your cross dressing, then you may be able to "Develop [your] Wife To Like [your] Taste."

And, it would be better to find out her opinion BEFORE your marriage, rather than after.

[Marla S]

Is your cding more important than your family and friends?I know this is a heavy thread, so really put some thought into it.
This is the wrong question IMO.

If you dress just for fun or as a hobby, skip it, if your dressing means you would threaten your family or friends.

If dressing is solely sexual, stay in the closet.

If dressing is due to some part of your identity needs to express this way, find your identity first. Having that, you might think about how important going shopping en femme with your wife actually is. And you are able to educate.

[JoAnnDallas]

My wife doesn't know about my fem side, but I do push the limits occansionly. We do get our nails and toes done together. I have acrylic nails and get my toes painted and she is OK with that. She knows that I have very bad nails that crack and break, so understands why I have acrylic nails. As for the toe nail polish, she thinks I am just werid, but has noticed that when I get them done at the salon that no one tech or customer seems to care. I have now got her to let me wear Hanes and JMS T-shirts. Still want to get her to let me wear satan PJ's.

[Stephenie S]

Vishal,

WOW!

Please talk to your "would be" wife BEFORE you get married. Your honeymoon is no place to introduce this information.

Steph

[Robin Leigh]

Now I am 29 And Would Like To Get Married After A Year. The First Thing I Would Like To Tell My Wife In My Honey Moon Is That I Love Cross Dressing And I Am An Expert In Ladies Dresses And Make Ups And Like To Demonstrate The Same. I Would Like To Develop My Wife To Like My Taste.

This Is All About Me. If Any One Have Advises Kindly Share With Me.

Here are three pieces of advice for you.

1. Your wife really needs to know about Elizabeth before you propose to her, not on the honeymoon night.

2. Be very careful about crossdressing in the UAE, you don't want to get in trouble with the law. :(

3. Please don't start every word in you posts with a capital letter. :)

Robin

[Lawren]

Tough question. I will go as far as I am comfortable with it but not so far as to make Kerry uncomfortable. I used to go out dressed but haven't for years but now she has tentatively suggested a girl's night out. I have been considering it. It could be a lot of fun. I will most likely not go 24/7 or even close because I live to close to relatives and at least one of would VERY negative about it.

[SherryLynn GG]

I'm with DayTripper 100% on this.

We get one shot at life. It's going by faster than you think. When are you going to do what YOU want?

While I do not advocate deliberately hurting your family and friends, how and why are you going to let someone else determine how you are going to live your life?

I think there needs to be a little give and take on both sides. Why does it need to be all one sided?

JMHO

Steph

Why is it when a CD posts that they will only go as far as their wife lets them its made out as if the wife is trying to run their life and is only taking and not giving????

In my opinion if a wife is even willing to set up boundaries then a CD should be happy and work out these boundaries to make both people happy....wouldnt that be better than arguing all the time?? or divorce because she doesnt wanna hear anything about it??

Speaking from personal experience there has to be boundaries set up or else my husband went crazy with the CDing and it caused way too many issues with us..My husband then asked me what would make me happy, what kinda boundaries would work for us

I dont feel that im trying to run his life by asking that he only dress up a couple times a month or at least ask me before he decides to spend a weekend dressed(because we do have family that may have plans to do something) In my opinion I feel like im giving plenty...Now some of you may not see it that way, but hey we're happily married and it works for us

Just recently ive told him that he can dress up whenever he wants, that i wont say anything...

But I do hate seeing the threads that assume because a marriage/relationship has boundaries set up that the CD is the only one giving...its not so, at least not in my marriage.

Furthermore, most women find out AFTER they are married which means #1 theyve been lied to...So yes it does take some time to get used to it and if it means having a few boundaries in a CDs life then I feel that should be ok since they didnt GIVE all the info before they got married....If a CD wants to take things then they should be willing to GIVE as well...it shouldnt be the wife having to give give give.....I support CDing 100%, but I dont support the whining over and over about how its always one sided and the CD has to give everything...some relationships may be that way, but unless youre in the relationship and know the boundaries you dont know who is giving or taking or how much

[CDtv]

maybe third base on a first date

and for the real answer where ever LOVE takes me in my relationship with my Wife and Mistress. Although not very public i have accepted all challenges She has set before me and gone beyond some to surprise Her.

With LOVE all is possible and what else matters????

[Shelly Preston]

I will go as far as I am able within the boundaries agreed by both myself and my wife
It's not a question of giving over power to someone else
Its about chocies.
Sherry Lynn GG is correct to say she is compromising too
We CD's can be blinkered sometimes and think its all about us

I would say the real answer depends on your situation

Some people decide to compromise and some don't and others don't have to compromise. For all different reasons

[Calliope]

Obviously enough, we are debating a general philosophic proposition. Who knows all the factors to consider any individual marriage? We're talking about CDing here - but how the CDing plays out in a marriage must be tied to a thousand other factors ... which can not receive attention on a forum such as this.




Though I'm sure that some in here have lost marriages over this, I'm willing to bet that in most cases there was more to it than just that.

[...]

Its not the path to self-actualization. But hey, it sure is going to make it easy to find someone to blame if you turn out to be unhappy ain't it? (But don't 'cha dare do it, you turned over the power to her, its all your fault when it does not come out the way you want it. Bet on that)


And it is probably true for some inclined to live in the closet anyway, a spouse's dissapproval provides an easy reason to do so. I shudder to imagine the tension.



Furthermore, most women find out AFTER they are married which means #1 theyve been lied to...


We've heard this sentiment many times. Alas, it presumes marriages remain static throughout the years - which is rarely (and thankfully) not the case. Many women, to cite a common example, decide later into the marriage to go after careers. Or raising children. Only a brute would hold them to a fixed connubial 'contract.'

Extrapolate from there. CDing, as we know, is tied to social pressures and usually requires an evolution. There are many reasons CDing 'gets sprung' on a mate. Just like there are many reasons it 'gets sprung' on the CD. Expecting a decade-long marriage to resemble a new one is utopian.

[Sky]

Is your cding more important than your family and friends?

Amazing how many of us answered in generic terms, when this looks like a very straightforward question about each one's personal preferences.

So for my own answer, no, cding is not more important that family and friends. A long time ago I chose to carry two separate lives, one as a family guy (but without Peter Griffin's belly, thanks heaven!) and another as a cd. Insincere, yes, but effective. And a few times (not too many) I considered coming open to my wife, and then I decided against it, because losing my family would be the worst outcome IMO. I'm not sorry about it. Lately I have been pulling away from cding and it didn't bring any serious internal conflict.

[julie w]

I think the wife should know about you cd ing but I would not push it on her . a lot of women
will put up with it as long as its not in their face , but when you want to
go shopping with them en femme thats when you could be playing with
fire , unless its their idea which I think is rare

[stephanie100]

How far would I go as far as possible My partner knows of stephanie so so no probs and as for friends if they dont understand or riddicule then they are not friends.

:hugs:
steph

[Angie G]

I love to dress my wife knows and is accepting to a point no wigs bras or makeup if it came to not having my family I'd stop or go back in the closet
Angie