My recent thoughts on Passing

[DeeInGeorgia]

I went out in public for the first time just about a year ago. I had distant visions of being able to pass as a woman. All through my 20’s, 30’s and 40’s, while dressed drab, with my longish hair, I would be called Ma’am, until they saw my face and apologized for the mistake. So I had held some hope that with a wig, breast forms, makeup and a dress, that I just might possibly pass.

And I worried that I wouldn’t pass.

And then there was this past Saturday. The Atlanta Tri-Ess group makes it a point to go out to several different restaurants for lunch and dinners at each month’s meeting. They also have members that are active in outreach, going to local colleges to give talks on crossdressing. They are also ready at a moment’s notice to tell anyone that asks about themselves and crossdressing.

There I was, walking back to the hotel with two of the ladies that do the outreach, when out come two young genetic women. One GG says to the other, in more polite terms, "What is going on with all these men dressed as women?"

The two ladies I was with proceeded to stop and had a very nice, polite and respectful conversation with the two GGs. It seems they were hairdressers at a hairdressing convention in the same hotel we were having our Tri-Ess meeting. I stopped also. My mind was racing for a bit. It was telling me to just continue walking and get away from there. My heart was racing. But I stopped and did say a couple of words during the conversation without falling apart. I stopped because I decided I needed to learn how to handle "Not being Able to Pass" and instead be comfortable with who I am.

The only problem is, I have never been comfortable with who I am in a social context. So maybe, I can become comfortable with who I am in a social context when I become comfortable with who I am as a crossdresser.

DeeInGeorgia

P.S.

A half an hour later, a larger group of us ladies, along with a couple of the wives, went to the hotel bar for some conversation amongst ourselves and the same two GG ladies we had talked to earlier were there. One of the ladies and three of her friends joined us at our table and we had another long discussion about crossdressing, answering all their questions.

[Wenda]

Sounds like a very succesful encounter. My problem is that I slip out of character, and my voice slips.

[Calliope]

I have never been comfortable with who I am in a social context. So maybe, I can become comfortable with who I am in a social context when I become comfortable with who I am as a crossdresser.


I can really relate to that. I've done much better meeting women since coming all the way out. I find the mating tension is gone and there's much more of a person-to-person vibe. I also discovered that I can dance (foolishly but with natural enthusiasm) while dressed, whereas back in my drab days, I was the typical uptight guy outside looking in.

[Phoebe Reece]

Dee, your story shows that there are some advantages in NOT passing. If you and your companions had simply "passed", you would not have had the opportunity to talk with that group of GG's about crossdressing. Not only was that good outreach to the community at large, but it seemed to help you begin to become more comfortable with who you are in a social setting. Your comfort level with being dressed around other people has definitely increased over the past year.

It is not neccessary to give up dreams of passing. You have probably "passed" many times and just didn't realize it. Passing is just not something you can expect to happen every time you go out - especially if you are with a group of other crossdressers.