First time out?

[DonnaG]

An answer to a previous post suggested that I attend a group meeting such as Tri-Ess. While I'm sure that would be a wonderful experiance I have no idea how I could work up the nerve to make such a gathering my first step out of the closet.
While I very much would like to meet other CDs I am afraid that my best effort would not measure up. I've read many posts from other members who say that they don't care what others think. As long as they are happy that's all that counts. That's not the case for me. I don't want to be embarassed by my less than adequate efforts nor do I want those efforts to make others uneasy. I would rather meet with a smaller group in a less public setting until I was up to speed. I don't know if such an option exists nor how to make contact if they do. Any suggestions ?

[Charleen]

I've read suggestions to go in drab to check things out first.

[KarenSusan]

I've read suggestions to go in drab to check things out first.

That's right. I've been to support group meetings where there were many in drab. And as far as going enfemme, don't worry about being perfect. The important thing is to go.

[Stephanie Miller]

Donna,
Be assured - there never has been a swan that didn't start out as an "ugly duckling" first. ( Left myself an opening for a good dart from Karren there! :eek: ) As a senior member of our Tri Ess club here in my little corner of the world - we've all pretty much seen it all. And we welcome you with open arms. The entire Tri Ess movement was started with helping others in mind.
You should contact your home town chapters leader ( all e-mails can go through the national website) and discuss it with her. She doesn't care, and even understands, if you want to be annonymous, go en drab, half in drab -or whatever. Just don't short change yourself by not getting out. A whole new world is waiting for you.

[sandra-leigh]

An answer to a previous post suggested that I attend a group meeting such as Tri-Ess.

Heh, I think that was me! Small forum, aint it :)

I'm in Canada, so there is no Tri-Ess here, but there happens to be an active and open social club in my city. I don't recall now whether I went to my first meeting in drab or whether I had a skirt on; they welcomed me either way.

For the first few meetings, I deliberately didn't give any name, as I didn't know what to expect and didn't want any chance of being traced back to my job. People accepted that, and within a few months I had come up with a handle that I've been using since then.

At our club meetings, there is almost always someone in drab or only part-way dressed. Some of the members have adopted fairly consistant and plain styles and look nearly the same each time: they also happen to be active members, and they pass easily. For some people, it just doesn't take much to pass, once the basics have been covered.

At our meetings, there might be a couple of people really "done up", but most are just somewhere in-between. As I look around the meetings, with my "eye" educated to look past the clothes, it is fairly easy for me to glance over and say, "Ah yes, that person is a cross-dresser". So really passing is the minority at our meetings -- and no-one seems to care. We have a few people who are going through reassignment, and sometimes they are the least "passable" (the most likely to look like a guy wearing a poorly-picked female outfit.)

The clothes worn to any one meeting, the quality of the makeup job, and so on, are much less important than simply the fact that you show up at all, and socialize a bit. (Or if not socialize, then at least sit around looking like you would join in if you weren't so overwhelmed.)


Tell you what: show up in drab, with a few simple things in a bag with you; if you don't feel too weirded out, then you can slip into the washroom and put them on. Tri-Ess is a reputable organization; I'd be surprised if anyone was negative about not looking perfect.

I'm not saying that Tri-Ess is perfect: my suspicion is that some of the city chapters devolve into political factions, perhaps around the topic of how much recognition to demand of various places. In any sufficiently large organization like that, look at enough of the chapters and you'd probably find one all fired up over something like enforcement of "turns" to dispose of the meeting's recycling.

[sterling12]

Hi Donna:

Lilly is right, first time out just go in drab. However, do not be surprised after you get to the meeting, look around, see everyone dressed...you will probably feel a bit odd for not having dressed on the first go round. I went to my first meeting "en drab" and that's exactly how I felt.

A couple of pertinent points: 1.) I have been told that the number one question asked or thought about by new members is: "will someone recognize me?" The odds are phenomenally small and if you did, you would now have a very close CD Friend who shared the same secret with you. I think the 2nd question thought about is probably at least as prevalent as the first: "Will I be pretty enough....how will I compare?" Trust me, odds are excellent that you will fit right in the middle.....Tri-Ess meetings are not about passing and most of us are not "young and nubile".

Before you go to a regular meeting, you will have to go through a brief screening process with the appointed person in your local chapter. That's usually done in a neutral, public place, and it's done en drab also. Let that screening person know about your anxiety's, they are usually chosen for their abilities to help potential new members. Also, In my chapters we all enjoy helping the new person, (if asked), with their makeup and a lot of other things. And, we try to make the transition a very non-threatening, positive, thing.

One of the real "kicks" for most of the "Big Sister's" is watching someone blossom and feel positive about their crossdressing, often for the first time in their lives, so we are usually quick to lend a helping hand. In a short while, it will then be your turn to help out a new Sista facing the same sorts of problems.

I'll make you a small wager, contact National and then contact your Local Chapter. Go to the screening, then go to the meeting. In a very short time, I will expect to get a PM from you telling me what a fun, thrilling, experience joining that group has been. If you don't like it, let me know and I will apologise...but I doubt that will ever happen.

Oh Darlin', it just feels so good to finally get out of that closet!

peace and love, Joanie

[Joy Carter]

Just takes just getting over the shyness and you will do fine Hun. I went to a transgender cook out the summer but in drab and everyone thought I was a tranny chaser LOL. I'll blow their minds next time comming dressed as I am.:D

[Sally2]

I don't want to be embarassed by my less than adequate efforts nor do I want those efforts to make others uneasy. I would rather meet with a smaller group in a less public setting until I was up to speed. I don't know if such an option exists nor how to make contact if they do. Any suggestions ?[/QUOTE]

First of all Donna I'm in your age bracket. I had a small window of opportunity which I seized and acted upon. Maybe you can contact your local TriEsse group and have them recommend a Transformation Specialist in your area who can work with you. These people exist and are more than willing to have you really get in touch with your feminine side. Once you see your best feminine image it will only give you more confidence. I went to local Renaissance chapters (www.ren.org) and slowly developed friendships which carried over into dinners at accepting restaurants and on to "All you can be" type affairs like Fantasia Fair in Provincetown MA, Paradise in the Poconos (now Rehoboth Beach). You can grow into this areas but you must take the first step. My favorite saying is "NO regrets--No empty Yesterdays". Empty yesterdays is what happens if you keep putting off until tomorrow. At our age you can't afford this. Good luck and please take that first step. Sally2

[Sally24]

It might be helpful if you list a geographic area that you are in or near. I'm in New England and we have any number of GurlsNightOut chapters for CDs to meet. I just got back from last nights visit to Club Cafe in Boston. We had one member who is over 60 and been doing this all her life. We had another member show up who is 30 and just started last month! We have a number of girls who pass easily and some that don't pass at all. It doesn't matter so much as getting together and going out in public. We have some come in drab and then the next visit is en femme.

Good luck

Sally

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Gurlsniteoutclub_Boston_Ma/