How?

[sabrina_stockings]

Hi everyone.

To those who don't know me, I'm a mid-twenties closet girl from Atlanta.

I've been extremely confused lately and some of you may be able to help.

I'm married to a wonderful woman... but I know for a FACT that if she found out about my alter ego it would be curtains for my relationship.

In the past this was no big deal but lately my feelings for "femme" are growing stronger and stronger.

Is there a way to be true to myself and still keep a strong relationship?

Any input on the subject would be most appreciated.

P.S. Please don't tell me to tell her because that is not going to happen ;)

[Scotty]

See if you can play around in the bedroom and enjoy that time there if she goes for it.

Had a G/F once that enjoyed that, in fact she pushed it on me moreso, but we had a lot of fun with it....

Otherwise, sounds like it's curtains for your CD'ing.....she will find out sooner or later.

[KarenSusan]

Unfortunately, Sabrina, I don't see how you can supress your crossdressing forever. I has been my experience (and I am 60) that this gets stronger with age.

[Marjie]

I wouldn't tell your wife at all. Like you if I told my wife I'd be in Divorce court the next day!!

[Charleen]

I was in the same spot. I was married for 30 years until she passed almost a year ago. I stayed hidden for the entire times as I knew she would have a major problem with Lily. I dressed when I could. I know that alot of girls here recommend being out front and telling the SOs,and if I had he internet years ago, I don't know what I would have done, but I didn't, so I kept my mouth shut, and stayed hidden. It was O.K. though. True, it was hard to deal with, but she, and my marriage was much more important to me than being able to dress. The key is is to be very careful in every aspect of your CDing. The spot where you keep your things, making sure you have all your make up off, ect.. It's tough,but I did it for those 30 years, and didn't get caught. Close sometimes I will admit, but got away with it. I know that there are some here that strongly disagree about staying hidden, and that's their right, but we have to do what's right for our own situation. I have no regrets as I had a beautiful, loving marriage, and as I said, that was more important to me than being able to wear a dress whenever I wanted.
BTW, welcome aboard. Love and xxxx, Lily

[Marla S]

Is there a way to be true to myself and still keep a strong relationship?
IMO this is mutually exclusive, hence you or your relationship will have to suffer (maybe both).
Anyway, if you don't want to tell, pay a lot attention to be carefull with your dressing and maybe slowly and carefully try to get more freedom without becoming suspicious (one day trips alone or something like this ).

[happyroman]

Unfortunately, Sabrina, I don't see how you can supress your crossdressing forever. I has been my experience (and I am 60) that this gets stronger with age.
I'm 65 and I could not agree more the feelings get stronger as you get older .
Carol Jones

[julie w]

I agree with karensusan cd ing gets stronger with age , only you can decide
whats best .Do you just dress without her knowing ? or risk telling her
I think a young women may be not as understanding ,as an older one that
has more to loose

[Rachel Morley]

This is tough one. I once promised myself I would never ever tell a living sole, least of all my SO, because I felt sure that no one would truly understand how my dressing is for me. I did end up telling....but we won't go into that right now.

Remember, it's impossible to give this up, there is no "cure" for crossdressing. If you are absolutely sure that she wouldn't care less that there is something bothering her husband and that when expressed makes him feel relaxed, happy, and fulfilled, but when suppressed it causes stress, anxiety, and irritability, then you've got a big problem...and I don't mean the cding. I mean the fact that when two people love one another they should a least care enough about the other to want to at least listen to something so important. That said, please don't feel like I'm criticizing because that is not my intention...all, I'm saying is, where's the love?

[Karren H]

Hey...I'd be the last one to tell you or anyone else that telling your wife is the way to go...know of way too many unhappy endings.... I didn't tell for the same reason and kept it a secret for almost 30 years but she ended up finding out when I got sloppy...

But as you kick it up a knotch, so does the probablity that she will find out.. Even if your the most careful of any of us here!!! Probability is not on your side as time and desires increase...

But for as long as you can or wish to, you need to be vigilant in your ability to clean up every speck of femmness after you dress!! Every one!!! And even though a small hair here or a smudge there doesn't sound like much.... They will be noticed and will become addative over time...

So please be very careful going forward!!! We are all pulling for you girly!!

Love Karren

[Joy Carter]

A big lie, or so I hear from many gurls/GG's here. But what when you do fess up and she refuses to accept ? Then where are you ? I told her in our third year of marriage. I went through depression anger and constant self loathing because I had to keep myself in control. I'm fifty seven now and I told her that I can't keep myself held back any longer. She has not been as bad about as I thought but she doesn't want to ever see a trace of my CD left where she can see it. So it's hotels in other cities to be out where I'm not known. I have made some friends here who I will be going out with. But it's the not being accepted by the one who loves you the most that has me hurting. We love each other without question but she is afraid about others finding out and their reaction.:(

[sabrina_stockings]

You are all so sweet and so right to your own extents.

Thanx for the advice and only time will tell.

xoxo
Bree

[angelfire]

I don't really have any advice, because I have never been in that situation, but there is alot of good advice on here.

[Sheila]

.Do you just dress without her knowing ? or risk telling her
I think a young women may be not as understanding ,as an older one that
has more to loose

I'm sorry Julie but loosing trust at any age IS A BIG THING perhaps rather than looking at it like us oldies have soooooooooo much more to lose !!!!!!!! you could also view it that the younger partner might be so devastated about the lack of trust that she may not ever want to risk a relationship again -------- there are strenghts and weakness that we all have regardless of race, creed or sex --------- and from anyones point of view lies and deceipt do not go toward making a relationship stong.

Sabrina,
I can't and won't begin to tell you how to decide whats best for you and your wife, but please take care, because if she is like many other women she will begin to suspect that something is up, because no matter how careful you are (or perhaps because of it) she will probably begin to suspect something eventually -------- she may not know what it is but us women have fertile imaginations:D :D , and if she is tiding up one day and comes across a frilly !!!!!!!!!!!! especially in the bedroom you can begin to imagine what she will think. I knew something was "wrong" with my partner months and months before I found out, and no matter what I could never get to the bottom of it ---------- when I did find out is was the lies that nearly destroyed us fortunatly the love I feel for him was too strong just to give up but the only condition I would say I put on cding is NO MORE LIES.

I hopr that you will find a road that you can travel on with ease, and maybe one day one that you can both travel together
Jess(so)

[kenni]

I could not tell my SO because it would be the end of our relationship. It does become an obsession (CD'ING) because it is who we are. We both live in the Atlanta area, so lets hang out and discuss this over drinks, and maybe I can help, if you want to hang with a 50 yo. I have been leaving hints for my wife for several months, shaving my legs and chest, but she really does not want to know. You are young and can start again if necessary, and happiness comes and goes. Anyway I ramble, mostly because I am at work and have been here for 12 hours.

[ColleenCD]

Bree,

Try to look long term. It seems many of the gurls here have been married a while. I too have been at a similar point with my wife. She didn't want my CDing discussed. Through time, we both have changed and grown with more to go. Now 25 plus years later I can't live without her. She noticed I was more frustrated about life and asked me about it. I gave her some books on CDing which brought silent acceptance and some sharp words, but that's marraige. Be patient.:2c:

Colleen

[Phoebe Reece]

Odds are that sooner or later, you will get caught. There are loads of threads here about CD's getting caught and what the consequences were. You may not even know you have been caught because your SO may wait it out to see how honest you really are. As it has been pointed out by so many GG's here, it is the deception involved that is a bigger deal than the crossdressing itself.

I have a CD friend who lives in South Georgia who was on temporary assignment in the Atlanta area for a pretty long time. His wife did not know at all about his dressing and he was convinced their marriage would end if she found out. His planned solution was to dress while in Atlanta and then purge and give it up completely when the assignment was over. Things never go as planned. His wife found some of his crossdressing literature at his home (he was careless) and got him to admit to what was going on. She forced him to promise he would get rid of his things and give it all up. As you may imagine, he could not bring himself to give it up. Instead of throwing his things out, he let a friend store them for him. His assignment in Atlanta is over, but he sometimes gets up here for a weekend for business and gets out enfemme at those rare times. He is still having some infrequent discussions on the subject of crossdressing with his wife. His marriage did not end when the wife found out, but there have certainly been some rocky times. He actually has some hope now that she may someday at least agree that it is OK to dress when she is not around. Time will tell.

[secrets]

My first girlfriend was freaked out about my habits and left me, my second, (now my wife) loves me whatever I do, she loves me for who I am and not what I look like. I realise that I am lucky to have her be so understanding, but I would hope that yours would feel the same and not be put off by trivial things such as dress sense. I am not saying you should tell her, but if she really loves you then perhaps it wont matter to her?
The best advice I have been given in the past is to make a game of it:
put yourself in a position where you might be dared to dress up, then do it and have some fun (bedroom fun) ;) . If she likes it, she may ask again!

[ElleCD]

Sabrina

I am also not out to my SO. It is true that the desire gets stronger as you get older and it is true that the risk of discovery is high despite how careful you are. Recently I have had makeup come to my house instead of my PO Box (some things are beyond your control) and although my post dressing clean up is military in its precision I recently missed a false nail (red) that had fallen to the floor and remained there for 36 hours without either of us noticing. No one is going to tell you wht to do but be awrae that the risk of discovery is high.

[ArleneRaquel]

Elle, all that I can say that as I gotten older the desire has grown. I don't know if I could ever be anything less than 24 / 7 now.:love: From Katrina

[Ranee Daze]

Here's the age old question. What about the lie of omission? Can you pull it off? If you truly love her you can. I am assuming that she loves you and holds your union dear to her. If you truly love her in the same way then I am sure that you would not want to ruin this beautiful and nourishing thing you share. I don't think you have any illusions about sharing your dressing with her.
As I have, you make a choice and you stick with it. Your need to dress will not go away, but you can manage it in a way that will keep it secret from her and anyone else by just being smart about it.
I am no saint, but I've learned from books, the web and really from this site that our common passion can explode upon our lives and leave us very much alone. So, I allow myself to think about dressing, but I dress relatively rarely, 3-5 times a year. . I do not shave arms or legs...there are ways around this. I do not use my normal voice when I'm out. Your voice is the most familiar thing to everybody you know, really! I stay away from areas where friends and family live and work. I never dress in summer, for the sweat problem, and the fact that fashions are too revealing in summer. Spring and Fall are my times, curiously these times are when the urge is strongest. I plan some free time and very carefully draw up a plan in my mind for what I am going to do, wear, where I may visit etc. right down to where I will park and go potty. Last Thursday and Friday were such days. Thursday I visited a new wig shop enfemme, digital camera in hand, and tried on ten or fifteen great wigs. I came back with photos of moi in every possible hair mode. That evening I got my first manicure and polish, still enfemme, to get ready for Friday. On Friday my plan was to visit a posh salon and have my hair done enfemme. I let the stylist have complete control. I got a great cut and style which in the end the stylist did in such a way that I can wear it in malemode by brushing it different. Curiously again, it's the best male cut I've had in years. I do have to ask just why it is that women still pay a gender "tax" at the salon. A male cut with the same stylist.....ten bucks cheaper! After that it was off to some great dress salons...my favourite, Melanie Lynne, where I tried some amazing ballgowns, then under cover of darkness...home and happy and ready to plan my next venture out in a few months. The dresses, wigs, makeup, shoes are all back in the moving boxes, taped up and in the back of the "closet". I feel relaxed again and free.
The thing is that if my ex or my kids, friends or work collegues found out about this....well the damage would be un-fixable. So I carefully manage my passion for dressing and my world stays in the correct orbit.
For you this might just work.

[Jodi Lynn]

[QUOTE=Karren Hutton;565105]Hey...I'd be the last one to tell you or anyone else that telling your wife is the way to go...know of way too many unhappy endings.... I didn't tell for the same reason and kept it a secret for almost 30 years but she ended up finding out when I got sloppy...

I have to agree with Karren on this one. I too got sloppy after 30 years of hidding it from her. While we didn't end up in devorce court, I can't say that it has helped our relationship any. She doesn't turst me anymore, she thinks that every time I go to a store I am going to buy some fem things for myself. And she makes these little digs about me every now and then. I think she still loves me, but it hasn't made us any closer.

[mikala]

I totally know where you are..... I too am going thru a strong urge to dress....

I lost a lot of weight, from 235 to 155 now, my wife is out and I am totally dressed and feel great.

The best thing I enjoy is my high quality breasts (I glue them on and seal the edge with latex). I want to tell my wife that I would like to dress much more often (like always), but she won't go for it. She is ok when we make out (sometimes) but not always. She switches back and forth, but she definitely knows I "dress", but only in certain lingerie. Actually I am completely dressed right now as a (Holloween costume) hooker. I suggested I go as a girl, but she bristled when I mentioned the "thought" of going out of the house looking like a Holloween hooker - fish nets, mini-skirt, cleavage, etc....

If that doesn't fly then I will wear my gig when out of town next week on business.

Later, Love Mikala