Coming out to parents and family (and why)

[Michelle Ellis]

I have been stewing on this forever... I actually tried once LOL I was very young, I was stumbling around in my moms heels and just told her I'd rather be a girl. Didn't go over too well then as I remember. Maybe now that I'm 30 something I'll be taken more seriously than I was as a child?

I dunno... I find no peace within myself as I am... some days I think what a much better life I could have if I just got over my hangups and did something about it.

But why? Why should any of us tell our parents of all people? I respect and love them so much that I feel if I revealed myself it would be like killing their son. I would choose to tell my parents and one of my sisters if I could mainly because I have very few friends, and the one or two friends I do have I would never (ever) consider.

I don't think my folks would disown me or anything like that, I just can't help feeling that the news would be such a huge disappointment to both of them, I'm sure they would still love me (Matthew that is) but how could they ever really accept me as Michelle. I don't think they could... I don't want to become the weirdo in the family that everyone pitys behind my back.

I would love to hear the thoughts of parents who've had children come out to them... but I know that's not so likely here.

I keep a 'disposable' journal, I delete it all the time... when I write it's usually a rant against me, michelle and my life ending each entry the same, with a question to myself : When the hell am I going to do something about all this?

I'm tired of thoughts of suicide. I'm way too big of a whimp to ever do it, yet it's always the fallback whenever I feel like I'll never be able to transition, it's so illogical... and I'm sick of thinking like that! I can't belive I'm so hung up on this I could even remotely think death would be preferable to living as a girl... damn, that's my only desire after all...

One thing I know, if I can't come out to someone, I'm going to be stuck like this for a long, long time.

All this and I just had one of the best weekends of my life... LOL

Thanks for listening everyone...
M

[Joy Carter]

There are worse things Michelle than living like we do, and suicide is not going to go down very well with the one's you love and would be leaving behind. Have you had any luck contacting others like you +? It doesn't happen overnight and your young yet believe it or not. So please shed your mind of selfish thoughts and concentrate on making some quality friends in our community. Or even a GG who just might like Michelle for who she is.

Peace Sister Joy C :hugs:

[Michelle Ellis]

Thanks Joy, no it's definitely no option, and quite selfish... I debated with myself for even bringing it up... it's the thoughts of it I'm getting tired of. When I'm Michelle I'm good, when I'm not I still have this nasty habbit of beating myself up. At least I don't do that all the time anymore. Anyhow, like I said I'm too much of a whimp for 'that' anyhow.

Meeting someone in this circumstance is kind of a scary thing... but exactly what I need/want to do. I don't think Tri-Ess is right for me... and I'm not concerned with getting together to dress up so much, how else to go about this properly? I'm at a loss...

M

[jamie_44]

Hi Michelle, I can totally relate to how you feel. My wife learned of my desire to be a woman about year ago. She has handled it remarkably well and yes I also told her that it makes you think about suicide sometimes. She helped keep it together for me. She convinced me to start seeing a therapist that deals with transgender people. This past summer I actually told my mother about my issue and my father was also on the line. Both parents got the full shock at the same time. I just could not keep it inside any longer.
It really upset them, my mother said she would have to tell everyone I was dead if I transitioned. Later she called to apologize for that remark and tell me that they both loved me very much. They are more understanding about the situation now. So to wind this down, I know it really upset them at first but it helps to have someone else to talk with about your problem. It really helped my wife to have someone understand what she has been going through too. Hang in there, I know it's not easy, but telling others can help the burden that you carry. Famiy and true friends will still love you no matter what happens.

[Marla S]

Thanks Joy, no it's definitely no option, and quite selfish... I debated with myself for even bringing it up... it's the thoughts of it I'm getting tired of. When I'm Michelle I'm good, when I'm not I still have this nasty habbit of beating myself up. At least I don't do that all the time anymore. Anyhow, like I said I'm too much of a whimp for 'that' anyhow.

Meeting someone in this circumstance is kind of a scary thing... but exactly what I need/want to do. I don't think Tri-Ess is right for me... and I'm not concerned with getting together to dress up so much, how else to go about this properly? I'm at a loss...

M
I think so. Best would be to find someone in person to talk to in order to have a living experience. I think it is important to break out of the circeling thoughts and to get some new input. From my own expereinces breaking this circeling thoughts by oneself is almost impossible.
Maybe it is an option to talk to your sister first, if you trust her enough, or to find a counselor.

[Michelle Ellis]

Thanks for all of your input. I'm not sure a counsilor or therapy is right for me... but talking is, I've never thought of it like that Marla, a Living Experience, but that's it.

These thoughts were heavy on my mind last I saw my sister, we only get together a couple of times a year. Sometimes I think she already knows... I was almost ready to drop some subtle hint or something to get the ball rolling or the questions started before she got here, then once we were face to face I lost it, thought there was no way she suspected and somehow instantly changed my mind on what her reaction would be. Basicly, I think I can when we're a thousand miles apart, and then it's impossible when the opportunity arrises.

I want to take this next step, but simply put, I think I'm just too scared. And that makes me wonder if I'm subjecting myself to some flight of fancy or latest obsession, but of course I'm not, this has been with me forever, longer than anything. Circular Thinking again...

M

[GypsyKaren]

Michelle, Michelle, Michelle, my dear friend Michelle...if it's something that will bring you peace, then do it, just do it. All you're really doing is letting them know who you really are, what's so bad about that? You don't need a reason or why for it all, maybe it's just something you gotta do. That's why I came out, it was just something I had to do.

I've found that those who loved you before finding out will continue to do so, those that didn't still don't, and I don't care about them. Just do whatever it takes to make you happy, I know it's really scary and such, a real leap of faith, but such is life.

Karen

[~Kitty GG~]

life is not a dress rehearsal

So what you're doing right now... that's what you're getting out of life.

How can just doing it.. taking whatever steps you feel are right for you.. be worse than what you're doing right now?

There isn't suddenly going to be a right time. But there is suddenly going to be a time when you're ready for the nursing home..

Love & Hugs
~:star:Kitty:star:~

[Stephenie S]

life is not a dress rehearsal

So what you're doing right now... that's what you're getting out of life.

How can just doing it.. taking whatever steps you feel are right for you.. be worse than what you're doing right now?

There isn't suddenly going to be a right time. But there IS suddenly going to be a time when you're ready for the nursing home..

Love & Hugs
~:star:Kitty:star:~

Gee Michelle, did you listen to this? Here it all is, right here, all the wisdom you could ever ask for in four (4!! count 'em) short sentences. Well, five if you count the heading.

This is it girl. You are not going to get another life, this is the only one we got and it's flashing by faster than you can ever imagine. Go for it sweetie before it's too late. Your parents love you, your family loves you. They will get over any shock and dismay pretty quickly. Your discomfort, if you do nothing, will last your entire life.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Michelle Ellis]

The fact that I'm not getting any younger, and haven't gotten anywhere yet is one of the reasons for all this new activity in my life, I'm feeling driven to try and accomplish some things that have always been with me. I have to somehow balance my desires with my real life and 'very' real responsibilities. I have to aproach the situation in a way that shows I'm not ignorant to these facts. I have to somehow get over this cripling fear that I have... and hopefully (but I don't know how) find a sympathetic friend with whom I can sit down and talk to. I almost feel that has to come first for some reason.

I certainly hope to acheive some of this before I'm in that nursing home.

M