Questions, dilemas, theories, chaos!

[Ellaine]

I am undergoing councelling to help deal with my TG issues. I am reading "My Husband Betty". Trying to answer the myriad of questions that arise when looking at all the issues, both for myself and Family. I am finding it all so difficult. Getting the answers wrong seems so easy. I feel like saying I don't know unless I try such and such, for a while! Not very practical, is it? In "My Husband Betty", being classified as Transgender rather than Transvestite, according to Magnus Hirschfield, depends on whether the act of dressing is sexually arousing. The problem isn't clarified to explain the dropping off of sexual arousal over time. So the transition from Transvestite to Transgenderist seems, in most cases, to be inevitable over time.

Another question that arises right from the starting block....from the repeated phrase..."live as a woman", or "desire to be a woman". Perhaps I am over-complicating all this, but I need help. I have been thinking how much Men and Women are similar in so many ways. Of course there are stereotypes, and these tend to point out polarities. But what does the phrase "live like a woman" really mean? Can it be defined? Are we not all different, irrespective of gender? Are the questions being outdated by the changing roles when compared to the 1950's?

I'm just going round and round, on the starting blocks. Am I going insane?

[Kate Simmons]

I dunno, maybe it means living like what appears to be how a woman lives? With all the gender diversity in the world, I'm still trying to figure out that one. I mean, WHO determines what it's like to "live" like a woman or a man for that matter? I know I ain't "qualified", I just do it.:happy: Ericka Kay

[Nigella]

I may be one of the more fortunate members here. I wear what society calls "female clothing" all the time. I present an outward appearance that is female, at first glance, but do not go overboard to hide my male features, in either body shape, facial appearance or voice.

My point, well I am totally content with who and what I am, so I cant understand the dilema that you are going through, I just wish you luck in finding the answers you seek.

:hugs:

[Marla S]

Another question that arises right from the starting block....from the repeated phrase..."live as a woman", or "desire to be a woman". Perhaps I am over-complicating all this, but I need help. I have been thinking how much Men and Women are similar in so many ways. Of course there are stereotypes, and these tend to point out polarities. But what does the phrase "live like a woman" really mean? Can it be defined? Are we not all different, irrespective of gender? Are the questions being outdated by the changing roles when compared to the 1950's?

I'm just going round and round, on the starting blocks. Am I going insane?

As a TG you can reach exactly two things:
1.) To feel to be a woman. This is completaly subjective and is always possible and might be supported by the outfit.
2.) To be accepted as a woman by others. Passing would belong here or becoming a accepted part of the women's culture. (for certain aspects of the women's culture this might even be possible in drab)

You can't become a women, and as you said, women and men are just too diverse and have a too diverse life styles that the phrase "to live like a women" makes much sense today.

[Marla S]

I am undergoing councelling to help deal with my TG issues. I am reading "My Husband Betty". Trying to answer the myriad of questions that arise when looking at all the issues, both for myself and Family. I am finding it all so difficult. Getting the answers wrong seems so easy. I feel like saying I don't know unless I try such and such, for a while! Not very practical, is it? In "My Husband Betty", being classified as Transgender rather than Transvestite, according to Magnus Hirschfield, depends on whether the act of dressing is sexually arousing. The problem isn't clarified to explain the dropping off of sexual arousal over time. So the transition from Transvestite to Transgenderist seems, in most cases, to be inevitable over time.
It might not be practical, but I think it is necessary.
It is hard to find ones place on a pure theoretical basis. It is a constant process of trial and error, scrutinizing own thoughts and stereotypes as well as that of the society, which one is a part and representative of. This requires action and observation of the own feelings. The whole matter is a lot like a Gordian knot.
The dropping of the sexual aspect over time has something to do with experience of life IMO, which brings sexuality more to an emotional level which is less controled by superficial stimuli like clothes. This is not exclusive to CDing.
CDing bears a strong auto-erotic potential, because we are finaly men that dress and behave in a way the sexual counterpart is expected to do (stereotypes) and we feel erotic. And even if our mind trys to tell us that it isn't that way, the little friend often does.

[Kate Simmons]

I may be one of the more fortunate members here. I wear what society calls "female clothing" all the time. I present an outward appearance that is female, at first glance, but do not go overboard to hide my male features, in either body shape, facial appearance or voice.

My point, well I am totally content with who and what I am, so I cant understand the dilema that you are going through, I just wish you luck in finding the answers you seek.

:hugs:...And we just love you for who you are, Nigella.:love: Ericka Kay

[Kate Simmons]

I guess I must have "graduated" or something. When I started dressing years ago, it was thrilling and erotic wearing women's clothes. Over the years it's developed into the opposite. I can be dressed as Ericka but am more erotic when I undress to be intimate. Being dressed as Ericka is just an identity thing really but if I am aroused, my real feelings come out when I am close to someone both physically and emotionally. Ericka Kay

[Marla S]

I guess I must have "graduated" or something.
Looks like :D
When the mind evolves it needs different food than the eyes.

[Tree GG]

One issue at a time. As Marla pointed out, you have to take this in bite size pieces so you can know what you feel and if it represents who you want to be. My SOCDer and I had a discussion very similar to your questions recently. How does CDing make you feel? What does it mean to be feminine?

Only answers we came up with were that there are alot of feelings invoked by MTF CDing and eroticism is only a small part. As a GG who hates to shop, flies airplanes, rides dirt bikes, works in an industrial technical field, but quilts, plays tennis at the club and has had children, feminine to me is just whatever I choose to be. Of course it is convenient to be able to say, "I don't know, I'm just a girl" at times. The clothes don't matter. In all honesty, when I was younger (under 25), clothes were very important and I have a closet full of stuff I never wear anymore. I must have graduated out of that phase.

The only constant in the universe is change, so don't expect to find truths today that remain valid forever. Choose which aspects are important to you today and try to identify why. IMO, that's the best place to start.

Good luck

[Joy Carter]

.

The only constant in the universe is change, so don't expect to find truths today that remain valid forever. Choose which aspects are important to you today and try to identify why. IMO, that's the best place to start.

Good luck[/QUOTE]

Simply sead Tree ! Question what kinda tree R - U- B Hun +? LOL

[Karren H]

Guess I'm lucky that I never read anything on how we are supposed to be or what we are supposed to do or why!! Or went to councelling...


And I think that if I had I would have been messed up for life...ok, more messed up..lol. But what does it matter what they want to call you or what catagory you fit into? Will that make it better or will that change anything? You still like doing what you like to do and unless you going to try to change what you are doing....why go through this? I never understood the need to "know" why we do anything...


Maybe its just me...but I could care less why I crossdress or what narrow catagory someone else wants to put me into...I like doing this. Period!!!


I'm not trying to be insensative because you obviously want to know why....but maybe you don't really NEED to know? Just my opinion...

Love Karren

[Charleen]

It's like asking how high is up. By society's standards, I was always more fem than my wife. Does it matter? I don't think so. I am who I am, and the beauty is that that is the same for everyone, regardless of the constricting labels that people try to attach to everything and everyone.
Love and xxxx, Lily

[Sophia Rearen]

Guess I'm lucky that I never read anything on how we are supposed to be or what we are supposed to do or why!! Or went to councelling...


And I think that if I had I would have been messed up for life...ok, more messed up..lol. But what does it matter what they want to call you or what catagory you fit into? Will that make it better or will that change anything? You still like doing what you like to do and unless you going to try to change what you are doing....why go through this? I never understood the need to "know" why we do anything...


Maybe its just me...but I could care less why I crossdress or what narrow catagory someone else wants to put me into...I like doing this. Period!!!


I'm not trying to be insensative because you obviously want to know why....but maybe you don't really NEED to know? Just my opinion...

Love Karren

Karren, maybe Ellaine is more TG than you? I'd say a stereotype is that women are more inquisitive than men.

[Ellaine]

Sophia! you minx!!! ;)


Thank you all so much for your input.
My decision to take back the 20yr old promise to family, of keeping it in the house, has been a major factor in my coming to terms with the whole crossdressing thing. "Giving myself permission" as they call it! So I picked up the book, tried to get some accademic insight, hence all the questions lol
Every point made by your posts is in some way, what I have thought at one time or another, but I lack the self-confidence to do something that is just for me, and at the same time a problem for my family. It's easier to question my own judgement. It's a matter of habit, I guess few without families will understand. I am certainly in a "change" now that I have rescinded that old promise. (They are not happy bunnies!) What a bad early mistake that was!

I hope to report back with news.
Thank you again, all. :love:

[Tree GG]

.

Simply sead Tree ! Question what kinda tree R - U- B Hun +? LOL

Some days a stump, some days a weeping willow, some days a sapling. I just try to remain rooted, reach for the sun and enjoy the view.:o

[MsJanessa]

I guess I must have "graduated" or something. When I started dressing years ago, it was thrilling and erotic wearing women's clothes. Over the years it's developed into the opposite. I can be dressed as Ericka but am more erotic when I undress to be intimate. Being dressed as Ericka is just an identity thing really but if I am aroused, my real feelings come out when I am close to someone both physically and emotionally. Ericka Kay

Ditto Ericka Kay----years (even decades) ago when I dressed, it was for erotic satisfaction only---as soon as I climaxed(there I said it) I lost all interest and took the clothes off---over the years the dressing, makeup, wigs etc---the whole feminization process became less of a sexual thing and more of a relaxing way to spend time---got to feel more at ease with My femme side and these days often don't have a sexual experience at all when I dress(but often do too)----I'm sure that is the way most long time crossdressers, TGs (or what ever term you call Us) evolve.

[Nigella]

...And we just love you for who you are, Nigella.:love: Ericka Kay


Why thankyou Ericka :hugs:

[Carroll]

Ditto Ericka Kay----years (even decades) ago when I dressed, it was for erotic satisfaction only---as soon as I climaxed(there I said it) I lost all interest and took the clothes off---over the years the dressing, makeup, wigs etc---the whole feminization process became less of a sexual thing and more of a relaxing way to spend time---got to feel more at ease with My femme side and these days often don't have a sexual experience at all when I dress(but often do too)----I'm sure that is the way most long time crossdressers, TGs (or what ever term you call Us) evolve.

That basicly descibes me to a "T":D