Tell me about myself

[Erika34]

My day so far....... Since i've found this site a few weeks back and joined up, I find myself on it quit a bit- sometimes too much I think. It really is interesting, answers a lot of my questions, and gets me thinking about dressing an awful lot. I am like alot of other people here in as much as I'm totally straight, don't want to be a woman, dress always in private and not looking to go out in public. Pretty things like blouses,skirts, shoes don't interest me. I might wear them dressed, but only as part of wardrobe when dressed.I get quite excited in lingerie, to have it on and uhhh, the other way too. I like seeing myself dressed up and looking hot, but when it's over, it's over. I feel kind of "dirty" and swear I won't do it again to myself. Today that feeling lasted about 50 mins. after a quickie session. I'm not having sex with the wife as she is entering menopause and lost the desire so far. Dressing for me is like having another woman, but not "cheating" with a real woman.-Anybody understand that? Sometimes the sex act in the end has me taking the role of a woman-what's that about? I have purchased everything from undies to breastforms and then some and want to buy more. This is from the person that was quitting a few hours ago.....now, I can't wait for the oportunity to dress again. But I'm not sure why I want to.....
Like I said, I'm a real straight guy, into all my male stuff, but this side of me puzzles me and has for about 30 years.Now it's come back with a vengeance, maybe because I wandered on here....a good thing or a bad thing??
Also, I can't believe I'm able to let out my feelings to a bunch of people I don't know... I would never confide in my wife, I think she would die, especially now.
Thanks,
Erika

[Robin Leigh]

Hi Erika,

You can't bottle CDing up, it always finds a way of coming back to the surface.

Feelings of guilt, shame, depression, or just plain "this is silly" are common for all CDers at some stage or another, and they seem to be worse when we are trying to keep it a big secret from everyone. Also, CDing can be intoxicating. We can get pretty "high" when dressed, and if you get too high, the come down can be rough. This is especially so for "erotic" CDers.

You're not cheating on your wife, but you are still deceiving her. Being with "the girl in the mirror" may not be like having an affair with another woman, but that girl is still real enough to have an effect on us, and real enough to upset our SOs. I'm sure plenty of the wives & gf's of CDs have wanted to slap that bitch, at one time or another. :)

Sharing your thoughts & feelings here is a big step, and much healthier than going completely solo, but I do recommend that you find someone you can trust to discuss this with, out in the real world. As I've said many times, CDing isn't sick, but keeping a big secret all your life can make you sick.

:hugs:

Robin

[Erika34]

Hi, Robin
Thanks for the reply. I guess I'm one of those "erotic" CD'ers I guess. Coming clean with a person other than my wife would be really tough. Is doing that on here the same? And like you said about the coming down part. It's like going off a drug.

Erika

[Tree GG]

Erika34,

My SO CDer & I had the "other woman in the mirror" discussion and it didn't go well - at first. We've seemed to work that one out satisfactorily, but it was upsetting to both of us.

I get the impression that you & your wife have given up on intimacy. If that's not your preferred arrangement, I can tell you from experience that there are many natural & effective treatments for menopausal symptoms. Homeopaths/chiropractors/nutritionists have the gentlest treatments in the form of supplements, diet & exercise.

Good luck to you

[Erika34]

Erika34,

My SO CDer & I had the "other woman in the mirror" discussion and it didn't go well - at first. We've seemed to work that one out satisfactorily, but it was upsetting to both of us.

I get the impression that you & your wife have given up on intimacy. If that's not your preferred arrangement, I can tell you from experience that there are many natural & effective treatments for menopausal symptoms. Homeopaths/chiropractors/nutritionists have the gentlest treatments in the form of supplements, diet & exercise.

Good luck to you

Well, maybe she has, but I haven't....LOL
I would like to get her started on some of those things. Even a heart to heart with the Gynecologist, but I have to convince her that our sex life is in the toilet and it's really a big part of marriage-any marriage. I'm trying, very gingerly, but she kind of avoids the discussion. Hope we get the chance to make things right again. I really do love her, but miss the sex.

Erika

[Tree GG]

Well, maybe she has, but I haven't....LOL

Erika

That's great, really. Who knows what you can accomplish when you keep trying - don't give up on her. Some women have a difficult time admitting what's happening - it's another one of those signs that the end is closer than the beginning. Realistically though, if she doesn't see a problem, you've got a tough situation. You've both got to be on the same page about the issue, so communication is crucial. Even menopausal women respond to being told how much they're loved & wanted by their partner.

[Sophia Rearen]

Erika, I agree with Robin. It can't remained bottled up. And based upon your thread it seems as if the cork has been let out.
I see your activities as perfectly norrmal. All of them. Sex keeps a relationship healthy. Without it, you begin to create alternative means. At least you are not looking outside the marriage for relief. I say stick around here, it's good for you.

[Karren H]

Erika, I agree with Robin. It can't remained bottled up. And based upon your thread it seems as if the cork has been let out.
I see your activities as perfectly norrmal. All of them. Sex keeps a relationship healthy. Without it, you begin to create alternative means. At least you are not looking outside the marriage for relief. I say stick around here, it's good for you.

Excuse me...Sophia... All this talk has me confused again...What's Sex?? Must be the altzhiemer's kicking in again.....or I should have been a Nun!!

:D

Love Sister Karren

[Julie York]

You're walking a well worn path. Not very conforting I know, but you aren't alone.

[Robin Leigh]

Thanks for the reply. I guess I'm one of those "erotic" CD'ers I guess. Coming clean with a person other than my wife would be really tough. Is doing that on here the same?
Chatting here is definitely good, but it's not quite the same as a face to face. Ultimately, it would be ideal to come clean to your wife, but I realize that that can be extremely hazardous after a few decades of secrecy. :(

Do you think you'd be interested in joing a local CD group, or talking to a councillor/therapist qualified in gender issues?



And like you said about the coming down part. It's like going off a drug.

Yep. Around here, we call that drug the Pink Fog. :) Best drug on the planet, IMHO. No wonder it's still illegal in some places. :)

One technique that can help us erotic CDers to reduce the post-dressing comedown is to try & do some "normal" things when you get dressed up, don't keep it as a purely erotic activity. This can also help to reduce nerves when dressed up outside, or when trying to buy femme things.

We tend to condition ourselves to be turned on when we dress up. Breaking this loop helps us to integrate our femme side into the rest of our personality.

Don't worry, the girl in the mirror will still be there for you. And trust me, the experience will be richer, & much more satisfying. :D

Robin

[Erika34]

Robin,
"us" erotic CDer's huh......you're like me?
Why do you want to condition yourself to the wearing of the clothes, say normally outside of the erotic part. Isn't that what attracts me to dressing?

I'd join your local CD group if I was in Australia, LOL. Bet you and the rest of the people there are really easy to talk to in person.
Thanks for all your comments!

Erika

[Karen Johnson]

Hi and join the club. Society teaches us to really look down on transvestites. So much so that for a long time I felt this terrible shame and all of the other feelings that you describe.
Now, I don't try to think about it too much. I treat others well and try to be a good husband, father and neighbor. I happen to have a fetish for women's clothing and happen to have a very distinct feminine side to me. As long as I treat others well I feel good about myself, regardless of what I'm wearing.

[Robin Leigh]

Robin,
"us" erotic CDer's huh......you're like me?

I'm afraid so, Erika. :D And proud of it! :happy:


Why do you want to condition yourself to the wearing of the clothes, say normally outside of the erotic part. Isn't that what attracts me to dressing?

Sure the erotic part attracts us, but the point is to give yourself more control over your CDing and more choices in how you behave. If you get turned on every time you touch lingerie, you'll always be nervous going into the lingerie shop. Would you like to be able to chat with a GG who has no sexual interest in you but would love to help you shop and do your makeup? You'll feel a lot more comfortable in such situations if you're not constantly horny.

Another important point is that if your horny the whole time you're dressed, you are always mixing your masculine & feminine feelings together. If you practice being a non-horny girl, then you'll be able to look at the "girl in the mirror" without the "dirty old man" also looking back at you and disturbing the picture. Does that sound like fun? :)

It may seem like it's wasting precious girly time, but give it a try. Watch TV etc, read a book or magazine, do some housework. One couple here enjoy playing cards when the husband is dressed up. You can do anything really, but it's most fun if you do girly things & avoid traditional male things like changing the oil in your car. :) Even reading this forum can be good, as long as you avoid certain threads. :)

I love it when my GG friends drop by when I'm dressed, and love to spend as much time as I can with them chatting, listening to music, watching movies, etc. :happy: But if they drop in without ringing first, I'm might be a bit too horny when they arrive. :o That usually makes me feel uncomfortable, and I can't wait for them to leave so I can get back to the girl in the mirror.

I get such a buzz when I walk down the street in my femme attire, but I certainly don't want to get too horny while I'm doing it. :o I want people to treat me like a lady (or at least a feminine person). Having other people validate your femininity, even slightly, really boosts the whole CDing experience, both for "erotic" CDers & "comfort" CDers. When I get back home and sit back down in front of the mirror, I feel a lot more girly than I did before the walk, and the whole erotic experience becomes much more intense.


I'd join your local CD group if I was in Australia, LOL. Bet you and the rest of the people there are really easy to talk to in person.

I'm not in a CD group here, although I've been thinking about it (again) lately. Most of my female friends know about Robin, and about half of my male friends. Some of the guys who know aren't comfortable with it, so I try to avoid them seeing Robin, but all the guys do behave differently towards me when I'm dressed, which is kinda fun, even though I'm basically straight.

I hope I haven't offended anybody by this post.

Robin

[JenniferMint]

Another important point is that if your horny the whole time you're dressed, you are always mixing your masculine & feminine feelings together. If you practice being a non-horny girl, then you'll be able to look at the "girl in the mirror" without the "dirty old man" also looking back at you and disturbing the picture. Does that sound like fun?

I think I kind of know what you mean. I've gotten to a point where I can look like a fairly cute girl, and it's kind of exciting to walk past a window or mirror and see the reflection of a cute girl.

I had my testicles removed before I started crossdressing (the effects of testosterone really bothered me, CD or not) but I can imagine if I got horny from looking at myself I'd be kind of annoyed!

[WendyCD]

Dressing for me is like having another woman, but not "cheating" with a real woman.-Anybody understand that?

Oh yea...Way!...

The problem for me is that...even though it's not cheating, dressing and the time, effort and whatever,...can draw important energy away from and connection with, my wife. And the menopause thing, well, the last thing **that** balancing act needs....

Actually, it is my love for my wife that brought me here. I think in time, after 22 years, that I'll be able to completely "come out". Not there yet, but this place is helping me "see" many things and one of them is that I need to talk...

WendyCD

[GG Vanya]

Well, maybe she has, but I haven't....LOL
I would like to get her started on some of those things. Even a heart to heart with the Gynecologist, but I have to convince her that our sex life is in the toilet and it's really a big part of marriage-any marriage. I'm trying, very gingerly, but she kind of avoids the discussion. Hope we get the chance to make things right again. I really do love her, but miss the sex.

Erika


Erika,

IF you reach the point where you and your wife can discuss her low sex drive with her OBGYN, I recommend a prescription of something called "estratest".

This is a very low dosage HRT, BUT it also contains a minute level of testosterone. It literally, for me, is "libido in a bottle". I had a total hysterectomy in 2000, and due to health concerns, do not take HRT on a daily basis. I have to keep the bottle hidden from Trudi, or she'd be slipping it in my coffee on a daily basis! :D

This medication does not have to be taken on a daily basis to be effective. I guess you could call it the female version of Viagra.

[AmberTG]

For many years, CDing was a very erotic thing for me, but once I seperated my bondage fetish from the CDing, it became much more natural feeling for me, add to that the lifelong wish that I'd been born a girl, and I find that is no longer erotic unless I'm thinking about how sexy I feel in a particular lingerie set, which, by the way, is the same way my wife feels when she's wearing something fancy under her clothes. She says that it makes her feel more sexy, more attractive, even if no one else knows.

[WendyCD]

really boosts the whole CDing experience, both for "erotic" CDers & "comfort" CDers. When I get back home and sit back down in front of the mirror, I feel a lot more girly than I did before the walk, and the whole erotic experience becomes much more intense.
Robin

Yea, what you said, both what I quoted and in the rest of your post... Although my walks are just around the house...

[EricaCD]

Hello from another Erica. Don't fret. Based on what you wrote you sound like a perfectly normal, healthy crossdresser. Most of us have been through some or all of the feelings you identified. This forum is a great place to work out your feelings - so it's good that you found us and even better that you have been so open!

Read, post, ponder, enjoy. Welcome!
Erica

[Wenda]

I wouldn't feel too guilty. Welcome. w.
:happy: