My thought about "The Pink Fog"

[Phyliss]

An attribute of mine is, when I become interested or fascinated with a particular subject, action, cause, or project I have a tendancy to become very involved with it. When the initial interest/fascination wears off, I either loose interest and completely forget about it, or become somewhat sloppy about it and just "don't care" anymore.

Examples:
In the late sixties I got interested in sound recording, and music. Had about 3 or 4 reel to reel tape recorders, amplifiers, mixers, turntables, and all kinds of extras. Had quite a collection of records and various sounds I had picked up along the way. Somewhere around the early seventies I kinda lost interest and after awhile I ended up getting rid of everything, (yeah, I know, I can kick myself now)

I found a new hobby, ceramics. Not the "potters wheel" but rather the pouring of the mix into preformed molds, and then the painting and staining of the various items. Spent many dollars on paint, brushes, scraping tools, pallet knifes, work table and other goodies that I figured I"d need. Got to be pretty good at it. Was complemented on attention to detail and quality of finished product. After about trhee years of this, I again "lost interest"

Got into wood working. Built some furniture for us. Nice stuff that lasted many years. Bought all kinds of tools, fittings, work bench and invested gobs of hours. Still dabble in it but not like I used to.

Had a wonderful vegetable garden for many years. Picked up a rotor tiller, tractor, hand tools, rakes, shovels, hoes, and a boodle of other items as I went along, but as with other things, I gradually got away from it.

Was involved with the local girls softball league, (got into it because of two daughter playing) rose form a helpful parent, to equipment manager, to recording secretary, to president of the league. Not that I tried for the position, but more like I couldn't get out of the meeting room fast enough, (anybody who has been involved with volunteer programs knpws how that works) After two years as president I "lost interest" and quit.

The point of the proceeding examples is to establish my patteren. I get "into" something go "all out" and soon enough loose interest. Now, CDing is a bit different, to me, in that it isn't a hobby to be dabbled in but rather a life style that I can make into a hobby. (Does that make sense?)
So I guess the whole point to this is, my " Pink Fog " is the initial feeling of euphoria that I have, at finally coming to terms with myself, and gaining the courage to make purchases while admitting that the items are for me. Once I've crossed that line and realize that I can do that much there is no "going back". Kinda like a "junkie" who needs a bigger high each time. This past spring I finally had the chance to buy a skirt and top in a store where I had been buying panties and one of the mgrs. finally approached me and told me that if I wanted to buy a skirt or dress she would open up an hour early just for me so I wouldn't feel uncomfortable. Took her up on the offer and while truly scared about it I never felt so good before. Since then I've made many purchases during normal business hours and have tried on many things. Do I go "out" with my clothes? No, but just the idea of being able to buy is a wonderful feeling.

So, I guess my definition of "Pink Fog" is that time when we've finally gotten to a point of comfort where buying clothes is no longer a problem and we have the closet door open, but aren't really "out" or if we are "out" then we end up going overboard.

I'm finding for myself, now that I don't have any problem with buying clothes, I'm buying way too many skirts for the amount of time I can spend wearing them. I don't have a problem with intimate clothing as that's all I own, (except for one pair of tighty whitey somewhere in the bottom in the back of one drawer somewhere I think) all my socks are either knee high ladies trouser socks or thigh high stockings, all my "T" shirts are from Lane Bryant. My jeans are all from Fashion Bug. Shoes are from Payless. Other than outer shirts I completely dress Fem everyday. Even use a bit of makeup on a daily basis. (foundation, mascara and light pink lippy) Finger nails always have a clear coat of polish.
Day to day clothing isn't the problem anymore with me. I've gotten pretty comfortable with that. Wife hasn't said anything about it yet, Don't know if she suspects and doesn't want to say anything or is totally unaware.

One of my worries, about this "Pink Fog" is that once I've "come out" to wife and feel a bit of freedom to dress as I want, I'll be spending way too much more money on clothes and end up stuffing it in her face at every chance which, unless she is VERY supportive, will only end up driving me back into the closet.

I know I have to "come out" sooner or later. Believe me I have my hand on the door knob and am turning it to open that closet door. This is going to be really frightening for me. I suppose if I "got caught" and had no other excuse I'd be able to admit everything, but putting myself in such a position is a frightful thought.
I'm in the construction trades, and at least once a month I wack my thumb with a hammer, (ruins a perfectly good nail) and yeah it hurts but then I wasn't expecting it, and it's over with, but to say "here, hold out your thumb and I'll wack it." Gives me a reason to think if I want to do it. Same pain and hurt but I know what's gonna happen and that's the scary part.

[Joy Carter]

Caught ..... Admit to what.......By whom Phillis+? It's your life, I know you have a spouse and so do I but there comes a time when ya gotta be your self. The price I have paid over the years is self loathing depression and I have never been happy. So as far as I'm concern bring on the "Pink Fog". And the subject of hobby's I know all to well about that. Classic cars, wood working, collecting, models and finally computers. Hey it's a guy thing but this what I do is not a hobby, it's me.

[RikkiOfLA]

Hi Phyliss,

Sounds to me like you've arrived at that stage in crossdressing that has been called "pushing the envelope." The name comes from the space program, when (if I remember correctly) the space capsule is moving so fast that an envelope of sound, heat, and maybe gases builds up around the nose of the space capsule. So when the capsule moves, it has not only to move itself, but to push the envelope ahead of it. The envelope you're pushing is your comfort zone, and all the stuff you have, the things you do and want to do, and so on. The more you do, the more you'll want to do. Will it ever end? (The thought that it will never end is really scary--do we all end up as post-op transsexuals, for instance? And the thought that one day you will lose interest is only a bit less scary--thousands of dollars of stuff going to waste, etc.)

Yes, it will end. Please trust me on this. I've been through it too. And one day I came to the point where I said, "you know, I really don't want to go any further. In fact, I've gone just a little bit further than I'm comfortable with. So I'm going to back off just a notch, and just relax." Where will this point be for you? I can't predict that, unfortunately. It could happen next week. Or you could end up having had hormones or even surgeries. You may have a clue about it. I did. I kinda knew from even before I ever went out dressed that I'd like someday to dress full time, but not need hormones or surgery. Which is where I ended up. But most of the way, I didn't believe that's where I was headed. I kept thinking, one of these days, I'm going to wake up and say, "I'm tired of crossdressing. It was fun for a while, but now I'm bored. Let's move on to the next thing now." But that never happened. It does for a few, but most of us may stop for a while, but eventually, we do it again, at least once in a while.

One thing that really helps is to sit down, take a deep breath, and think it out. What do you want from crossdressing, honestly? Why do you enjoy it? Are there some male things you don't want to give up (sex drive, acceptance from co-workers and neighbors, marriage, etc.)? It's also a good idea to figure out if there are some challenges in your path between here and there. Some people you have to face up to, for instance. Without a little thought, envelope pushing can drive itself, and drive itself in a direction that isn't really what you want. And that's no good, either.

Another thing that will help is to be honest with your wife. After you figure out what you want. She can't help but know you wear women's clothes and lingerie all the time. So skirts around the house probably won't throw her for a loop. Not only will she continue to be supportive probably, but her input--where she wants your envelope pushing to go, and not go, is probably very important to you too. You probably don't want to lose her, or even her supportiveness. So her feelings probably matter a great deal to you.

I'm glad I went through the envelope pushing phase. (I reached my comfort point one day, and felt very relieved! "Whew, now I can focus on something a lot less self-absorbed, for a change.") I learned to focus a lot more intently (you don't need to learn that, sounds like, but I did). I became much happier and less depressed. So although it had its white-knuckle moments, it was a growth experience for me. And I'm a stronger, happier person as a result.

Hope this helps.

Rikki

[Kristen Kelly]

Nicely put. :iagree:

[Phyliss]

Rikki



Thanks for the information. I hope I'm defining the term correctly. Like I said "Pink Fog" to me is that time when somebody will go "all out" without any regard for anyone else. Kinda like driving in a thick fog at 90mph and not knowing where you're going, but by golly, you're gonna get there and quickly at that. Problem is, most times a person hits an obstacle along the way.

At this time I don't believe I'll end up with "something" missing. Not where I want to go or what I want to do. Never say "never". I also don't believe I'll ever stop CDing, these thoughts have been with me for much too long and only lately have I been able to realize all the things I've been wanting to do all of my life.

As for being honest with my wife, yes she knows I wear panties and stockings, and that I'm smooth (hairless) [she thinks I shave, if she knew I got waxed, she'd hit the roof at the expense, being self employed I can save up for it each month]. I've been dropping hints left and right over the last three months about "one of these days I'm gonna wear a dress while doing the house work" At first I used to get a stone faced look of disgust at the idea. Lately I've been getting a blank look (Don't know if that's a step in the right direction or she's just tired of listening to me talk) The last thing I want is for her to be disgusted with me. Her feelings about this are VERY important to me.
I have a 12 yr old grandson living with us, (long story, but we're the legal guardian), I've told my wife that I do have some common sense and that if I were to wear a skirt it wouldn't be in front of him. Don't need any stories being retold at school. "You should see the new dress that grandpa has"
I just hope I'm not blundering along and wishing for something to happen and that she'll accept this. I'm really scared that if I "come out" I can't UNRING the bell. I know there will be many who have taken this step and say to me "You go girl" but,.....they're past this point and have a feeling of relief that I have yet to experience. Beside that they don't live with my wife, I do.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Rikki!!! amazing post...i'm coming to the end of our divorce and since i moved out of the house i am living in the pink fog...
your advice about is so honest and good i am going to keep your post for future reference


Phyliss---we are in the same place!!! different way to get there as i am on my own and dont have the "sig other" issue...Although i do have a life and now i'm shaving legs, lasered back and face, plucking eyebrows...at some point somebody says something..but thats to your point...as rikki said it best about pushing the envelope..one yr ago i barely dressed...

last nite i drove into the city dressed, parked my car ...handed keys to attendant!!!!!!!!!!!! walked a block with hundreds of people...got hit on by a drunken guy, and spent the nite at a lesbian bar with t-girl friends i've made...if you had told me i'd be doing this a year ago i'd say you are nutso!!!!!!!!

so my advice is just go day to day....for me its been beer, my marraige, video games, guitar, movies, write a book, and now dressing...i tend to go "all-in" and right now i'm "all-in" with dressing and loving it..ihope you are loving it tooo!!!!!!!!!!!