Having My Cake And Eating It Too ...

[Clare]

Ok, so i'm moving on with my life since my ex left me...

Clare has been indulged to no end in the recent past, but i'm lonely now. I need a female companion, lover, friend, maybe even a GG prepared to be a Mom?

I always wanted a large brood of children - 4 or 5 kids woulda been nice - it must be the femminine part of me! I'm now 43yrs, so I guess my chances of having a big family are lost, but my pysche and family/friends tell me if I meet the right girl, it could happen. Ok, so she'd have to be about 35ish? And be prepared to have multiple children almost immediately? I don't think i'd be that fortunate!

Yes, i suppose I can be lucky enough to find love again with a woman of my age and spend our lives together without any children of our own, and I certainly wouldn't turn my back on a relationship of that nature - I'd rather be with someone special without kids than be alone until I die.

So why the "have my cake and eat it too" title? Well, i'd have to tell a potential SO about my crossdressing and that would definately reduce the chances of developing a long term relationship, let alone progress to having children! As we know, on the big scale, there are not many GG's out there who automatically accept crossdressing from their potential "mate" especially in the early stages of a relationship.

I dearly want to have a genuine loving relationship with a woman for the remainder of my life, but not at the expense of hiding my crossdressing from a lady who is prepared to "be" with me. I couldn't do that - having the secret that is. I could try to refrain from crossdressing in order to develope a long term relationship with a GG, but I know that at some time in the future, I would revert back to my crossdressing - and we know what the usual response from the SO is when that happens don't we? (and justifiably too I might add!)

As I type this, I want to have a relationship more deperately than I want to crossdress, but that's only because i've been crossdressing constantly recently and i've had no relationship with a GG for 18 mths. I need equal doses of both don't I, but why is it so hard to achieve?

[ColleenCD]

Claire,

I agree that you need to be upfront with any and all future relationships. It narrows the field, but betters you chances of a true long lasting relationship. As far as kids go, maybe she'll have some already, maybe she'll want more? No one knows what the future holds, but you can choose which direction it's going. Keep your chin up, this way they can see your pretty face.:D

Colleen

[Emma_Forbes]

Hi Clare,

I know exactly where you are coming from and wish I had some words of encouragement for you but I don't. I have been partnerless for 7 years now and although I am lonely and would love someone to share my life with I am not willing to stuff Emma back in the closet.

This is me, this is who I am. If I hid this part of me I would surely be as unhappy as I used to be years ago. Emma is out to stay and if that means that I am unattached for the rest of my life then so be it. It's a hard choice but like you I know that I cannot give up dressing.

Life is full of compromises I know and relationships need a real give/take approach but, as I know from the past, my happiness is in part based on my dressing and to curtail it would be really bad for me.

If you get that magical relationship before I do perhaps you could let me know so that I might still believe.......

Em

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Clare

The reason its so hard to achieve is the targets you have set

1) a loving GG
2) who wants children (multiple children)
3) who accepts crossdressing

Finding someone is difficult enough without making it harder

Please just take it one step at a time

Consider this too
If she has children she has to decide for them too

[Kate Simmons]

I have spiritual insights, Clare. I'm sensing that things will turn around and go well for you soon. There is a lot of energy in feelings and emotions. You need to harnass that energy and get it to work for you. You may be surprised at the results.:happy: Ericka

[admirerplus GG]

Clare,

I think that it is possible to fulfill your dream by being open to different possibilities.

I believe that being honest about who you are up front will help in your future loving relationship. I do not have direct experience with this, but it seems to me that women in relationships with CDs feel a sense of loss when they discover that their man is different or has changed from the man they married. I believe it is about trust and meeting expectations.

I believe that your own expectations may need to be re-evaluated as well. Perhaps you may wish to consider a relationship with a lovely single woman who already has children of her own. There are a lot of good, loving and accepting women out in the world who would love an accepting man in their life. Admittedly, not easy to find but it is possible.

Perhaps, you may also wish to consider engaging the services of a professional match-maker. It is so difficult to meet a suitable mate given any circumstance. A match-maker would have a number of clients with unique circumstances and may be able to match you with a lovely lady.

I wish you success and happiness in achieving your dream.

[kathy gg]

Gee you are complaing because you have not a had a relationship in 18 months....good thing you weren't my husband! :D

My hubby had a few casual dating situations, but the time between his last serious realtionship and the time he met me was 14 years {roughly}. That is a very very very very long time if you ask me.

He was 34 when we met and I absolutely believe he was blessed with me {yes I am braggin!} because he knew that he had to be honest with someone if he got serious and it did keep him from marrying that first love. And by marrying me he not only got to be honest about himself but found a girl who digs this stuff and wanted a child as well.

I do know that if you are truthful and real from the get go you will have much better luck than not being honest. I see all the people who run into trouble later and 9 times out of 10 it is because they were not forthcoming. And even IF you do lose a relationship because she does not want to be with a cd, hey, she saved you some heartache and keep looking. You might jsut find someone who will love all of you and a girl who only is willing to love parts of you did not deserve you anyway.

Don't let this dry spell get you down! And dont' just look for love locally...I found net dating the best way to be honest and then if thing dont' work out and you were honest, she won't be a gossip and harm you on a local basis. Branch out my friend! Love does not come easy! Most relationships with cool as hell gg's on this forum happened because people were willing to date oversea's or across the miles!

Buck up and look where you are not!

[Jasmine Ellis]

Hi Clare

The reason its so hard to achieve is the targets you have set

1) a loving GG
2) who wants children (multiple children)
3) who accepts crossdressing

Finding someone is difficult enough without making it harder

Please just take it one step at a time

Consider this too
If she has children she has to decide for them too

I'm with Shelly just take one day as it comes and one day you'll find her good luck

[Kimberley]

I am having a time trying to figure out how come Kathy hasnt got a website going for this very subject and reason. If there is anyone who knows us and what we can bring to a relationship she is the one. You rock girl!!!

:yrtw:

Okay girl, there's the gauntlet....

:hugs: as always.
Kimberley

[Clare]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I was despondant at the time i wrote my thread, mainly because I was thinkin time has run out for me.

I will just have to wait until cupid strikes and trust that being honest about my crossdressing will not end a potential relationship before it really developes into something serious.

Kathy, your Husband deserves kudos for his strength of faith and willpower over 14 years! I'd had given up a long time earlier - what an inspiration he must be!

[Sheila]

Clare,
I believe that being honest about who you are up front will help in your future loving relationship. I do not have direct experience with this, but it seems to me that women in relationships with CDs feel a sense of loss when they discover that their man is different or has changed from the man they married. I believe it is about trust and meeting expectations.

Speaking from an SO's point that didn't find out until over 2 yrs into the relationship I didn't feel a sense of loss, or that the man I started into a relationship with had in anyway changed, she was a part of the man I was attracted to in the first place even if I didn't know she was there ---- but I did feel hurt and angry that he who said he loved me didn't trust me enough to tell me ---- yes I found out by accident and that really hurt. We have worked through the honesty issue and our relationship I feel is stronger than ever. But for most people lies cause major problems in relationships once they are discovered not just in cds relationships.

Clare I wish you the best of luck in finding a caring supporting partner, just remember when you do find her to constantly let her know that she is the centre of your personal universe and do it often.

Jess

[Clare]

Clare I wish you the best of luck in finding a caring supporting partner, just remember when you do find her to constantly let her know that she is the centre of your personal universe and do it often. JessThanks Jess - and I will.

[Karren H]

Well Clare, I hope you find someone that let's you enjoy your hobby!! I know they are out there but to find one that likes crossdressers, in your city and the probability of actually bump into such a female seems very small!!

But hey, got to get out and beat the bushes... put an ad in the local paper!!!

"SWMTGCD looking for SWF to share everything including wardrobe".

Hehehe

Love Karren

[Angie G]

Hi Clare good idea go with a add.
I hope you find someone who will love you and Clare best of luck hun :hugs:
Angie

[Clare]

... put an ad in the local paper!!!

"SWMTGCD looking for SWF to share everything including wardrobe".

Love KarrenYa made my day Karren! :lol2:

Ya know, I might get that desperate and it just might work! Hmmmm......

[Karren H]

Ya made my day Karren! :lol2:

Ya know, I might get that desperate and it just might work! Hmmmm......

:D

Go for it Clare!!!

Love Karren

[AlyssaT]

One encouraging thing I could point to is a recent episode of Secret Lives of Women (on the Lifetime Channel) entitled "Married to Crossdressers". The show highlights two couples who are quite happy in their lives, where the women have accepted it and support it.

In one case, the guy revealed his secret a week after marriaage, and in the other case it was before they were engaged.

[Clare]

One of my female housemates and I were talking about the dating scene in Canberra.

She mentioned that one popular club has occasional "speed dating" nights. I hadn't heard about it because it's not advertised due to it becoming a big rage affair that is not taken seriously. Rather, the event is spread by word of mouth to those who are interested. My housemate says she will let me know when the next "speed dating" event is on.

She reckons I should go - maybe I should! I have heard good reports about them and you get to meet and learn something about the person with no obligation to go out unlike a blind date say. I won't mention my crossdressing to anyone at the venue - can imagine it >>> "THIS GUY IS A CROSSDRESSER" being spread around the room? That'd be one public way to be outed huh?

Yeah, I think I will go to the next speed dating night - now I just have to wait until the next gathering of hopefuls.


PS: I can't believe i'm getting this desperate! :eek:

[Robin Leigh]

One encouraging thing I could point to is a recent episode of Secret Lives of Women (on the Lifetime Channel) entitled "Married to Crossdressers".

Alyssa, that episode involved forum member Melanie R. Here's one of several threads about it: DVD of Secret Lives of Women / Last Repeat of Documentary on Crossdressing (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=37943)

I hope we get to see that show here in Australia.

Robin

[Robin Leigh]

As I type this, I want to have a relationship more deperately than I want to crossdress, but that's only because i've been crossdressing constantly recently and i've had no relationship with a GG for 18 mths. I need equal doses of both don't I, but why is it so hard to achieve?


It's hard to achieve because it ultimately requires a relationship with a GG that is accepting of CDing. Such women are rare, and besides admitting your a "tranny admirer" isn't easy for male or female. All the GGs here can help us understand this issue, but kathy gg in particular has often written very eloquently on this topic from her perspective. Pity we can't clone her. :D

Only 18 months? Don't worry, the first two years are the hardest. After five years you'll be used to it, and after that, it's smooth sailing. Just ask Melinda G. :devil:

Robin