have finally realised who and what I am

[Siobhan Marie]

Forgive this post but I have got to share this with someone, I've finally realised that I am woman stuck in a man's body. I thought I was TG and after doing some reading online, I just don't identify with being TG at all. I'm just so at peace, more now than I've ever been in my life. The only downside is my parents and my family. The reason for this is, is that my mum is not a well lady and coming out to her might finish her off and its not a chance I'm prepared to take with her health. So transitioning will have to wait. I can't come out to other members of my family because it will get back to mum. I can deal with it, I think. No I'll have to as I can't afford to lose my family over this. Like I said I had to tell someone and I have and feel so much better for getting this off my chest.

:hugs: Anna x

[CaptLex]

It's a good feeling when you finally figure it out, isn't it? I understand what you mean about your mum. I'm in the same situation - mine is old and ill and telling her would probably kill her too. So, everyone knows (friends, co-workers) except my family (just my son and a cousin). It's hard pretending in front of them. I feel like Jekyll and Hyde sometimes (although I prefer to think of it as a superhero with a secret identity ;) ).

I've learned that sometimes people will surprise you. The people you think will be cool with it may not be, and the people you think will freak out may take it well. Also, some eventually come around when they see you're still the same person, and some will never be okay with it and you just have to let them go. Good luck to you, Anna. I wish you all the best. :hugs:

[Siobhan Marie]

Thanks Lex, its going to be an interesting journey I know that. I'm out to a few people at work, but the person I thought would give me the most grief about it didn't which surprised me. He said that he had an idea but he was so nice about it, it just blew me away, it really did.

huge :hugs: Anna x

[michelle19845]

my mom is also on the down side of health.she said it would be like losing her child if i transitioned.it's like if i don't transition,she can have it in her head that i'm a boy and it's all ok,even though,i'll still struggle and be a woman on the inside and partially on the outside now,figureatively speaking.she sees it as if i transition it's like me being replaced with a new body and brain.she keeps trying to think it's just a bump in the road and i'll get over it soon.actually it's now getting heavy big time and i need all the support possible.there's nothing benefiting the male role,my job is at a restaurant and i need to move out of here sooner or later.not much family to comeout to.if they have a problem tough stuff,i'm not doing it for them,i'm doing it for me ,so i can live descent life and not have so much stress everywhere i go.
take things a step at a time and see how things go.there may be the right opening.maybe.

[katie_m68]

wow anna i to know who aand what i am,that is a woman,dont sound like one look like one,but i scream girl with every look,smile ,flip of my hair,and down right feline actions that just seem to come out with no warning at all lol

[Siobhan Marie]

Its a lovely feeling and I feel so at peace inside right now I can't tell you, I don't look at all ladylike either, the only thing that would give the game (if you can call it that) are my nails which I must confess are my pride and joy. But there is a long way to go and its going to be fun. As I've said and will say again, my only worry is my mum and her health, if I come out to her at the moment, I might finish her off but other than that I feel great, I really do. :happy:

huge :hugs: Anna x

[pattyme]

I don't have your certainty. Am I TG or Female - actualy havn't even concidered it to be a question? But I do share your issue with your mom. All I can offer you is do what you can so that she see's you happy. If you are like me my mom didn't see a smile on my face for a very long time. She may not understand but she can see that I am happier and that's good for her (and me).

From so far down it just keeps getting better, take your time.

Love Patty

[Siobhan Marie]

I am certain about who and what I am, I am out to a lot of people at work, I get teased about it and called Sheila, which really doesn't bother or worry me as it makes me laugh. I'll be honest Patty, I haven't felt this good inside or this at peace with myself for such a long time. I'm a lot more relaxed about who and what I am than I was and I'm sleeping better which can only be a good thing. Am also getting closer to accepting me with every passing day. Like you say these things take time and please don't worry as you'll get there too.

huge :hugs: Anna x

[AmberTG]

I have to agree with Kehleyr to a certain degree. You can start doing certain things now to prepare for your change of life, such as hair removal and voice training, those things aren't nearly as obvious as the hormonal changes. Of course, the hormonal changes could take a year or more just to be noticeable.
I've heard it recomended, and I agree, that facial hair removal is the single most important thing you can do first to start with. It takes a while to get it finished and will make it much easier to present a fem face, no beard cover.
As to wheather you tell your mother and family, only you can really make that decision. Some mothers are a lot more understanding than others.
My mother was pretty open-minded, I think she knew about me, my x wife told her about my CDing one time, but it was never brought up in conversation. I didn't know much about being TG back then so I had no idea that I was at that time. I didn't know what it was or how to describe it to anyone.
Amber

[Siobhan Marie]

Thank you both for your kind words. Kehleyr, its not that I don't want to tell my parents, its that my mum really isn't a well lady (despite what she says!!) and what frightens me is that coming out to her really might finish her off and I don't want that. As for Dad, he may not understand or might not want to know me which again is a worry. Its a bridge that'll have to be crossed and I'm not sure how to go about it at this time. Kehleyr and AmberTG, I have only just realised what and who I am and have a long way to go. I will get there but its going to take time. At the moment I'm just enjoying the feeling of inner peace and the happiness that goes with it. Thank you again both of you for your kind words and I have taken your comments onboard and yes, they've certainly given me food for thought.

:hugs: Anna x