A bit about me, Any advice ?

[StephaniejaneSmith]

Well I thought I would write a little about me today, to see if things would get a little bit clearer, I find myself thinking that im coming up to a cross roads in my life and I don’t think I know which path to take and where it will lead.

The path I find myself at is weather to continue my belief that I can continue living two lives, male and female or weather I should just give up on the pigeon holing that is a man and a woman and just do what I think will make me happy.

Or is that an excuse so I can feel better about doing what I want to do (both sides are still not in agreement about what to do next as they both know it will mean good for one and bad for the other.

I think at the moment that if my job changed (as the role is very much manual labour) and I could find support (someone who is or has been through what I am thinking of going through). I would start taking hormones to change my body so that I can look more female I don’t know yet that I want to go all they way and live full time as a girl but I do know I am much more happy and relaxed when im Stephanie. And the only reason she is not out more is because of how she looks. Plus taking them does not mean that my male side will die it just means I will look more girlie. So I can still function, look and been a man I will just have better curves lol.

All my life I have never been interested in most of the boy type things like fighting and football and have always been sensitive to other people’s feelings. Don’t get me wrong I have done what has to be done to survive but that’s it I did what I did to survive, not because I wanted to.

I have changed over the last few years, I started off hiding Stephanie, but she has come out more and more to the point that nearly all my friends now know including my mum, but some know more that others, she has been out lots of times including out in night clubs but only on fancy dress night but she has been out on walks in the day and at night and she wishes she could go out all the time, even get a job and live full time but she just does not have the guts to do it at the moment but she never had the guts to go out a few years ago and look at her now.

If I did start taking them I would not change my appearance until I have physically changed so I would still be man until I looked more female. I will not have lost anything. I don’t have a girlfriend and the moment and when I have them I seem to be jealous of them, even try to change them into what I want to be, what I think is sexy, I wish I could look like them.

I guess this is why I would like to start taking hormones to see if Stephanie can make it, can pass and if not I could just stop taking them and things could go back to being confusing again.

So does this mean I am at a cross roads and that my male side is dying out or is it just excepting that they both need time and so he is laying low for awhile or is he going to come back fighting? I hope not.

So many thoughts running through my head, that’s when I realise, im better off ............

[ClaireJ]

There is no magic answer, the only person that can answer your questions is you. Hormones WILL affect your male side, things will not function the way they do now.

This is not an easy journey or decision to make, if you are not sure that this is what you want yet, then you are probably not ready to do this alone,

From reading the post above I would suggest you seek some professional counseling and speak with a gender therapist. You cannot go into this thinking you can keep flipping switches to be who you think you want to be. You are you, whatever form that is.

Good luck.

[Agles]

i to am in about the same spot. though i have never been out of my room as Jamie. i fear i would not be able to pass. as do not even know where to start with makeup, not have breast forms that look right for me. (needless to say when you belly stuck out more then your chest there a problem) oh and dont let me get started on hair ok. and i have been told many times i act feminine and have been called by female names over the headset at the fast food place i work at.

form that i have read and been told time and time again counseling with a gender therapist is more then needed. they can help you sort out what may seem like a large knot in the path of life. just remember they are there to help.

hormones take time, again im sorry just what i have read and been told.
it may take months to years for breast to and such to form to the point that you can tell. as for your man parts working, i have read they do stop. though it may take time (some please say more on this). also hormones do not change what is already there, such as bone. if your tall your tall that's just they way it is. also homones efect different people differently. when taking them one person may only end up with a "B" cup and within a year and that be it. another may grow to a "D" and take many years. also the curves arnt there. Hormones are not a wonder drug that makes you into a women. it takes alot of hard work. as for the man side i dont know, it's up to you best to let the blend and be your self. an act is just that an act. only your true self can tell you who you really are.

though as i said earlier you have been out. so atleast you can pass. sadly i dont think i would :sad: but my sister willing pics will be on the way, hopefull the girls here can give me some pointers

just be sure what your going to do before you do it. think ahead, take it slow and easy. it's not a race. you dont want to go to fast you can hurt your self. even if your not going to transition to full time plan as if so.

oh and if any of that seemed scary i really did not mean to be. just this is not something that can be taken lightly.


='.'=
Jamie

[pattyme]

A member of our therapy group made a very astute observation on transitioning that's kept me thinking all week.

Be careful not to transition from one insuferable state to another.

Take your time solve all the issues first. If your not seeing a therapist do so. A therapist isn't there to give you advice or pass judgement. You don't have to dress to go see a therapist either. A therapist is there to help you ask yourself questions, to guide you in questioning yourself. I have heard others complain that they do all the work instead of the therapist - that's exactly what its about.

I have gotten very far on my own over the decades but six months of theraphy have taken me light years further.

For the first time in my life I feel pretty even when I am not dressed. I may still have a lot issues, down days, uncertainty, fear but I also feel like I have goals and I am going some where. The cup is definitely half full these days.

Love Patty.