How do i cope

[jacquelinenord]

I have been trying to cope with the fact people are putting me down because my SO is a tg girl and i love her with all my heart. but some of my best friends are ok with it but my family seems to reject me and that hurts the most. My mom doesnt want to talk about it she seems to tell everyone she is a crossdresser but i know there is differances between the two but i dont think she does:Angry3: it upsets me more because she is not more understanding. I also dont know how to tell her i am pregnant. Is there any suggestions out there from u lovely ladies.

[plastiqgirl]

The issues you have raised are definitely complicated ones and, I think, need to be dealt with in different ways, depending on how who you are and how you feel. What is important to you? What is important to the person you love? Are you happy you are pregnant? Are you happy together? These are the only important questions. I know it is easier said than done, but I think what your mother really needs to hear, essentialy, is:
"Mom, I love you and I want you to accept me and those that I love, and if you can't I understand but you need to know that there is a difference between a crossdresser and a tg person, the differences being>>>(insert blurb) What really matters is that we are in love, I am happy, and I am going to have a baby and have a family and I want you to be excited for me."
Obviously what I find important may differ from what you do, but if it were ME, that is more or less what I would say.

[1SexyGurl]

To the majority of people in this world, a boy in a dress, is a boy in a dress. I am assuming that your SO is Transitioning, and dresses full-time as a woman and identifys as a woman. I would guess that your mother comes from a world where genders boundries are very clear. i.e. men in slacks women in skirts, with no switching around. I'm sorry that she is not more understanding. Try to expain that your SO isn't dressing like a woman, she IS a woman. But not so much in those exact words. As far as the pregnancy thing goes, wow. Congratulations first and foremost. Secondly, wait. At least try to feel your mother out to see if she can become more understanding. Don't wait too long though. It will reveal its self soon enough. The fried foods excuse only works for so long.

I wish for the best for you and your SO

All my love,

Monica

[jacquelinenord]

I never really thought of it that way. I am totally in love with my SO. We are getting married next Oct. I am also very happy that i am pregnant. I am having triplets. THey are miricale babies because we were both told we werent supposed to have children. Me mostly to not be able to have any more and her not any. But i am so happy that i am. It just breaks my heart that she cant accept who i love and whom i am going to marry. I hope to come to terms with her sooner rather than later.

[jacquelinenord]

Thanks hun i have tried tellin my mom that but she seems to think differantly than me and my SO. I have tried many ways to tell her that my SO is a woman but she is very stubbern and i guess thats where i get it from. It just breaks my heart to see my mom not so loving and forgiving to the fact this is how i am going to live the rest of my life.

[pinkshelly]

First; congrats on the pending bundle of joy, and the little one will have two wonderfull moms and a great dad.
All I can say is good luck and I hope they decide to be apart of the baby's life.
Huggs, Shelly.

[plastiqgirl]

maybe your mom just needs to hear from you that whether she accepts it or not, understands it or not, or likes it or not, it is happening and it is part of your life and therefor part of hers and that while it breaks your heart that she is not more understanding, you are being adult about it and trying to move past that and go down this exciting path by accepting your mother for who she is, and that all you ask is for her to do the same.
Makes sense to me, anyhow. Best of luck and congrats, darling.

[jacquelinenord]

its so helpful to come here and kinda vent and ask questions because my SO comes on here as well and she knows i love her with all my heart and it relieves some stress when i come on here because i know i am truely home.

[plastiqgirl]

I know exactly how you feel. I just made a enw post a few down about how thankful i am for this place. It's impossible to feel alone when you come on here and get so much helpful, caring, and supportive advice from people who understand.

[jacquelinenord]

I love coming on here cause myself and my SO feel so at home and at ease. We love it and it seems everything else around me is non existent. But i know there is the real world out there and We have to face it one day at a time. Which is true i have tried taking it all in at once and it all bounced me back farther then where i started. I thank god for that and my SO. There is nothing more special then the love we share right now because i will not find it anywhere else. If anyone sees CharlaineCadence she is my SO and i love her with all my heart and the most beautiful woman in the world to me. kisses

[kathy gg]

Hi jacqueline

Welcome to the forum, I saw your last thread and did not get to respond. But wanted to do so with this one.
First off congratulations on your pregnancy.

I am not sure if I exactly understand...does your partner live full time as a female? If so your Mom is probably having a hard time because {1} you are dating a woman {2} the woman you are with happens to have been born {physically} a male. That is alot for even the most GLBT flag waving mom to handle.

I mean I actually looked to date a crossdresser when I was single, I find this community wonderful and enjoy all my friendships and my husbands cd side very much. BUT....I am also a Mother to a daughter. And although I can say now {she is only 2 1/2} that I will support her no matter who she becomes someday.....it would still be a bit of a surprise and might even take some time to get used to the idea that my little girl is a lesbian dating a transexual female. I know in the end I would support her and her partner and come to love my soon to be duaghter-in-law. But there might be a little bit of grieving for some *what-if's* that were not in the cards.

As a soon to be Mom trust me you too will see that all the work and love you invest in your child brings all these hopes and dreams. I mean I have already joked to my husband that I can already say that "no person will ever be good enough for my princess". I say this jokingly of course, but to me she is the most beautiful, sweetest, smartest little thing I have ever seen and as a Mom you can't help but place your child on a very high pedestal. It is probably not right, but it is just something that happens.

Anyway....look I am not defending ALL of your Mom's actions. In time {say once your babies are born} if she refuses to be supportive {or at least feign support} or be a good grandma then maybe it will be time to cut your cord from her. A good parent will come 'round to love their child and their *unique* choices even if they don't fully understand or like them. Most parents can grit their teeth and at least pretend that they are okay, however unconventional. But if that point never happens, even after those babies are born, then stop looking to her for any support of any kind {even though it might be really helpful with kids}.

Good luck with your future.

[JoAnnDallas]

Congrads and I hope you two are happy about the upcoming births. One thing that you may have not thought of and that is a baby(s) can make a whole lot of changes in not only your two lives, but the ones around you. Once your mom finds out your with child(s), she might have a big change of heart. She may reliaze that yes your SO is TG, but she also is giving her grandkids. Babies can sometime bridge the gap between different views or cultures.

[DonnaT]

I think I'd tell her something like:

"Mom, I'm not going to ask you to accept or understand Charlaine, since, like me, you are your own person. However, I won't have you saying anything negative or derogatory about her either. If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all. If you can't do that for me/us, then we won't be coming around to visit. Of course, that also means the triplets won't be coming to visit either."

See if she picks up on the "triplets" comment.

Congrats to the both of you on your pregnancy. Hope you have an easy time of it.

[Sandra]

Firstly congratulations triplets you're gonna have your hands full :)

It may be a case that your going to have to accept how your mum feels about your SO, but make it clear when she visits she is in your house and she must realise that she can't have a dig at your SO.

I do know how you feel a bit my SO CDs 24/7 and my mum can't accept or understand it.

Your mum has to understand that your are living your own life your way.