femme "inner image" messing with my true image

[maryjanecapri]

i'm sure many of you girls have experienced this.

inside my silly brain (and overstuffed heart) i'm a beautiful woman. i have the figure of a beautiful woman, the legs of a beautiful woman, the breasts of a beautiful woman...

but the reality is i am a male with a bit too much obvious maleage.

so when i see my reflection i see a less than feminine person staring back at me so i get a skewed perspective of who/what i am.

does anyone else suffer from this? how do you compensate or overcome?

[Byllie]

Before I reply, let me first say that this is how I feel about the topic, and I am but one in a spectrum of crossdressers.

Personally, I do not worry about "looking" as much like a female as I can. For me it's more about "being" feminine, and the clothes, and the makeup, are merely external manifestations of this inner self.

[AprilMae]

Agree. I have no illusions over what I see in the mirror. While sometimes I get envious of all the girls who are able to create a convincingly female impression, I dress more for inner satisfaction nowadays.

[Julogden]

i'm sure many of you girls have experienced this.

inside my silly brain (and overstuffed heart) i'm a beautiful woman. i have the figure of a beautiful woman, the legs of a beautiful woman, the breasts of a beautiful woman...

but the reality is i am a male with a bit too much obvious maleage.

so when i see my reflection i see a less than feminine person staring back at me so i get a skewed perspective of who/what i am.

does anyone else suffer from this? how do you compensate or overcome?
Hi Mary Jane,

Yep, I know what you're talking about.

Well, we can take steps to make ourselves look more female, hormones, surgery, electrolysis, etc., or we can learn to live with the reality of being masculine on the outside and feminine on the inside.

I've done some of both, but I also try to avoid looking in the mirror while dressed as a man. :rofl:

Carol:hugs:

[Rachel Morley]

Hi maryjanecapri,

OMG tell me about it! I think it's fair to say that most of us think beautiful happy thoughts about how wonderfully feminine we feel when we are dressed but then we go and look at ourselves in the mirror when en femme and it's not so good. :(

The image looking back at us is nowhere near matching the way we are feeling. I know I have felt like this many times in the past. It used to make me really depressed and I would start to hate myself for being a crossdresser, and then before I knew it, I didn't want to dress anymore because there was no point. But of course not dressing, or rather needing to feel feminine, is simply not an option for me, so I'd dress again feeling fabulously different and girly but I didn't want to look in the mirror.

Anyway, that's just me....maybe others are different. So what's the solution? Short answer: self acceptance.

I'm never ever going to be a beautiful woman, but I can do lots of things that will help feminize me and then add to that a little smoke and mirrors and I can make a somewhat half decent feminine image with practice. It's all about doing lots of slightly feminizing things like shaving body hair (including your hands and arms) painting your nails etc.....things that are no big deal on their own but add them all together and it adds up to a significant difference. Then with the right clothes, wig and makeup you can start to make a difference.

Try not to beat yourself up about not looking as feminine as you are feeling. It's not a nice feeling but it is completely normal. Finally, here's a link to a site that was posted in another thread about tips for being more feminine. I think it's got some pretty good tips on how help yourself look better, however there is no substitute for accepting youself - focus on how feminine you feel rather than how you look.

http://www.reneereyes.com/Webdocs/tipsintro.html

[Karren H]

Nope.....not me....All male in guy mode and all fem in girl mode......Don't really see myself any differently that I am, in which ever mode I'm in at the time...

Love Karren

[Bobbie cd]

Nope.....not me....All male in guy mode and all fem in girl mode......Don't really see myself any differently that I am, in which ever mode I'm in at the time...

Love Karren

Ahh, but Karren, you are definitely different, and I daresay,
even unique! (What would we do without your adventures to inspire us?) :D

As for the image in the mirror, well, I keep working on it, but I just have to accept that I will never look as feminine as I feel.

[Charleen]

I can understand. I am Lily, and have reached the stage where that guy looking back in the mirroris someone I have to up with as I live my life as everyone knows me as Charlie regardless if they know about Lily or not. I know who I am, and that's what counts for me today in spite of the reflection. Beside, a reflection isn't the true image anyway, as it is a mirror image. Love and xxxx, Lily

[Agles]

"what you see now is like a dim image in a mirror, soon we shall see face to face"
that is so out of context that it really dones not have its original meaning any more. but instead a whole new one that i love.
i know just what you mean. my emostions my feelings they dont change with what clothing i have on. i may feel more feminine in some then others, even some male clothing makes me feel just as good. i do feel that there is an inner me, a girl. as i look back on life (old family pics and videos) i cant find myself. i am there but is that really me. as a child im there im in stuff, but over the last 10 years i look and cant really find any pics of myself. last time i can really say i did have my picture taken was back in highschool 6 years ago. mirrors i dont look in them, if i do not for long. is it i dont like the way i look. no not really. i dont feel as if that's really me emotionaly. i feel so feminine some times i reak of it. i often ask why do i half to be this way why cant i just be happy with life and just go on. thing is i dont know, and it really eats me up. because the only way i think i pass as a male is because i use alot of logic and do not follow my emotions. that and i know alot of usless facts form watching to much TV as a kid. does this inner image look much different then i really do, no not that much just a thing or two. i just tell myself one day i will be that inner me. i will go through transition and be who i feel i really am. for me there is no male me. just me trying to get by. wow that's alot i think ill stop now. i... i feel abit better after having said that. am i beautiful well no, is the image? yes, is it beautiful like the girl on the teen magizen am i that, no. im beautiful because of my caring hart. something that even as a man i can still have. even if i dont use it.
:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:
so do i know how you feel? i do. everyday of my life.

='.'=
Jamie

oh something i want to add to that. very strange and weird.
2 years ago my cousin go married. sense i was messing with AV stuff on my PC i was given the task of trying to put all the video and pics from the wedding on a DVD, as i had to sit through hours upon hours of footage i was not present in any of it. no not me as what i was saying above but physically no me no where. i did not even see this till i did credits with pics grouped together of the bridle party with there names. i though i should have a credit i am doing all this work. so i hunted and hunted. no one snap shot no one frame of film had me in it. what gives??

in the end i did a great job on it packaging and all. made a really good keepsake for them. they keep telling me i should start doing that. but what i did had feeling i was involved. for me to do that to someone else's stuff would he hallow and empty. and i know people who do that charge bookoo bucks to do it to.

[Katelyn]

When I see myself I see both my male and female side. It's hard to keep a balance. I feel that when I am male, my female side shoes a little too much and vise versa. I try to be what I feel at the time. When I do look at myself in the mirror, it's to try and perfect my makeup or something. I think I look ok, until I smile.

[AmberTG]

I've never been comfortable with the image that I see in the mirror. I can see just enough of my mother and one of my sisters to give me hope, but not enough to be obvious. Hopefully, when my beard is all removed, I'll see more of myself. But then, I never liked looking at myself in the mirror because I didn't like the person I was looking at. There was something wrong with that person.

[Miss Vicki]

Angel; I think you have said it best. All the things that I think about when trying to justify why a "not-so-good-looking" cross dresser would want to keep trying to look feminine. Self acceptance. You do it well, and I am happy to be in my small world of accepting who I am. And in what I feel like when dressed.
Thanks for spelling it out.

Miss Vicki

[Debb]

For me, the numerous times I looked in the mirror while dressed, I have always managed to see a pretty woman.

Unfortunately, I took photos of myself a few times... what an eye-opener.

When I look in the mirror, I see what I expect to see ... when I look at a photograph of myself, the non-immediacy of the moment pops through and I see an obvious guy-dressed-as-girl.

I was quite depressed when I got the true look at myself. I grew to accept that I just couldn't take pictures of myself, and then one day it dawned on me ... self-acceptance is the key, not ignoring myself via photo avoidance.

So in summary ... I guess finding out I wouldn't pass my own "femme" test helped in the long run, it was a catalyst to self-acceptance.

[Kate Simmons]

I'm a little more complex "inside" than I imagined really. It's not just simply the "inner woman" it's the full spectrum of inner feelings I'm learning to deal with.There used to be a dichotomy of sorts but now I'm working towards over all embracment and unity of myself. I look at each expression of myself as an "avatar" or a module. What module I bring into play at any given time depends on the cimcumstances. Even so, I can look like anything at the time but be what it is necessary to be inside. Think of it as a stone block. For a sculpter, the work of art is in it, but his expression fully brings it out by chipping away the excess stone. In the end is a beautiful work of art created by the artist (you). Something you can be proud of, really because it displays your creativity.:happy: Ericka

[Teresa Amina]

I'll be different here and say that my inner image is a pretty darn good match with my fem presentation. The mirror is better than the photo but, at most angles, the pictures capture that "essence" I see within. I was going through my picture files the other day looking for something and saw some of the shots I took last March. Wow! I was really impressed then ("Omigawd! There I am!") but the present avatar is even more Me. It helps that I've never seen the inner image as a gorgeous young babe but am quite satisfied to approach the appearance of a reaonably good looking 50 year old (ok, maybe 40 something?):D

[Joy Carter]

I went to buy a suit at the mall and I had to walk through the women's department. I thought, this is not right I should be looking through the racks of these clothes not at men's suits. Am I not a man +? Undeniable so, but my mind and my heart says different. I do make the effort to present myself as the woman within and that is all we can do. Be happy with yourself and the unique person you are. Self acceptance does help in washing away the self doubt. :thumbsup:

[Angie G]

Byllie for me I know I'm not a great looking woman I don't look brautiful as a girl bet thats o.k. in my mind abd heart I'm beautiful and that all I need.
Don't beat yourself up over something thats just not happening babe :hugs:
Angie

[Eugenie]

Strangely enough, I tend to be very nice to the image of me in the mirror... Even when I was 40 kilos heavier than now I would look at myself very gently in the mirror, not seeing the big fat girl that was in it...

It was in the pictures that I was finaly comming to grasp with the true reality.

Now that I've lost all that weight, I'm still plump, but as far as I am concerned happilly plump :tongueout

That gives me nice natural credible breasts with the help of a push-up bra (36/38 D cups). I can wear US size 14 for the skirts, between 16 and 18 for the tops and for dresses.

And now I like much better both my image in the mirror and on pictures. I could certainly improve a lot and I would like to. But I'm not feeling as bad I I was three years ago and with 40 more kilos...
:hugs:
Eugenie

[plastiqgirl]

At times when I am in drab and looking in the mirror, I am upset that I can't look masculine enough. But then when I am in drag, I'm upset that I don't look feminine enough. I'm a hopeless Gemini, for sure. :P

[Julogden]

At times when I am in drab and looking in the mirror, I am upset that I can't look masculine enough. But then when I am in drag, I'm upset that I don't look feminine enough. I'm a hopeless Gemini, for sure. :P
I know exactly what you mean, and strangely, I'm a Gemini too.

I wonder if anyone has ever done a survey to see if any particular astrological sign is more heavily represented in our ranks? Might be interesting.

Carol:hugs:

[Sally24]

Interesting topic on body image. I am actually having a bit of a similar problem. I have been dressing and going out enough this last year that my body image in my mind has slowly been changing to Sally from my male self. Not a perfect female form and image but the one that I acheive when I cross-dress. I can be a little disconcerting sometimes when I'm either thinking of things, or I look in the mirror and see the "wrong" face looking back. It doesn't help that I look very much like my sister did 10 or 20 years ago. That also can be a little surprising when your sister is looking back at you thru your eyes! Yikes!

By the way Virgo