Is Mummy To Blame??

[Melanie]

Girls,

it seems no one person has the answer when it comes to how us CD/TG's are what we are.I won't go into detail but have read many articles from sexologists,psychiatrists,psychologists,sociologis ts and many from online contributors.
Some ppl believe we are born with a certain set of genes or a chromosone combination,whilst other believe it is our environment that affects us.

In my case I was convinced that my mother(mummy when I was a child) always wanted a girl.I am the first born of two males.My mum though a good mother,always molly coddled me,was extra protective and treated me as if I were some very delicate object.
I was brought up not to swear and didn't until my late teens,I never saw a real porn movie until my mid twenties,I was a virgin until almost 21.
When I dated 'mummy' always wanted to meet the girl or at least know who she was,where I was going and I was told what time to come home.
I even remember mum telling me 'now don't you go catting around".It's like her first born son could not be a man.

Mum also had a lot of very femmy knickers hanging about where they could be seen.I seem to remember mum putting something red in the wash with our little boys underwear,that made them all turn pink.I seem to remember a remark of hers that went something like' well if these undies don't turn white again,maybe you'll have to wear my knickers".

So I am of the opinion that mum wanted a girl hence the lack of a male influence.My dad tried but mum always seemed to interfere.Plus for the last 10 years or so she has suggested that I either dress as a nun,or a girl on halloween!.I wonder what she would do if I took her up on it....?
Not sure if she would hug me or slap me,lol!

Hugs,

Melanie :hugs:

[Nikki Dee]

Who's to Blame.???...No idea in my case...but I'd love to know so that I could thank them.!!!LOL
Nikki. x

[Clare]

Maybe!

In general, I believe it is nature at work in the womb when the chromosomes are doing their thing with the fetus. We are born this way and there's no changing that. The same goes for gay people - they're wired this way at conception too.

But I do believe there is a small proportion of people who are influenced by their parents to be "a certain way" because of their own beliefs and desires. Personally I think this is selfish and wrong of the parents. In any case, even if they try to feminise a boy or the opposite for a girl, that child will have emotional and practical problems in life as they grow up.

In the end, when the child is an adult, they will make up their on minds as to how they want to live their lives.

[Marla S]

I would nobody blame for. Why to blame someone anyway.
For every case where one could assume that the influence of the parents are the reason you'll find 20 others where the opposite is true.
The influence of the parents is overestimated IMO. If you haven't been raised completaly isolated there are too many other influences that tell you about the "right gender role".
Very important is also to be receptive for a certain kind of upbringing.
Studies have shown in kindergardens where they tried to educate boys and girls equally the children themselves pronounced their difference more than ususal.
IMO TG falls into the natural variance of traits and skills accepted in almost any other case, but is pathologized due to cultural settings for TG (natural variance vs. culture).

[Grrrrr]

My mum was definitely not the influence for me to crossdress. In fact it was a teacher, library teacher, way back when I was at primary school (maybe about 11-12 years of age) that influenced me to dress. I never acted on it until I was about 20 years old. But it was the library teacher that wore the skirts and stiletto heels that got me hooked! :happy:

[LaurenS.]

I believe we're born with the desire to crossdress. I think it's a certain event or series of events that brings it out in us. For me it was playing dressup with my cousins when a child. There were 3 sisters all a year apart and I used to love when we'd visit because I knew we'd all be dressing and stumbling around in my aunt's high heels. I loved evey minute of it!! I knew I had a desire to dress but I think those "play days" brought ot out in me.

[Kate Simmons]

Who's to Blame.???...No idea in my case...but I'd love to know so that I could thank them.!!!LOL
Nikki. xMy sentiments exactly, Nikki.:happy: Ericka

[Nicole24]

Im not sure why i crossdress im just glad i do.
I am my parents first born and my mother was always overprotective of me.
I also grew up living on a street where all the other kids except one were girls. we used to play girly games with them.
I remember every weekend my mam would go shopping and she always took me with her. i was facinated with the clothes shops. i always remember i used to run my hands through the satin clothing as i loved the feel.
i dont know if im a crossdresser because of my mother but i have more oppertunities than most to be around girls and girly things from a young age.
The other boy who lived on the road is now in prison and im a crossdresser so i think i have got the good end of the deal.

(sorry about my spelling im dislexic) which is a really hard word to spell if you have it lol cruel world.

[Joy Carter]

No one to blame it just the way I am. Tried on grandma's house dress at age three or four without her knowing. I think maybe we are born this way.

[Charleen]

I've heard it's nature and nurture for how everyone turns out. Sounds reasonable to me.
As far a me and my Mom go, probably helped. At 3 or 4 I was wearing her heels, which she thought was cute. I also spent more time with her than my Dad because of their work schedules. I do believe now, looking back, that she did want a girl, and because of circumstances, could not have any more children after me, so I was an only child.
Also, growing up, my nieghborhood had very few boys, so I played with girls for the first 8 years of my life.
So for me, the combination of genes, and up bringing makes as much sense to me as anything else. Love and xxxx, Lily

[Robin Leigh]

To be a TG person, I think you need to be born with some TG propensity. (I'm using TG in the widest sense here). No matter what gender cues a young TG person is given by the people in their environment, they will respond to them in a different way to the cis-gendered. The difference may be slight, but it may be profound. Either way, all these differences add up, and by the time we reach puberty, most of us realize we don't feel exactly the same way about the genders as most of the kids around us.

What are these TG propensities we are born with? I suspect the theory that we are neurally intersexed is correct. In other words, the TG propensities come from partial feminization (in the case of boys) of certain neural & endocrine structures during embryonic development. This could be caused by information in the genes themselves, or it could be caused by factors arising in the interaction between the mother's & fetus's immune systems, without it being directly coded in the DNA.


I'm sure that many people could have had their personality "molded" into a more masculine or more feminine mode while they're growing up without them having TG propensities as such, since humans are very adaptable. But you can't just make any boy into a girl. The tragic story of David Reimer tells us that very clearly.

I believe that in an ideal world, both cis-gendered & trans-gendered children would grow up with a healthy self-image & feel comfortable with the gender system & their place within it, even if that does involve some of us presenting as the alternate gender in some way occasionally or even full-time.

In our non-ideal world, a child's peers, teachers & parents will have both a positive & a negative influence on that child's gender identity. Some people will act like Gender Police, punishing any deviation. Some parents will sense that their child is a bit different (and maybe even recognize TG propensities in themself) and will try to give them some kind of support, even if they don't really understand what's happening & what they're doing.

Melanie, please don't "blame" Mummy for making you into a girl. She was just trying to nurture the inner girl that she knew was always there. She'd probably love it if you came out to her, but it might be wise to avoid mentioning the erotic side explicitly. :)


I used to know a CDer on a local BBS years ago who's Mum knew that her son was "special" from an early age & was always very supportive to him & his TG & gay friends. She even made feminine clothes for them. She believed that she could pick a gay or TG boy by the age of 5. :)

I have to end with this TG version of an old gay joke.

"My mother made me a transvestite."
"Ooh! Do you think she'd make me one if I gave her the lace?"

Robin

[Eugenie]

Like other have said, blame may not be the proper word. The roots of X-dressing are probably a mix of innate (genetic/biological) and acquired (Social and familial environment) elements. The part that is innate vs the one that is acquired is most likely very variable from one individual to another.

I am also a first born child and my mom's attitude was quite similar to yours except I don't think that she ever wanted a girl. My father had a very positive role with passing male values to his boys (I have 2 brothers).

For me, the innate part seems to be predominant, but I admit that I was early on exposed to the feeling of soft material. My mom would often walk around in slip and I could feel the material on my fingers when she would take me on her laps. But the fact that I enjoyed so much this material is also probably a sensory peculiarity with genetic basis. I still have a trememdous sensitivity to soft surfaces and materials.

I think my mom has some suspitions about my x-dressing. But she won't say anything, especialy now that she is past 84 years old.

I sincerely don't think that she is at the roots of my x-dressing even thought I think she tolerated it (She found once a girdle that I had stolen from her and said nothing).
:hugs:
Eugenie

[Carroll]

it seems no one person has the answer when it comes to how us CD/TG's are what we are.I won't go into detail but have read many articles from sexologists,psychiatrists,psychologists,sociologis ts and many from online contributors.
Some ppl believe we are born with a certain set of genes or a chromosone combination,whilst other believe it is our environment that affects us.

In my case I was convinced that my mother(mummy when I was a child) always wanted a girl.I am the first born of two males.My mum though a good mother,always molly coddled me,was extra protective and treated me as if I were some very delicate object.
I was brought up not to swear and didn't until my late teens,I never saw a real porn movie until my mid twenties,I was a virgin until almost 21.
When I dated 'mummy' always wanted to meet the girl or at least know who she was,where I was going and I was told what time to come home.
I even remember mum telling me 'now don't you go catting around".It's like her first born son could not be a man.


You just described my basic up bringing except it was not my mummy, it was my mommy:D I also had three sister I lived with

[LouiseCassell]

I blame nobody - not even myself.

[Denise400]

You know we can come up with all these theorys as to why we love wearing dresses, or love wearing womens clothes. But how does society explain that it is ok for women to wear pants? does that mean they were cuddled by their dad when they were young? Maybe, but I think that society needs to leave us alone, and let us wear our clothes the way we want to, because we are no threat to them.

[Deidra Cowen]

It think science will figure out what makes us tick in the not so distant future. My bet is going to be its biological. Something in our body, genes, whatever that reveals on a scale of one to ten that we are right there in the middle instead of being for example 1-female 10-male. We probably are around 4 to 6.

[Stephenie S]

I often wonder about the need to "blame" someone or to ask "why".

To me this is a waste of time. Perhaps, because I am older, time is something I don't feel I have enough of, and I want to spend ALL of what I have left enjoying life and the world around me as my feminine self. Time is FLYING by girls. and we all only have so much.

I also think that trying to figure out "why" is a masculine trait. My advice is to just relax and ENJOY the feminine feelings you have been BLESSED with the ability to enjoy.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[jennifer marie]

I know my Mom had a whole lot to do wit me wanting to be Jennifer. Single parent only child she made no secret of wanting a girl! Like some others here she was very overprtective and controlling. I would have to go everywhere with her. Like when I was young women went and had their hair done every Sat. I would go and sit there and wait for her. Mom thought it was cute tht instead of going to a barber I got my hair trimmed by her stylest, things like that

Jennifer Marie
.:

[Missy]

after years of crossdressing and wanting to find out who's fault it was I come to find out it is my faultI am the one who put the cloths on and went into my moms room and my sisters room to put on the cloths
and even after i moved out i am the one who keep it going

so there

[Holly]

Instead of trying to figure out who to blame, maybe we should be trying to figure out who to thank! I, for one, am glad to be TG as I think it has opened horizons in my life I would have never know existed if I had pursued my existence in the traditional lifestyle of my birth sex. I enjoy seeing the world from a more feminine perspective. Blame carries a negative connotation with it. I'm grateful to be whoI am. To mom, mother nature, and whoever else may have had a hand in this, thank-you from the bottom of my heart.

[Snookums]

Girls,

it seems no one person has the answer when it comes to how us CD/TG's are what we are.I won't go into detail but have read many articles from sexologists,psychiatrists,psychologists,sociologis ts and many from online contributors.
Some ppl believe we are born with a certain set of genes or a chromosone combination,whilst other believe it is our environment that affects us.

In my case I was convinced that my mother(mummy when I was a child) always wanted a girl.I am the first born of two males.My mum though a good mother,always molly coddled me,was extra protective and treated me as if I were some very delicate object.
I was brought up not to swear and didn't until my late teens,I never saw a real porn movie until my mid twenties,I was a virgin until almost 21.
When I dated 'mummy' always wanted to meet the girl or at least know who she was,where I was going and I was told what time to come home.
I even remember mum telling me 'now don't you go catting around".It's like her first born son could not be a man.

Mum also had a lot of very femmy knickers hanging about where they could be seen.I seem to remember mum putting something red in the wash with our little boys underwear,that made them all turn pink.I seem to remember a remark of hers that went something like' well if these undies don't turn white again,maybe you'll have to wear my knickers".

So I am of the opinion that mum wanted a girl hence the lack of a male influence.My dad tried but mum always seemed to interfere.Plus for the last 10 years or so she has suggested that I either dress as a nun,or a girl on halloween!.I wonder what she would do if I took her up on it....?
Not sure if she would hug me or slap me,lol!

Hugs,

Melanie :hugs:

in a way mummy is to blame,thats where we develope

[Elly]

even though growing up most of my friends were girls, i don't feel my family was involved in any way, sure my mom accepts it but i have not lived with her since i was around 9 years old around the time my parents divorced, with my mom out of the picture, and being surrounded by macho rednecks there was verry little femanine influence besides my Grandmother and my little sister which happens to be the only GG in two generations in my family (on my fathers side, i barely know anyone on my moms side), no i feel it is definately something inside us at birth, if it wasn't that way i would have never been jealous of my cousin Terry when my GG cousins (mom's side) dressed him up when i was little, instead i would have reacted like the other macho rednecks and thaught it was gay and there was something wrong with him for allowing them to do that to him, but instead i was heartbroken that they chose him to dress up and not me, it has to be something biological and not mental conditioning, at least from my perspective...

[Robin Leigh]

Elly,

Whether your being attracted by the GGs or being repelled by the macho rednecks, it's still an influence.
As Boy George said in relation to his father (a wifebeating alcoholic) : "If that's what it means to be a man, count me out" (or words to that effect).

PS. Could you please break your messages up? I like to read your posts, but reading one big sentence like that leaves me breathless. :)

:hugs:

Robin

[Christina Nicole]

Oh, it's probably a combination of things. Generally, parents tend to be more protective of their first child, not knowing what to expect. They tend to overdo the care thing. Mothers are especially prone to this. Then generally girls get more attention for being pretty and doing "domestic" things. Boys get more attention from doing sports stuff. If one's a boy and doesn't do much in the way of sports, the men tend to give scant attention to that boy. He may envy the attention given to sisters and cousins, with whom he plays, for their cute outfits, hair, etc. To make this short, it's probably a combination of learned behavior and having the propensity to a less masculine identity that "makes" crossdressers.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

[Stephenie S]

Instead of trying to figure out who to blame, maybe we should be trying to figure out who to thank! I, for one, am glad to be TG as I think it has opened horizons in my life I would have never know existed if I had pursued my existence in the traditional lifestyle of my birth sex. I enjoy seeing the world from a more feminine perspective. Blame carries a negative connotation with it. I'm grateful to be whoI am. To mom, mother nature, and whoever else may have had a hand in this, thank-you from the bottom of my heart.

Dear Holly,

Said much better than I could. That's just what I meant!

You got it, girl.

Lovies,
Steph

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

I agree that being a CD doesn't require any "blame." I consider it a gift. My mother wanted a girl but I don't think that this was the cause of who I am. Rather, I am sorry she never saw me as a girl when she was still alive. I think she would have been pleased. But that isn't why I am who I am.

[Elly]

you may have a point Robin and good quote from George O'Dowd, that throws another perspective into it for me, and mybe all the machismo that i was raised around did have a repulsive effect on me as i still find it repulsive to this day, and maybe it could have been a lack of female influence that did it too, now i'm not totaly sure, but i am sure that i am me, and regardless of my upbringing i am happy with who i am...

sorry that i abuse the comma, i always considered the comma as a 3 second pause and the period a 5 second pause, i'll try to make them easier for people to read, guess ima bit longwinded at times, but it came about by not wanting to be considered a 1 word or 1 sentance post-***** on other boards in the past as that irritates me when others do it, obviousely i rarely post anything short and try to put thaught into my postings.

[kathy gg]

Melanie

I for one always hate finger pointing becaue when you point a finger at one person...well 4 fingers are pointing right back at you.

Instead of looking for the *reason* or catalyst....I think a better way to look at this is to ask yourself questions...

would you have perferreed to have been raised by a woman who did not care if you were at home or running the streets getting into trouble or getting random women pregnant? Would you have perferred your Mom and Dad getting you a Playboy subscription as your 18th birthday present?

I think one cannot really truly apprecaite all that goes into parenthood till one lives it and becomes a parent themself. I am an only child of an insanely over protective Mom. I will tell you how overprotective my Mom was of me....I was not allowed to go on any field trips with the class because my Mom was certain the bus drivers were incompetant. I either went home for lunch or had a lunch box as my Mom thought the cafetieria food was probably too full of germs and bacteria.

So I too know a thing about being *overprotected*......but I look back now and thank my Mom and can forgive some of her ways. Maybe she went too far in some area's but I can thank some of that over protective behavior for alot of the positive traits I have as an adult. I certainly did not get sick nearly a much as most of my friends. good immune system or protective mom? who knows....

I also will say this....my Mom had a still birth and one miscarriage, techincally I was never supposed to be born....and I think she was so happy and overjoyed that she was blessed with a healthy baby....well she did not want anything to happen to me...as much as was with-in her power.....

I too had a miscarriage and I can tell you that when I had my daughter I absolutely cannot describe how fullfilled and happy she made me. And I too want to keep her safe and to teach her to respect life and to be a good person and have good morals and judgement.

Was yor rMom too overprotective....maybe....maybe just so happy to have you that she did coddle you some. But so what.??....the world needs more coddeling if you ask me....we have enough shitty horrible Mom and Dads out in this world who don't want their children and who dont' give a damn about where they are or what they are doing. Watch the evening news if you want to see bad parenthood in action.....murders and crimes don't get committed because of *too much love at home*...they get committed by people who were never shown good values and love and to repect life.

Anyway....my advice....quit finding *blame* for the person you are...unless you are out there committing crimes in drag:tongueout start to enjoy the person you are. I sound like a broken record here, but people who live in the past don't have a present.

Sometimes we can't blame our parents for all the things which we are not to happy about in ourself...sometimes we have to take responsiblity and in this case....being a crossdresser is not the worst thing you could be if you ask me.

[AprilMae]

There are probably as many reasons why as there are crossdressers. I was first born 2 sisters followed me. Until i was about 2 my Dada was away in the Navy, so it was mainly my Mother and Grandmother with me, but there was no undue femininity . My childhood was normal, I enjoyed sports, and all the other boys stuff, but also enjoyed music and art, and probably was a little more sensitive. I long ago gave up trying to figure out the why I do it. And like someone else said, I don'tblame it on anyone. I choose to do it.

[trannie T]

We are all incredibly complex beings. What we are is the result of parents, peers, genetics and a multitude of other factors. I doubt that any single factor causes our behavior, rather we are what we are because of a combination of factors. If science can find a cause for crossdressing then they should be able to find a cure. No cure for me though, I'm having too much fun.

[EricaCD]

Goddess only knows why I am a crossdresser. For the record, however, I don't think it was my mother. Beyond that, I have no clue - and the healthiest thing I have done as a CD is to stop asking or caring "why".

Erica

[Calliope]

I agree that being a CD doesn't require any "blame." I consider it a gift. My mother wanted a but I don't think that this was the cause of who I am.


I'm pretty right along with the above. My mom wanted a macho boy but her wishes weren't to be. More complicated. I think the huge variance of hormones in every individual is a major player - plus a million zillion discreet instances of observation and experience. Different for every person. (For me, there was a lot of curiosity and longing to play with the lasses when I was in 1st and 2nd grade and, later, I was fascinated by such cultural touchstones as Myra Breckinridge and Switched-On Bach but I'm sure that's just stuff my memory hangs onto while I lose track of another thousand memories.)

The questions pertaining to our 'origins,' I believe, are as recondite and untouchable as the activities of the heavens.

Cool.

[Grrrrr]

You know we can come up with all these theorys as to why we love wearing dresses, or love wearing womens clothes. But how does society explain that it is ok for women to wear pants? does that mean they were cuddled by their dad when they were young? Maybe, but I think that society needs to leave us alone, and let us wear our clothes the way we want to, because we are no threat to them.

The term used for this is called power dressing. I call it double standards.

[Dragster]

I'm sure I read somewhere that the "tendency" to transgenderism is not genetic, but is believed (not enough research has been done to be sure) to come from the way the brain gets wired up during the first 3 months in the womb, and that's dependent on the concentration of testosterone in the mother's bloodstream at that time. With high levels, you get a male brain, and with low levels, you get a female brain, whatever genetalia you are born with. In between, you get an "in-between" brain, which gives you anything from a panty wearer to homosexual tendencies.

For myself, I was raised as a normal male with a brother and no sisters. I think my parents were proud to have boys, and we played with boy's toys, train sets, Meccano, Dinky toys, model aeroplanes, and I helped my dad with the car maintenance. (At the age of three, I planted his wheel-nuts in the ground so they would grow. Fortunately, I showed him where they were and he dug them up; without getting angry!)

I think it was when I noticed what girls were wearing that I became attracted to female clothing, and raided my mothers closet for girdles and stockings at first. When wearing them resulted in my first orgasm, I was hooked, and have been ever since.

So, there was no direct influence here, except that I may have been born with a CD brain. I'm still happy to be predominently male, and I think like a male, but I have this need to dress as a pretty or sexy woman from time to time, and 37 years of happy marriage has not diminished that. Like many of you, I'm happy to be what I am and I really enjoy my feminine time, but I wish my wife could find a way not to be so turned off by it! Maybe one day!

Tony

[debbie m]

I think I was born this way.There is no one to blame because I love to dress in a feminine manner.It gives me great joy to dress this way.So,I stopped wondering why and just accepted myself.

[Daintre]

It is easy to try and blame others for the way we are....My Mom, rest her soul, was the backbone of our family, my father had to work in another province, I live in Alberta, he had to work in Saskatchewan. My Mom worked full time, looked after 5 kids, one who is handicapped, did she coddle me, NO, I was the "man" of the house as all my siblings are female. I entered the world of a CD, TV or what have you on my own. MY Mom was there for all us kids and never treated me in any way but as a boy.

[Adrienne Heels]

While I agree that we are born with the desire to crossdress, I think it is interesting that my mother was also overprotective, the dominant member of my parents' marriage, took me shopping weekly with her, and was a very controlling influence on my life while growing up. And she always said that she really had wanted to have a daughter, not a son...not just to me, but to everyone. I have to think there was some degree of influence to dressing there as well.

[Robin Leigh]

Sorry, people, another long post. It's hard for me to avoid them in this thread. :) I just hope someone out there gets some value from my ramblings. :)


you may have a point Robin and good quote from George O'Dowd, that throws another perspective into it for me, and mybe all the machismo that i was raised around did have a repulsive effect on me as i still find it repulsive to this day, and maybe it could have been a lack of female influence that did it too, now i'm not totaly sure, but i am sure that i am me, and regardless of my upbringing i am happy with who i am...


I think we still would have been TG in some way or another, no matter what our upbringing, but it would be expressed a bit different growing up with different influences.

A kid with more macho instincts growing up in your environment, Elly, would have been attracted to macho energy of the other guys, wanting to be part of that gang, rather than being repulsed by them. And if you had grown up in an environment surrounded by women, you would naturally have been attracted by these more feminine energies. You would still probably end up CDing, but the path you took to get here would be different. And your feelings about it would be different, too.

It is interesting though, from what I've seen on this forum & in this thread in particular, many of us did grow up in a situation of gender imbalance, either masculine dominated or feminine dominated, giving us an interesting perspective on the "power balance" between the sexes.

A couple of posts have mentioned the concept of blame. True, it's not a smooth life growing up TG, but it can be fun from time to time. :) Trying to blame our parents for making us TG is a bit like a left-handed person blaming their parents for that "affliction". And there's another connection: discriminating against left-handers & trying to force them to be right-handed does emotional damage, & possibly even nerve damage, too. Similar forcing of gender issues must also be harmful to any child's development.

There's nothing wrong or faulty about being TG, but it is rare for our sense of gender identity to be properly cared for while we're growing up. A simple example: the sportspeople & movie stars that are gender role models for the cis-gendered can make TG kids feel like they're freaks or failures. Some of us may give ourselves a very hard time trying to fit in with the pattern we believe society wants us to follow. Thus so many young TG people have problems with low self-esteem, and it can take us a while to grow past this.

But it doesn't have to be like that. If young TG people were supported properly they wouldn't be made to feel like second-rate humans because of their gender diversity.

Robin

[Elly]

interesting point there. i never was the macho type actualy i loath sports in general except i do sometimes enjoy Hockey but that's the rare occasion. i have no doubt in my mind that if i grew up under more female influence i would have turned out no different, as far back as i can remember i never felt that i fit in with the guys and spent as much time as i could with the few female friends that i had, oh the nights i would go to sleep wishing that it would end and i'd wake up in the right body but of couse that's only wishfull thinking. when i finaly moved in with my sister and mom when i was about 16 i still found myself going into my sister or moms closets looking for different things to try on, of course i think they knew and just didn't say anything, i guess they were giving me space to try to figure myself out as they are both verry supportive of me to this day on this subject, though i feel it may have been better for me to stay living with them, then i would have probably made the choice to live as a girl at a much younger age instead of waithing till i'm 30ish to do so...

[JoAnnDallas]

Usually one boy is born in each generation in my family, so we have a ton of girls. When I was growing up I was the youngest of three. Two older sisters, one 5 yr older and the other was 10 yr older. Since boys are rare, we get treated special or so it seems. I was constantly be told that I was a boy and it was OK to do this or that. When I asked if I could do the samething that my older sisters were doing or dress like them, I was told NO, that was for girls ONLY and not boys. I don't know if I resented that I could not be like my sisters, thus would do them anyway, just because, such as wearing their clothing, heels, makeup and such. All I knew was I like doing and acting like my sisters. I later came to believe that I had to be wired differently than most boys or I would not feel that way. Today having spent most of my working life in the Medical field, including research, I fully believe that each and everyone of us GG,GM,TG are wired the way we are before birth. More and more evidence is coming out that being gay is Genetic and I feel that being TG is also Genetic. Upbring does play a role in ones makeup.
I read somewhere that even if we cloned ourselves, our clone would grow up complete different and the only common bond would be we have the same DNA. We would be twins seperated by age. Otherwise he would be a different person.

[Snookums]

it's not mummies fault,blame it on the hamster:D

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

This discussion is very intersting. Love the theories. But in the end being a t girl is such a joy that I am sorry for those who are deprived of the experience. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could have a natiotional m2f when all the guys could try this out. Bet our ranks would grow dramatically.

[Beth-GDB]

I don't see it as a matter of "blame" because to me "blame" implies that something is "wrong". If there's nothing "wrong" with CDing, there is no "blame".

Recently I've been asking myself why I CD in a much more serious way than I have in the past. I adore women. I find them enchanting, beguiling, endearing, fascinating, often confusing but always captivating. A little bit of back yard psychology on my part has me thinking that maybe I'm projecting the qualities I admire the most in women onto those things I can obtain for myself the most easily, their clothing and related accessories. Perhaps I'm subconciously thinking that if I look and behave more like the women I admire so much that I'll gain some of the attibutes I admire for myself (and the day after that actually happens satan will be opening a chain of snow resorts in hell :p ).

My mother has nothing to do with what's in my closet.

[tammie]

Hi everyone: I believe that all men ( or boys ) R capable of CDing. Some get the chance early and become lifeling CDs. Others never try it and some try it later in life. If U get the chance and find out how erotic it is then U get a huge desire to continue, and become a CD. Not really very scientific or complex but it may have some merit.

[cd_michelle_mpls]

i am too tired to read all 43 posts, so i will say this and sign off:

i was born with the crossdressing gene. i was never feminized as a child, never encouraged to be a sissy. at a young age i wanted to experiment with crossdressing. i remember watching "the price is right" at age 5 or 6, (three decades ago) and thinking that the women were pretty. i wanted to kiss them. (that's all i knew about sexual relationships then, so that was all i could fantasize about.) but i also wanted to dress like them. how conflicting for a young boy!

and while i knew i had feminine desires, i also knew i didn't want to express them. 30 years later i still am afraid to.

[Monica Elena]

Why blame?
I thank my mother for helping me be the girl I am and for letting me wear all her dresses, shoes, makeup, jewelry and all I wanted in my early crossdressing times.
I love her!

[Robin Leigh]

Hi everyone: I believe that all men ( or boys ) R capable of CDing. Some get the chance early and become lifeling CDs. Others never try it and some try it later in life. If U get the chance and find out how erotic it is then U get a huge desire to continue, and become a CD. Not really very scientific or complex but it may have some merit.

Hi Tammie. Not every man exposed to CDing becomes a lifelong CDer. There was a member here recently who tried CDing for several months & then decided to quit. And even though it's not exactly standard CDing, don't forget the tragic case of David Reimer.

Also, there are many CDers who say that they do not CD for any erotic thrill. Your theory may be applicable to some of us, but not to all.

Robin

[Khriss]

... In my "era" they blamed ..."Dad" was'nt around enough perhaps..
while truth is " I am what I Am"........ better,to live with that truth..
I strive for that..


"K"

reguardlessofsocialstigma's

[Penny]

Well then, I will attempt to reveal what I have discovered about crossdressing
and I will use the first person (me) and hopefully, I will not offend anybody. I crossdress because I crossdress. I don't blame anyone for what I do. It really doesn't matter how I arrived at being a crossdresser. To blame someone
would be a very convient means to not take responsibily for my actions. While it seems today that appears to be the answer to all our problems, it is not how I choose to live. I do not think crossdressing is wrong so therefor, there is no blame to be placed and no anamosity toward anyone. I am not
ashamed of what I do or who I am; conversely, I love those who love me and
I am happy with my life as it has gone in general. I have discovered who I am and I like me. I accept that I am a crossdresser but I am a lot of other things too! Who can I live with if not myself?
While I am no longer in the closet, I realize that few ever really get totally out of the closet!

[JoAnnDallas]

Sasha Anne Meadows.......


Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could have a natiotional m2f when all the guys could try this out. Bet our ranks would grow dramatically.

We do have a national day. It is called "Halloween" and the numbers do grow dramatically. LOL

[Lee51964]

the only complaint I have is that I was born a man instead of a woman

[melissaabom]

Hi

Who is to blame ..that is a million dollar question .as far I know ..no one in my family or distant relative is crossdresser.

One always hears rumors about family ..but not in my case


Melissa

lifelong Cd girl

[janedoe311]

My father died when I was 4, I lived with my grandparents and had a live in baby sitter when my mother was a work. I was raised by women (my grandmother had 6 sisters), with very little male influence. But did go to boy scouts so my scout master because my “father”.

So what does that have to do with my gender confusion? Probably very little.

What I believe and the medial research done has shown that that it is the hormones the fetus is exposed to is the trigger. XX, XY is what sets the stage but not a sure thing.

So do not blame your mother except maybe she had too much estrogen when pregnant with you and or your testicles did not produce enough male hormones at the critical time.

(One note back in the 40, 50 and 60 pregnant women were given drugs, pain killers and even male hormones to “regulate” their pregnancies. They were discouraged from breast feeding depriving their kids of the necessary antibodies. They also allow coffee, aspirin, smoking and moderate drinking while pregnant, or at least did not be more aggressive in banning them. All of these cause birth defects. (I have keratinous, (a defective cornea), ADD, life long allergies and of course a “bit” of gender confusion. My brother is no doubt ADD and I suspect so it my sister. )

I suspect that not being exposed to enough male hormones early enough was my “problem’. I always have been a late bloomer, first shaving in my 20’s, late to physically mature etc. So I am sure I was a late bloomer in producing enough male hormones to completely male my brain.

Does that mean the environment you are raised in cannot influence gender confusion? No, I suspect that most of us lean more toward neutral but our society pushes us in the direction our body is, ie boy or girl. (Gender confusion can run in the family but saying it is in the DNA or passed on from a parent is also jumping to conclusions, there still could be outside influences on the mother.) And what is being passed on, being a person that is more gender neutral? Nothing wrong with that!

Our society has little tolerance for us who do not want to be “cast” in one gender all the time. (If I could magically change to a female and back to male I would be in heaven.)

FYI: Male rats and mice have been feminized by castration as babies and as adults displayed female characteristics like allowing themselves to be mounted. Since the human brain is more complex especially the gender ID and sexual preference parts, this will not work with humans all the time. That is another thread, sex changing intersexed babies. The reason why it did work with some is because as I said I believe most of us are closer to neutral and GB being raised as a girl in some cases would work because their brains are more “flexible”. See David Reimer see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Reimer

Without the male hormones at the right moment from your tiny undeveloped testicles our brains stay in default. It takes male hormones to “male” our brains. I believe that by default are female or leaning toward female more than neutral.

Then again we all HALF FEMALE. We all have at least one X chromosome. Since the X is heaver than the Y that probably means the Y (male) is just an X with something missing! “Some might say that a male is a birth defect!”.

So what is the problem with men having a female side, a healthy person should have both sides we are all half female after all:heehee: ?

PS "It is the sociey and the Doctors that are "confused" not us because we do not what to be one gender all the time.

[Bonnie D]

I can't think of anything that would have influenced me to be they way I am. I'm the eldest of 4 boys. My mother ruled the household and my father was in the military. We were always treated like boys and were put into all the sports. There were lots of kids around both boys and girls. I don't know exactly when it was that I began wishing I was a girl or hoping by some miracle I would one day wake up in the morning and find I had become a girl during the night.

I never heard of anyone in my ancestory having gender issues. I've always felt that I am the first but how can I possibly find the truth to that.

At the time the issue hit me I had never heard of such a thing anyway. I thought I was the only one and that there was something wrong with me and it was definitely to be kept a secret.

Why I am like this? I have no idea nor does it matter. I'm quite sure it has nothing to do with my parents and how I was raised. I had a great childhood. It's just the way I am.

Bonnie

[Billiemarie]

I first started with a pair of panties that I found. Very small childs panties and I don't remember how old I was but must have been 6 or so. I did not wear them except in hiding. After that it was my mothers bra's and panties and it was aways for my own pleasure and I never got caught. I don't think it would have been a problem with either parent. Now I am in my sixtys and the urge is stronger then ever. Still in the closet I have purged a number of times and right now I'm inbetween having recently gone straight and wishing I hadn't. Now thinking of how to replace everything and a safer place to dress.
So to make a long story a little shorter I don't think that any one is to blame, I havn't been looking for anyones approval. I keep going back to dressing even though I risk a lot. And another thing is I really dont want to stop.
It just feels so good
Billie

[Jasmine Ellis]

how can one blame there mum, I can't, its all down to me that I love to dress no one else told me to but a dress or skirt on. So its just me

[Melanie]

Girls,,
perhaps I should have rephrased my last post.I don't actually vent or get upset about my mum's influence cos that's what I believe is at least partially repsonsible for me turning out this way amongst possible other factors.

I bet you all consider me a 'right bitch' now that you all think I have a grudge against my mum?,lol.I love my mum and really couldn't ask for a better one to be honest.

Like one of the girls replied,it IS better to have an over-protective mum than some of today's non'chalant,indifferent parents that couldn't give a damn where there kids are.

So no I'm not so bad,

Melanie

[GG Vanya]

Well then, I will attempt to reveal what I have discovered about crossdressing
and I will use the first person (me) and hopefully, I will not offend anybody. I crossdress because I crossdress. I don't blame anyone for what I do. It really doesn't matter how I arrived at being a crossdresser. To blame someone
would be a very convient means to not take responsibily for my actions. While it seems today that appears to be the answer to all our problems, it is not how I choose to live. I do not think crossdressing is wrong so therefor, there is no blame to be placed and no anamosity toward anyone. I am not
ashamed of what I do or who I am; conversely, I love those who love me and
I am happy with my life as it has gone in general. I have discovered who I am and I like me. I accept that I am a crossdresser but I am a lot of other things too! Who can I live with if not myself?
While I am no longer in the closet, I realize that few ever really get totally out of the closet!


Penny,

You obviously have a very healthy mental attitude! I've been resisting the urge to post to this thread for 2 days. Your post bolstered my courage. :happy:

Along with the ever present "me mentality" of this generation, there is also the "professional victim". One good example is the politician who is in the news currently. Nothing is EVER one's fault, there is always someone ELSE to blame.

We are all a direct product of our life experiences. The difference is how we act or react to them.

I am a daughter of a Fundamentalist Minister. This can be, and is for some, a difficult childhood. When I came of age, I "kicked the traces and jumped the fence" on organized religion. I harbor no resentment for the things I missed in my childhood, and have instead chosen to "make up for lost time". My sister, on the other hand, is in the "professional victim" mode. EVERY thing in her life is my Dad's fault. She is riddled with resentment no matter how many years have passed (she is now in her late 50's).

I wouldn't trade places with her for all the cows in Texas. I am free to live in the present, to enjoy who I am NOW and know that only "I" am responsible for the person I have become.

I'm grateful, and believe, that my parents did the best they could, with the knowledge they had. A newborn doesn't arrive with an instruction booklet.

Blame is an ugly bottomless pit of quicksand called excuses.

[Sweet Jane]

I don't know if my Mum was to "blame", but she was the first person to put me in panties. I have posted this story in my introduction before, but when I was about 6 or 7ish, I remember my mother putting me in a pair of my older sisters frilly panties and locked me outside in the front porch. It took me a lot of courage to make the dash in full view of the neighbours to get around the house and in the back door to safety and get my own clothes back on...I still don't know why she did this. I can then remember when I would have been about 12, finding a bag of my mothers lingerie, beautiful lacy underwear, longline and lacy bras and silky slips, and I could not resist wearing an assorment often. My Mum caught me, but never told me off, however, the lingerie disappeared. I think my Mum knows that I still crossdress.

So yeah, it seems my Mum did have a hand in my crossdressing, and I love her all the more for it.

[Robin Leigh]

Hi Melanie,

Thanks for starting such a good thread.


perhaps I should have rephrased my last post.
Maybe. I think it's important for us to look at these things in a positive fashion, rather than talking in terms of blame. The negative language patterns are easy to fall into when you see TG issues as flaws or problems, rather than natural diversity.


I bet you all consider me a 'right bitch' now that you all think I have a grudge against my mum?,lol. I love my mum and really couldn't ask for a better one to be honest.
I'm sure you love your Mum, and I certainly don't think you're a 'right bitch'.

:hugs:

Robin

[Melanie]

Well thanks Robin Leigh at least I'm not so bad in your eyes and glad you enjoyed my post.I knew it was controversial,lol,then again I'm not against saying what I feel.

Cheers

Melanie :hugs:

[kathy gg]

Melanie thanks for coming back to this thread and expalining more of what you meant. SOmetimes online feelings and thoughts get lost in translation some.

I also am glad to know you hold no grudge or ill will towards your Mom and am thankful for her. The first post had a different slant and that was what I read into and why I might have posted a bit curt.




Girls,,
perhaps I should have rephrased my last post.I don't actually vent or get upset about my mum's influence cos that's what I believe is at least partially repsonsible for me turning out this way amongst possible other factors.

I bet you all consider me a 'right bitch' now that you all think I have a grudge against my mum?,lol.I love my mum and really couldn't ask for a better one to be honest.

Like one of the girls replied,it IS better to have an over-protective mum than some of today's non'chalant,indifferent parents that couldn't give a damn where there kids are.

So no I'm not so bad,

Melanie

[Debb]

I have some time ago accepted that my crossdressing was something I was born with.

I remember at a very early age wanting to look like the mermaids in cartoons. I would wrap my lower body in a velvet sheet, and flap around. I even borrowed moms bras on occasion.

I was caught once when I fell asleep with one of mom's bras on (stuffed) -- caught by my very sternly religious father -- he left a note on my dresser detailing just how disappointed he was.

In my family we were not raised to question the adults, so instead of being able to discuss this with my mom and dad, I grew up convinced of my guilt. That has been the most difficult thing to get over .. even now the overwhelming majority of my time dressed is spent feeling like I'm gonna be caught and punished any second.

In spite of all that, I continued to crossdress. I feel that is pretty good evidence that not only is it in-born, the "urge" is strong enough to have us continue crossdressing despite anything else in our lives.

I am not yet convinced that it is a gift; I am not naturally a people-person, and when I am dressed I have this wierd, uncontrollable urge to go out in public. I am awkward around people when in drab mode, and when dressed, it's at best a terribly scary thing for me to have to talk to someone.

All this is very strange for me. I joined the military when I left the farm, and became a special-forces operator; I normally have great confidence, but when dressed, all that goes out the window, and it really bugs me -- but not enough to stop the crossdressing.

I am going to consider this as my introduction to all of you since I was too lazy to post an actual intro. Hello to all of you!

Beth

[Tree GG]

Having a genetic tendency means little if the trait is not nourished and encouraged. Coincidentally, my SO CDer has no sisters & his mom commented how she wanted a girl repeatedly, but she never coddled him. She is not what I would call an over protective mother.

[LisaMariaCD]

It think science will figure out what makes us tick in the not so distant future. My bet is going to be its biological. Something in our body, genes, whatever that reveals on a scale of one to ten that we are right there in the middle instead of being for example 1-female 10-male. We probably are around 4 to 6.


That's how I feel about it, too.

[joaniecd]

I dont blame anyone, I think it is in our genes. I am sure my mother and sister helped but I would blame them . I am the one thats wants to dress up, They just made it easier for me. I know my mother wanted me to be a girl, but she didnt try to transform me . She made it easy for me to do what I do so enjoy. My mother and sister were very supportive of my Cd ing. I am the one to blame ,I want to dress like a woman and i am going to.