View Full Version : Changes
alexis79
10-04-2006, 10:20 AM
Hi girls,
I just have some thoughts that I need to share with you, because there begining to drive me crazy, nor do I really have anyone to talk to about this. At first CD was nothing more than an erotic thing for me, plain and simple. Well, things are changing inside me that I would realy like some feedback on, because I'm not sure how to interpet them. My CD has culminated to the point that I no longer finding any eroticism from dressing, I am begining to feel that it's just the right thing to have on. I mean, this is kind of scaring me, beacuse the farther down this road I travel, the less of my indentity I've known my whole life is fading and the new person named "alexis" is emerging, because I dress almost all the time now. Not that this is a negative thing at all, I love myself for who I am, but, I feel less and less like being seen as a man, and more wanting to be seen as a woman. As time goes by, this feeling and emotions are getting stronger and stronger, I'm not sure whats going to happen in the next five years, but I can only imagine how strong these feelings will be. I woke up today, and was going stir crazy because I have to go out and get a few things, but I don't want to go out in public as a man, but as a woman. Arghhhh,....Then if I go out in drab, I am depressed the whole time that I denied my true identity, its making me nuts here girls :confused:. I am tired of being depressed everytime I have to go in guy mode, this is really thowing my head for a whirl, I just wish I could live as a woman 24/7.
There, I had to share this, sorry for the rant and thanks for reading
:hugs:
~alexis~
ErikaLeigh
10-04-2006, 11:05 AM
Alexis, By looking at your avatar you shouldnt have any problems passing ( there are dozens of us that wish we were in your shoes). I say try it and see what happens.
JoAnnDallas
10-04-2006, 11:06 AM
No problem....go ahead and rant......a lot of us have been there and got the T-Shirt. What I feel is happaning is you are evolving......You are starting to find yourself and as result having all these feelings. Talking to a consular may help you sort out some of these things.
I know there have been times when I wished I could go 24/7 and in fact I almost did for a while last year. I had moved here from WV and was staying with my sister until I found a new job. Wife was still in WV until the house sold. So I had about 4-5 month where I sorta almost went 24/7 as JoAnn. As soon as my sister would leave for work and I did not have an interview that morning, I would get completely dressed up. makeup,wig, the whole works. I even started going out in the Daylight. Right before she would get home, I would change into a ladies T-Shirt, Slacks, and shoes. I still had on panties, bra, and pantyhose. I was dressed enfem but looked male. LOL When the house sold and the wife moved here, I kinda went into withdrawal, since I could no longer dress the way I had for that 4-5 months. Now I have found ways to be fem and do it with the wife knowledge, but she doesn't think it is fem. LOL She doesn't know about my fem side.
melissaabom
10-04-2006, 11:08 AM
Hi
I say try dressing 24/7 if possible .
Huggs
Melissa
you look lovely !!:2c:
AprilMae
10-04-2006, 01:04 PM
Let it go where it takes you. Right now dressing all the time may be what you have to do, let that part of you emerge. When you have to be "Him" try to find positive aspects of that part of you to focus on so you ae not depressed.You may in time level off to a medium where you won't need to be fem all the time, and you will enjoy both parts of your personality. I had similar thoughts back when I was in my 20's. All i thought about was dressing , being feminine whenever I could, would work in as many feminie traits into my daily life as I could get away with. While I never wanted to change gender I wanted to live in female mode as much as possible. i did a lot of reading back then, this was before the internet, to get a grip on what was happening. I still enjoyed my male pursuits, sports hobbies etc, but also started to cultivate various female interst. As time went on, however, I found that I was spending less time fem, still enjoying it immensely, but it wasn't the driving factor in my life. Now I've reached a point wher my male side is still the primary one, but it is tempered by my fem side when not dressed, and my full fem mode appears on an as needed basis. This may work for you ,or possibly you are one who needs to be fem most of the time, if not all of the time. There are all phases of feminity amongst the people here, so I'm sure you will find plenty of helpful advice, The most important thins is not too deny what you are, no matter what that may be. Doing so can make for a long and lonely life.
By the way, your picture is great. I don't think you would have any trouble presenting as female.
Sorry for being long winded.
Ashley Helen
10-04-2006, 01:47 PM
Hi Alexis, I'm not speaking from experience but I would think you need to evaluate where you are and what you need to do to get where you want to be.
You say you dress 'almost all the time now' so you are either single or have an approving SO. Look at when you don't dress.
You sound as though you don't go out dressed (at least not running errands), so how difficult would that be to achieve? Here we are talking about not only shopping and paying bills but visits to restaurants, bars and clubs.
How many of your friends know about Alexis and how do you introduce her to them?
How do you approach the matter with your employer?
Living with or visiting parents as Alexis!
Finally, but possibly most importantly, how would your SO react to your dressing full time as a female? It's one thing to indulge an indoor, out of sight fetish (or whatever you want to call it) and another to appear to be living as a lesbian.
I hope this helps.
Helen xx
bgirl
10-04-2006, 02:10 PM
Hello Alexis
I understand the desire. I have had periods of time where I wanted nothing more than to be dressed as a women. In fact the desire would be so strong and I would feel so confused, I would purge and swear it all off.
If I could present myself as female as well as you do, I think it would be difficult not to surrender to the desire. As I cannot pass, I only have the desire to contend with. I don,t purge anymore but I still get confused.
Beth
hotbobbie
10-04-2006, 04:00 PM
Hon we have all been the place you are at right now. Is what i have done over the past few years is take it steps at a time till i am now 24 7.I found it really worked well for me and did not put alot of presure on me. Easy does it every time.
Jasmine Ellis
10-04-2006, 04:51 PM
you look great i can't see any problems
Charlene Marie
10-04-2006, 05:38 PM
Alexis, you are lovely as a woman. I see no reason why you couldnt pass eaisly. but there are so many many things to consider. Are you married? have children? what about your occupation? You will change your entire identity
if you go full time. But I understand how you feel believe me, and I know it isn't easy, because I've done it.
Best of luck to you.
Sally24
10-04-2006, 05:46 PM
First off I would ask how long you have been doing this and have you ever consulted a therapist? If you go to someone who specializes in gender issues, they can help you to understand where you are and where you might be going. Just because you want to dress alot doesn't mean you're T/S. But it is a possiblility. There is a whole range of dressing options and you need to get some kind of understanding of just what you want from this experience. If you are scared, then it is time to ask for some help. Don't go alone. Use your friends here, any you can trust in your life, and some professionals.
Good Luck, don't ge afraid, you are not alone!
Sally
jasperjper
10-04-2006, 05:50 PM
I am no expert but i do not think you are loosing your idenity bt finding your self
connie d
10-04-2006, 06:04 PM
honey i feel exactly the same way , soon the torment will stop i hope
. keep smiling .
connie d
10-04-2006, 06:09 PM
i feel exactly the same way ,do not want to have to change to go out but better days ahead i think? hope u figure it all out hun good luck+? :o :hugs:
Charleen
10-04-2006, 07:01 PM
Hi Alexis, glad you're here. I've learned on this board from the girls that the key is balance.I could have written your thread myself.
As much as I try to dress en femme, there are times I just can't. Fer instance, at work where I have to wear colonial clothing during the day, and victorian at night. I always wear panties and at night I wear knee highs under my womans boots that look kinda drab, but womans never the less. Today I had some shopping to do SHOPPING? WHO SAID SHOPPING? oh, I did, anyway where was I? oh yeah, but I had to go to the office to get my pay check, so I couldn't dress as I usually do on my days off. I left off the hint of make up, bra, and wore a drab shirt. Other than that, I wore all femme- jeans, panties natch,ladies socks, and sneaks.
So far I have gotten away with having my nails long and polished. Almost a flesh tone polish so it's not too noticable, but they do shine! I also wear clear mascara all the time.
The thing for me is that now, I am Lily, and sometimes I have to be that guy that everyone knows as Charlie. When i am Charlie, it's almost like taking on a role, and acting as he was until I acknowledged that regardless of the plumbing, I am Lily.
My advice would be to go slow, but go. Too quickand you'll definately get confused, too slow, and it's frustrating. The concencise is that we do progress in this over time. So you ain't alone. So welcome to the club!
Love and xxxx, Lily
cindybarnes
10-04-2006, 07:33 PM
Hi Alexis,
I wouldn't worry too much about being frustrated (much better word than crazy) because you cant be your fem self as much as you would like.I see your FAQ says you have been dressing 15 years, so maybee your just in a peak dressing time ? I know over the years my need to dress has varied a lot.
Many of us dress more this time of year, so we think about it more,,heck there are plenty of reasons or explanations for urges to let our fem sides out, but I guess my point is that your not crazy. If its realy bothering you and interrupting everyday life, you may want to get a professional opinion.
Cindy
Lanore
10-04-2006, 07:59 PM
Hello Elexis
I wander how many women wake up every day and say, 'I'm a woman, all day long'? I would think they know who they are and just do what women do. Feeling female, to me, comes from within. I don't have to dress up to feel like a woman. You'll see women in dresses, shorts or mens cloths, but the're still women. What you feel inside is who you are. It depends on you to dress it.
Lanore
Jenn2716
10-04-2006, 10:38 PM
Hi Alexis,
I can totally relate to what you are going through right now. Like alot of girls here I've gone through several phases of dressing. Started off as erotic, then settled more into comfort, while still maintaining erotic elements. I purged a few times in my teens and swore off all cding. Of course these periods didn't last very long and I can say with relief that I haven't purge in 10 years and don't ever plan to purge again.
However, the thought crossed my mind today for a minute as my wife and I had an "arguement" regarding cding today. We had been shopping and I groaned a little when we passed some clothes. She knows that I have grown increasingly frustrated with not being able to cd in public even if its semi-femme clothes. Granted, I probably have been more crabby about it in the last few weeks, but I guess it was too much for her and I got the "get over it" remark. Of course this did nothing to improve my mood and once we got home we got into the whole "Why can't you be happy just dressing at home?" "You have it so good, I support almost all your cding". I can't really argue with her. I should be happy and I know how lucky I am to have her in my life.
That still doesn't stop me from wishing I could just put on some make-up, a skirt and some nice boots and go on my merry way like so many gg's out there. I mean who am I hurting here?!? I understand that my appearance will be noticed by others, and this will affect people's opinion of me and my wife. But I just don't care at this point what others think or say. I'm a good person and I don't do anything to hurt others. But I couldn't stand to have my wife to be embarrassed and end up hating me, so I just bottle everything up and go about my public life like any other guy. Normally, I can handle this, but for the last month its just making me sad and depressed. My wife thinks I should go see a counsellor, but I've been to professionals in the past I don't know what more I will get out of it. I guess I'll give it another try. Anything is better than what I'm going through.
While I love the girls, and the information they provide on this site. A part of me wishes I had never stumbled across it. So many of you have been supportive and have been inspirations to me, that I've finally reached a comfort level with who I am. Unfortunately for me, it seems as though that comfort level is causing me more problems that I ever would have expected.
Sorry for hi-jacking your thread Alexis. I sympathize with what is happening to you. I hope you consider talking to a therapist or counsellor about this. It has helped me in the past and I think it may be my only option right now.
Gisele
10-04-2006, 10:59 PM
Alexis, just do what feels right and you will be OK in the end. I tood have the same feelings but I do enjoy my guy time other than going to work. Some time I just love to leave Beth at home and head to the firing range with my buds in tow. We have the best of both worlds. We can change into who we want to be at any given time. It is harder for a girl to turn into a man. How many guys have you seen that thave nice boobs and a sweet can?:heehee:
Just follow your heart and you will know what to do.
macada10
10-07-2006, 06:13 PM
Feel free to do what you want. Sure you are a nice person, don't matter if you live 10 hours dressed as a male or female,and if you want to go further, it's Ok, everything is OK as far as you don't hurt anyone
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.3 Copyright © 2025 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.