Very Awkward Moment! (and a question)

[Rene L]

Let me start by telling you all that I'm very involved in a conservative church with my teenage sons. I work side by side (as a volunteer) with our youth minister (T) and his wife (J) at many events and on trips with the teens. More background information:
The teens meet in a building (a very big, nice house) some 300 yards or so from the church building. The pathway between the two is gravel (an improvement from grass and mud six months ago).
No one in my family, church or at work (with one possible exception at work) knows anything (to my knowledge) about my hobby.

Now, the moment: Sunday afternoon I was walking between the buildings with J. We were the only two on the path and were just visiting. She made a comment about this should be concrete, not gravel. Then she said something like "It's very difficult walking across here in heels." (She had heels on, too, cute ones with a strap around the ankle.)

I replied "I can't say that I've ever tried."

J: "Do you want too?"

I was speechless. I felt my face turning a bit red and couldn't decide whether to answer or not. It felt like ten minutes, but was realistically probably 15 to 30 seconds before J spoke again: "Some questions are just hard to answer aren't they?" I still couldn't speak though, and remained silent until we were with the group at the house.

So far my decision is to "let bygones be bygones" and not bring this up again. But I've wondered if I should fess up to J. Or to T and J. Or to T. While I'd much rather they found out directly from me, I'd rather they not know at all, considering my position. Any thoughts, ideas or advice would be more than welcome.

[KateW]

I wouldn't worry too much about this. She may just have thought that you think the idea of wearing heels is embarressing. I don't think there is any need to "fess up" unless you really want to.

[Karren H]

Yeah. I have a comment. Don't even go there!! More than likely your be sorry for the rest of your life!! Her comment was probably made as a "see how hard it is to walk in these things" rather than "would you like to try crossdressing". Lol. But way too many problems when it comes to church, god, and crossdressing!!!

And although it sounds good on paper, I think you'd be chucking what ever relations you have with them and the church down the drain!! Sorry if I sound brutally honest......but its the way I feell..

Love Karren

[Dominique Melt]

Even if this person were kinky and looking to probe you, just the fact that she is someone's wife [the church leader's, no less] means 'keep your distance'. You mentioned you are a parent. Are you still married? Then there would be two people who would be betrayed, not to mention the kids.
No. Don't go there.

[susie bear]

I would be real careful. I would not mention it unless she brings it up again.

[Sarah Rabbit]

Do you feel the need to come out to this person. To what end would it serve, unless you intend to go shopping together. You may have inadvertently revealed your 'Hobby' at some time, and they were just testing you to find what side of the coin you fall on. You are the only one who could make a judgement call on that one. Go with your gut feeling

Sarah R. :bunny:

[hotbobbie]

I would just let it go and see if she takes this any futher. And even then i would be very careful as you do have to much to lose. Does your wife know?

[Rene L]

My wife doesn't "know", but I think she suspects. She's opposed to my crossdressing, but I know I've done things that have at least left doubts in her mind as to what I do when I'm alone.

One example would be a "bet" of sorts this past summer. She has a blouse that looks a lot like a man's shirt, but with slightly shorter sleeves. It was hanging on my side of the closet and I thought it was mine until I put it on and found the way it buttoned. She kind of laughed, and I told her I bet if I wore it to work, no one would notice. I did and they didn't. The point of this story: If she doesn't know, I'm sure she suspects.

[hotbobbie]

Who hung it on your side

[Rene L]

She did, but I will always believe it was not on purpose.

[hotbobbie]

What makes you think she is opposed to your crossdressing

[Charlene Marie]

Rene, She was probably just making a joke. This thing we love to do and need to do can sometimes confuse us when someone makes a remark to us like J's. You obviously need to tell someone; we all do. BUT don't tell J.
You work with children at Church? Many people who don't understand our hobbie can assume all sorts of things about us that are not true. You could ruin your entire life by sharing your secret with the wrong person.

[JeanneF]

Lots of women like to make comments complaining about their shoes to guys. I wouldn't take her comment as any more than just that. I had a female co-worker make a similar comment to me a few years ago, I just responded "they don't match my bag" with a grin, she cracked up laughing, and we continued our conversation.

As long as you haven't done anything like putting pictures of yourself online that she could have stumbled across or been hanging out at the tranny bars while dressed, I wouldn't even bring the subject up again. She's probably forgotten about it. Especially considering it's a conservative church (which I'm guessing means they don't take too kindly to people like us), I wouldn't ever mention it.

[Jenna1561]

Leave well enough alone. Don't come out of the closet to her based on this one, probably innocent and unknowing question. It's been more than 15 minutes since she asked, so, she has proably forgotten about it since you didn't say anything.


Jenna

[KarenSusan]

"It's very difficult walking across here in heels." (She had heels on, too, cute ones with a strap around the ankle.)

I replied "I can't say that I've ever tried."

J: "Do you want too?"


That seemed like a perfectly innocent remark on her part. I think sometimes women like to have fun with men to see if they can cause a little embarassment. Years ago I complimented a woman I worked with on her dress. She said, "Would you like to borrow it?" There was no way she could have known I was a CDer. I think she just wanted to make me blush.

[jasperjper]

I would b very careful. church and children may not understand as mutch as say my wife

[Butterfly Bill]

You might consider a more liberal church where any discovery wouldn't jeopardize all your positions. In your home town is the Unity Temple on the Plaza, and I went to the Unity Church in Lawrence for six years. Or any other church that calls itself Welcoming and Affirming.

[jarts55]

If I were you I would not even think the thoughts around them. Could bring an end to life as you know it. The Devil makes you do it.

[Stephenie S]

Don't touch this with a ten foot pole! Crossdressing and church do not mix.

Sad but true. Interesting that this is one thing that EVERYONE agrees on.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Robin Leigh]

Then she said something like "It's very difficult walking across here in heels." (She had heels on, too, cute ones with a strap around the ankle.)

I replied "I can't say that I've ever tried."

J: "Do you want too?"

I was speechless. I felt my face turning a bit red and couldn't decide whether to answer or not. It felt like ten minutes, but was realistically probably 15 to 30 seconds before J spoke again: "Some questions are just hard to answer aren't they?" I still couldn't speak though, and remained silent until we were with the group at the house.

It looks to me that you are the one, Rene, that brought up the subject of you wearing heels. A non-CD guy would be unlikely to make such a response, and if they did they would be making a big joke about it.

I think you threw J a clue, and she's taken that on board. Not replying to her spoke volumes that you were uncomfortable with the subject. I assume she is a sensitive, intelligent & caring person, and has no desire to destroy your life, even if she suspects you have interests in CDing. Still, you did say it's a conservative church, so it's probably a very good idea not to explicitly come out to her.

Robin

[Lisa Maren]

If the fact that your conversation took place between two parishoners of the same church on church grounds is any indication, she could easily have interpreted your reaction as having objections to cross-dressing on religious grounds. Pun intended. :bonk: :heehee:

I think it's very debatable whether she realized anything. I wouldn't say anything.

Hugs,
Lisa

[Dawn29680]

I really think she was making a point in humourous way. Would not tell at this point.

[Charleen]

Keep Your Mouth Shut!

[kaitlin]

Hello Rene L , If I was in that spot and wanting to know her intentions, I would wait until we were walking that path again and ask in a jokeing way "when are ya going to give me that lession in heels and gravel ?" Just see what she says. Then play it by ear, no harm, no fowl. Kaitlin

[SherriePall]

Rene -- Let it rest. Don't say anything. If you bring it up again, she'll wonder why you even remembered. Sometimes, it is best to keep quiet.

[AprilMae]

It looks to me that you are the one, Rene, that brought up the subject of you wearing heels. A non-CD guy would be unlikely to make such a response, and if they did they would be making a big joke about it.


A very good point. Your self consciousness about this is making you wonder. In fact, a non CD might say "Sure, let's see". Or might say, "I don't think you are my size", or something like that. Not wanting to assume what you are thinking, but maybe you are feeling the need to come out to someone, but that definitely is not the place.

[Cassy11]

Don't even go there. Church, children, you are married, she is married. If you feel you must talk to someone you are in the right place.....The people on this board understand.

[janedoe311]

She just said that to be funny.

I do not know how many times a women would complain about something like that and I have said "I can not help you I do not _____". I have had some remark the same way she did. But they do not really think you want to or wear womans things. Just being funny.

It is polite for you to to respond, you could have said nothing. There is not much you could have said that would not get that response except maybe if you said "Well you and the nut that wears those torture devices in the first place, stop complaning.":tongueout

I am sure her responce would have been different.:heehee:

[Janice Ashton]

Don't go there you could open a door to trouble! However, if in the future you find yourself in a similar situation and she aims another pertinent question your way? you may wish to re-visit your thoughts, but take care in all instances.
Louise

[kathy gg]

As noted earlier...wow...I have never seen such unanimous agreement on this board ever!

I'll agree....women make jokes like that all the time. Did she catch your discomfort?....probably not. Most women {espically high holy ones} are not walking around throwing out comments to men to see if they will take the bait to out them as cd's....okay welll I have...but I am not church lady. :devil:

I find if we have to ask other people the answer to a hard quetsion....we usually already know what the answer is...and this time 'round it is a big keep yoru mouth sealed.

[christine55]

You said that your wife suspects. I'll bet your wife sought advice from the pastors wife. Just from the way she said it sounds like she does not seem to find cd'ing terribly offensive.
Hugs, Christine

[Jenny Wilson]

Robin Lee wrote:

It looks to me that you are the one, Rene, that brought up the subject of you wearing heels. A non-CD guy would be unlikely to make such a response, and if they did they would be making a big joke about it.

Actually, Rene wrote:

Now, the moment: Sunday afternoon I was walking between the buildings with J. We were the only two on the path and were just visiting. She made a comment about this should be concrete, not gravel. Then she said something like "It's very difficult walking across here in heels." (She had heels on, too, cute ones with a strap around the ankle.)


I'm not trying to do a "she said" "he said" thing here, but it was the minister's wife who broached the topic.

I agree with everyone else in thinking that to bring it up again would be like playing with matches in a room filled with gasoline fumes.

However, if she is trying to bait you in some way, for whatever reason, she wouldn't be the first minister's wife to go trolling outside of her marriage for a little afternoon delight.

As they say, "God only knows whether...."

In this case, perhaps she was making an innocent comment. Perhaps she was trying to tease you a bit, to see if she could make you uncomfortable, or maybe she suspects you are a crossdresser, or maybe she's even fishing around for a tryst.

I'd play it cool and calm and see if she makes another move of some sort. At that point, you have to decide whether or not to bite, which depends on a ton of other things.... how willing you'd be to move out of town, divorce your wife, whatever, in case something blew up in your face.

Jenny

[tekla west]

Why would you go to a church that tells your (and your kids) that god hates you? I'm with Bill on this one.