Jewnna needs an answer/is relieved/came clean

[JennaisahottieNC]

whats the best way to come out to my gf? i dont know how to do so. its killin me that i have no idea of how to do this and i wanna do this sooner than later bc the Jenna femme side wants to come out!!!!!!!


kisses,
Jenna

[brandie]

i would make it a game, you now sex and dress up.
take a shower with her and then play with her bra after or panties and see what the reaction is. just take your time small steps too start. make a game of it. rember halloween is comming try role reverse for the night out.

good luck
brandie

[bredalee25]

Hi Jenna,
Has your gf ever shown signs that she'd be accepting? If not think long and hard before telling her you could do more harm than good to your relationship. If she has then go at it slow bring the subject up and test the water if she responds well then ask her if she'd accept her brother or father being a cd. If she would then tell her if not then don't tell her. You know her better than I do so it's really up to you to find out if she'd accept you being a cd.

ttfn

[JennaisahottieNC]

well one time she discovered my clothes in a bag in the closet (no pun inten..... well maybe a little) but i feverishly denied it and she said she would accept it but with women u cant tell so i blew it off and made her forget about it. now i wanna tell her and if it means breaking up then so be it but im at the point where i wanna dress when i want to bc i havent in 3 to 4 weeks and its driving Jenna nuts!!!!!! any advice girls????

Jenna

[Holly]

Jenna is this the same girlfriend you say in another thead (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=578156&postcount=1) that you don't trust to keep your secret? Have you been honest with her in telling her that you have been with guys (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=578287&postcount=6) in the past? I thinks she may have some questions for you.

[JennaisahottieNC]

i havent told her anythinhg and she has no idea that i have even been with a guy although when she found my clthes she was "accusing" me of everything which i denied and its harder for me to come clean now bc i lied the last time the situation came up

[janedoe311]

Unless you KNOW she has no problem with it. Most women leave their husbands when the find out.

[Tree GG]

Most women leave their husbands when the find out.

Most women leave their husbands when they are manipulated, disrespected & lied to.

Jenna, I don't get the impression you give a rat's a** about your girlfriend's feelings other than you feel you have to "answer to her". That ain't healthy. If you genuinely want to share your life with your GF, sincerely apologize for lying and tell her the truth and don't forget the "femme" side of how scared you've been to tell because the thought of losing her is unbearable, etc, etc.

But don't say it if it ain't so.

[JennaisahottieNC]

well im just in a limbo situation right now and if she leaves she leaves and iim fine with that. im just not sure how i want to do it or if i can do it but Jenna will be fine no matter what

Jenna

[Ashley in Virginia]

Then why wait for her to leave if thats your additude? This has to be one of the most selfish posts I have ever seen. You obviously dont give a shit about her feelings, so just dress and let her come in and see you. F..k It

[Katrina]

I can't answer for you although I would err on the side of full disclosure. I was very worried about telling my SO about it and I was prepared to lose her when I told her. It took her a while to come around - she was only partially cool with it at the time. She has become much much much more accepting, and I must say that my life in general is much much much better since I can wear heels around the house if I want (I'm wearing cool boots, girly jeans, a cami, and lip gloss right now and she is across the room from me). That all said, if she finds out without you telling her, think of how she would feel with you keeping that secret from her. At this point in my life, if we were ever to break up, I could not be with a woman who wasn't 100% ok with it. Because of that, I would probably tell her the instant I thought we were getting serious.

[Sharon]

well im just in a limbo situation right now and if she leaves she leaves and iim fine with that. im just not sure how i want to do it or if i can do it but Jenna will be fine no matter what

Jenna

Wow -- how can we be supportive and reply in a caring manner when you say you don't care if your girlfriend leaves? Your whole attitude stinks and doesn't deserve serious consideration.

Tell her -- don't tell her -- I don't care. :thumbsdn:

[Holly]

Jenna, you have got to be the most selfish person I have ever encountered. If you don't care what your girlfriend thinks, then just do whatever you please. But on the chance that there is just a shred of decency in you, do her a favor and tell her the truth, about what you are, who you've been with, and that you could really care less about how she feels. If she has an ounce of self respect, she'll drop you like a hot rock. You may not understand this, but real happiness doesn't come from getting, it comes from giving.

[DAVIDA]

It might sound a little corny, but I've always said" If you don't want to know the truth. don't ask!" The truth can and will set you free. Whether it is with your current SO , or someone else, I truly think life would be happier when there aren't any secrets. Especialy if you are thinking of spending the rest of your life with some one!

[Rachel Morley]

Here's (one of) the best pieces of advice I've read on "how to tell your partner" - Yes I am biased because it was written by my wife :D and yes it got to be on the UK Beaumont Society's website for wives of crossdressers.

http://www.beaumontsociety.org.uk/wobs/howtellpartner.html

[Jammie Lyann]

After 7 years with my wife, helping raise each others children, I knew for a fact that she wasnt the kind of person that would take that kind of new lightly,
But I couldnt hold back anymore it was killing me inside, an I knew I was taking a chance of her leaving, But to say I didnt care either way, NO I would have been crushed if she left me, (to think the first thing out of her mouth when I did tell her was Are you leaving me?.)
Yes it may be rough going but as long as I talk to her when she needs comforting, an knows that I'll be there for as her Husband, an father to the children, then we will work through it, an be stronger for it, I just wish I could have said something alot sooner.

For you if she has already confronted you about the subject once, then it might be best that you come forward an tell the truth , becuase if she found it once she'll find it again an next time it will not be so easy on your part to hide the turth, an if you dont care one way or the other , then your relationship with her will not work either way.

[Joy Carter]

Don't tell about the affair because she will be gone for sure. Telling her will do no good. But the CD thing do be up front with her. Just take your time and let her slowly think it over. Let her do the talking and get it out. But for gods sake don't show her any thing of your fem self unless she asks to. Please go into the archives and read there is much in there about coming out to your spouse. PS Behave Your Self

[Karren H]

Doesn't really matter how you tell her, she's either going to 1). Love it and have fun going along with it. Or B) Hate it and forbid you from crossdressing or leave you in a heartbeat or III) not like it and tolerate it to some extent but not participate.. B is the most likely outcome followed by III then 1. And I don't believe that playing games or developing a stradigy to tell her is going to change the final outcome... One bit.

So if you must, just tell her and get it over with and let the chips fall where they may....

Love Karren

[Robin Leigh]

i havent told her anythinhg and she has no idea that i have even been with a guy although when she found my clthes she was "accusing" me of everything which i denied and its harder for me to come clean now bc i lied the last time the situation came up

She probably didn't believe you when you lied about your clothes. But that doesn't meant that she knows what's really going on. If you are a decent human being, you will apologize to your girlfriend & tell her the truth...

Robin

[JennaisahottieNC]

hey girls. good news. i came out to her last night and by an hours time she was even giving me lipstick and offering to help me with the leg shaving thing. and she wants to see me dressed but it will be a while before i can dress in front of her. thanks aot

[Kelsy]

My SO recieved a call that my things had shipped! our phone numbers are only on diget different! She confronted me with the news that my panties were on the way!She didn't even think they might be for me. She thought I was buying them for another woman and threw me out. Later in a phone conversation ,she was so upset and was starting a new job in the morning and had these thoughts of me buying undies for another lady, I decided that enough was enough time for the whole truth!! To my total supprise she was relieved to hear that the panties were for me and accepted it totally!! I think from my experience that the truth is the best avenue. But be careful check and see what her attitudes towards may be! My ex would have had me castrated!

Jennifer

[Holly]

...and they lived happily ever after.

[JennaisahottieNC]

i came out to her the other night and by the end of the night she was giving me lipstick and and offering to shave my legs for me. THANKS GIRLS i feel much better

JENNA

[Ashley Helen]

Congratulations Jenna, another one out of the closet. Leaves more room for the rest of us.

Love

Helen xx

[JennaisahottieNC]

i have felt so much better and i now even tell her when i am goin with someone to dress and all that. thats a weight off of my shoulders. im only halfway out the closet though i have more to tell her when the shock of this wears off :(

Jenna

[Muriel]

Well done Jenna, better out than in. :) I'm happy for you.

[JennaisahottieNC]

thanks u guys. ur the best!!!

[Ashley Helen]

I am intrigued! What more is there to tell I wonder.

Love

Helen xx

[JennaisahottieNC]

she yet does not know that i have slept with other men bc after i came out about the dressing she asked me and i told her that was too many questions and that i havent done that!!! she has no idea that i am totally Bi!!

Jenna

[Ashley Helen]

Jenna, accepting your a cd is one thing accepting your are bi and go to bed with men is a completely different level. Proceed with caution.

Love

Helen xx

ps I bet sleep was the last thing on your mind when in bed with a man!

[JennaisahottieNC]

i understand the warning. thats not even in the near future to tell her right now

Jenna

[Holly]

Still not willing to be honest with the GF, I see. As you are admittedly bi (well admitted to us, anyway) and you have had multiple partners in the past, I think it is despicable of you to be putting your GF at risk of contracting who knows what. You've made it quite clear that you don't give a rip about anyone but yourself in this thread and the others that you have started... Jenna is this, Jenna needs that. Does your GF know that you are still looking for action from other people? You've been busy in the Meeting Place section. You've got the morals of a tom cat.

[lisa92268]

Yikes! I dont see much of a future, dear. This really isnt fair to her to keep her along for your own self serving needs. I dont want to sound mean, but I'd hate for someone to tell or do this to me. Good luck.

Lisa

[Ashley in Virginia]

lol

[Sandra]

Do you think your girlfriend will be so accepting of you or your dressing once she finds out yet again you have been hiding things from her? You seem a very selfish person for one thing you are putting her health at risk not to mention the possibilty of two timing her, how would you feel if it was the other way round and you found out after a while that she had not told you everything. Obviously this relationship is all YOU YOU YOU. :Angry3:

[shae]

Still not willing to be honest with the GF, I see... You've made it quite clear that you don't give a rip about anyone but yourself... You've got the morals of a tom cat.

Well, I have to sign in with the same sentiments. The main reason so many het women have HIV is because of their bisexual boyfriends. A real man, a real woman, a real person wouldn't have nasty secrets like this.

Sounds harsh? I lost a dear pal to that, for that very reason - and he predeceased her by a couple of months. Good reason to piss on a grave...

Shae

[Julie York]

Most interesting.

[Ashley in Virginia]

definately

[GG Vanya]

Do your girlfriend (and the CD community) a favor. For once think of someone other than yourself. Set her free. There are so many much more deserving crossdressers out there that would worship the ground she walks on, if she's that accepting~crossdressers who are loving, sensitive, unselfish, and know the value of a GG such as she seems to be.

Of course, that's assuming you're telling the truth and not some fantasy.

Just remember, Justice rides a slow, but sure footed horse young man.

Edited: a not so young man. You're 27??? Old enough to know better than to take the risks you're taking, and certainly old enough to be held responsible for the repercussions thereof. My prayers are with your girlfriend.

[Billijo49504]

Sir or Mamme, You are a stinker. You should be honest with that lady. You make all of us look bad...BJ

[Glenda58]

I was happy for you till I read you are bi. You are a rat not to tell her and let her choose to stay or leave. You give the rest of us gurls who dress just to dress a bad reputation. That why most GGs don't wont to have anything to do with us. Get a back bone and tell her.:Angry3:

[Stacy GG]

Do you think your girlfriend will be so accepting of you or your dressing once she finds out yet again you have been hiding things from her? You seem a very selfish person for one thing you are putting her health at risk not to mention the possibilty of two timing her, how would you feel if it was the other way round and you found out after a while that she had not told you everything. Obviously this relationship is all YOU YOU YOU. :Angry3:

I agree with Sandra, this is something you have to be upfront about. If you don't tell her soon, she will not be happy with you. yes, you will be shocking her some more..but it's better than waiting, because then she'll think there are even more secrets you are hiding from her.

[Robin Leigh]

I just deleted a message of congratulations I posted to you in the other thread, Jenna. :(

She asked you if you were bi & you totally denied it. That's not very ethical is it? No wonder you don't trust each other...

It is possible to be bi & monogamous, but it's not common, especially while the libido is still strong. Get yourself a bi gf, then you can both have playmates. When I was in my early 20s, my gf & I had a rule of no secret lovers, all playmates had to be shared. It worked ok for a few years, but she couldn't resist the attraction of the clandestine.... YMMV.

Robin

[SusanTL]

Hi Sweetie.

You really need to tell her thuth. One you take the step to sleping with menm that is somthing you can not hide from her, if you want a relationship with her. You are a cd, bt you are also a woman now and would you like a man hinding that fact from you. I think not.

I am pre-op myself and yes, I sleep with men. But I always make then wear a rubber, and I take precautions. BUt on the other hand, I do not have a girlfriend or wife to deal with. I have no intrest in women, I just like men. But I am honest with the men i date. They know I am with other men.

As helen said in another post. She was right, I also bet there is not much sleeping going on when you are in bed wit the guy. I know I do not get much sleep when I am in his bed.

Hugs - Susan

PS: Do the right thing and tell her. It may hurt her, but you may be saving her life.

[JennaisahottieNC]

hi girls. i took ur stern words to heart as i once and for all came clean to my gf about being bi. that she was a little freaked out about!!!! i expected that and needed a 2nd cigarette. but to make a long story short we came to an agreement. since the dressing is kool i will refrain from sleeping with men. its something i did once in a while but i can sacrifice that to be able to dress whenever i want. thanks again girls and hope to chat on a more friendlier vibe in the future

Jenna