cd shame?

[princessmichelle]

Hi,

Today I went to a store to buy a new bra (my old one is stretching) and I wouldn't let myelf buy it. I compared styles and checked sizes and scratched my head and left the store in anxiety.

It's almost like purging, but without the middle step of buying them! But the love/hate emotion feels similar.

It doesn't make sense. I mean, I can afford it financially, and I don't have very many womens clothes. I'm more productive when I wear womens clothes so that's a factor in favor.

I think it is because of shame: I don't need womens clothes. It's not legitimate for me to wear them. But I'm not sure I believe that.

Has anyone else felt this or had similar experiences?

Regards,

"Princess"michelle

[Katelyn]

Your feeling is perfectly normal. That's why I buy my stuff online. I am a closet crossdresser. The only one that knows is my girlfriend...(and everyone here at this site). I't ok to feel that way, but you have nothing to be ashamed of. Beproud of who you are!

[AmberTG]

Personally, I think that's a fairly common reaction, especially if you haven't done much shopping for your other self. I've been buying stuff for Amber for several years now by myself, but I still have that reaction sometimes and I'm always more comfortable shopping for Amber with my wife.

[ColleenCD]

Princess,

Confusing isn't it? IMHO desire and reasoning has to outweigh guilt and shame for us to move forward and not wallow in frustration. I've had that same shopping experince you wrote about.

Colleen

[Barb Valentine]

Princess Michelle let me ask you this
Do you ever get the feeling when you go a place
Like Home depot and pick something up that you
Would like to have but really don't need ?
You pick it up walk around a bit thinking to yourself
Do I really need this
I do all the time be it a new tool or a new bra
Well that's my :2c:

[Penny]

This is the internal conflict between how feel and how you were taught to think and how everyone else was taught to think. The conflict will continue until you can think like you feel. Unfortunately, we will never change how other people think so there will always be some sort of conflict. Contrary to Psychological hogwarsh, crossdressing is not an illness that needs to be cured; it in fact, I believe, a healthy release. You can't judge a book by it's cover as you can't judge a person by the clothes one wears.

:hugs:
Ladyfingers

[Snookums]

I have never felt shame in what I do,but my entire family sure does.

[Helen MC]

I too have never felt shame in being a CD. Fear and anxiety? Yes about being caught by someone unsympathetic or when shopping of encountering a hostile shop assistant but never shame, PRIDE yes! Likewise the whole concept of "purging" is a foreign country to me. I only dispose of femme clothing when worn out or too small for me.

[Maria2004]

I've been buying my own stuff too for a few years and sometimes still run into the same feeling you discribe, but only when purchasing "intimates" like bras and such, never with outer wear like shoes or dresses. When it comes to the under bits I must quote Amber TG:


I still have that reaction sometimes and I'm always more comfortable shopping for Amber with my wife.

I feel better if I get my wifes input, and she knows what and why I'm buying such things.

[Karren H]

It's a tought thing to go through and I know we've all gone through it but at some point you have to say that if someone is selling something to the general public then anyone can buy it!! And the stores don't care, yaeh maybe an individual SA might but hey, they are in business to sell!! And your buying!

If your ashame of liking to wear womens clothing then that's a different animal. I used to have the same feelings but 3 years ago I just decided that there was nothing wrong woith me liking to wear womens colthes!! Once I internalized that everything else changed!! For the better!! I'm happier, even my family has noticed the difference!!

Love Karren

[tekla west]

Though I'm a bear of very little brain, I do know that shame is 100% self-generated. You - and only you - can deal with it. In fact its easy. You don't have to do anything more than get over yourself. Because shame is at root a dig me deal, so worried about our precious image and all.

Not worth it. Here is the big secret, the one you don't want to face. OK? Ready for it? Here goes. No one cares about you. You don't matter to more than 10 people in the world, and that's if your lucky. You don't matter to most people, and thus they could care less about you, what you do, or who you are. They have enough problems in their life already, they don't need yours too, so they will ignore you and let your path and theirs diverge again. Happily so too.

The sun rises in the East and sets in the West. None of the important things in the world can you affect. So don't sweat it.

[Kate Simmons]

Depends on who you are trying to convince, Hon. Yourself or someone else?:happy: Ericka

[Joy Carter]

Hey spoil your self you worth it.:hugs:

[Lisa Golightly]

I don't need womens clothes. It's not legitimate for me to wear them. But I'm not sure I believe that.

Speaking philosophically... People do not need clothes, and by wearing them we disguise not only our true self but indicate to others our position in the social hierachy.

There are lots of things in life you don't need... Doesn't stop anyone buying them... Hobbits have a word for it... Mathom :)

[Kate Simmons]

Speaking philosophically... People do not need clothes, and by wearing them we disguise not only our true self but indicate to others our position in the social hierachy.

There are lots of things in life you don't need... Doesn't stop anyone buying them... Hobbits have a word for it... Mathom :)My feelings exactly, Lisa.:happy: Ericka

[Kelsy]

I have never felt shame for who I am! But society sure wants you to feel that way we just don't fit the "norm". Purchases well, not to have my pretty
things would amount to self denial and a return to my repressed personality.
I have spent more lately on girl stuff than on replacing my male clothes which needs doing. do need women's clothes - no - well sure I do!!!!!!!

Jennifer

[Erica007]

No, I do not have any Shame or anxiety about going into a store and buying sexy lingerie. In fact I quite enjoy wandering around the ladies underware section of the stores looking at all the nice things. And it dosen't matter if I need it or not, if I see something I realy like I wiil buy it if I can afford to. Even though I have quite a large collection already, you only live once and I intend to enjoy myself while I can. Anyway as I enjoy wearing something sexy after a shower and to bed every night its good to have a big collection to choise from.
:love:

[DAVIDA]

Shame? No. Guilt? Sometimes. There are times when I buy something and I feel a little guilty about spending money on an item that I don't need. But that lasts abiut 5 minutes and all is well and I have someting that makes me happy! Hell, if I didn't buy all of the shoes that I did, we could have a nice piece of land in the mountains by now.

[Alice460]

No, I do not feel shame, but I do feel some aniety about seeing someone I know. My dressing is a very private emotion, and I do not want to explain it to people that I know. I think a new bra would make you feel good. Sometimes emotions play tricks with you.

[bgirl]

I've gone thru that a time or two. And it can feel a lot like purging, at least it has for me. Shame or guilt or confusion, whatever you call it, many of us have dealt with this in different ways. I envy the girls that exude such confidence and never feel shame or personal revulsion. I fought with all of that for years. It does get better when you start to accept yourself as you are. It doesn't happen all at once, and its not straight line progress, but it can get better.

[justtwosexy]

Barb you hit it right on the hand with that one. I don't know how many times I walk into a tool store and say..gee I wouldn't mind that and walk around for a while and say to myself...want or need...want is usually the answer and I tend to buy on need. When I shop for Michelle it is the same thing...It has to be a very strong want that jumps right out and grabs me...not just a minor..."oh that's nice" type of thing.

Michelle



Princess Michelle let me ask you this
Do you ever get the feeling when you go a place
Like Home depot and pick something up that you
Would like to have but really don't need ?
You pick it up walk around a bit thinking to yourself
Do I really need this
I do all the time be it a new tool or a new bra
Well that's my :2c:

[pinkshelly]

I have kinda gone the other direction. It really anoys me when I have to buy boy clothes. I don't feel anything but wonderfull when I get to get a new bra or skirt or what have ya. It really ticks me when I have to "waste" money on guy stuff when it would be "better" served on me-Shelly.
Huggs, Shelly.

[Sam-antha]

Shame ? It certainly is a shame that I have not enough space to hang what I have
~Samm

[princessmichelle]

Hi all,

Your posts really made me feel better! :hugs:

Thanks,

Princess :cheeky: michelle

[JennaKnots]

I struggle with acceptance all the time. And I wrote a post about a shopping experience today. Hope it was worth the embarassment...hint, hint (check out my pics on the pic & vid baord...) if you want.

[CheriTV2006]

I face conflicting thoughts at times when purchasing fem-ware. Part is financial and part is practical. So I need some form of justification socially. I know I will be purchasing clothing that I will rarely wear outside the home, since I'm not currently networked with any other local cd'ers/activities. What can I say...the more the merrier indeed. Hope this helps. Huggs, Cheri.

[samantha#1]

No shame on my front, I love shopping, I have always brought items for my wife so for myself it is fun. I have no issues with trying items on; I just do it very discretely, take some femme clothes in along with the mandatory drab piece to cover the others etc. My wife and I love to shop together.
Samantha