Any Ideas.

[rachelgreencduk]

Hi about 4 months ago my girlfriend told to me to stop dressing as rachel or she would leave me. So i havent dressed since i was speaking to hear the other night after her mum was on the phone telling her how shes ruined her life and should leave me (not because of my dressing which they dont know about but because she left home at 17 to be with me). After talking for a while and telling her i loved her and i would never leave her she said that she wouldnt leave me and the it was an empty threat, i didnt mention my dressing but im despret to start again but im worried about asking her......what should i do.

[Kate Simmons]

Tough choice, Hon. I had to bite the bullet with my wife for over 30 years. I loved her, so had to sacrifice being my femme self and only did it in secret. You have to decide what is more important to you. No one else can do that for you. Being a man and playing the role is tough sometimes but you are no doubt a sensitive guy like most of us here are. You need to be in touch with her feelings. True love is not conditional but it may take a while for that to become apparent to her. Good luck, in any case.:happy: Ericka

[LeahCD2002]

Hiya Rachel,

I find myself in a very similar situation as yourself. Being a young CD (behind the scenes that is), I regularly ask myself if I am hurting my SO or anyone else with my little secret. It is such a big part of me but I also luv my male mode life as well. The two have little to do with each other and I am ok with that.

Just makes it frustrating sometimes when you cannot find time to dress and it has been a while. All I can say is chin-up gurl and there are others (like me) that understand your situation. Feel free to email or contact me through Yahoo Messenger if you like Rachel.

Take care and happy dressing!

Leah

[Tree GG]

Sounds like your gf is having relationship issues with her mom/family and would certainly not welcome another relationship stress. Go slow - be patient. Keep being loving & supporting and when the time is right, bring the CDing in slowly. Help her feel proud of her decision to be with you, get her family's acceptance of you as her partner (if you can) and go from there. Support her and odds are she'll return the favor.

Good luck

[carolinebrookes]

hmmmmm Rachel, That is a tough one to answer. Having been there, I'd say that you probably shall never be able to suppress the desire to dress. Sure you can hold back for a while but the desire always comes back. So you have to approach things in a different way.

Maybe you could try broaching the subject in an easy or jokey manner such as when either you or her are doing the ironing/washing, pick up an item of her clothing and hold it against you and say with a smile on your face "What do you think?" You should get a barometer of her feelings that way.
Either way, Whatever you do, you won't be able to hide it for too long, so think carefully how it will affect your relationship.
Your girl sounds the understanding type and loyal too. Once she see's that your dressing is no threat to your relationship, she may come round and even get to enjoy your hobby with you. You have to make sure her feelings are considered in all of this and it may be that you shall have to dress in private.

Good luck to you and I hope everything works out

Caroline xxx

[Muriel]

Rachel you say your girlfriend said this threat was an empty one.

I feel it might be a good idea to talk to her starting from there to see if both of you can come to some agreement as to if she'll accept some level of dressing from you, it doesn't sound all lost and I wish you luck.

[kathy gg]

Rachel....although I am sure NOT being with your gf would be hard for both of you...do you think ...in mean really think ...that this situation is fair to etiehr of you? She is asking you to stop a core part of who you are. And she wants a person for a boyfriend who is not a crossdresser. You dont' say how old she is now.....but even if she is still in her early 20's.....is it fair to hang on to someone who has different values than you do? I mean people who have to surpress and hide and denigh who they are only get more resentful as they get older. And if you have foolishly said that you can stop and crossdressing has no meaning, well that is kind of a lie isn't it?

I am not saying to break up with her...but after her family issues get resolved, you and her need to have a serious sit down. SHe needs to be aware of what she is committing herself to. And you need to stop maknig promises which you canot live up to.

This is harsh advice....but I believe in life that sometimes no matter how much two people love each other...some things cannot be over come. Read this forum long enough and you see people who live a life of *what if's* and lots of regret. It is a sad story that gets repeated because of supposed "love". But sometimes love is not enough. After the intial *high* of getting together and you spend 10 years with a person you sure as heck better have a whole bag of tricks to pull out to keep things fun and exciting. Otherwise the years move by at a snails pace.

Relationships....good strong one's are built on mutual respect and compromise. Not one person barking orders for the other to follow ...all in the name of love. You may have to make concessions in yoru dressing....but in the end you need to have some time to express yourself in a way which ultimatly is hurting no one.

Good luck on resolving this one.

[swiss_susan]

Well I guess,

You need to decide if this is just a hobby for you, if so stop it and live happily ever after.

If its not, then you have two further option;

1) be honest with your GF about it, and explain that it is a part of you that is not going away, and let her know you love her and live happily ever after, or live with out her

2) Hide it from you GF, and live with the secret ever after

[DevotchkaGG]

I truly believe to love someone, you must love all of them, everything about them. Finding out about my bf's cd'ing only made me love him more, because there was more to him to love. If you don't love everything that someone is, a distinct part of who they are, can you truly love that person?

[Makina]

I think the most important is for you to communicate with each other. Your girlfriend knows about Rachel, so she might understand you like to crossdress, and she might be able just to listen to your feelings. Sure you have to go slowly, step by step, describing how and why you crossdress, and what it brings you.

Maybe you should ask her about her real feelings about it. What's the problem ? What's disturbing her ? Your loss of masculinity ? Another you, who she could not love ? The image of a kind of feminity she dislikes or she doesn't reaches (women don't always enjoy the pleasure we enjoy, and take it as a duty)? Her own feminity ? The fear of a ambiguous relationship, some kind of lesbian relationship ? The possibility for you to love crossdressing so much that you could want more, and want to change sex ? These are real questions, my wife asked me.

I had to do this work, slowly, to know the tolerance limits of my wife, and to make my wife accept my crossdressing. I have to do it regularly first to be sure she still loves me, then not to accidentally hurt her. If my mother in law knew about my crossdressing (she thinks I'm too feminine as a man, she will have a shock when she'll see my earrings lol), it would be terrible. But as my wife and I communicate, my mother in law couldn't persuade my wife to break.

I hope you to be able not to sacrifice any girl, neither your girlfriend nor Rachel. Rachel is really cute.

[pinkshelly]

I truly believe to love someone, you must love all of them, everything about them. Finding out about my bf's cd'ing only made me love him more, because there was more to him to love. If you don't love everything that someone is, a distinct part of who they are, can you truly love that person?

This is what ARHL (who is a part of this comunity) says. She says she love me ALL of me. The femme part makes me a better partner.I think it also makes me a better partner.
Huggs, Shelly.

[hotbobbie]

Kathy well said. I also feel that one must be true to ones self. Crossdressing is not a fad it is something that will be with us for our entire life and before two people decide to marry they must be very open about this life style.

[Sophia Rearen]

I also agree with Kathy GG.
Furthermore, Rachel, you are 27 and she is 17! She left home to be with you! This kids head must be spinning. She doesn't really know who she is yet. So, there's turmoil in the mother daughter relationship and now turmoil in your relationship. My advice is to get your shortest heels on and run from this relationship. Rachel is too pretty to be kept away.

[GG Vanya]

I also agree with Kathy GG.
Furthermore, Rachel, you are 27 and she is 17! She left home to be with you! This kids head must be spinning. She doesn't really know who she is yet. So, there's turmoil in the mother daughter relationship and now turmoil in your relationship. My advice is to get your shortest heels on and run from this relationship. Rachel is too pretty to be kept away.

Whoah Nellie!

The GF is 17 and left her family, against their wishes, to be with Rachel. Now you're advising Rachel to summarily dump her and run? That's not only cold, that's nasty! :thumbsdn:

[Sophia Rearen]

Whoah Nellie!

The GF is 17 and left her family, against their wishes, to be with Rachel. Now you're advising Rachel to summarily dump her and run? That's not only cold, that's nasty! :thumbsdn:

Her mother is telling her to leave Rachel. So, I'm assuming she wants her back home.:thumbsup:

[GG Vanya]

So, we're just going to ignore the love Rachel says IS there? Rachel and her GF both brought baggage into the relationship. Granted, Rachel's is a pretty pink overnight bag. :D

We are "assuming" the GF is still 17. Rachel hasn't clarified that yet.

No matter how old the GF is, there is obviously LOVE there. Not everyone gets along well with their in laws. The GF has declared her loyalty to Rachel.

Instead of breaking and running, my advise is to TALK. Rachel, obviously your GF already knows about you being a Crossdresser. How much does she know? Have you invested time into educating her about what it means to be a crossdresser or to love one? Her rejection could simply be because she's in the dark and is assuming the worst.

If you love her, and she loves you, it's worth fighting hell, high water, or inlaws.

I'd advise giving her time to reach a more calm relationship with her parents. Then arrange a time when you both have no commitments and talk this out. Maybe she can't ever fully accept Rachel. Some women can't. But perhaps she will agree to allow Rachel private time to "be".

She didn't put on her lowest heels and RUN when you told her about Rachel. She deserves the same from you.

[ColleenCD]

Rachelgreen, First I must say I love your name. When you finish reading this, go back and read KathyGG's post. Her advise is sage. Keep in mind your GF's parents are not in your corner for whatever reason without knowledge of your CDing. I would recommend you stop and contemplate what a long term relationship with her would look like. Can your GF grow to accept ALL of you? If not, decorate your closet very well to disguise the bars and bunk.

Colleen

[rachelgreencduk]

Hi thanks for all the advice just to clear a fews things up my girlfriend was 17 when we meet she is now 21, and i dont have time to dress because of her mother she has depression and agrphobia and cant leave the house and i have left work to give her 24 hour care. She was fine with me dressing i used to dress 2-3 times a week and we would have a drink and a laugh and go to the bedroom at the end of the night still dress and have a lot of fun together. But im not sure if her feelings have changed for rachel as i was taking advantage of my gf by dressing eveytime i got bored which is alot spending all day in the house so maybe she is just testing to see if i can stop, but i'll get a few drinks in her and see how she feels about me and rachel.

[Sophia Rearen]

Rachel, I assumed wrong. Assuming always gets me in trouble. I apologize for my post. Ofcourse, I like the idea of a drink and a good time enfemme. Best of luck to you and her.

[Karren H]

I'd take it slowly and try to easy back into crossdressing at her pace, not yours..

Love Karren

[Dixie Darling]

Rachel,

First, my compliments on your picture - you make a very lovely and believable LADY!

Now, concerning your GF's seemingly withdrawn acceptance of your feminine side. Whether she realizes it or not, a lot of the personality traits which attracted her to you in the first place are directly related to the Rachel in you. It's very important that she DOES realize this since if it was possible to filter out those attributes she may not be nearly as attracted to you as she is now. At 21 years old she is in a generation that is more apt to be accepting that older generations and what it would take is for her to do some serious researching about crossdressing. If she is willing to do so, have her take a look at my web site and a few others that have some down-to-earth information about the subject. Doing so would possibly provide her with some understanding that she has been without up to this point. It certainly can't hurt anything and you stand to gain some acceptance if she sincerely wants to accept the WHOLE you.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd