S'O's conditions

[AprilMae]

For those who have S/o's who are aware of your ressing what conditions have youu agreed upon and are you happy with them or are you considring renegotiating?

In my case the deal is

1. Not when she is around
2. No going out in public
3. No photos posted on websites.
4. Leg hair trimming ok, Shaving every so often as well. Toenail painting acceptable with discretion.
5. Shopping expenses kept within my budget, and buy her nice stuff as well.

Nothing objectionable here, pretty much how I want it. 2 and 3 are non negotiable, #1 may be put back on the table at a later time.
So far this arrangements meets my needs and keeps her sanity so domestic harmony is preserved.

[Sarah Rabbit]

1.Not dress all the Time, she likes to see her man in guy clothes a lot
2.No shaving above the waste
3. Watch the budget. Must spend equal amount on Drab/Femme


Sarah R. :bunny:


3. No photos posted on websites.
.

Hey AprilMae, I thought that was your photo in the avitar. You mean you are not Lt Ellis.:eek:

[AprilMae]

1.Not dress all the Time, she likes to see her man in guy clothes a lot
2.No shaving above the waste
3. Watch the budget. Must spend equal amount on Drab/Femme


Sarah R. :bunny:

Hey AprilMae, I thought that was your photo in the avitar. You mean you are not Lt Ellis.:eek:

He, He. No, even with the purple hair I would still look more like Lt. Columbo. But it's nice to meet another UFOer.

[Carroll]

No real limatations, except maybe when she says no dressing for today

[GG Vanya]

I've placed absolutely NO conditions on Trudi's dressing.

Without a doubt, this is due to the fact that she keeps everything in moderation. Sometimes she's a tad too moderate for my taste. i.e. doesn't dress often enough :D

Granted, if she went hog wild and pig crazy with her duality we'd have to establish some boundaries. But, after 8 years with her, I'm reasonably certain that the skin won't split on my adorable, thoughtful and loving Trudi and allow a egotistical, immature, self centered "teeny bopper gurl" to appear.

[Susan Johnson]

1. non negotiable. no pictures on web sites
2. no coming out to friends or family
3. no going out in public from home but is permitted (but not encouraged) when away from home area
Susan

[Raychel]

1. No more than lingerie around her. (She doesn't want to know about anything else)
2. Make sure the kids don't know.
3. Only guy mode when the intimate times happen.

[Jodi]

Conditions? Think about this. How many of you put any non-negotiable conditions on your wife (other than fidelity)? If so, let us know here. Tell us what you tell your wife what she can and can't do. Inquiring minds want to know.

Jodi

[Vivian Best]

Conditions? Think about this. How many of you put any non-negotiable conditions on your wife (other than fidelity)? If so, let us know here. Tell us what you tell your wife what she can and can't do. Inquiring minds want to know.

Jodi

I've never even considered doing this to my wife. If I tried I'm sure the Earthquake Rickter Scale would register her reaction. And, she hasn't put any one me either. I'm at the age I do not dress as completely as I did when we both worked. I had 10 more vacation days than she did and those were the times when I dressed completely.

[AprilMae]

Conditions? Think about this. How many of you put any non-negotiable conditions on your wife (other than fidelity)? If so, let us know here. Tell us what you tell your wife what she can and can't do. Inquiring minds want to know.

Jodi



If she wanted to grow out her body hair, that would be one. Tatoos are another. she has 2 small ones in unseeable places that she already had, but no others. Smoking. I absolutely detest it. She was a smoker in her College days but quit years ago. Conditions may not be necessary for everyone, but for some they work. In my case the non negotiable ones are non consequential. I have no desires to explore those anyway. When she found out I was willing to give it up if she asked but she didn't feel that was necessary.

[Sally24]

1. No dressing or talking about it when we are in the bedroom for something more than sleeping.
2. Give her as much attention as Sally gets.
3. Dress like a lady when we are together, clubs with t-girls is a different matter.
4. No sex with anyone else, period!
5. Be honest, and no surprises (SRS would be a no no, too much to adapt to)
6. No borrowing her things without permission.
7. No borrowing her posh frock, at all!

That's pretty much what we've worked out these last few years. I can live with all of them and we have a pretty good time together.

Sally

[GG Vanya]

Conditions? Think about this. How many of you put any non-negotiable conditions on your wife (other than fidelity)? If so, let us know here. Tell us what you tell your wife what she can and can't do. Inquiring minds want to know.

Jodi

Well, not that she has done it, but I feel fairly certain she'd put a condition on me chewing tobacco, IF I had a desire to do so. :tongueout

In a perfect world of CDs and their SOs boundaries or conditions would not be necessary. But let's face it Jodi, when one acts like a child they must be "parented", and there ARE many CDs who act like adolescents.

[Raychel]

Conditions? Think about this. How many of you put any non-negotiable conditions on your wife (other than fidelity)? If so, let us know here. Tell us what you tell your wife what she can and can't do. Inquiring minds want to know.

Jodi

The only condition that I have for my wife, (other than fidelity) is that she does whatever she needs or wants to be the happiest she can be. :hugs: :hugs:

[JennaisahottieNC]

i have no limits on it bc she wants to shave my legs gave me lipstick and she wants me to dress in front of her which i have yet to get the balls to do so

Jenna

[Rachel Morley]

I'm very fortunate to be able to say that I don't have any restrictions or boundaries placed on my dressing at all. I'm not a big spender so I don't have any shopping restrictions either :happy: The only thing Marla says no to is permanent body changes, hormones etc. But then that's fine, because I have no intention of going down that route.

[Tammi_52]

That my SO has placed "conditions" on my dressing. It was something she did not bargain for when we got married, and did not find out about it until afterwards.

She has no trouble with wearing items under my man clothes. She actually understands why a man can be attracted to-and wear-soft, frilly items and still be a man.

She has problems with the skirts, blouses, shoes, and other non-lingerie items. That she still does not accept, but allows me "private time" to do as a please, just not in her presence.

I guess I'd rather take 50% of something than 100% of nothing. :D

Tammi_52

[Jodi]

Thank you for the above replies. My point was--I see many posts where it is stated that "she gave me permission, or my wife doesn't allow me to do this".

Marriage is supposed to be an equal partnership. I will go along with Vanya on the parenting aspect of adolescents. I note on some posts where the cd'ing appears to get out of hand in some households.

It just sometimes boggles my mind when I see posts on the extreme fear of some cd's, the lying to the spouse, the infidelity of some, etc.

I guess with these conditions existing, maybe conditions are necessary.

Jodi

[Byllie]

1. Not when she is around
2. No going out in public
3. No photos posted on websites.
4. Leg hair trimming ok, Shaving every so often as well. Toenail painting acceptable with discretion.
5. Shopping expenses kept within my budget, and buy her nice stuff as well.

Very similar to my restrictions. Rejoice in the knowledge that you have a SO who accepts you and loves you. Love and acceptance are two of the foundations of a healthy relationship.

[DAVIDA]

Restrictions? We have never set up any specific "Don't Do" list. There are some things that she might not prefer and there are things that she does that I don't particularly care for. But just being who we are, we both know and respect each other enough to do anything that we both know would cross the line!

[Lori SC]

Just four rules for me:
1. No going out in our hometown.
2. No womens clothing in the bedroom.
3. Fidelity
4. If I take hormones she's outa here.

A year ago, the list was longer. I didn't re-negotiate, Her comfort zone just expanded.

Now, what she expexcts would be a long list, but it is a bit more fluid. THe main ones would be:
a. Not looking ****ty in public.
b. Not going overboard in spending
c. Care in maintaing annonimity over the web.
d. Don't dress too much around home

Hugs, Lori

[kathy gg]

Gee I think our list goes both ways...this was agreed and talked about when dating:

1. No relationships outside our marriage.
2. No hormones {for either of us, although I guess when I hit menopause that is a different story...but I can for sure guarantee I do not want testosterone. :D
3. No body surgery modifications {getting boobs for him ...for me taking away my boobs :tongueout


Yep...everything else is pretty cool with me.

Of course all the hoops each had to jump through to get to where we are would take to much disk space! hahahahaha

[sweetnsultry77]

after 6 wigs numberous dresses several pairs of shoes and more makeup than one woman will ever use in a lifetime, I have had to tell my wife to quit spending money on Carla, Its time to buy some new toys, Quads guns fishin poles stuff like that!

[Satrana]

Very similar to my restrictions. Rejoice in the knowledge that you have a SO who accepts you and loves you. Love and acceptance are two of the foundations of a healthy relationship.

If your SO truely loves and accepts you then she would allow you to dress while she was around. Forbiding you from dressing while she is present is a sign of intolerance not acceptance. It is fine for her to indicate that she does not like the idea and so you should not push this into her face. But in most households forbidding dressing while she is in the house will severely limit your dressing time and is not a reasonable condition. You should be able to dress as you please. You can stay in another room if she does not want to see you but you should not hide in shame. If you happen to meet in the hallway.....:love:

[shae]

1 - Extramarital relations are shared.
2 - No personal abuse.
3 - When in doubt, give the other a backrub.

I set up a few things as my ""10 Commandments":

Thou shall behave like a lady in public.

Thou shalt not covet thy lady's lingerie.

Thou shalt not deceive thyself or thy lady.

Thou shalt not ever look prettier than thy lady.

Thou shalt not purge anything thy lady desires.

Thou shalt not spend more on thyself than for thy lady.

Thou shalt not allow thy lipstick to clash with thy lady's.

Thou shalt not use thy lady's makeup without permission.

Thou shall sit with thy legs together when wearing a skirt or dress.

Thou shall always have a sense of humour regarding crossdressing.

[Erica007]

:hello: I am lucky in the fact that I'm not into the full dressing bit, I just enjoy wearing sexy underware and lingerie and nighties.

So, 1. I get to wear nice sexy panties under my mens ware. ( except to family functions in case someone finds out )

2. I can wear anything sexy I like around the house after a shower at night as long as I wear my mens satin dressing gown over it until wife goes to bed. ( Except when we have friends staying overnight or for the weekend.)

3. I get to wear that sexy thing I have on to bed with wife even if we plan to make love.

4. Be faithfull to wife. :love: Erica

[Bev06 GG]

Conditions? Think about this. How many of you put any non-negotiable conditions on your wife (other than fidelity)? If so, let us know here. Tell us what you tell your wife what she can and can't do. Inquiring minds want to know.

Jodi
Hi Girls,
I see your point Jodi, but the fact is CDs are asking their wives/partners to accept a side of them that is still on the fringes of social acceptance. You are still a minority group and as such you are the ones who have to go the extra mile if you want acceptance. Some women really struggle with their fella wanting to dress as a woman and probably the restrictions are their way of maintaining some sort of control over something that they not only misunderstand, but are alittle afraid of too.
Also some restrictions are perfectly understandable. Whilst I have no probs whatsoever with my partners dressing, its not something that I'd want him to share with the whole world because I know what sort of ridicule he'd come up against. So my rule is that its our secret and only people who need to know are told. Its as much about his protection as my own. Infact probably more because I could live with what anyone else had to say about it and not give a damn, but he is far more sensitive than I am.
Take care
BEVxxxx

[Sandra]

NO restrictions for Nigella.

[Bev06 GG]

NO restrictions for Nigella.

Now thats a confident lady. Tee hee. And thats as it should be, when your totally confident with the whole thing and your relationship is set in stone you can say that with all sincerity, but some ladies aren't quite at that point yet. Lets face it, having a CD in the family is quite an education in more ways than one and it can take some getting used to. Fortunately for alot of us weve seen it for what it is more or less straight away and have realised that the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages, (if there are any) and in most cases theres nothing to fear.
Take care
BEVxxxx

[EricaCD]

In a perfect world of CDs and their SOs boundaries or conditions would not be necessary. But let's face it Jodi, when one acts like a child they must be "parented", and there ARE many CDs who act like adolescents.

I disagree with this notion of boundary setting as implied parenting. In our case, the boundaries that my wife and I have set were/are a temporary fixture, put in place so that my wife could work in accepting some of the basics of my crossdressing existence without having to worry about other categories of issues.

It is my hope and expectation that we will migrate away from the concept of boundaries over time. Not that I intend to engage in some (or even any) of the activities that are presently out-of-bounds, but because we will both eventually develop the emotional and communication tools to clearly communicate our expectations, fears and concerns to one another. At that point my responsibility to my wife as a crossdresser will be on an equal footing with my implied responsibilities as a husband, lover, confidant, father and friend.

(And no, I am not going to bother cataloging our boundaries here. If you are morbidly curious, I probably listed them out in my blog.)

Erica

[Sandra]

Now thats a confident lady. Tee hee. And thats as it should be, when your totally confident with the whole thing and your relationship is set in stone you can say that with all sincerity, but some ladies aren't quite at that point yet. Lets face it, having a CD in the family is quite an education in more ways than one and it can take some getting used to. Fortunately for alot of us weve seen it for what it is more or less straight away and have realised that the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages, (if there are any) and in most cases theres nothing to fear.
Take care
BEVxxxx


Took a long while though reaching this point it didn't happen over night and this is what a lot of CDs should remember it is not something that can be rushed.

[Sophia Rearen]

Wow, kinda takes the fun out of it. Didn't see one about tucking. So, I'm assuming she's ok with that? Maybe she feels as though you have no balls as it is?:D
Sorry, I'm a rule and law hater. I fight authority. My wife gave me the disappointed/unhappy face this morning when she saw my bra under my tee.

[pattihose]

my S/O helps me to get everything I need, and has no objection to my shaving or wearing when they're around. They DO object to pic posting, but take plenty of pics of our messing around together....we have hundreds of them, and some movies, which we watch once in a while to get ourselves "in the mood" Good luck!

[ColleenCD]

My wife and I have made a handful of agreements, with many unspoken agreements. Her conditions in most every case are also my conditions.

I do tend to challenge the unspoken rule though. (I like to stir the pot):rolleyes:

Colleen

[Nigella]

Rules they say are made to be broken :devil:

Having said that, Sandra has already said, I have no restrictions placed on my CDing activities, but that is where we are now, it took time and constant talking to get to this point.

What did help was that when we first got married we agreed that if we didn't agree nothing changed, if that makes sense +?

Now it is She Says, I Do, :heehee:

[Dragster]

Nigella, my first management course taught me that rules were meant for the control of fools, and the guidance of the wise! Now we EACH have to work out what WE are!!!

Tony

[Gisele]

My SO placed no rules on my dressing. I can dress how, where and when I want. That's good cause as soon as my bootie hits the front door I strip off and run to my girl things. I stay that way untill I have to go to work the next day or unless I go out for errands.

She wants me to buy what I want to make me feel good about myself be it wigs, forms, bra/panties or clothes. She loves me dressed up and being her girlfriend.:D

Beth

[Snookums]

the relationship I have with my SO is unconditional,she is a GG,we love each other unconditionally,and are devoted to each other.
lifes too short to start putting conditions on it.

[Rikkicn]

I used to have a list like this from my wife. I divorced her.
My list now says "Have fun my dear, have fun"

No more rules for this woman. I've lived by evryone else's rules for 57 years and I ain't going to do it no more, no more. It's a kind of prison.

[GG Vanya]

Wow, kinda takes the fun out of it. Didn't see one about tucking. So, I'm assuming she's ok with that? Maybe she feels as though you have no balls as it is?:D Sorry, I'm a rule and law hater. I fight authority. My wife gave me the disappointed/unhappy face this morning when she saw my bra under my tee.


Well now Sophia, that's insulting to insinuate that a CD who abides by boundaries they have *agreed* upon is lacking in testicular fortitude. Was that really necessary??? :thumbsdn:

Advise me ahead of time if you're going to be traveling the same roads I am. Since you are a rule and law hater, I wouldn't trust you to abide by speed limits, stop at stop signs and red lights, or yield the right of way.

When my oldest son was sixteen he expressed the same hatred for rules. I used the same example when explaining we *all* have rules in life and that maturity would bring enlightenment to that fact.

[Snookums]

I used to have a list like this from my wife. I divorced her.
My list now says "Have fun my dear, have fun"

No more rules for this woman. I've lived by evryone else's rules for 57 years and I ain't going to do it no more, no more. It's a kind of prison.

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

[ubokvt]

When my wife and I comitited to a long term relationship we agreeded to the shared value of monogomy and that the goal of the relationship was growth. So when my growth lead in this direction there were no rules other than stay close, share whats happening and be supportive of each other as we both grow. She pushs me with new ideas, then slows me down with questions and digging inside me, shares her feeling and fears keeps me grounded and the teases me till I want to stap my feet. She is my muse and my mirrior and Yes I know I am blessed and in those times when she runs into her fears she refuses to let me pull back for she won't let me kill a part of myself just to stay with her. She understands how it would poison the relationship. Heck she bought half my ward robe for me. Having been in relationships before, when you start putting rules on a relationship that only confines one or the other they become the seeds of long term dissatisfaction and distance, it is the beginning of growing apart of hidding from yourself and the one person you want to be the closest to. Keep negotiating keep talking

[Bernadina]

No conditions re my dressing. Other than that, just the normal ones concerning a marriage that 2 people are committed to.

[Jestina]

The conditions I agree to with my honey are not what I would call restrictions.
Love is giving as well as receiving.
If I or anyone demands more than they give or allow, this is also not love.Selfish or needy is more likely.

My lover has asked me to retain a few standards that are really fine because they are in line with where I am right now anyway.
She feels like she is in this with me.
She wants US to keep it to ourselves. Soooo, it basically goes like this:

No internet identifiable info or pics.
No public outings at the moment. (May change when possible)
She wants to know I am still her man, no full time. (I agree with this)
Toenail painting fine anytime, just be discreet.
Make ABSOLUTELY sure the kids don't EVER know, mine OR her's.
Never any permanent body changes.

Once she misunderstood a comment I made about wanting to remain in character of Jess for an extended period.
She thought I meant permanent.
She fell into tears at the thought of never having me again as a man.
That memory makes me cry at the tenderness of that moment.
I knew that she loved ME!!!

So there are my conditions and there is also my heart.
In love with a woman who facilitates my cross dressing, but wants to be with a man.

I am now having a moment...(sigh)

Please excuse me.

Jestina.

[Debb]

I think my wife would have a problem even considering placing conditions or limitations on what I want to do.

I personally am uncomfortable without having my own limitations. I have a few rules of the road, but they're mostly the stuff a person in a hetero marriage would expect so I'm not gonna list them.

[Charity's GG]

My only conditions for Charity are...

1.Not in front of the kids
2.Do not borrow my things without asking!!
3.Please understand if there are times I'd rather not discuss it or be around it

There are also times I just need "my man"...I enjoy the dressing, but dont get selfish with it or it may put me off. Understand my feelings also, I'm as confused as you are...altho I support you, I too have a hard time with the male/female personas sometimes....:bighug:

[Charity's GG]

My only other conditions for Charity are those that any other couple has...no! infidelity...no net relationships(infidelity wise)... Toodles!