Gender Identity conflict

[Jamsey]

My male and female side lately have been in conflict, with my fem side wanting more action. My poor tired and exhausted, battered and bruised male ego, from now on know as ME, has surrendered and decided to take a nap. I will let it be a long nap.

So, in a case like this, what is a girl to do?
(pause for dramatic effect)
Shopping of course.
Since Penneys was having a great sale I went there and before I knew it, at least 2 hours, I had 4 bras, 1 waist shaper, 4 panties, 1 night gown (lovely ivory one), 2 camis, 1 tank top, 1 puffy sleeve v-neck top, (long sleeve and fits perfectly), and 1 booted black skirt. My ME stirred briefly and wanted to know what's up. I told ME I purchased everything on the 50-70% off racks, plus had an additional 20$ coupon if spending more than 100$ plus, I said 'Look at this pretty shirt I got you'. Me then went back to his nappy.

Anyway my fem side is presently in charge, won't my psychiatrist be happy to hear that. He said this medication I started taking will ease my CD urges. Fat chance buddy. Sorry I'm rambling.

Anyway, I also found this great vintage clothing store with a lot of great dresses and very CD friendly. The owner was very helpful, I explained I was looking for a knock-out Halloween costume, preferably a dress. and before I knew it I was trying on all kinds of dresses. First time ever. I was nervous as hell. Too bad hardly any fit, I wear a size 10 skirt but have a size 38 chest and broad shoulders. The most darling of dresses just didn't match. But there were 2 I was very interested in, the owner said she would keep an eye open for me. Today I was in the store and she had this absolutely drop dead bright red flapper dress. It was a size 10, I know that sizes in dresses really don't have any basis in reality, anyway this one fit perfectly. It will be my dress for the NYC halloween parade. I also got a matching bag. Now to find size 14 red shoes to go with it.

I'm rambling terribly here, Anyway I have had to restructure my life around my CD purchases. Plus I have to lose about 10 pounds of flab. I changed my eating habits, if anyone has MacDonalds stock you better dump it. I'm buying less of crap to have more to spend on CD items and I need save a lot the way I'm going.

Is this common among us girls who after being suppressed for years all of a sudden have almost complete freedom (finances willing of course) to purchase beautiful apparel? Am I on a pendulum swing where it will start to go the other way and do you think I will have regrets? I am sometimes very confused about this whole thing. I'm 58 and having a blast right now but having led a very straight and conservative life, I have question come up and ask me Just what the hell are you doing? Any advice or comments will be appreciated, sorry for the length.

Jamsey.

p.s. I am a complete bitch with my SO.

[Ms.Susan]

Jamsey,

I wouldn't worry about it. For me. I have found that the more I suppress her the harder she comes back. It's hard to keep a good woman down. The best advise I could give is learn how to keep both sides of you in balance. A little time for her goes a long way. This will help you keep the money thing in check. Never send a woman shopping with an open check book. :love:

[Karren H]

Doesn't sound like a conflict to me...but then again I may be a bit biased!! As we all may be on here!! Hehe. But I have found a balance of the male and female things right now.. More likely my wife won't let the male go......and as long as there are home remodeling projects, autos to work on, and ice hockey to play, the guy will hang around!!

Maybe you ned to find a hobby (another hobby) for your guy side!!

:D

Love Karren

[thea]

I've found that karma wants me to live with little money, so if I get anything above what's needed to pay bills, eventually I end up spending part of it on Thea. I've done better since years ago I realized that complete purges don't work so instead I can get rid of items I don't favor, and then I don't have to buy as much later (new undies and frillies are important and get bought, but do I really need another skirt when I don't go out?). Mail order works some when guilty conscience or unexpected bills come up, as I can return some unworn items and keep the credit card stabilized. But Thea needs her clothes and her attention, sometimes more than the ME, and I'm balanced better now that I accept male and female as part of me, that the female doesn't get suppressed (nor the male), and that I recognize the fluidity of (trans)gender and its full spectrum.

But I'm more in debt now that I'm back in school. Ah, well.

[CharleneCD]

Jamsey, Yes What you are describing is normal and the pendulum will probobly swing the other way in time. But as for guilt, it doesn't have to happen. I suppressed the female side ofmy personality for most of my life and I was miserable and poorly adjusted to society. Now I let the two sides choose which is more dominant depending on need. I am much more happy this way, and find I am much better able to deal with society.

As for your doc's comments, he is not the best one for you to be seeing. I won't go as far as calling him a Quack, but he should know better than to try to fix your fem side with meds. You need to try to find a doctor familiar with dealing with the trans population.

[admirerplus GG]

Jamsey,

I think it is wonderful that you are feeling free to express your feminine side. Congratulations on your shopping spree. I think it is wonderful that you have kept your budget in mind when shopping.

I hope that you and your SO will be able to work things out together. I hope that you will eventually be able to stop the bitchiness and come to a positive resolution.

Good luck and happiness! You go Girl!

[Jamsey]

Thanks for all your kind words and insights. I'm working them out, I have a counselor I see on a regular basis, she is the first one I ever told about my CD urges and she is very understanding and supportive. I'm the first CD she dealt with though.
My shopping would make a GG glad, I'm very good about looking and purchasing items at bargain prices.

To our guests out there, better be careful, reading posts on this site may trigger something in your sub-conscious, and before you know it, you may be running around buying uncontrollably all kinds of girly stuff too.
hehehe*

Jamsey

* borrowed without permission from one of our regular stunning, gorgeous and beautiful contributors. Hope you don't mind dear.

[noname]

He said this medication I started taking will ease my CD urges.

Whoa! I haven't read your whole post but when I read this I had to respond. I know I wouldn't take anything like that. I don't know what kind of meds would do something like that, but I'm guessing it's something that would make me very numb. Sorry but that scares me. Also, I wouldn't want to take anything to change who I am.