O U T ! ! !

[uknowhoo]

As some of you may have read in the Lounge, today was National Coming Out Day (here in the States, I suppose).

My wife, God bless her, has on several occasions seen femme items which I had accidentally left out. Without much detail, I alluded to the fact that such items were for my own private use, as it were, and this was sufficient. A week or so ago, though, I left all my femme stuff out, including my wig.:( My wife was a bit more persistent in her curiousity this time.

So, despite reservations, and being scared out of my panties, I came clean and told her I was a crossdresser. The talk went about as well as I might have hoped. I was very forthcoming, answering all her questions and even offering additional details, in the interest of full disclosure. I explained what a Godsend this place has been for me, and for so very many others as well. She is still pretty much in shock and somewhat distressed, as would be expected. She didn't pack her bags or mine, or ask me to sleep in the other room, etc. She did cry a little, explained that she was angry about the deception, though by the end of the conversation (1 1/2 hours?), she did understand and appreciate why I had not come out sooner.

Before hugging me goodnight, she said she had so much more respect for me now that I had come out to her. I'm sure you can appreciate how comforting that was for me, and how loving it was of her.

Having read many dozens of threads by others in similar situations, I am under no illusions that all will be well with our lil world tomorrow morning and stay that way. My wife is rather emotional, and has bipolar disorder, so I know there will be some difficulties ahead. My biggest concern right now is that she'll still be able to see me, and be attracted as a man, knowing what she knows now. That said, I am mostly optomistic for our future, and very much relieved to have this burden of secrecy removed.

Thank you all for being here for and with me, I'll keep you posted.

Yours truly,

Tammi

[CaptLex]

So happy for you, Tammi. What a relief that must be. :whew!: I hope that given time your wife will get over the shock. As I'm sure the GGs can tell you better than me, the deception is a big deal. As you know, this site can be a source of help if she wants it. Good for you, hun! Happy Coming Out Day!

[Talon DeRojo]

Tammi - Congratulations! I admire your courage in coming out. There will likely be some ups and downs concerning the issue in the weks and months to come, but you've taken an important first step. Your wife has not rejected you out of hand. Be patient with her - it's going to take some time for her to digest it all and reach whatever level she can of understanding, tolerance, or acceptance of this new (to her) part of you. I wish you the best.
Talon:happy:

[Barb Valentine]

Congratulations Tammi
I'll bet you feel like a great weight has been lifted from your shoulders
I'm so happy for you
I hope every thing works out
:hugs:

[lisa68]

I'm so happy for you Tammi. I always dreamed that I could do that with my SO, but when it comes to telling her anything that deals with the truth it gets very bad around here at the house. As much as I hate it being that way ( for the last 15yrs.) sometimes the truth is better not said to her. She has seen me dressed a few times in the passed, but we could never talk like senseble adults and it gets ugly here at home. I hope things go well for you. Later girl.

[Jenny Beth]

Congratulations Tammi for taking such a huge step. No doubt things will be difficult at times but I'm sure you will be able to meet the challenge. We all know that our relationships come first and hopefully in time things will work out for both of you.

[Billijo49504]

Tammi, My wife is bipolar too. and she doesn't have a problem with my CDing. She has her problems and I have mine. For your info, we have been married for, get this as of November 9 this year, it will be 22 years. My wife seems to have a big problem about every 4 years. A med reavaliation/...BJ

[EricaCD]

Tammi - good for you. I know how tough that was, and I applaud you for taking the right step forward. I am pleased and relieved to hear that at least the initial reaction was ok. Very best of luck to you and your wife as you progress together.

Erica

[Girly Sara]

That's fantastic news, Tammi! You can't beat the liberation you feel and the weight off your shoulders when you come out to the people you love.

I hope you both get much closer now that you've shared your secret.

All the best!

Sara x

[swiss_susan]

Tammi,

Glad things went well for you with your wife. I hope things keep improving for you both. :hugs:

[Deborah]

Glad to hear Tammi. How's the other part going? Pm me if you like.

[Phyliss]

I'm very happy for you. I only wish I had your courage.

[Sandra]

Well done Tammi,

Just take it slow with her, you're going to have the ups and downs but with give and take on both sides the downs can be worked through and enjoy the ups. :hugs:

[GypsyKaren]

Well, we've sure talked about this more than once, so you know how much I support you on this. I'm very happy for you Tammi, it took a lot of guts to come out, and I'm sure you'll feel much better without that monkey on your back.

Karen

[Angie G]

Tammi I know it ahard time good luck hope all coms out OK :hugs:
ANGIE

[cindybarnes]

Tammi,
Good for you! Im sure its a big relief !!
Just remember the ups when you have some downs (I know I still have both after all this time)
Cindy

[DanaJ]

Tammi - I am SO proud and happy for you!!!

[Tina Dixon]

Wow, wishing you all the luck Tammi, it's a hard thing to do telling of your dressing, there is no easy way, coming clean or being found out, good luck to the two of you.

[Joy Carter]

:hugs:

[uknowhoo]

Good morning all. Thank you all so very much for your words of kindness and support. So far, so good. My wife was pretty much her normal self this morning as we got ourselves and our son ready for the day, then she left for work, with the usual kiss and "I love you," though it did feel a bit better than the usual.:happy:

Several of you applauded my courage, or guts or whatever. While I do appreciate all your kind words, the truth of the matter is that I didn't have all that much of a choice. I wouldn't've been able to just gloss over it this time (mainly given the wig thingy - it kinda wigged her out). But the big first step is behind us, and thousands more little steps lay ahead. I have all of you to thank, in large part, for the strength (and self-acceptance) to see me through this.

:love:

edit: 10:00, my wife called just to say hi, I love you, you'll always be my best friend, and to see how i was doin'. :c9:

[Rachel Ann]

YAY Tammi!

You are starting a trend.

I am planning to come out to my friends by showing up *en femme* for Thanksgiving dinner. I have a makeover scheduled for that morning so that I will look my very best.

Rachel xxx

[SherriePall]

Tammi -- It was seven years ago I told my wife of then 25 years that I was a CD. She was shocked. She cried. She asked the couple of big questions. She cried and I then slept (?) alone for two nights. She came around after that and we enjoy a truce now.
So, what from my experience, you are over the top, but there may be bumps in the road ahead. Take it easy. Don't flaunt it in her face. And show her that you love her.

[Patsy Stone GG]

A big step for you both - good luck to you Tammi :hugs:

[Holly]

Tammi, congratulations on a job well done. On the courage issue, don't sell yourself short. You could have just as easily opted to go for something less than full disclosure... but you didn't. You are wise to realize that there may be bumps ahead but I am confident that the two of you will smooth things out as they come up. My prayers and happiness to both of you.

[Sharon86]

Big :hugs: to you both, now atleast the biggest hurdles' out of the way. A giant leap into a very happy future for you both. LOL Sharon.xxx

[Patty]

Congratulations :hugs:

[Roberta Lynn]

I'm really happy for you Tammi.

I can only imagine how your emotions are on a see-saw between relief an trepidation. It's great you've cleared the first hurdle.
Hopefully she will keep asking questions and you and your wife will have many more long talks.
Wishing the best for you and your family.
:hugs: Roberta

[Tamara Croft]

The hardest part is over, just those 4 little words 'I am a crossdresser' :) I can only imagine how hard is was for you telling her. Congrats to you :hugs:

[ColleenCD]

Tammi, You made the best of a bad situation. You've revealed the deepest part of your being to the person that matters the most. She may be looking deeper to see what else is down there. Give her time. By calling you, she is re-establishing the basis of your relationship...love. She is reminding you that you matter. Be still and let her come to you to talk more. Remember to reciprocate to her needs as she accepts yours.:2c:

Colleen

[bgirl]

I am happy for you. I had a similar experience with my wife and like you, it was a positive experience. We are still a work in progress, and love does make the world go around.We had always talked about everything, and now we can even talk about this. Take a deep breath, slow down and get ready for an interesting journey of discovery.

[Janice Ashton]

Good Luck Tammi I sincerely hope it all works out for you I've been there and I know how much elation you must be feeling right now. It will not be easy but I hope it all goes well. I was not so lucky but it does not mean you cannot be if you go about things in the right way.
Best wishes Louise

[Siobhan Marie]

Congratulations Tammi on coming out to your wife, you've definately got more guts than I have. Just remember whatever happens, we're here for you. I do sincerely hope that everything works out for you.

:hugs: Anna Marie x

[Marla GG]

Phew!

You must be so relieved to finally have everything on the table, although I can tell you are a little worried too. It will be okay Tammi. :hugs: Gosh, I remember that post of yours from eons ago when your wife found your breastforms (I am too lazy to go look for it now :p ) -- you have come such a long, long way baby!

I think you know that the post discosure "normalcy" and calm will probably not last. Unless you are extremely fortunate, there will almost certainly be more emotional upheaval when the shock wears off and it truly sinks in. For a lot of us gals the first reaction is to try to pretend that nothing has happened. It is an emotional defense mechanism and an attempt to stabilize the situation, and I think it's a normal part of the acceptance process.

Big hugs to your wife from all the GGs here, although she doesn't know us. Perhaps one day she will -- I sure hope so! It is sounding pretty good so far. :)

Love, Marla xx

[Sharon]

Very cool, Tammi -- your honesty about yourself is commendable and, I'm sure, very liberating.

I'm hopeful that all remains well in the future for you and your wife, but just being totally honest with her may eliminate many problems. When a spouse is hiding something from the other, especially something as big as this, the other half can usually sense it, but is unaware of what the secret really is. This question in her mind is now gone. You just need to continue being the same loving person you have always been.

:clap: :hugs:

[Julie York]

So.......Does this mean you're gay then?












What? Stop staring at me.:tongueout

[Shelly Preston]

Congratulations Tammi to you and your wife

Your for having the courage to tell her, and her for being so understanding.
Yes there will be more hurdles to overcome, and hopefully, through talking you both find a soloution, which makes you both happy.

:hugs:

[paulaN]

See what this forum did to you. It gave you the courage to come out to your wife. And that's a good thing. Sounds like your wife is a good thing too. I Wish the both of you the very best.

[secrets]

I love to hear good news, there's so much that can go wrong when you tell your loved ones.
I always think that if your s/o loves you then they will accept you for who you are whatever happens. I told my wife shortly after we started dating, she was fine, she took it all in and was surprisingly uninterested in the whole thing!
I know how you feel to have that huge weight lifted off you.
Just think, your wife just got a new girlfriend!

[janelle]

Hi Tammi, Iam happy for you & pray all will go along as you hoped for. Be kind & gentle & very loving & i believe all should be well, just keep talking if she wishes.
Hugs & kisses for for you that the stress of hiding things should be over.
Good luck Dear & God bless.
:love: Janelle

[kathy gg]

Tammi I am very proud of you. By all your posts and the way you write I imagine you to be a thoughtful {not to mention forgiving!} and considerate husband. I am hoping that is what she focused on as this info unfolded....and by the sounds of it she is considering the *big picture*...... you are a good husband and father and have been patient with her. SOmething that is very very rare to find in a spouse now-a-days.

Take the next steps one and at a time. Thanks for sharing your story, I hope it will inspire others!

[Janelle Young]

Tammi,

It doesn't matter if your coming out to your wife was by your choice, or if it was forced on you. The important part is that you have told her and done it in such a way that she is still talking to you. Congratulations on your success. This is a long process that is just starting, I hope the rest of it goes as well as the first part has.

[RenaCD]

Tammi well done! :hugs: O I think you need another! :hugs:

Rena

[Tracy Lynn]

Hi Tammi,

Congratulations on coming out to your wife. I know how difficult it can be. I wish you both success in your relationship.

[ShannonDragon]

The one thing I did was tell my future wife about my dressing. I came out to her after we had been dating for about 4-5 weeks. We dated for 5 years and got married that Fall after she graduated. Best thing I ever did!

:tongueout

[uknowhoo]

OMG! I have literally laughed (thanks Julie, though you had promised not to tell!!:p ) and cried reading your responses. I can't believe how emotional I am today. I wish I could respond to each of you individually, but the Mrs. is about ready for bed and I think it best not to stay up two hours later than her tonight, reading, posting and IMming.

Tomorrow a.m. my wife, 6 y/o son and I are flying to FL for a few days, to celebrate my parents' 50th anniversary. :cheer: It'll prolly be Tuesday before I can check in again, and provide an update.

Thank you all soooooo very much. Your support and encouragement mean more than you could know.

xoxo

Tammi

[Glenda58]

Congrats Tammi looks like you have a great wife by your side. Now treat her to something nice so she knows how much you love her for being so understanding about CDing. Don't buy her cloths take to a stage show and dinner. Make her feel special.

[Di]

Well done...very happy for you.....just awesome.

[suzanne]

Congratulations! Your SO is definitely a keeper. Big bonus if she is the same size as you. lol I am always envious when a CD get complete acceptance from her SO. I came out to my wife years ago and she is still on the fence about my preferences. I can wear any of my dresses in front of her, but she gives the impression she can't bring herself to see me as suzanne. When I try to discuss how I feel, she either shuts down or changes the subject, saying she needs more time. A bit of a denial master, if you ask me. She appears to love me in spite of my feminine side, rather than embrace it as an essential part of a whole ME. Mind you, I admit it's hard to see a balding, hairy 275 pounder as feminine in any way!!!

To many, this will all seem like whining, as I probably get more than my fair share of acceptance. I know the issue destroys entire relationships for some couples, so I'm fortunate that way. I just can't help feeling I want more than that. I keep hoping to find that outfit that will make her say "You don't look half bad". Baby steps

[Sam-antha]

Have a good holiday break and welcome home to yours and to us when you get back.
~Samm

[Wendy me]

Tammi wow OK sorry i am late with this ...frist off well done on getting it out with your wife ... now the ever present worry of getting busted is gone ... as she knows the only thing is how if ever she See's you dressed that will play out latter....

your a smart girl so no one needs to tell you about small steps ... and from what i have read so far things are looking good .... just keep on showing her you love her and don't push things .... you just gave her a huge thing to not only hear but to let soak in .... well done and best of wishes ....


huge Wendy hugs.......

[uknowhoo]

Thank you, thank you, thank you all.

Here we are OUT + 36 hours :o and I'm still standing. Didn't have time to post about it last night, but we talked a bit more. This time was a bit less positive. She very calmly expressed how angry and hurt she was about not being honest with her for these past many years (I did tell her about it almost 20 years ago but, though this sounds somewhat incredible, she doesn't rememberr; she's just that way). Anyway, she said she didn't know how she could ever find an effeminate man attractive, but wasn't sure what that meant going forward. She did reiterate that she always has and will love me, but there was kinda an implied "but..." Very early this morning she rolled over, put her head on my shoulder and a few minutes later, initiated intimacy. I was very surprised, though I guess I shouldn't be. That's just the way she is. She moves very quickly emotionally, if that makes sense.

Anyway, I just wanted to share a (mixed but) positive update before I left.

Love to all.

xoxo

[psdibe]

Tami congradulations, the first step is the hardest. Jen and I have been maries for 26years and she has know for 4. You did the right thing by telling her. The wieght is off you and now you can continue to grow your life together. It is a wondeful feeling to be free of that guilt and share. It will take time, good and bad, but your relationship will only be stronger. Now you don't have to hid.
Best of luck
Hugs
PD

[Janailene]

Tammi -- " but there may be bumps in the road ahead. Take it easy. Don't flaunt it in her face. And show her that you love her."

Tammi,

My wife has known for 34 years. She tries to be neutral. Please listen to SherriePall. If you turn into Tammi every day, go out a lot, or there is exposure to her friends as Tammi, expect big bumps. Good luck with your new girl friend - your wife.

[Ms.Susan]

Tammi,

Just wanted to let you know that we are thinking about you and your wife. I am sure that everything will work out for the two of you. You seem to have a long and beautiful relationship together and the Love seems to still shine through, even in difficult times. Keep up the good work, were all pulling for you.:love:

[Janice Ashton]

Tammi, there has been a lot wonderful posts from some very good people and lots of congratulations, FOR YOU!! As said in my previous post, I, as I'm sure 'others'? on this site have been there before, I and others, may be thinking about what is most likely going through your SO's mind? It may be a period of reflection, Whereby, she will be coming to terms with this news and from my experience she will be raising many questions in her mind regarding the secret you have kept from her and what, if any? other secrets you have hidden. 'I hope I am wrong' but in my case there was a period of shall we say reflection on her part and a questioning assessment in her mind of what else had I been up too. The one big stumbling block she would not believe was that I was not Gay. (which I hasten to add I am not) I also fell into the age old trap of "Oh it's OK now she knows, I can do and dress when I want" that was fatal. Because, I didn't give her enough time and space to absorb what I had come out with and displayed it all at once more or less in front of her. This may not be of any relevance to your situation but if every little bit of advice helps from everyone, then it might help you avoid any pitfalls (if any)

Let her have time and space to absorb this shock (for want of a better word) and take it very steady along the way, a little at a time is best.
My very best wishes and I sincerely hope this works out for you in the long term, whereas, unfortunately it did not for me.


Good Luck

[susie bear]

Tammi,

I am very happy that things are out in the open for both your sakex, This should make things easeir for you from now on. Just take it sloe and easy. Let her come to you and answer as honestly as you can.

Best of luck,

susie bear

[Kimberly]

Feeling happy for you on the coming out xx

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Tammi, I'm so proud of you.

I hope all works out well for both of you.

[Timberley]

Hi Tammy,
Congrats on the out.
Doesn't feel good not to hide it anymore?

:0)