Stephanie Brooks
01-02-2005, 12:24 PM
We are now in the final throes of our marriage with regard to Stephanie. We had the first hard discussion last night. I wasn't expecting to begin this discussion on the first of the year, but that's how it was. Going into this discussion, my expectation was that there was a very low probability of the survival of our marriage.
That view has changed, and we may have a better chance of keeping our marriage.
I saw three potential options and/or outcomes.
1. Nothing changes. We stay married, Stephanie remains persona non grata. This is where we were prior to our discussion. Long term prospects are that in the choice of "To be or not to be", I'd eventually choose the latter. This outcome was the least desirable.
2. Our differences regarding Stephanie are irreconcilable. We divorce. I move nearby, we work an amicable settlement such that neither of us are wrongly burdened financially, and we minimize disruption to our daughter. I don't like the idea of divorce, but it's a far better option than the first, as I possess the ability and drive to "not be", given precipitating circumstances.
3. We sufficiently reconcile our differences regarding Stephanie. We remain married and Stephanie becomes a part of our family, at least to some degree. I considered this the fantasy outcome as my wife has worked to systematically repress Stephanie. Shockingly, this seems to be where we're headed.
Our discussion was initiated by my wife. We limited our time at the beginning to 1 hour. Reality being what it is, 2 hours and 15 minutes later we ended.
We discussed what Stephanie is. I'm probably transsexual, but have no desire for transitioning activities. SRS and hormone therapy are not desired options for me.
We discussed how Stephanie looks. My wife - I'll call her Tracy, but not her real name - said she was jealous as to how I looked, especially in one hot little black dress. I looked too good, better than her, and she was afraid guys would hit on me. Her husband was gone at that point. Tracy's point is one that should probably be considered by many of us! When we look in the mirror, we see the girl we should have been. When they look at us, they see their husbands gone. I need to empathize with Tracy's concerns, and work to ensure Stephanie is not a threat to her or our marriage.
We discussed our daughter. "Alice" (not her real name) is 6. She won't see her Papa dressed fully en femme any time soon, but she will likely question why I'm wearing nylons. We're working on answers we can give her. She was already aware of my dresses in the closet of the computer room, knowing they were mine. They're gone now, ever since the purge. Point is, she's sufficiently bright that she'll ask questions. We're working on ways to give answers commensurate with her age. As an example, she's asked where babies come from. We've given her answers that are appropriate for a 6 year old. Similarly, when she asks questions about Stephanie-related things, she'll get age appropriate answers. Alice will have a childhood, unburdened with adult-level issues.
We discussed Stephanie going to local TG groups. While I mentioned the desire to do so, Tracy said she was going to suggest it. Yes! How do we do it? The group to which I'd belonged in the past used to meet once a month on a Saturday. They have facilities for people to dress and undress, but they're limited. I'll likely stay in a local hotel once a month, go and return en femme, and maybe spend other time out and about. The cost of doing so is far better than the costs associated with a divorce.
We discussed next steps. I'm to develop a list of what I want and need to do. It's the complete ideal list of how to reintegrate Stephanie to our lives. It won't be a fantasy list, but a list of things that are realistically possible in the context of our marriage. She'll have that list in the next couple of days. I should be writing that list rather than posting this :p but it will be done soon enough.
The purge isn't over, the marriage isn't saved. We are, however, on a path that could end the purge, save the marriage, and allow Stephanie to blossom.
Hmmm... the prospect of taking and posting new pictures is real...
That view has changed, and we may have a better chance of keeping our marriage.
I saw three potential options and/or outcomes.
1. Nothing changes. We stay married, Stephanie remains persona non grata. This is where we were prior to our discussion. Long term prospects are that in the choice of "To be or not to be", I'd eventually choose the latter. This outcome was the least desirable.
2. Our differences regarding Stephanie are irreconcilable. We divorce. I move nearby, we work an amicable settlement such that neither of us are wrongly burdened financially, and we minimize disruption to our daughter. I don't like the idea of divorce, but it's a far better option than the first, as I possess the ability and drive to "not be", given precipitating circumstances.
3. We sufficiently reconcile our differences regarding Stephanie. We remain married and Stephanie becomes a part of our family, at least to some degree. I considered this the fantasy outcome as my wife has worked to systematically repress Stephanie. Shockingly, this seems to be where we're headed.
Our discussion was initiated by my wife. We limited our time at the beginning to 1 hour. Reality being what it is, 2 hours and 15 minutes later we ended.
We discussed what Stephanie is. I'm probably transsexual, but have no desire for transitioning activities. SRS and hormone therapy are not desired options for me.
We discussed how Stephanie looks. My wife - I'll call her Tracy, but not her real name - said she was jealous as to how I looked, especially in one hot little black dress. I looked too good, better than her, and she was afraid guys would hit on me. Her husband was gone at that point. Tracy's point is one that should probably be considered by many of us! When we look in the mirror, we see the girl we should have been. When they look at us, they see their husbands gone. I need to empathize with Tracy's concerns, and work to ensure Stephanie is not a threat to her or our marriage.
We discussed our daughter. "Alice" (not her real name) is 6. She won't see her Papa dressed fully en femme any time soon, but she will likely question why I'm wearing nylons. We're working on answers we can give her. She was already aware of my dresses in the closet of the computer room, knowing they were mine. They're gone now, ever since the purge. Point is, she's sufficiently bright that she'll ask questions. We're working on ways to give answers commensurate with her age. As an example, she's asked where babies come from. We've given her answers that are appropriate for a 6 year old. Similarly, when she asks questions about Stephanie-related things, she'll get age appropriate answers. Alice will have a childhood, unburdened with adult-level issues.
We discussed Stephanie going to local TG groups. While I mentioned the desire to do so, Tracy said she was going to suggest it. Yes! How do we do it? The group to which I'd belonged in the past used to meet once a month on a Saturday. They have facilities for people to dress and undress, but they're limited. I'll likely stay in a local hotel once a month, go and return en femme, and maybe spend other time out and about. The cost of doing so is far better than the costs associated with a divorce.
We discussed next steps. I'm to develop a list of what I want and need to do. It's the complete ideal list of how to reintegrate Stephanie to our lives. It won't be a fantasy list, but a list of things that are realistically possible in the context of our marriage. She'll have that list in the next couple of days. I should be writing that list rather than posting this :p but it will be done soon enough.
The purge isn't over, the marriage isn't saved. We are, however, on a path that could end the purge, save the marriage, and allow Stephanie to blossom.
Hmmm... the prospect of taking and posting new pictures is real...