Inner battle after the birth of first child!!!

[Megan G]

Hey all,

Sorry I have not been around much lately, I have been very pre-occupied with the birth of our first child....A BOY:love: My life has changed so much for the better and by far the best day of my life was the day my darling wife gave birth to our son! I still cannot believe that he is a part of both of us and I love my wife even more now than I ever had. It's amazing how much you life can change.....

Anyways like the title of the post states, ever since the birth of my child I have been having a huge battle inside my concence (sp?) about my CD'ing. Now my wife fully supports me with my CD'ing but inside I feel awefull. It took me a while to be comfortable around my wife but now I have a child and the old "this is wrong" feeling has returned:sad: . I have not dressed in months but the urge is getting worse but when I get close to dressing I feel ashamed as now I have a child.

Man I just wish there was a majic pill to take all this away:sad:

Trisha

[Aemilia]

I think it is normal to feel concern, especially when a new person will be viewing you as a role model. A new parent always worries about how his actions will effect the child's development; and CDing no doubt complicates the moral uncertainty.

At least you are thinking about it and no matter what you end up doing, you'll know you have considered the ethical ramifications.

[sherell]

I also felt the sameway Trisha but x dressing will not go away. I have 3 grown up kids. I manged to keep my dressing apart from them Its hard but possible

[Jodie_Lynn]

Congratulations on the birth of your son!

Your life will never be the same again....

On the CD-ing angel, I have a 14 y/o daughter, who I have kept apart from my dressing. I'll tell you though, it isn't always easy.

[kathy gg]

Congrats on being a enw father. It is an exciting time and you are in for such a journey.

I see alot of torn feelings in your post.

Although other on here may not agree with me this is how i feel:

First off, children are receptive, so much so then adults like to acknowledge. They are very intuitive and can tell when a parent is distressed or sad or unhappy. Obviously your child is just an infant right now, but as they grow and learn the world they can be very in-tune with feelings and how they relate to you and what you are projecting...be in smiling and full of joy...or trying hard to hide something which is making you hurt inside.

Children need to see their parents showing love and affection to them and to each other and for their parents to look like this family thing is the greastest thing.

If you are feeling other emotions.....like shame...guilt....dispare, just feeling aweful about who you are....your kid will see this. They may not know *why* and as chilren tend to do...they think it is something they are doing......your child won't know that you are have some inner battle going on.

Being a parent and being a crossdressser can run side by side in harmony. My husband and I are raising our daughter to know this part of our life [for my husband it is not just a sexual kick though..if that is the case for you....just for sexual fetish stuff then my advice is null and void]. This is not a shameful or horrible terrrible secret in our life and I refuse to treat it that way.

If my husband did not have the level of peace with himself and also a positive female image which he projects around our daughter I might not feel this way...but he does. He does not feel bad about who he is and therefore the person he is around our daughter is not one who is feeling ashamed.

You still have just under a couple of years to reconcile your feelings. I find now my daugter can remember things that happened months ago. Her memory is starting to get better every day and intuition regarding various things amazes me daily.

These bad feelings can be overcome....but talking about taking some magiv pill is not the key to overcoming the way you feel now. Full and complete self aceptance is the answer.

and btw..your wife sounds like a kind and smart lady......

[Shelly Preston]

Congratulations Trisha to you and your wife

Being a parent is a wonderful experience

Yes it has it's ups and downs like everything

Your crossdressing may sometimes need to be put on hold but there is no need to stop or feel guilty

Enjoy being a father

[Lisa Golightly]

I wish there was a pill for you too...

Unfortunately there isn't, but the little mite depends on you, and I'm sure you'll do good by him :)


Thing is you should never feel guilt for who you are... That's like denial of truth.

[MJ]

hi Trisha

first of all why is it wrong can you tell me why you do it then!!! hey it's not wrong if it makes you feel better about yourself. you have a wonderful wife that OK with your dressing and wow now you have a son. congratulations BTW i think being different is one of a kind. you are not alone have you looked around this web site lately. i think you should take your wife out when she is better and go get your self's an outfit each and take her out somewhere nice enjoy parenthood..

hugs Marissa

[Sandra]

Congratulations.

Why feel ashamed dressing is a part of you, you just have to learn to juggle your new son and the dressing

[Aemilia]

I think the "guilt" described here comes from the fact that CDing is a self-indulgent action. When you could be spending time with your kids or wife or friends or whatever, instead some of us shut some or all of them out when we dress. There is a sense of guilt that can creep in under these circumstances; a feeling that our time could be better spent on others. I think that's a good thing, because it keeps my dressing in a little bit more balance. A balance that helps us not forget other important people in our lives.

[Rachel Morley]

I'm wondering if your inner struggle has got anything to do with how your son might perceive you as he grows up. Are you wondering if your son will feel differently towards you because "you aren't like other Dads?" Do you have thoughts that "being a good Dad" is about being the same as other Dads? and you knowing that you're not the same makes you feel guilty.

I remember when I used to tell myself all the time "I shouldn't be fanning the flames" or that wanting to dress up in women's clothes is "not normal behavior for a guy" ....much less a guy like me, because I'm a "totally normal guy"...right?

Well, let me tell you, IMHO the only way to have complete peace in your life is that somehow, some way, one day you are going to have to come to terms with your crossdressing and how it's part of you and not only that, but that it's a part that you should love just as much as you love the other parts of yourself.

OK, it's easy for me to talk because I'm already there, and I only got there because of lots and lots of love and encouragement from my wife. She actively drew me out of my shell and helped me to be more feminine. Even today she is still nurturing the feminine side of my personality and making sure I don't relapse back into guilty feelings of hating myself for being this way. Once I too thought that all I needed was a magic pill. There is hope for all of us. Good luck and "be happy" :happy:

[SherriePall]

Trisha -- After four children, the youngest now 18, I can say that you will have guilty feelings about dressing from time to time. However, if your wife is OK with it, you shouldn't be overburdened by that guilt. Now with a son in the family, you will have more resposibilities as you raise him, but with your femme background via CDing, you will be a better father to him. You'll be able to give him a role model who is strong, yet compassionate and understanding. You'll be able to listen rather than just bellow out orders.
Just relax because if you're racked with guilt, your relationship with him will not be as it could.

Congratulations on the birth of your son and have fun because he will grow up so quickly.

[Jennifer in CO]

Trisha,
I was where you are 25 years ago when our 1st daughter was born. I was a "lifer" and with few exceptions living as a woman full time when she was born. She was a real cutie too and my wife took lots of pictures with me holding her, changing her, nursing her (I tried to anyway, I did have "B" cup breasts) but it was when she started to call me "Mommy" as well as my wife that we decided to make "Mommy" the only "Mommy". We kept my dressing from them (2nd daughter was born 7 years later) from then forward to today. I'm not ashamed of it at all, but we made the disicison that they would be raised with a Mom and Dad as opposed to 2 Moms. Not that that is a problem either today, but 25 years ago the idea of 2 moms was a lot less acceptable. It was several more years before I truely quit dressing in front of her. Actually, she was almost 14 before she knew what was "guy" clothes and what was "girl" when she asked me why I was wearing Mom's jeans one afternoon when she got home from school. It was far more humorous than anthing else.

I guess what Im trying to say is just be yourself. He will grow up to be your little slugger or the next premadona in the ballet regardless of how you appear in front of him for several years to come. He isn't going to care if your blouse is cotton or silk or buttons on the left or right when he is hurting and needs a hug and shoulder to cling to. If he finds a bra strap that comfort level may go up a bit as he knows Mommy has one too...doesn't know what its for, but he can hang on to it when he needs to.

Be yourself, be there for him, and as they say enjoy them while they are young...when they graduate from college you feel like your heart is getting ripped out....when they get married...well...

Jenn

[Stephenie S]

I kept this aspect of my personality secret from my children. Or so I thought. My clothes were locked in a trunk in our bedroom. Very secure, I thought. Well, years later (the kids are grown now), I learned that they had been in that trunk and were disapointed to find only womens' clothes in it. The world didn't stop turning and the kids have all grown up fine. I say relax and enjoy your kid. It will be but a blink of an eye before he is all grown and moving out.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[kittypw GG]

Please give careful thought to what Kathy gg has said. Being accepting of yourself will be the biggest gift to yourself and to your family. You parent by example and if you are shameful you will not be able to hide that. Your child WILL internalize that and feel like it is his fault. And please if you do nothing else don't go over compensating with teaching him overly macho behavior as a smoke screen. This will only confuse him farther. Make your words and your actions match and teach him to be self confident and to love himself by doing the same for yourself. Maybe counseling would be something to look into. Good luck and take parenting seriously. There are many resources available to you if you want to use them. :hugs: Kitty

[rosiegurl]

I think I am gonna be the dissenting voice here *chuckles*

kids are very accepting of things we do, at least until they get to be teens, for them, if dad wears a dress it's just normal. it's like military kids, for them, it's just normal to be moving about all the time, or those with single parents, and just think, you will be raising a kid who knows been a CD doesn't automatically equal gay or Bi *grins* I honestly don't think it will hurt the kid at all

the one thing I would say about it, is tone down the fem part a bit, so he knows it's dad in a dress and heels. all the rest of the sterotypical women wear this and men wear that won't get programmed into him till later when he is out and about.

one note of caution though, kids have no mental brakes to stop them blurting out embarresing things when you would REALLY wish they hadn't just said it *grins* so if you're at all worried about been outed, I would consider it long and hard

[robyn1114]

I agree totally with Kathy, and wish I could raise my 6 year old son using those guide lines, but as Rosie points out kids are not very good at keeping secrets. Being in the military I most remain as descret as posible so for the time being I hide my CDing from him.