Here's another question I'm wondering about.

[Lisa Maren]

Hi everyone

I'm really starting to think that my childhood should not be considered as useful, as far as revealing anything about my gender identity.

I didn't have a sister until I was six (already well past the supposed age of gender identity construction), had only one sister but two brothers, a father who was in the military (but no combat or anything), attended an all-male grammar school, had no social interaction with girls (other than one girl a year older than me (a neighbor) who didn't really like me lol and one older girl (by about four years, I'd say) with whom I did engage in such activities as baking a cake) until I was 11.

I'm thinking that growing up in an environment that provided no opportunities to explore my femininity had a strong delaying influence on my self-understanding.

I also think that, e.g., in terms of preference for toys, I was smart enough as a young child to know (without question) that if I had asked my mother to buy me a traditionally female toy, she would have declined. Thus, because of this clear understanding, I would probably have declined to ask for one. I have always have been quite clear on what mother would or would not allow and quite passive, to boot. SInce I was nonagressive and she is of the know-it-all personality type, arguing with her was almost always futile (and still is lol).

If I do conclude that I am a woman on the inside, I guess I would be most like a so-called "Late Onset Transsexual", but then again... I was putting on mother's nylons at age three...

What do you think? Is there anyone else who found an inner feminine identity, but later in life, and grew up in an environment not particularly conducive to exploration of one's femininity?

Hugs,
Lisa

[AmberTG]

Ya, I didn't think about any of these things until puberty, I was a fairly normal boy, I think. At this age, It can be hard to tell if some early memorys about those feelings are real or imagined. I can remember trying on some of my sisters things as a teenager, but I was the second of 7 kids, so there was no privacy in our house when I was young.

[Agles]

for me growing up alot of my toys where what i would call un-sex. i strangly back Legos as the best toy for kids of all ages (even in there 20s). my sister did have Barbies sad thing is most where missing heads and arms. this was totaly not of my doing. though i did not play with them i found myself often trying to atleast put there poor heads back on.
as for TV i had no intrest in things like "GI Joe" or other boys shows. i would rather watch something like "Smerfs" of "Alvin and the chipmunks". i did watch "Heman" but i watch "Shera" too? still today as an anime fan i look at what i have and more and more i see dramas and alot of what i would call stuff made for girls.
where does all this go... i did not live a very manly childhood? ya i think that's it. but it wasnt girly ether

='.'=
Jamie

[Teresa Amina]

SInce I was nonagressive and she is of the know-it-all personality type, arguing with her was almost always futile

What?! Did you have my mother too?:D Sounds familiar, but I've found a lot of formerly chaotic memories of childhood make sense now. Many events which seemed of the "What the heck was that all about?" variety now are clearly times when I was nudged towards traditionally boy activities I had no interest in. I must have been an obviously femmy kid, but of course from the inside out I was just Me and had no perspective to make sense of it all from.

[Lisa Maren]

Hi Jamie

I watched a lot of stuff that had girls for main characters. I also watched stuff like Alvin and the Chipmunks and the Smurfs -- oh and Scooby Doo was another favorite. Anyway, I also watched shows such as Facts of Life (all girl cast, almost), the Brady Bunch (plenty of girls on that show and I was more interested in them), and especially Punky Brewster. I was just about the same age as the character Punky and I did have a crush on her :love: but I couldn't get enough of that show -- not just the girl, but the show as well.

I don't remember much about what I watched during my adolescence (but I was a boarding school student during my high school and college years). However, before I got into grad school and wasn't doing terribly much, I was watching shows such as Charmed (three females as the leads) and Gilmore Girls (I just adore Rory! She's a bit of a role model for me, even though she's younger. At least, if I am a girl then that's the kind of girl I want to be -- only older. In fact, my avatar is the actress that plays Rory).

So anyway, I feel that bit of femininity is there -- it's kind of a wonder my mother never noticed or said anything. Of course, I also liked Looney Tunes and Tom & Jerry as a child, and between that and having three siblings to share the TV with, maybe it got somewhat masked that way.

I had Legos, too. I remember playing with Lincoln Logs as well. I didn't play with dolls but I did have some interest in my little sister's dollhouse. It was big. It had little lights that turned on and I liked that, but ... I never did mind being around it when Mom would ask me to play with my sister for a few minutes (to keep sister occupied so she would be out of mother's way for a while, I think). I remember throwing the little doll house characters down the little doll house stairs, but even my sister laughed at that and you know how we t-girls sometimes do things to keep up the boy appearance. Who knows? That could have been a way for me to "use" the doll house without anyone thinking I liked it. Then there are other things: I did have a GI Joe, for instance, but I have no memory of exactly how I played with it. Given that I was low-energy and passive, I doubt I played wargames with it. (It just occurred to me wonder if I did play with it at all! Maybe I didn't and that's why I don't remember how I played with it. After all, I remember how I played with my other toys.) :heehee: Anyway, as far as my childhood toys and play, these things are the sort one must file under "I'll never know".

Hugs,
Lisa

[michelle19845]

i am a late onset.i wanted my babysitter to dress me as she did her daughter when i was around 6 i always looked out the window at night hoping she would the next day.she said if anyone boy or girl were to be bad they would be dressed in her baby daughter's clothing and have to stay in there till our mom(s) would pick us up.it intrigued me so much,but i was too scared to make the trouble to get dressed that way,i didn't want my mom to be mad at me,so i never did it,later around 11/12 i started dressing sisters clothes,then moms,we were all around same size,finally at 21 i realized i dress and seem to have the same interests more women than men do and ironically had hormone fluctuation and have around a bcup for breasts and have hips,i now feel good about it and accept being ts.i watch will and grace ,i love graces appearance,gilmore girls,eh,too chatty,but beautiful for sure.i have had poor male figures in my life for the most part and realized my interests are my clothing and blankets,lame ol me?anything male i try i am doubted on my capabilities it's a wild life,but oh wellbetter now than later.

[Kimberley]

:sad: I think I always knew how I felt right from my earliest memories but couldn't put them into context without some frame of reference until I was in puberty. That was when I first learned of Christine Jorgensen. That was a defining moment in that I knew I wasnt alone that my feelings had legitimacy.

As to play, I learned (in capital letters, underlined and quotated) to be a boy and I learned it well or I would suffer (physically and/or mentally) for it. So was I a late bloomer or was it a matter of recognition of the real person?

Even at that it took decades to come to some sort of reconciliation with the internal battle and at least in part, acceptance of who and what I am. Living with it today is another battle.

:cry:
Kimberley