What one CDing thing has made you feel most guilty?

[heathr1]

For me...

Looking through a neighbour's make-up collection without her permission when I was in my teens:(

[suzy]

The only thing that I can think of is for not doing it sooner!!!

[heathr1]

Sorry, another thing....

Not telling the truth to my mother when she sypathetically mentioned she found one of my skirts in my room.

Had I owned up, who knows what would have happened.

[Kimberly]

the fetishes it has brought up in me.

I don't tell ANYONE what they are. :)

[carol ann]

That - in the sense of sharing with my family and friends - I am not able to

[dann]

Hiding it from my wife, and now that she knows, the way that dealing with it is a struggle for her.It feels like I'm putting her through hell. She's so wonderful and strong. She doesn't HAVE to deal with this. She could be gone in a second.

[dann]

the fetishes it has brought up in me.

I don't tell ANYONE what they are. :)



Yea. i've struggled with those things as well.

[annekathleen]

The money that I spend on womens clothing and the time that I spend on E-Bay purchasing everything.
I could have used that money to further customize my motorcycles and my snowmobiles.

[suanne]

Keeping all of this from my wife. Sometimes I feel like I am cheating on her. Secrets are no good and divorce is not good either. Well neither are affairs. Now here are two things Suanne is bothered with most. Cding and loving myself. Oh no..."the other woman and the affair with myself." Let's see....as I look around I see alot of that going on. Must be "You Are Not Alone" screaming at me again. :D

Suanne

[Rachel Morley]

What one CDing thing has made you feel most guilty?
If you mean what one single act....then none. There's not been a sole incident that I've felt more guilty about than any other. I don't feel guilty about cding anymore but I used be real bad at one time. :o

[vickie_tv1556]

I honestly cannot think of anytime that I feel guilty about dressing. I've been doing it since my pre-teens. It's just the natural thing for me.
Best to All,
Vickie

[Jenna1561]

I'd have to agree with the others when I say it was the deceit. Hiding it from my wife for so many years. What a sense of relief when I finally told her.

Jenna

[Sarah Rabbit]

I'm with suzy on this one, but not so much as guilt but regret of not having accepted what I was earlier in my life:o

Sarah R. :bunny:

[Rachel Morley]

I'm with suzy on this one, but not so much as guilt but regret of not having accepted what I was earlier in my life
Ah, now if we're talking about regret....OMG I totally agree with you on this I so wish I had started dressing and was more open about when I was in my late teens.

[Agles]

having had gone to theripy for other things. why god why did i never bring this up. that was over 10 years ago. i could have done alot in those 10 years.

='.'=
Jamie

[MJ]

me too but better late than never

[Joy Carter]

It has a bad effect on my wife and that alone is my regret. But I can't not do this. Coming here five months ago has made me accept me for who I am. I'm happy but I will be even more so when she accepts me for who I am. She does not even have to do anything just accept it and go on with our relationship.

[ColleenCD]

Guilt would be the lying in my early life to my family and self. Regret would be not dresing more when I was younger with prettier skin and body. Frustration would be not being as open as I would like to be with my wife due to her arms length acceptance. (sorry for the rant.)

Colleen

[lahr]

For me its the amount of $ spent. This week end I dropped another $22.00 on panties. Dam. Sometimes I just cant help myself.

[Jodie_Lynn]

the secrecy. My wife knows, but I feel 'dirty' sometimes, dressing in private, hiding myself from everyone that i know and love.

wanting to reveal, but terrified to do so.

[Karren H]

The whole crossdressing thingy made me feel that way up until 3 years ago, when I realized that Karren was part of me and wasn't going away.....ever again!!!!

Love Karren

[kerilynn]

my biggest regret is hiding from myself, i wish i hade the courage to come out twentyfive years ago. who knows where i'd be today, i think sometimes my life would have been better if i could haved lived it as the woman i am inside fulltime.
kerilynn

[Brianne_bc]

ide have to say the masturbation while dressed.... but ive learned that there comes the day when after you orgasm.... you stay dressed....

[Maria2004]

If you mean what one single act....then none. There's not been a sole incident that I've felt more guilty about than any other. I don't feel guilty about cding anymore but I used be real bad at one time. :o

Well said, expresses my feelings as well, therefore I quote to reiterate your excellent insight. :thumbsup:

Love

Maria

[JeanneF]

having had gone to theripy for other things. why god why did i never bring this up. that was over 10 years ago. i could have done alot in those 10 years.

Same here. I dealt with a lot of depression issues when I was a teenager. In retrospect, a lot of them probably had to do with me dealing with my gender identity and sexual orientation. I just didn't have the balls (no pun intended) to bring them up to the shrink that I saw while in high school.

[loki_uk]

Being the other women, my missus is always paranoid about me having another women...well in a way she's right but not in the way she thinks

[Helen MC]

I have never felt guilty about cross-dressing as such but once I borrowed a pair of my sister's panties, a pale blue pair of full briefs and was wearing then when she came out of her bedroom moaning, "I can't find my pale blue knickers anywhere and they go with this dress" ( which was also pale blue). My mum suggested she wear a plain white pair instead but she said that they would show through her dress, (not that that would bother me or any of the boys at the dance she was attending). She had to wear another outfit. Now I couldn't simply slip the panties off in the bathroom and then put them in her drawer, I had been wearing them all day, and I did feel slightly guilty . I also had the further problem that I could not put these panties in the laundry basket as I usually did as that would appear strange as she hadn't been wearing them so I held on to them for a week or so, hiding then in my room and then slipped them into the bottom of the laundry basket the following week under all the dirty clothing. It amused me a bit later that week when mum was putting the clothing in the washing machine and said to Anne. "I found those pale blue panties of yours. They were in the bottom of the laundry basket! You must have worn them and forgot you needed them later" Anne was puzzled but could only accept that as being the case. I did give a sigh of relief and thereafter I was careful only to take pairs of her navy blue or white school knickers of which she had plenty of pairs, or pairs of her other panties of which she had more than one pair in that colour.

[pedalpusher]

Probably would have to be dressing in my soon to be mother-in-laws lingerie and clothes. She has some really cute vintage stuff that I enjoy. Even worse, I nabbed a pair of her vintage Lifestride pumps that I absolutely adore and wear to this day. I have a feeling at some point she has noticed her panty drawer has been played with and is wondering how??? That is the guilt I feel. She is really a lovely lady and I really love some of her clothing, especially her sleepwear.:love:

[sparks]

I feel guilt over alot of things such as tearing a pair of my sisters panites once when I was young. But I get caught up in the guilt of deceit and how my children would feel if they discovered my cding later on in life.
I guess the biggest feeling of guilt feeling I shoulda turned left instead of going right.
I wouldn't have married my wife and have the beautiful family I have but I would feel more whole without having to make my wife deal with stuff.

[Penny]

I don't feel guilty about anything.. No one had a stroke, heart attack or died
because I am a CD. No relationships were distroyed. None of my children are
maladjusted. No one got hurt. So I should feel guilty about not feeling guilty? Feeling stupid for stupid things; now that's a whole different thing!

[Agles]

Same here. I dealt with a lot of depression issues when I was a teenager. In retrospect, a lot of them probably had to do with me dealing with my gender identity and sexual orientation. I just didn't have the balls (no pun intended) to bring them up to the shrink that I saw while in high school.

But i love puns:p

what i dealt with was really to me looked like normal childhood bulling. but in the end why was it always me, why was i always singled out and left alone. was i just wierd? needless to say i lashed out on these people when i found i could not take it any more. alot like the Hulk. cool one sec...
that started along time ago so i have really became an outcast even before i was in in 3rd grade. i picked up some friends when i left to vocational school. but we all parted after that was over.
the thing i always thought was wrong and still do. way was i sent to theripy? why not the bully?

='.'=
Jamie

[heelme]

Spending has to be number one in the CD guilt realm for me. Since our household has no "I wanna dress like a girl" budget column, any money spent theoretically could have gone to something more mainstream. And, since the topic of regret has already manifested itself in this thread, I'll add that my regret is not coming out to my wife prior to marriage, mortgage and kids.

[EricaCD]

Not having told my wife for so long. It's not only the "CD thing" I feel most guilty about, it's the thing in my whole life I feel most guilty about.

[Maureen]

The impact this had on my wife when she found out after 15 years of marriage. She lost the ability to see me as the macho guy that she fell in love with. I ruined that woman's life, because I wasn't brave enough to be honest about what I am.

[StephanieCD]

Hiding. Lying. When I was a teen I actually broke into a couple of places to get my hands on things in private. I feel horrible about hiding from my kid. I feel horrible that my relationship with her mother failed because I do these things. I could go on all night. I feel guilty often.

[immike]

Same here. I dealt with a lot of depression issues when I was a teenager. In retrospect, a lot of them probably had to do with me dealing with my gender identity and sexual orientation. I just didn't have the balls (no pun intended) to bring them up to the shrink that I saw while in high school.

My biggest guilt is not telling mother about wearing her clothes,which I
do right now&have done for many years
TG Guy

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

sorry again for posting when im a GG, but (not from my c/d boyfriends point of view), he gets very very guilty when he spends £'s on clothes or such like. he says he feels bad, because he knows i struggle to cope etc with my daughter, so if he goes and spends so much on a item he darent tell me for ages !!! :Angry3: which makes me x because its his £'s, i have no right to pas comment on his spendage xx
and yes !!! us women get that feeling lol when we go shopping :rolleyes: xx so even though i must imagin its pretty hard for u to not feel guilty, its better than being a alcholic, drugs etc, buying something special as i c it is a investment for urself xxx ENJOY xx
:be: angie (GG)

[Clare]

Wearing my Mum's clothing when I was a teenager (didn't have a sister).

Back then and even now I feel bad about it, but the "urge" was too great to resist at the time.

It's the only thing that really bugs me about my crossdressing past.

[carolinewalker_2000]

Two things really:

1. Not having the guts to come out publically.
2. Having resisted the urge to CD for so long.


Caroline

[Myst]

I wish I could have discovered this part of me when I was younger, and if I did, then maybe it could have been a bigger part of my life.

[RachelDenise]

I feel more regret rather than guilty for not telling my wife before we got married.

[Sharon B.]

There are a few items that make me feel guilty.

1) Not accepting who I really feel I am at times and that is a woman or at
least accept dressing as a woman.

2) Not having a meaningful relationship with someone because of my dressing as a woman.

3) Not going out in public as a woman and coming clean to my family on my crossdressing.

[Vicky_Scot]

I'd have to agree with the others when I say it was the deceit. Hiding it from my wife for so many years. What a sense of relief when I finally told her.

Jenna

And I have to agree with you Jenna.

My wife was more upset about the deceit than the dressing.

Thankfully I have a wife who loves me for the whole me........I thank my lucky stars every morning to have been blessed with such a wonderful wife.

[kerrianna]

Having a bigger, better selection of lingerie than my wife :D
and sometimes looking a lot cuter :heehee:

[Wendy me]

for shure it would have to be not knowing that i was alright when this whole thingy started that would have made a lot of things easyer....

[Robin Leigh]

Unfortuinately, I cannot reply properly to this question, or I would get banned. :( But I will admit to feeling guilty about stealing a bra off a clothesline when I was young. :eek:

Robin

[kerrianna]

Unfortuinately, I cannot reply properly to this question, or I would get banned. :( But I will admit to feeling guilty about stealing a bra off a clothesline when I was young. :eek:

Robin

Didn't Pink Floyd do a song about that in the 60's?
"Arnold Layne"

naughty girl :dom:

ok, so I did 'borrow' a pair of my GF's landlady's panties.
But I never felt guilty about it - she had so many of them, and they were ALL sexy.
So was she. From the Netherlands, where a lot of sexy people live.

[Robin Leigh]

Didn't Pink Floyd do a song about that in the 60's?
"Arnold Layne"

naughty girl.
Yes. Someone posted the lyrics here a few weeks back, and I heard it on a community radio station for the first time in ages when Sid died. In Australia, stealing ladies undies off the clothesline is called "Snowdropping" for some unfathomable reason.

I was feeling very bad about myself at the time. I had very low self-esteem, I was having suicidal thoughts, and I'd just broken up with a long-term girlfriend who'd tried to kill me... :(

Robin

[kerrianna]

Yes. Someone posted the lyrics here a few weeks back, and I heard it on a community radio station for the first time in ages when Sid died. In Australia, stealing ladies undies off the clothesline is called "Snowdropping" for some unfathomable reason.

I was feeling very bad about myself at the time. I had very low self-esteem, I was having suicidal thoughts, and I'd just broken up with a long-term girlfriend who'd tried to kill me... :(

Robin


I'm glad you made it through that tough period. Sounds like "Snowdropping" (lol, Aussies have the greatest expressions) was a relatively benign way to deal with things. :hugs:

[Katie Ashe]

One thing is not being honest with myself over these past years. A one word summary: Denial

[kayla1003]

Not having enough courage to dress with anyone else. I am looking to change that soon.

[ellieparsons]

i'd have to agree with others, and say the amount of money i spend on clothing.

[Cristi]

The money I've spent on all of this....stuff... that has no practical purpose, since I can nevery REALLY wear any of the dozens of dresses, skirts or blouses that I've spent hundreds of dollars on.

And guilt about all the other things I am missing out on becuase I am spending so much time on this 'hobby' when I could be using the energy getting out in the world doing more creative things, instead of hiding behind closed curtains in my house afraid of being 'caught' by unexpected visitors.... :(

Oh, and I guess the time I 'borrowed' my aunts formal gown when house-sitting for her and ripped out one of the seams :( I just hung it back in the closet where I found it, since I certainly couldn't apologize to her for it!

[Faye Emmette]

I'd have to say,
in my teens, the masturbation while dressed.... but I've learned that afterwards, you can stay dressed....

... and still feel happy. (read "happy" as "Comfortable").:heehee:

[Caitlintgsd]

None of it. Perhaps not coming out to my son prior to this point of time. I have to be Mr Mom this weekend. That was not in my plans. Besides the weekend of Pride, this coming Sat night is my fav night of the year. He thinks he's bi. I may suggest him going out in "drag" and taking him out with me. Christ, he's the same size as I am....

[Susan.Boots]

Hiding. Lying. When I was a teen I actually broke into a couple of places to get my hands on things in private. I feel horrible about hiding from my kid. I feel horrible that my relationship with her mother failed because I do these things. I could go on all night. I feel guilty often.

I know what you are talking about. As a teen I used to go out at night stealing women's clothing from clothes lines. It got so bad that each time I would pass a yard I would look for clothes and then come back at night to take some.

It feels like a sickness that at times is so far away and at other times devours you. I love being dressed and love the feel of the clothing but the guilt always follows and then the purges.

I ask God why I have to be so screwed up. I just wish that I could be different than I am, be normal, whatever that is. I don't want to be an object of ridicule or contempt or embarassment to my family. I wish it would stop.

[Dee Model]

The money that I spend on womens clothing and the time that I spend on E-Bay purchasing everything.
I could have used that money to further customize my motorcycles and my snowmobiles.

Some days you just gotta keep buyin damn sexy mini skirts/tops and tights till the money runs out. One pair of tights i bought last week cost £17, for one pair! But i'm saving those for a special occaision so guess i shouldn't feel too guilty.

[christineR]

I would feel guilty after going out especialy if I had sex with someone, Sometimes I disposed of my outfits. Then the urge would strike and I would start again. The guilt lessened over the years,and I know years ago my kids knew about it,nothing was ever disgussed.Now some time I just say I wasted alot of time and energy on being Christine, but then the urges come again and we start all over again.

[Jillian310]

Nothing about my CDing, nor the activities in which I partake while dressed, has caused me to feel guilty,period!

[janet p]

Hiding it and not being honest with other people who would have accepted me.

[Sexy_Jennifer]

Wow, there's a lot of guilt in this thread and I relate to a lot of it, about keeping secrets etc. But I try not to feel guilt at all, rather just regret that we still live in such a repressed world that we have to keep our most heartfelt passion hidden for fear of ridicule or rejection; I won't feel any guilt because I'm just an open-minded conscious being exploring every facet of my soul and sensuality. That is something everybody should do, and yet we're in the minority. :(

[princessmichelle]

There was an incident where I lied to a woman I didn't know very well, making up an excuse...And I got in trouble for it, as well I should have.

It's the only time my cd issues have really caused me to hurt someone.

pm

[joaninpa]

Being honest with my wife

[rye_ginger]

It just bothers me that I keep this from everyone, and have no intention of ever sharing it.

[Ellie C]

buying things for me and not telling my g/f ( who knows i crossdress ) that i have :S lol

[Ellie C]

after my farther died i moved back home and finaly told my mother that i crossdress , she said she had known since i was 12 lmao :D xx

[Joanna Renee']

Not admitting to my parents that i felt i was girl not a boy. that i wanted to look and act like my sisters. As time went on they wanted to help with therapy but could not bear to tell our family doctor that their son wanted to be and felt he was a girl. This is tough for older hispanic families to handle To this day i wish that we could have really talked about this but well it's too late now.:sad: Joanna Renee'

[Kristi1948]

I'd have to say the money that I have spent on womens clothing. I have nearly a hundred dresses and about that many pairs of womens shoes. Not to mention skirts, skirt suits, blouses, sweaters, lingerie, hosiery and makeup.

[Jennaie]

I suppose for some reason I feel guilty about my desires to feel fem inside. I don't know why, I just do. What crime did I commit having feelings? I don't understand it and suppose I never will.