really uncomfortable

[suzannecarr]

hey girls, does anyone ever deal with this: at times more and more often it seems, especially after dressing, i feel uncomfortable in public, i used to wear a goatee just to try to appear masculine, but even then sometimes i felt like i looked like a woman with a beard! approximately 10 to 15 times i have been accused, or i have overheard people say "look at the guy, i think he used to be a female" in other words they thought i was a woman in drag, i was once totally embarassed by a girl when i was around 20 years old, she was a new girlfriend of a bandmate of mine(im a musician) she was a little inebriated, and got on the microphone at our practice studio and started saying stuff, she all of a sudden started in on me, i didnt know her at all, yet she said and you, whats your name, yeah, well whats your real name, at least before you had the sexchange, or are you still female and just taking hormones cuz its one of the two, your prettier than me. al, my bandmate. told her to chill. i said yeah. cuz it wouldnt take much to be prettier than you anyway you drunk ##$%! he then said, well she told me that before she was drunk, and i kinda agree with her, so you need to know you dont look masculine at all, but i think you already know that dont you! later on , after i had drank a few, and al and her had left, i asked the bass player who i considered more of a friend if he felt that way too? he said man, ypir a gppd guy, amd wjem a; first ,mentioned it i said your crazy , but after i saw you in red i wasnnt sure myself! i never really reallized that wearing a certain color , except maybe pink , could do that or have that effect, but anyway, i dont wear red as a male anymore im very conscious about that, actually im very self concious about anything i wear! this episode is one of several similiar ones, and the scary thing is that most have been females that say something, for instance one girl about two years ago, a customer at a place i worked suggested that i had no adams apple , whats up with that? she made it clear that she thought i was a ftm transsexual!, all these things add up and make me very self concious, when i was younger i was called mam, and many times i just played the part and got out of the store or wherever as quick as possible in order not to embarrass myself further!, i even had a pretty good femme voice for those situations! i guess the bright side is that when i go out in femme i have the voice thing down, and actually im more confident in my femme oersona than my male, kinda crazy huh! anyone else feel this way, just wondering?

[Beth-GDB]

I think quite a few people here wouldn't mind having your "problem" and wouldn't think of it as a problem at all.

Also, and I may sound snippy for saying this but it's not intended that way, paragraphs can be your friend. I actually found your post a bit hard to read as one giant block of text.

[AnnaMaria]

Suzanne,

I have myself on several occasions been called mam or refered to as a lady simply because of the way that I wear my hair and the fact that I have somewhat fem facial features. So I know what you mean about the feelings that it can bring out, especially in the types of situations that you have described.

But, I have learned to accept the idea that some people can mistake me for a woman even when I am in drab and I realized that it actually makes it easier for me when I do want people to see me as a woman.

As far as being uncomfortable in public goes, I am always that way no matter the situation simply because I am a very private person in the first place. But I have noticed of late that I am more comfortable when I am dressed than when I am in drab simply because I don't feel like I have to hide who I am.

Personally I see your situation as a gift that most anyone in our community would just love to be in themselves but I can also see the down side because of the extra attention it would bring you.

Just remember that we were made this way for a reason. I personally believe that I was choosen for this gift because of the type of person that I am. Of course part of that belief comes from the fact that I am part native american and my ancestors believed that to be tg is a gift from the great spirit which came with the ability to see more clearly all aspects of any situation.

Personally I would say don't let it bother you too much, just accept what you have been given and learn to make the best of it in all situations. And if someone gets to troublesome about the situation then just walk away, But never be embarassed about who you are. You are beautiful in the eyes of your creator and that is all that matters.

huggs
Anna

[Clare]

I think quite a few people here wouldn't mind having your "problem" and wouldn't think of it as a problem at all.... and i'm one of those who thinks it!

[Beth-GDB]

Hey Suz, the first post felt like a "stream of conciousness", the thought written the way it flowed through the mind. I can appreciate that. I'm just trying to say that not everyone is going to clearly understand the points you make when you write that way. Still, I'm not the grammar police, I'm not saying you have to write in one particular way or that you can't write in another way. They're your thoughts, it's your choice how to write them, and I'll leave the matter alone now.

[Charleen]

I also wouldn't mind having your "problem" either. As the old joke goes - I don't care what you call me, just don't call me late for dinner. Love and xxxx, Lily

[Janailene]

As a teen and weighing about 140, many of my Mom's friends told me that I should have been born a girl. Why? Because my good looks were wasted as a boy. If they only knew that I had been dreaming of that for years.

[KarenSusan]

Suz,

I would have loved to have your problem when I was young. It would be so easy to live as a woman.

[Robin Leigh]

From your avatar, you look more girly than I do, suzannesally, but I was often harassed while growing up for not being sufficiently masculine.

Whether I'm in guy mode or en femme, I tend to give mixed gender signals in either mode. I still occasionally get negative comments from young men in cars, while in guy mode. I decided I might as well treat it as a blessing rather than a curse, and go with the flow. If they think you're girly anyway, why disappoint them? :D

I sometimes feel a bit too girly after a dressing session, especially if it it's been a long one. I also avoid shaving the next day, but I haven't grown any kind of beard for years. A beard does suit my face (in guy mode :)) but I think growing a beard causes the hair follicles to expand.

For a while, when I was in my twenties, I tried to make my body language & walk more masculine, but I can't really fake it. Besides, it was bad for my posture. :)

Everybody is a mixture of masculine & feminine elements, but for the mainstream one side dominates. Things are a bit more complicated for we TG people. :) There will always be the self-appointed Gender Police, but most people will not care about your gender presentation, so live, dress & behave how you feel comfortable. As the tagline says: "Don't live your life for strangers".

Robin

[MsJanessa]

and your problem is what darling?---doesn't sound like you have much to worry about.

[Karren H]

Maybe you should just go with it and dress enfemme 24/7? You seem to have everything going for you and I'm sure your close friends already think your a chick, deep inside!!

I never had that problem.... <Sigh>. Hehe

Love Karren

[lisa68]

Suzzanne welcome to the forum and to the family. I agree with AnnaMaria and take it as a gift. There are many girls in this forum wish they look more woman than man. It sure make things alot easrier to pass as a woman and their coverage to be what they want to be could make the hollow feeling go away in public. I been thouht as a woman on the phone and also I went out to lunch with my SO & daughter. The woman came to take our order from behind me and said "Good afternoon ladies". My daughter and SO thought it was funny when the woman face turn red and saw behind all this hair was a guy. But what do I care I took it with a smile. Later girl!

[Vivian Best]

your prettier than me. al, my bandmate. told her to chill. i said yeah. cuz it wouldnt take much to be prettier than you anyway you drunk ##$%! he then said, well she told me that before she was drunk, and i kinda agree with her, so you need to know you dont look masculine at all, but i think you already know that dont you! but after i saw you in red i wasnnt sure myself! i never really reallized that wearing a certain color , except maybe pink , could do that or have that effect, but anyway, i dont wear red as a male anymore im very conscious about that, actually im very self concious about anything i wear! this episode is one of several similiar ones, and the scary thing is that most have been females that say something, for instance one girl about two years ago, a customer at a place i worked suggested that i had no adams apple , whats up with that? she made it clear that she thought i was a ftm transsexual!, all these things add up and make me very self concious, when i was younger i was called mam, and many times i just played the part and got out of the store or wherever as quick as possible in order not to embarrass myself further!, i even had a pretty good femme voice for those situations! i guess the bright side is that when i go out in femme i have the voice thing down, and actually im more confident in my femme oersona than my male, kinda crazy hun! anyone else feel this way, just wondering? :heehee: suz

Hi Suzanne, I would like to say I sympathize with you , but I don't! Many girls here would give part of their body to have what you call or at least think is a problem.

[suzannecarr]

girls i dont feel sorry for myself at all and sometimes i love the fact that i look femme, i went out about a month ago, and drove around awhile, decided that i looked really passable, and decided to go to a little antique shop in a town next to where i live, i had waited for a cool day, so that i could wear a sweater i feel more comfortable in long sleeves although i have femme wrist its just a thing i have, and also i have a tatoo, that is really kinda femme, but recognizable, anyway my hair was in the wet look, with bangs curled, and brushed then mouse for body and i think it looks really natural, anyway i got a compliment from the lady who works there who had curly hair( but seemed to have a tough time with it , i notice that sort of thing ya know anyway she said how do you get your hair to look so good girl? do you have a perm or is it naturally curly? i said i have a perm, but i brushed it out and moused it, i felt really comfortable with her, anyway i bought a candle and left, but i really felt like she had no idea, not sure! thats when its great, but when you go to certain olaces its not real comfortable to feel as though the first question in everyones mind is straught from a bob segar song (is that a woman or a man) anyway, there are two sides to every situation, and i know tiat if i do start certain things in my life that i ve thought about very seriously (hormones, electrolysis) then im on a road that has no detours, just a thought i had tio share!, suzanne
p,s. someone said something about dressing 24 hours a day, there are certain people in my life that i have to be concerned with, and i feel at this time it would be a really self centered thing to do, trust me if i were alone , it would have already happended, suz