2 things keep me from going out

[BrookeMckayla]

Hi everyone.

I was reading some of the threads and have found myself compelled to post.

I REALLY want to go out sometime en femme. Two of the main things that scare me are:

1) What if I have to talk to somebody. I don't have a real masculine voice, but I still feel it doesn't adequately represent a female persona. My language structure is pretty good, pitch isn't real deep, but resonance would give me away.

I think my voice would give me away in a heartbeat. What if I get hit on? I hope I would be so lucky (some sort of validation that I look female), but at the same time I would be scared because I would have to talk.

Keep a Ludens in my mouth and fake a sore throat? I'm not sure how to handle this part of it. :sad:

2) My beard shadow. Thankfully my beard growth is quite sparse. However, the hair grows back pretty quickly. It may just be me, but as soon I brush my hand on my face and feel (ugh) "stubble", I get grossed out and self-conscience and feel like everyone can see it.

This is making me seriously consider electrolysis. My stubble snaps me right back into thinking I'm just a dude in girls clothes. I hope I am not offending anyone, but it makes me feel gross and NOT like a girl. It's an annoying and powerful reminder.


I wish I had the courage that so many of you wonderful people seem to have. :notworthy: I don't post a lot, but I read a lot.

Any advice or comments would be really appreciated.

Thanks for listening. :hugs:

[Wire Road]

snaps me right back into thinking I'm just a dude in girls clothes.:
that's pretty much what all of us are.

[Sky]

Hi everyone.

I was reading some of the threads and have found myself compelled to post.

I REALLY want to go out sometime en femme. Two of the main things that scare me are:

1) What if I have to talk to somebody. I don't have a real masculine voice, but I still feel it doesn't adequately represent a female persona. My language structure is pretty good, pitch isn't real deep, but resonance would give me away.

I think my voice would give me away in a heartbeat. What if I get hit on? I hope I would be so lucky (some sort of validation that I look female), but at the same time I would be scared because I would have to talk.

Keep a Ludens in my mouth and fake a sore throat? I'm not sure how to handle this part of it. :sad:

2) My beard shadow. Thankfully my beard growth is quite sparse. However, the hair grows back pretty quickly. It may just be me, but as soon I brush my hand on my face and feel (ugh) "stubble", I get grossed out and self-conscience and feel like everyone can see it.

This is making me seriously consider electrolysis. My stubble snaps me right back into thinking I'm just a dude in girls clothes. I hope I am not offending anyone, but it makes me feel gross and NOT like a girl. It's an annoying and powerful reminder.


I wish I had the courage that so many of you wonderful people seem to have. :notworthy: I don't post a lot, but I read a lot.

Any advice or comments would be really appreciated.

Thanks for listening. :hugs:

Pardon my bluntness, but if you have a beard shadow you don't stand a chance to pass, and if that's the case, why worry about your voice?

First get a beard cover, ideally after visiting a makeup artist catering to cds, or if you don't dare, get it on Ebay. They come in different colors depending on your skin tone, so you may have to buy a few and see which one works best on your face. Don't panic if the color is totally different from your skin (my cover is kinda greenish): it is supposed to neutralize your shadow, not to provide a realistic skin tone. That is left for the foundation, which -I hope- you already have, or will buy at any Walgreens.

Once you are happy with your beard, go out and if you worry about being read keep your mouth shut. Voice training takes much longer and is better suited for those living full time. I never had the patience to go for it.

[Ranee Daze]

Your concern about your voice and stubble are real concerns. Maybe I can help a bit.

The first thing to realise is that we ALL get read. If part of the fun is to go out, most of us dress up a little more than a regular GG at the mall, and people do notice. So at least I've accepted that. You will get read as a guy in a really great dress and wig. Shaving for dressing is a real art. It really pays off to spend a bit and get a great razor and gel. I use a moisturiser on my face the night and day before and I actually shave twice. Don't forget that magic styptic pencil! What gives me peace is that by working hard on my look, it would be next to impossible to say just "which" guy that is in that great dress and that fabulous wig......until you speak, that is.

I think that the single most recognisable thing about a person is their voice. We all know hundreds of celebrities by their tone, accent and vocal style, and for sure people are going to recognise yours if they are acquainted with you en drab.

There are very good articles on voice training on the web. Maybe some of the girls here can remember them. Some tips: Try a little breathiness. Try to sing a bit when you speak and raise the pitch at the end of phrases. Remember Tootsie? She (he) added a Texas accent...try English, Irish, Texan....whatever...have a little fun!

[Andrea Nicole]

Hi,
As stated, we ALL get read some time or another. Next time your at a mall, ....look at the GG's, they really dress like middle of the road trailer trash while shopping....most CD's tend to dress really nice or even over dress for everything.....we stick out that way, even if physically we could possibly pass..
Stay out of the busy malls unless you pass pretty well....join a support group in your area....they are all like US....you don't stick out then.....
Just my opinion.

[jennig]

HI like sky said with a little work beard cover and a good foundation i think you can cover the beard also try shaveing aginst the grain with a good razor. as far as the voice go,s thear are alot of woman with deep voices dont get yourself so crazey with passing or you will never go out the bottom line is to get out and the rest will take care of itself rember thier are alot of homley gg,s out thear so get out of the house and have some fun!!!
huggs jennig

[Jamie M]

hi brooke,

i would have to agree wholeheartedly with Ranee, for the vast majority of us , we will get read at least once every time we go out. There will always be something to give us away be it shadow , voice , general body language or more commonly what you're wearing in the first place.

The trick to succesfully blending in IMHO is to expect to get read and try to be okay with that. If you're obviously looking around for signs of being read it will only serve to draw more attention to yourself. Confidence is everything. of course that's very easy for me to say now but rest assured i can remember how hard it was the first times.

I do know exactly what you mean about feeling that shadow comes back and getting grossed out by it , but do remember that you'll be able to feel it long before it becomes obvious to anyone even remotely close to you . I may be teaching grandma to suck eggs here , but a trick i find works is to let your stubble grow out a bit for a few days before you intend to go out so that when you do shave that morning you get as close as you can.

As for the voice , bar professional training , i fear anything 'tricks' you try will end up just making the situation worse and may end up sounding like micky mouse on acid ;) if worried about those around you just speak abit quiter and hope not too many people overhear you.

To sum up , i think the thing really keeping you inside is confidence . This is perfectly natural and happens to each and every one of us at some stage so don't worry . When you're ready to do the deed , just muster up all the courage you can and go for it , you'll never look back :D

[Lisa Golightly]

1) I'll be 'Alright mate, how's yer ma and a bag of fish'... and he'll be all 'That bird's a bloke!'.

2) He'll be all 'That's a 5 O'Clock, an' I'll be 'More a twenty to eight really moosh.'

[Karren H]

One - don't talk to anyone....and 2 - don't let anyone touch your face....not really good excuses for not going out.....Something your not telling us??? hehehe

Love Karren

[BrookeMckayla]

Pardon my bluntness, but if you have a beard shadow you don't stand a chance to pass, and if that's the case, why worry about your voice?


Hi Sky,

No apologies necessary for your bluntness. I appreciate your comments.

I probably should have been more clear. When I was talking about beard shadow, I meant WITH make-up on. I'm afraid that in a few hours my stubble will start to grow thru the make-up and be noticable. It is more of a self-conscience thing because I can FEEL the stubble when I rub my hand against my face and then I feel like everyone else can see it.

I do all the make-up. Tried red and orange lipstick, then concealer, foundation, and powder.

My wife tells me it is not noticable. But, I'm sure she would be a little more concerned about it if stubble actually started growing out of her face and she could feel it.

You're helping me realize there really isn't much I can do about it other than to get over it or have electrolysis done. Feeling stubble on my nice feminine face just makes me feel way too self-conscience.

[lisa68]

First Brooke relax and take a breath. There things out there that can help with your face. Foundation, ect. Your voice will come with practice and time. BY the way, I like your picture and love the outfit. Later girl! Time to go out in the world.

[noname]

The good news is that you don't have to pass. You could wear girl jeans or just a demin skirt, or other fem item.

[Sam-antha]

Just relax, that comes first.
Then think. When you are out in drab, just how often do you have to speak, excepting those occasions when you initiate talk.
Usually never is the reply.
Therefore your voice matters not at all.
When you get out oftener, you will find a need sometimes to say something to somebody - you starting it, like "Where is Platform 13 ?"
My voice is normal male and I do not try to hide it, much. I speak quietly, no more than that. It gets accepted.
Clothing comments above are good, posture, carriage ( I sin on both counts).
Beard : Well how long can you go without it showing ? I really mean showing from say two yards distance. Or worse One Yard. You are not likely to get much closer than that to anybody, unless you get yourself into a train and someone sits at the table across from you. Even then, consider the distance. It is still of the order of a yard, the difference to a street yard is the time factor.
Use moistureiser and use it every day, try shaving with the stuff, it works, all the razor wants its something to let it slide over your face easily.
Electolysis - No
~Samm:2c:

[MJ]

hi first have a good shave before you go out .and two you have to relax be your self . oh the voice thing i am a full time ts and my voice sucks it's not about the voice more about you feel about yourself. if you look good or don't it's how you feel just do it. you should see my first attempt..

hugs marissa

[FROCKYHORROR]

only 2 things...lucky you...i got a broken nose to worry about, i don't think i'd go out again till i've had it straightend out.

[Sky]

I do all the make-up. Tried red and orange lipstick, then concealer, foundation, and powder....


You're helping me realize there really isn't much I can do about it other than to get over it or have electrolysis done.

No, that's not what I meant! Yes, you can do a lot - and that's the beard cover I was talking about!

It's not foundation. It's not concealer. It's not setting powder. From your list, it's clear you don't use it. And it does a world of difference. I have a dark shadow too. I would never be able to hide it just wearing foundation. Beard covers give you a highly contrasting skin base tone. It does the trick. Try it, don't give up!

[Kimberly]

You mean possible abuse, assault, violence and general preditor-like behaviour from sleazy guys hasn't turned you off enough??

All these things are racing through my mind before tomorrow. You just have to remember to hold your head high. :)

[Teresa Amina]

Wanting it bad enough got me past worrying about the beard stubble and bad voice. I just got to the point I had to go out. You can always turn around and go back if it gets too freaky :hugs:

[Kristen Kelly]

Work on you make-up till you feel you look better heres a great link

http://www.howtobeauty.com/Makeovers/index.html

Go out to a tg friendly place, drag night at gay bar is a great first night out, and find another girl to go with.

Halloween is coming up, I used to go out Dressed once a year in public, just every Halloween, now every day is like "Halloween"

Like everyone said, having fun is the most important thing

[trannie T]

International Crossdresser Day {October 31} is coming up. All of us 'men in dresses' can go out. Don't worry about getting read, hardly anybody really cares what clothes you are wearing.

[Michelia]

Why am I commenting when unlike everyone else replying I have not dared go out?
Maybe because I really want you to enjoy and not worry so much. Look at it this way: you are lucky you have a light beard.
I have a heavy beard and of course I have so much work to do on my deportment and everything else that it will probably be a while. But I must get there eventually. And the sooner the better.
I used to be a ski buff. Warren Miller the great ski movie mogul used to say:" you might as well ski this mountain soon because next year you will only be one year older trying to do it"
At my age, there is no time to waste.

with love,

Michelia

[Maria2004]

Many excellent responses you can draw confidence from Brooke, most of them I agree with, we are "men in dresses", if you "want it bad enough" you will figure out how to make it happen. There are many ways to improve your presentation "don't give up", and "just relax". I've found that people pay less attention to me in "really crowded malls", I don't try and spoof my voice and never will. I've found a little honesty and integrity goes a lot farther with people I have interacted with while going out dressed, then trying to "pass".

Since they have opened up the Beauty Tips section to the general population you can find many recommendations and ideas for dealing with most of our issues and there are many excellent "how to" video links as well for applying make up etc. I'd like to share a video link dealing with mind set that I think may be even more usefull in your case; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2V7QmEq2yU

I'd also like to add this one just because I'm a former Marine and thought it was funny (for those of you who don't know it the English Bulldog is the official mascot of the United States Marine Corps, and the University of Georgia...hmmmmm) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSM2raX7L2E :heehee: Like Sam-antha said, "just relax", and a slightly different take on TrannieT's sig "It take a real man to smile in the face of ignorance" :hugs:

Maria

[Sejd]

again, Marissa has my voice!!!! First of all, feel good about yourself. I am not a girl with a lot of experience, but I also know that I don't go out to "Pass" and I don't see the point in changing my voice. People may spot me or not, like my voice or not. I have to do what I have to do and I don't really care. Maybe I feel this way because my SO is one hundred procent supportive and so I don't give a F..... about what other think if I venture out. It's scary at first, and off course, not without reason, after all, we are not in Kansas anymore!! My advice to you is try to enjoy yourself in all your femininity and accept who you also are, a dude in womans clothing, or maybe more, the person you really feel you are?
hugs
Sejd

[ashlee chiffon]

easy to solve those two issues!
laser treatments for the beard and helium for the voice! :laughing: ...
but, seriously, don't worry so much, it'll never be purrrrfect!i've found that durablend works well for cover, but just note that you need makeup remover to take it off...soap and water doesn't work well...
those are universal problems for us cd's!!!