How Can We Be Accepted

[Amy Hepker]

My GG Girlfriend feels like a lot of other GG girlfriends and x wives I have had. They just feel like they are Gay to be around me when I am dressed. They want me to be Male not Female all the time. I have the need to dress and be accepted by my GG Girlfriend. I LOVE her and she says she LOVES me, But I feel that she does not LOVE all of me. I have had many relationships and they always end with a breakup because they only want the male part of me and not the Female part. I have learned long ago to be up front about letting them know right away, and that's OK until I start dressing more and more often, then it's different. That's when they don't want to see it anymore. My current GG Girlfried lets me dress when she can't see, but does not want to participate. This is what I need and Miss. Her wanting to help and join in. Any Ideas would be helpful, but I think I am domed again to be alone inside myself. I can and still do dress often, but need to be accepted by my LOVER.
GOD BLESS!!!
AMY

[Dominique Melt]

This is a tough call, Amy. I've been with GGs who never knew about my CDing, and once I heard from their lips something/anything even remotely condescending or negative about CDers, I let the relationship go. I have shared my CDing with girls before anything ever developed, and those who were into it were the ones I had the best experiences with.
I think the point I am trying to make is tht it is best to be up front about things, the earlier, the better. If it is too far into the relationship that springing this info on her would disturb the waters of your lives, I can only advise that you both communicate extensively and honestly, try to reach a place where you both are satisfied. If your GG SO can't deal with it, then you must make some hard decisions. She has some legitimate concerns and questions, you have legitimate needs and desires. I do know this: real, abiding love accepts and cherishes the faults, flaws and quirks in the other as long as they are not harmful or destructive. I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea.
Please let us know how things fare.

[AprilMae]

Be grateful that at least she accepts it and has no problem even if she doesn't want to participate. Who knows, that may change.

[Amy Hepker]

It's hard to understand things these days. I have three older sisters (the youngest being 5 years older than myself) and they have all been married for many many years(never divorsed). I always felt that when you married it was for true LOVE and that marriage was til death and you worked things out to stay together. My first wife did not know about my dressing until after we were married. I took it slow, and things were going good. That is until one day she bought me a set of earings from a garage sale, well it's a long story but she was accused of stealing them from someplace else. There was a long court battle and she was finally aquited. The day she found out that she was found not guilty, she told me she wanted a divorse, she had met someone else. LOVE is not forever. After that I told all the ladies that I was going to have a serious relationship with about my dressing. My second wife knew long before the marriage and helped with it many times. After about 7 years she started cheating on me, saying that I was cheating on her with myself. We stayed together for another rough 8 years until her drug addiction overcame her and she started cheating even more and beating me (I was brought up to never hit a Female early in life). Well, it just got worse, I finally got out of that marriage and this is where I am today, with someone else that I am not sure truley LOVES me (at least not all of me just the Male side).
GOD BLESS!!!
AMY

[Elly]

i don't wanna be negative by any means, but unfortunatealy even though honesty is the best policy there will always be those that say sure "i'm okay with it" but think to themselves that it's only a phase and after time with them you will revert back to being a "normal guy", and if not they may try to change you back, not realizing that there is no back... the best thing for this situation would be to have a long honest talk with her and if she's not in it for the long haul it may be best to sever before there's too much heartache...
as far as a lasting marrage goes unfortunatealy a vast majority of the populous do not take their vows seriousely and scram the first sign of things going wrong or just not their way, those people are weak in my opinion prefering to run from the "problem" rather than work it out, society has de-evolved to a point where the majority looks out for #1 and forget about others even if they made a vow to stick it through in all situations, the weak will quit and run while those of strong spirit will face any challenge put before them in their marriage...

[noname]

Many GG may not have a problem with clothing choices per say. What they may have more of issue with is not wanting the stigma that we have, and they really don't want to be associated with that stigma.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

dont get me wrong..i wish we were totally acceptedby all
however

we have no right to dictate to anybody what we "need" them to do..

that sounds harsh but think about it....maybe they "need" us to not crossdress...

its really that simple...relationships can be difficult and there is lots of compromise..my wife left me and a big reason was crossdressing..i was hurt but in the end, she made a choice to "not deal with it" and what can i do other than move on..the thing is i really dont blame her...i wanted her to accept it and i desperately wanted her to like that part of me but she just didnt!!!

so i would say hang in there and do your best as a lover and see what happens...life is funny how it throws you curveballs but hopefully none of us forget that its a pretty big curveball to throw at your GG girlfriend that you crossdress

take care and all the best!!!

michel

[Kate Simmons]

The greatest challenge with being accepted is to accept ourselves. Once that is accomplished, everything else seems to follow through. If we have enough confidence in who we are, there is very little we cannot accomplish. If, despite what we do, someone will still not accept who we are as a person, perhaps it's time to move on in order to keep moving forward. That's been my experience anyway.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[GG Vanya]

This is a tough call, Amy. I've been with GGs who never knew about my CDing, and once I heard from their lips something/anything even remotely condescending or negative about CDers, I let the relationship go. I have shared my CDing with girls before anything ever developed, and those who were into it were the ones I had the best experiences with.
I think the point I am trying to make is tht it is best to be up front about things, the earlier, the better. If it is too far into the relationship that springing this info on her would disturb the waters of your lives, I can only advise that you both communicate extensively and honestly, try to reach a place where you both are satisfied. If your GG SO can't deal with it, then you must make some hard decisions. She has some legitimate concerns and questions, you have legitimate needs and desires. I do know this: real, abiding love accepts and cherishes the faults, flaws and quirks in the other as long as they are not harmful or destructive. I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea.
Please let us know how things fare.

I agree that abiding love accepts and cherishes the faults, flaws and quirks, but, surely you'd agree that crossdressing is much more than any of that? To me, being married to a CD involves a totally different lifestyle. It's been said here often: When a CD comes out of the closet to their SO, they actually drag their SO *into* the closet. She then bears the burden of protecting his secret and has no one (other than her husband) that she can confide in. Women friends are close, and when a GG is troubled, her friends "know" it, and ask what's wrong. She can't tell them. Many SOs end up feeling isolated.

So, in effect, for some SOs being married to a CD *is* harmful to her emotionally, especially when she's not fully accepting but tolerant.

Amy, I'm sure there are many CDs who would be grateful to have the level of tolerance that you have with your SO. At least she's trying. Placing the additional requirement on her that she participate and want to help you just isn't fair, in my opinion. I feel that if you continue to lay this guilt trip on her about your needs, you'll push her away. Give the woman time! She's doing much more than many SOs do!

P.S. Keep in mind that she has needs as well. She needs her man. So which need is to be valued most? As someone else said there is a prevalent case of "me mentality" in relationships now. Taking the "me first" position certainly is not conducive to a healthy relationship.

[Snookums]

I have no clue,my family has never accepted me,maybe God should go back to the drawing board,in the case of humans,back to the lab and stir the petrie dish some more.
I'm a firm believer stupid people are living proof that some humans started out on the bottom of the gene puddle.

[Amy Hepker]

Thank You Vanya and all who have submitted replys. I can understand where you are coming from and will do what I can to work with my SO instead of trying to get my way. I am guilty. I guess I just wish things were the way I want them. A world where I was accepted for the way I wish I could be. I guess the fact that I don't think I look good enough to pass anymore has alot to do with it. I look more like a man in a dress than a woman, it would be hard for her to accept.
Thank You again and GOD BLESS!!!
AMY

[Sheila]

I agree that abiding love accepts and cherishes the faults, flaws and quirks, but, surely you'd agree that crossdressing is much more than any of that? To me, being married to a CD involves a totally different lifestyle. It's been said here often: When a CD comes out of the closet to their SO, they actually drag their SO *into* the closet. She then bears the burden of protecting his secret and has no one (other than her husband) that she can confide in. Women friends are close, and when a GG is troubled, her friends "know" it, and ask what's wrong. She can't tell them. Many SOs end up feeling isolated.
So, in effect, for some SOs being married to a CD *is* harmful to her emotionally, especially when she's not fully accepting but tolerant.

Amy, I'm sure there are many CDs who would be grateful to have the level of tolerance that you have with your SO. At least she's trying. Placing the additional requirement on her that she participate and want to help you just isn't fair, in my opinion. I feel that if you continue to lay this guilt trip on her about your needs, you'll push her away. Give the woman time! She's doing much more than many SOs do!

P.S. Keep in mind that she has needs as well. She needs her man. So which need is to be valued most? As someone else said there is a prevalent case of "me mentality" in relationships now. Taking the "me first" position certainly is not conducive to a healthy relationship.

:yt: and especially for me
Women friends are close, and when a GG is troubled, her friends "know" it, and ask what's wrong. She can't tell them. Many SOs end up feeling isolated.

It's hard enough sometimes in a relationship when it is just two people involved ---- add a 3rd and you more than double some of the problems but rarely double the joys -----(and i am talking about adult relationships not kids).

it may seem i am being nosey but can i ask what you do for her ?????

Jess(SO)

[BeckyB]

Everybody here are making good valid points. I am married and have the same problem with my wife; she barely tolerates my dressing. At one point she would "support from a distance" my dressing. If you want/need a higher level of acceptance/support and you are not getting what you need than you need to think long and hard about this relationship. I am not happy, but I have responsibilities to my wife and family. I wish I had someone say to me “sit down and figure out if this is the way I want to grow old”; Can I be what this person needs and is she what I need. My wife has known about my dressing since before we were married and yet, she has never seen me fully dressed nor does she ever want to ever see me fully dressed. She is going out of town this week for a couple of days with the kids, so I do get to dress for awhile with her knowledge, but I want more from her, I need more from her, not from anybody else, not my neighbor, not the clergy, not the people at the club or where ever I need it from her. The woman I want to grow old with, that is what I need. If you are there too, and not in a committed relationship think hard about going further.

[REBECCA62]

My GG Girlfriend feels like a lot of other GG girlfriends and x wives I have had. They just feel like they are Gay to be around me when I am dressed. They want me to be Male not Female all the time. I have the need to dress and be accepted by my GG Girlfriend. I LOVE her and she says she LOVES me, But I feel that she does not LOVE all of me. I have had many relationships and they always end with a breakup because they only want the male part of me and not the Female part. I have learned long ago to be up front about letting them know right away, and that's OK until I start dressing more and more often, then it's different. That's when they don't want to see it anymore. My current GG Girlfried lets me dress when she can't see, but does not want to participate. This is what I need and Miss. Her wanting to help and join in. Any Ideas would be helpful, but I think I am domed again to be alone inside myself. I can and still do dress often, but need to be accepted by my LOVER.
GOD BLESS!!!
AMY
I know just what you mean love, its hard. Last 'so' i had, i told on the first night but over time she got jealous of my clothes being nicer than hers !! Then when we split the first thing out of her mouth was she didnt want to be a lesbian!!!!!!
Still, i think you should always be up front with whomever want a relationship with. Also from what i can gather ther are 'gg's out ther who dont mind us en-femme, some are even attracted to us because of it..... I'm currently looking for one of these types at the moment

[Amy Hepker]

My current Lady, is my life. I do LOVE her and we have been together for over 5 years now. She is a rather Large lady which does not bother me in the least. She has Fibremiagia and has a hard time getting around. She does not work at this time, but does sell clothing on Ebay to help out. She is a wonderful Lady and I give her all the LOVE I can, but I still don't feel that she LOVES all of me. She has helped me through a bad divorse and I have custody of my 12 year old Son. I do not dress around him nor do I ever want to. My xwife used to yell at me as loud as she could calling me Queer, Faggot, and everything else you can think of. This was done in front of him as well as my daughter who is now 18. It's just one of those things I do not bring up to him and hope he does not know about. I am trying to bring him up so he can be whoever he wants when he is old enough. Still I yearn to have fun as a girl with the girl I LOVE. I want us to enjoy this together, but she doesn't want to. I am not pushing her and I pray someday she will understand. She knew about my dressing even before we really started dating. I would love to be able to go play Bingo with her and so many other things. It's hard to explain, I just want to have fun with a GG and be a girl at the same time. Things we missed when we were growing up male. Thank You for all the awnsers and keep them coming. We can all learn in here.
GOD BLESS US ALL!!!
AMY

[Snookums]

I KNOW JUST WHAT YOU MEAN LOVE, ITS HARD. LAST 'SO' I HAD, I TOLD ON THE FIRST NIGHT BUT OVER TIME SHE GOT JEALOUS OF MY CLOTHES BEING NICER THAN HERS !! THEN WHEN WE SPLIT THE FIRST THING OUT OF HER MOUTH WAS SHE DIDNT WANT TO BE A LESBIAN!!!!!!
STILL, I THINK YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BE UP FRONT WITH WHOMEVER WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH. ALSO FROM WHAT I CAN GATHER THER ARE 'GG's OUT THER WHO DONT MIND US EN-FEMME, SOME ARE EVEN ATTRACTED TO US BECAUSE OF IT..... I'M CURRENTLY LOOKING FOR ONE OF THESE TYPES AT THE MOMENT

the remark your SO made regarding not wanting to be a lesbian is the main reason,me thinks,that some SO's have problems with MTF crossdressing.
thats the sexuality issue thats always in question,her sexuality,not yours.
GG's do not want to be viewed as being a lesbian.
So does that mean a male non MTF who has a relationship with a FTM gets snitty because he may be seen as gay,and start questioning the FTM's sexuality

[GG Vanya]

the remark your SO made regarding not wanting to be a lesbian is the main reason,me thinks,that some SO's have problems with MTF crossdressing.
thats the sexuality issue thats always in question,her sexuality,not yours.
GG's do not want to be viewed as being a lesbian.
So does that mean a male non MTF who has a relationship with a FTM gets snitty because he may be seen as gay,and start questioning the FTM's sexuality


I just don't "get" the not wanting to be a lesbian thing. Maybe it's because I'm a pragmatist? Sure, Trudi is gorgeous when she comes to my boudoir dressed in lace and smelling like heaven, but we BOTH know under all the pretties there is a MAN. Granted, he's a man like no other I've ever met, but the plumbing beyond a doubt is that of a genetic male.

God I wish women could arrive at this mental/emotional place...it would make acceptance so much less a struggle.

[Snookums]

I just don't "get" the not wanting to be a lesbian thing. Maybe it's because I'm a pragmatist? Sure, Trudi is gorgeous when she comes to my boudoir dressed in lace and smelling like heaven, but we BOTH know under all the pretties there is a MAN. Granted, he's a man like no other I've ever met, but the plumbing beyond a doubt is that of a genetic male.

God I wish women could arrive at this mental/emotional place...it would make acceptance so much less a struggle.

Vanya my friend,you are so right,some GG's say they are old fashioned,does that mean they want to burn witches at the stake again?

[GG Vanya]

My current Lady, is my life. I do LOVE her and we have been together for over 5 years now. She is a rather Large lady which does not bother me in the least. She has Fibremiagia and has a hard time getting around. She does not work at this time, but does sell clothing on Ebay to help out. She is a wonderful Lady and I give her all the LOVE I can, but I still don't feel that she LOVES all of me. She has helped me through a bad divorse and I have custody of my 12 year old Son. I do not dress around him nor do I ever want to. My xwife used to yell at me as loud as she could calling me Queer, Faggot, and everything else you can think of. This was done in front of him as well as my daughter who is now 18. It's just one of those things I do not bring up to him and hope he does not know about. I am trying to bring him up so he can be whoever he wants when he is old enough. Still I yearn to have fun as a girl with the girl I LOVE. I want us to enjoy this together, but she doesn't want to. I am not pushing her and I pray someday she will understand. She knew about my dressing even before we really started dating. I would love to be able to go play Bingo with her and so many other things. It's hard to explain, I just want to have fun with a GG and be a girl at the same time. Things we missed when we were growing up male. Thank You for all the awnsers and keep them coming. We can all learn in here.
GOD BLESS US ALL!!!
AMY

Amy,

For all the posts from CDs with selfish motivations in "needing" total acceptance from their SO's which get my hackles up, yours my dear, makes me cry.

I pray you'll reach that place of acceptance that you desire :hugs: with your lady.

[Amy Hepker]

It is one thing to be accepted by others, but it is really hard for the ones we LOVE. I am working with my GGirlfriend, and hopefully gaining ground. I won't know until she lets me know. She has been sitting with me and reading some of the theads here, but she still does not want to post anything yet. I think someday when she finally does, I'll probably never get her off.

[Rachel Morley]

Sure, Trudi is gorgeous when she comes to my boudoir dressed in lace and smelling like heaven, but we BOTH know under all the pretties there is a MAN. Granted, he's a man like no other I've ever met, but the plumbing beyond a doubt is that of a genetic male.

God I wish women could arrive at this mental/emotional place...it would make acceptance so much less a struggle.
That's how my wife Marla see it concerning me. Basically, what I'm saying is, as far as my wife is concerned, I'll never pass, and she'll never be a lesbian. No matter how feminine I look and act she can always see the boy signals (albeit weak ones) and so she's happy.

[Kristi1948]

When my wife and I first got married my CD'ing was all fun and games for her. She tried to make me as feminine as possible (she did all my make-up, hair and nails) and we would go out together as girlfriends. As the years passed she became alot less involved and seemed to be just becoming tolerant. Finally she had to have a "man" and our marriage ended after 12 years. We are still friends and at times I wish things were different.

[Amy Hepker]

Kristi, That is what basically happened to me and my second wife. She said I was cheating on her with myself. She wanted her boy friend and me, she didn't want to lose me and got highly jealous of me when I said you have someone else, I want someone else too. She got jealous of me just looking at other girls. I paid for that dearly. I am sorry to hear it happened to you.

[cindyxdresser]

I had a gg girlfriend who one time told me she wanted me to dress like a guy,she wanted to see the real me.I looked at her and kindly told her "This is the real me".The more we dress feminine and go out in public the faster we will be accepted.Peiole have a problem accepting how we dress and act because we all were afraid to go out in public,Well i understand ,too many haters.But we have gotten btaver and are stronger so it is easier to get all dolled up and go to the mall,or the park ,even during the day time.Every time one of us goes out and are dressed totally feminine it makes it easier for all of us to do it.When i first started going out in a skirt and heels it was for a late night walk,then with the help from a couple of gg friends i got up the courage to go to the store,,still late at night ,but it was a step forward.then my gg friend did the best thing she could have ever done for me,I wanted her to help with my hair and makeup,and go to this little park down the street,she wanted to finish doing what she was doing and was taking too long for my patience and i bugged her a bit too much.She did my hair and all and we set out for the park,but she didnt stop ,and kept walking,,i asked what we were doing and she told me that i wanted to go for a walk and couldnt wait so she was going to make me go to the store with her .I began to get scared since i hadnt done this during the day time and her dominant side came out.She didnt force me to go ,but pushed me to do it ,and we walked quite a ways down this busy street to the store.I was so worried and scared,but other than a few people tooting their car horns there wasnt any trouble.Inside the store i was treated as if i wasnt doing anything out of the normal,and we did our shopping and walked home.

[ReginaK]

Vanya my friend,you are so right,some GG's say they are old fashioned,does that mean they want to burn witches at the stake again?

Nah.They just want to burn crossdressers.