Lost and needing advice.

[Country girl]

Hi all. I hope you gurls will try to help me. I need some advice. I am a GG and my SO is a CD. He came out to me about 6 months ago and all was good. Then a week and a half ago he came to visit me. [I live in Texas, he lives in the NorthEast] Anyway, we went shopping and got a lot of firsts. First wig, first bra, first shoes, first makeup, first dress and I even paid for him to get a pedi and when we got home, I painted his toes pink for him. Up untill now he mostly just had panties and a few extras. Well he went home a week ago. Since then things have become very strained. I feel as if I have lost my boyfriend AND my best girlfriend. He won't talk to me and tell me what is going on. I know that he is having fun enjoying his new things and I almost feel as if he doesn't need me anymore. He has Jennifer [that's his femm name] now. I am Heart broken and don't know what to do. Any suggestions??? Is this normal to retreat after your gg SO takes you out and helps you buy all these things? If anyone has any advice, please I'm all ears. Thanks for listening and letting me vent. Jennifer's Girl :sad:

[Shelly Preston]

Hard to know what to say about what he may be thinking but you need to communicate

This can be a scary time I assume he may feel guilty after all the help you have given him

Tell him you are worried about him and you want to understand why he has been so quiet recently anything to get a dialogue started.

[MJ]

here is my :2c: worth. ask your self what happened did you say something that might have up set Jennifer. or maybe it because it's her first time out and she needs to reflect on what has happened or she may feel guilty or embarrassed about it. tell Jennifer you love her and when she is ready to talk you will be there for her. for me my first time was with a gg who is a long time good friend. it was hard for me too but she was very good to me and i can't thank her enough. i think she just needs time..

[Sandra]

Yep agree with Shelly you need to talk and don't leave it too long, explain how you feel and that you are worried.

[thea]

He could be a bit embarrassed about having gone to visit you and taking so much time for Jennifer instead of/in addition to you. He could also be a bit overwhelmed at your being so welcoming to Jennifer. There could also be guilt. Living a fantasy can bring up a lot of emotions--good, bad, committed, doubtful, making him question his character as well as your relationship.

As Shelly_P said, get him to start talking. Many of us struggle with how crossdressing affects us. Make him know you like him for being him, and you can have fun with him being her, and that you just like her as well. My best thoughts go out to you.

[PattieAnn]

Is it possible that he is still going through the exhilaration of dressing and then the guilt and anxiety comes in and he purges?

PattieAnn

[Sharon]

Hard to know what to say about what he may be thinking but you need to communicate

This can be a scary time I assume he may feel guilty after all the help you have given him

Tell him you are worried about him and you want to understand why he has been so quiet recently anything to get a dialogue started.

I agree, and your boyfriend may also be feeling a little self conscious about himself now -- maybe even a little embarrassed.

Talk with him. :happy:

[Amy Hepker]

If you really Love him, stick with it. We all need more Loving and supportive counterparts. If he does not think he needs you now, he will soon. You sound like a very wonderful Lady and I am sure he will get back to you. When he does be open about how you feel and be ready to listen. I hope you enjoy being with him and her and can enjoy both parts of him. We really are people too and we need Love too.
GOD BLESS US ALL
AMY

[Lori SC]

This is quite common. After such a big change (going from wearing a few things to full dressing in one day) a CD often begins to wonder about him/herself. Jennifer is probably having doubts about just what she is. Jennifer needs time to figure out and accept just what she is.

We CDs go into male mode and try to figure this out for ourselves. We don't communicate well about these things. A typical response is to try to ignore it and pretend it didn't happen - therby avoiding dealing with it at all. This fits with what Jennifer is doing right now.

You would think that a CD would be elated about having her dream fulfilled. Well, she is while it's happening, but once dreams become reality, the mind has to catch up. Jenifer has seen a different side of herself and is going through a lot of emotions about it. She probably liked the experience, but part of her doesn't want to.

Unfortunately your situation is made worse by the distance involved. Phone (or IM) conversations aren't as good as face to face for this type thing. There is nothing you can personally do to "fix" things. Carry on normally. If Jenifer wants to talk about it, great. If not, let it be, until Jeniffer wants to talk about it. You can bring up the subject, but if Jenifer doesn't want to talk about it, don't press the issue. Trying to discuss it if Jennifer doesn't want to will only make things worse.

Just make sure Jennifer knows that everything is OK with you, and you'll be there to talk about it when she wants to. And reinforce that there is nothing for Jennifer to feel negative about. There are a lot of us in the same shoes, and there is NOTHING wrong with us. It's the way we were born.

I hope things work out for the two of you:hugs:

Hugs, Lori :2c:

[REBECCA62]

Hi all. I hope you gurls will try to help me. I need some advice. I am a GG and my SO is a CD. He came out to me about 6 months ago and all was good. Then a week and a half ago he came to visit me. [I live in Texas, he lives in the NorthEast] Anyway, we went shopping and got a lot of firsts. First wig, first bra, first shoes, first makeup, first dress and I even paid for him to get a pedi and when we got home, I painted his toes pink for him. Up untill now he mostly just had panties and a few extras. Well he went home a week ago. Since then things have become very strained. I feel as if I have lost my boyfriend AND my best girlfriend. He won't talk to me and tell me what is going on. I know that he is having fun enjoying his new things and I almost feel as if he doesn't need me anymore. He has Jennifer [that's his femm name] now. I am Heart broken and don't know what to do. Any suggestions??? Is this normal to retreat after your gg SO takes you out and helps you buy all these things? If anyone has any advice, please I'm all ears. Thanks for listening and letting me vent. Jennifer's Girl :sad:
hi jenn's girl. you dont mention how long you have been together so it is hard to get an idea as to jennifers feelings. all i can say is the others are right and you do need to talk to him, face to face would seem best. and tell him from me he is quite lucky to find an understanding and synpathetic 'gg' who will help with the shopping, make-up etc, i'd love someone t help with my nails :-) they can be a real pain. good luck and i hope it works out for you both. lol. rebecca

[Sheila]

This is quite common. After such a big change (going from wearing a few things to full dressing in one day) a CD often begins to wonder about him/herself. Jennifer is probably having doubts about just what she is. Jennifer needs time to figure out and accept just what she is.

We CDs go into male mode and try to figure this out for ourselves. We don't communicate well about these things. A typical response is to try to ignore it and pretend it didn't happen - therby avoiding dealing with it at all. This fits with what Jennifer is doing right now.

You would think that a CD would be elated about having her dream fulfilled. Well, she is while it's happening, but once dreams become reality, the mind has to catch up. Jenifer has seen a different side of herself and is going through a lot of emotions about it. She probably liked the experience, but part of her doesn't want to.

Unfortunately your situation is made worse by the distance involved. Phone (or IM) conversations aren't as good as face to face for this type thing. There is nothing you can personally do to "fix" things. Carry on normally. If Jenifer wants to talk about it, great. If not, let it be, until Jeniffer wants to talk about it. You can bring up the subject, but if Jenifer doesn't want to talk about it, don't press the issue. Trying to discuss it if Jennifer doesn't want to will only make things worse.

Just make sure Jennifer knows that everything is OK with you, and you'll be there to talk about it when she wants to. And reinforce that there is nothing for Jennifer to feel negative about. There are a lot of us in the same shoes, and there is NOTHING wrong with us. It's the way we were born.

I hope things work out for the two of you:hugs:

Hugs, Lori :2c:

:iagree: with what Lori posted she could have been describing the situation My DH and I went through when I discoved he was a cd'r.


the mind has to catch up. (from his viewpoint) was one of the things I discovered when we eventually talked

hope things work out for the two of you

Jess(SO)

[Country girl]

Rebecca, Thanks for the kind words. We have been together for almost two years. We lived together until this past August when I moved back to Texas. He flucuates from telling me he loves me to telling me he only wants to be friends. Sometimes, I feel as if it's just not worth it anymore. I love him completely, but I need to be loved also. You know what I mean? He is just NOT clear as to what he really wants from me. It hurts.

[Rachel Morley]

As a person who was in a long distance relationship for 18 months (I was in England and my SO was in the US) before my wife and I fell head over heels in love and finally got married, I (maybe) might be able to help.

First off, my wife is like you seem to be, very accepting and is totally OK with participating in her SO's crossdressing. I agree with some of the things Lori has said about guilt. I for one was very happy about having my wife Marla help and encourage me to crossdress, she would send me some of her clothes to wear as well as new bras and panties in the mail. This helped me tremendously at the beginning because I wanted to get "closer to her" in anyway I could. I was, after all, over 5,500 miles away and so being able to wear one of her blouses and cardigans over the underwear she sent me, whilst taking to her on the phone, made me gravitate even more towards crossdressing. But then there were times when I felt bad about my cding, and that somehow it wasn't normal, and it was a substitute in my life for not being with this wonderful person (which in part it was) and I would feel guilty about it and thought she shouldn't have to share this part of me. I shouldn't have to drag this lovely lady into my horrible world of weirdness and un-normal behavior. In other words, I felt I wasn't good enough for her and that knowing I could never change or not want to crossdress means that I was going to subject her to my cding all her life if we ever got together. Maybe I would be doing her a favor if we were not together?

Anyway, I didn't know what I was talking about! Because of lots and lots and lots of deep down late night heart to heart talks we discovered that cding was something we both wanted in our life and we should use it to help us become closer. I should not feel guilty about doing something I like doing no matter how non-mainstream it might be. Assuming there are no other "relationship issues going on" with you and your SO, I think you should tell your SO how you are feeling and encourage him to do the same. That's the one big thing in our marriage, we always know what the other one is thinking because we are constantly sharing our inner most thoughts with each other, both good and bad. More often than not any negative reactions happen because one of us was thinking that the other one was thinking something completely different from what they were actually thinking. Sharing your thoughts and speaking your mind in a compassionate, caring and non accusational way worked out fabulously for us.

[kathy gg]

Jennifer welcome to the forum.

At the risk of having some throw rotten eggs my direction this is my take on what little you have shared...first off unless anyone on here knows much more backstory on your life we are just grabbing at fish in a bucket here.
But since you asked for input...here goes....

Crossdressing might have *some* things to do with this {but I'll get to that in a few moments] and let's just put aside that we are even talking about crossdressing, okay, let's just say you came into a place to discuss your relationship.

Any guy who fluxuates between wanting to be in love and wanting to be friends is not ready for a committment. If you have dated two years and YOU are expecting more than you are getting, chances are this could on go for ages.

When I see female friends of mine getting strung along, hoping and waiting and biting their nails wondering when their man is gonna step up and move forward with things I often think "he is waiting to see if something better comes along, that is why he has not made a commitment." Because a guy who has dated someone for that long usually can pretty much make a good assement on if this is the *one* or not. There might be a couple of expections { recently got divorced, recovering from illness, or has small children to consider impacting), but mostly when a guy is retreating and such from seriousness chances are he is holding off as long as possible because deep down he is not quiet in love with you as you might be with him. I know that is hard, very hard to hear, but you have to consider that when things are not moving forward.

Now if you dont' want a commitment and are not looking for a really solid thing, then I could sit here and nod and shake my head and we can all come up with excuses why he is acting like he is. We can blame him being insecure, we can blame his shyness to crossdressing and we can find loads of excuses. This is a game some of my gg friends play often, why is he acting like this, what did I do? But reality is often tough to look at, so playing this guessing game is easier than saying that dreaded phrase "because he is just not that into you."

Now considering the cd angle: any guy who is frightened of a too acepting partner can go complain at the "I have everything I ever wanted from life but I am totally miserable and depressed about it Forum". End of story on that slant.

I find crossdressing is an easy out to hang alot of "couple problems" on for people {that goes both ways}. Sometimes when you strip away the cd factor and just look at the big picture sometimes the truth lies right in front of us and than you really see why things are not jiving. Alot of times the core problems are not crossdressing problems waht so ever.

Good luck and I ope we all get to know you better on here.







Rebecca, Thanks for the kind words. We have been together for almost two years. We lived together until this past August when I moved back to Texas. He flucuates from telling me he loves me to telling me he only wants to be friends. Sometimes, I feel as if it's just not worth it anymore. I love him completely, but I need to be loved also. You know what I mean? He is just NOT clear as to what he really wants from me. It hurts.

[jennifer41356]

that sounds weird, most CD's would be happy to have the SO involved, I would love to have a woman involved with my fem side, but most dont want anything to do with that. maybe its something more, that being a part from each other, maybe someone in his family found out , or he is feeling guilty.

I hope he opens up to you, you sound like one in a million, good luck, hang in there

Jennifer in Dallas

[Karen Johnson]

As always, open and honest communication is the best.

If he's anything like me, he's spent so much of his life keeping this a secret that it's hard to let someone in all the way. I grew up feeling so ashamed of myself for being a cd (society drills that in) that it is still awkward to be completely open with my wife. She knows and accepts, but it is still hard to let someone get that close to your core.

[Robin Leigh]

that sounds weird, most CD's would be happy to have the SO involved, I would love to have a woman involved with my fem side, but most dont want anything to do with that.

Weird isn't it? But sometimes the reality works out different to the fantasy. Sometimes, when a CDer finally meets an enthusiastic GG, it can be downright scary, especially if the CDer is deep in the closet. At the very least, it changes the way you think & feel about your CDing & it takes time to assimilate these changes.

The other Jennifer may not have been very conscious of these changes while all the fun was happening, and is now trying to come to terms with it all. And as has been previously mentioned, there is also the possibility of a backlash of guilt & shame, especially after the first major dressing experience.

Or she could just be a self-centered jerk, who doesn't realize what a gem of a GG she's stuffing around... Maybe somebody should set an example of proper Texian manners. :heehee:

Robin

[Country girl]

Thanks to all of you who responded to my post. Sadly, my SO decided after reading all your answers that he really doesn't want to be in a committed relationship. As hurtful as this is, I know the best thing for me to do is move on. I wish all of y'all the best. I will miss being able to read the post of the CDer's and all the excitement they generate. Take care gurls!

Love,
Jennifer's girl :brokenheart::strugglin :sad:

[Di]

Good Luck..........so sorry you are going through this.....his loss totally.

[Holly]

Thanks to all of you who responded to my post. Sadly, my SO decided after reading all your answers that he really doesn't want to be in a committed relationship. As hurtful as this is, I know the best thing for me to do is move on. I wish all of y'all the best. I will miss being able to read the post of the CDer's and all the excitement they generate. Take care gurls!

Love,
Jennifer's girl :brokenheart::strugglin :sad:So why leave? Truth of the matter is that we would miss you as much as you would miss us. As much acceptance as you have shown us, it would be our honor to accept you as a full fledged member of our community. Please reconsider.

[GG Vanya]

Why not stick around? As you said it's fun to read the differing aspects and personalities of crossdressing.

Besides, I'm sure there are a few single CDs (some are even in TX) who just had their hearts skip a beat at reading that you are no longer in a relationship! :D I'm not in any way being insensitive to the fact that you've just lost a relationship with someone you love. Take time to heal yourself here with us. You won't be the only single accepting GG here yanno. :hugs:

Accepting GGs are the rarest of gems!

[Missy Anne]

Jennifer's Girl,

Let me add my own invitation to you to stick around and keep us company. You seem like a really nice person and we would enjoy having you.

And if you liked your exposure to CDing so far, why leave? A lot of us would value your input!

Best regards,

Missy Anne

[Country girl]

[COLOR="DarkOrchid"]Gee whiz Gurls,

I don't know if I've ever felt so much love. I am so overwhelmed I am actually crying. Thank you SOOOO much for asking me to stay. I would LOVE to. Y'all are a great bunch of people. I hope someday I will actually meet my prince/ess :D charming. I think it is fun to dress and get dressed up so I kinda hope I meet someone who is a CDer. Of course it will be awhile before I am ready to get involved, but in the mean time, I will have y'all to "be" with.

Love ya,
Jennifer's girl love:

[EricaCD]

Agree with the others!!! Your thinking, approach and acceptance indicate a wonderful heart. I am sorry to hear that your SO is just not ready to take the next step - particularly given the grace you evidently showed in confronting such a potentially painful subject as crossdressing! That said, if this experience has given you any interest in the CD community, I do hope you will stay with us! (If this has just caused you to want to close the book on this chapter of your life, CDing included, I certainly understand that as well.)

I am sorry to hear that this was the outcome. You deserved better.

Erica

[GG Vanya]

[COLOR="DarkOrchid"]Gee whiz Gurls,

I don't know if I've ever felt so much love. I am so overwhelmed I am actually crying. Thank you SOOOO much for asking me to stay. I would LOVE to. Y'all are a great bunch of people. I hope someday I will actually meet my prince/ess :D charming. I think it is fun to dress and get dressed up so I kinda hope I meet someone who is a CDer. Of course it will be awhile before I am ready to get involved, but in the mean time, I will have y'all to "be" with.

Love ya,
Jennifer's girl love:

OMG...feeding frenzy! :devil: :D Seriously though, I'm VERY glad you've decided to stay with us. :hugs:

[Holly]

Yea, yea! :cheer: :Party2: :dance: Glad you decided to hang around. I just took some Chocolate Chip cookies out of the oven. Help yourself. If you wanna talk, we're here for you!

[Tammi_52]

Please don't paint all of us with a broad (no pun intended) brush. Even if your next SO is not a CD, this is an experience you will carry with you forever and will make you a better, more complete person. I'm truly sorry he left you, but down the road you'll know why. Peace and Love.

[Country girl]

Yea, yea! :cheer: :Party2: :dance: Glad you decided to hang around. I just took some Chocolate Chip cookies out of the oven. Help yourself. If you wanna talk, we're here for you!

Thanks Holly! Y'all are all so wonderful. I appreciate the offer to talk. I'm sure I'll need to in the coming weeks.

[kathy gg]

I am also sorry to hear that he had a change of heart. I really felt later after I posted what I did that I came off a bit harsh and sarcastic. I just know sometimes when we are in that moment it is hard to be objective. I tend to use the cold bucket of water approach! :o

So please please know that you are not alone. As Vanya said, we have many cool, fun, *strongwilled even:p * gg's here in the forum. Some come here by choice, others by finding out later...but bottom line we are all here for the same reason....because we want to be supportive, to make freinds, and to have a good time.

I too find this aspect of my life with my spouse to be enriching and fun and downright exciting. I also am from Texas ...so you already have points from me!

Please keep posting and I hope in time we see you in the private gg area. Then I can give you the low-down on dating cd's {after you have time to heal}. Girl I could write a book!

You are much too upbeat and beautiful to be sasd for too long!

[PTPJen]

Hi Jen's Girl, You know I think that you need to confront him and ask him the questions you want answered. He's probably feeling shy to talk about it wondering if your allowing him is going to last etc. Also you need to set some ground rules for how your relationship is going to be, lets face it hon, he is lucky to have a caring pretty girl like yourself being acceting. Jenn

[Shannon CD]

Jennifer's girl, You have to stay....we can never have enough open minded GGs to help further our "cause" :D

Besides, if you have read what I recently went through, it sure is nice to have someone that gives me hope that there are women out there that I can begin to trust in the future.

[Sheila]

Jennifer's Girl

Glad you decided to stay with us:thumbsup:

Jess

[Robin Leigh]

Thanks to all of you who responded to my post. Sadly, my SO decided after reading all your answers that he really doesn't want to be in a committed relationship.
I'm so sad to hear that your bf did this to you. :( But I'm so glad you've decided to stay. :happy: I guess you'll probably want to change your user name...


Accepting GGs are the rarest of gems!And you all deserve to be treated like goddesses, IMHO. :love:


Then I can give you the low-down on dating cd's {after you have time to heal}. Girl I could write a book!
You should, Kathy! One of my very best friends is a writer & editor, and I volunteer to do the proofreading for you (I don't want money, just my name in the credits). My friend's just finished working on a TV series interstate, but she'll be looking for another project very soon. Please think about it Kathy. You could be onto a winner here...

:hugs:

Robin

PS. How come all the people I've ever met from Texas are so nice? :D

[janedoe311]

He is uncomfortable and confusted. He is not sure of your support.

Talk to him start by saying you understand his need to express is feminine side and you support him so do not be uncomfortable around me.

He might be uncomfortable with dressing around you. I know I would not even if my wife had no problem with it. For some of us it is a PRIVATE thing.

Spending a weekend with him at his place would help, so you can show you are in complete support.

Good luck, do not be too pushy, but do not wait for him to make the first move, or talk about it, he probably will not.

[CarmenG]

Well Jennifer's Girl, I guess you will be looking for a new name huh,:hugs:
Just hang tough, crossdressing does not happen overnite, so you know he was not very honest with you. You showing support for his wants and desires and he just lets you go.... WHAT AN IDIOT !!!!!
You have a place here, just stick around and soon you will touch base with everyone. we come in all shapes and sizes, some brilliant, some not so brilliant but we are here.........:love:

[joanne_mi]

Accepting GGs are the rarest of gems!

Ain't that the truth....

I suggested once to a GG (who is married to a TG gal) that any genetic woman who is accepting of this lifestyle should be marked in a way to make them easily found for us. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure that the 'accepting SO club' only has a membership of about 15 or so.

The mark in question wouldn't have to be a tatto or anything like that. It could be like a pledge pin. :)

All told, I'm glad you've decided to stay Jennifer's Girl. Nice to have you here.

[erica12b]

we need openminded gg's like you as friends and mentors, please stay.

[Laurie_Myles]

Hi Country Girl

After reading your story, I had to register just to reply to your situation. You are a very rare gem. To be recently exposed to CDing and to be that supportive is a rarity indeed.

One question... after a two year period of dating, you moved back to Texas. What was the reason for the move, and was the distance-relationship situation discussed?

I am also intrigued by the fact you would not just close out any opportunity of CD relationship in your future. Great to see that you have not. I firmly believe a CD has the best of both worlds to offer, and a couple's relationship can be very enriched by the sharing of this side of a man.

I am relatively new to Texas, and from what I understood, most Texans would not too open to this kind of thing. But then I notice the HEF is here in just a few days! Other than halloween, I have not ventured out as a CD and at this point, would not do so without the full support and company of an SO.

Country Girl, you will be one of the most sought after people on this forum! Take your time to heal and stay on here. You've got my interest!

Laurie Myles
Texas

[Country girl]

Hi Laurie,
Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. What part of Texas? Northeast, Northwest, Central or the southern part? Take care.

Country Girl :happy:

[jsarah]

Wow...sorry to pop in this thread so late but I gotta say, you are wonderful and glad you are staying, and sounds totally like his loss. I am in awe of your openness and acceptance of CD'ing and it sounds like you have a big huge heart!!

Glad to hear you are going to hang around :)

[Sweet Jane]

Hi Country Girl...

I'm sorry that your relationship didn't work out, and I'm pleased that you want to stay with us. Accepting women are just so rare, and it really does please me when one posts here....sort of makes me happy....anyhow welcome, and enjoy yourself

Jane

[Laurie_Myles]

Hi Country Girl...

I'm from the DFW area, North Dallas. Again, glad you are staying here to support us! Hope you are doing well!

Laurie