To go or not to go...

[jsarah]

Hi...been reading the boards for a while and lurking as I get closer to ready to "come out". This is my first post though so be gentle ;)

Tonight was supposed to be the night, so I got all ready and trying to build my confidence...and my girlfriends ended up having to cancel because something came up. So here I am all dressed up as though I am going out, but I have no escort.

The club is about 4 blocks away from my house, so I could walk there if I wanted to...but there are a couple things that are stopping me. 1) this city is a bit redneck and though it has come along way, I still fear running into the wrong people when I am by myself walking to the club...and 2) I don't know anyone at the club and obviously having not gone out before, I will probably be a bit shy on my own.

But yet here I am...itching to go out. lol. I just don't know what to do. So anyway....any advice?

Here is me 5 mins ago....am I passable? should I just suck it up and go out? Should I wait until I have a escort?

http://members.shaw.ca/slimstories/jsarah.jpg

[great gg]

i'd love to see howyou look with a smile, right now you appear a bit anxious and I wouldn't advise doing anythign when you don't 'feel' comfortable. btw, what kind of a club? are single women safe there? what's the scoop?

[PatriciaCD]

yes u look passable. if i were you i would go and try to have fun and make new friends. then again i dont care what people think of me or how i dress.

[Julogden]

Hard to say whether you should walk a half mile by yourself.

How about calling a cab? I've done that, and I know I didn't pass.

Carol:hugs:

[jsarah]

Well it's one of the few "alternative" bars in the city. So straight, gay, lesbian, bi ect....I know CD's are welcome there but I'm not really going to get picked up or anything. it's really because I am sick of hiding at home when dressed. I want to go out on the town. lol

Yeah I'm not smiling in those pictures. I am anxious....and I hate my smile in pictures for some reason :P

[Daphne Renee]

tell us more about this club? is it a cd friendly club? I am sure it would be much eaiser if you went with someone else. however waiting unfortunatly wont make you any less nervous..in fact its likely to make you more nervous.
can you drive to the club instead of walk? what about taking a cab?
Being by yourself possibly have some advantages.

bottom line if you really want to go just suck it up and go you might have a great time.

[Jenna1561]

Sarah, if you're set on going out, then take a cab, don't chance walking.

Be careful. Make certain your friends or someone knows you're going out and what time you should be home. Don't give out your number or address and don't leave with anyone you don't know. Take a cab home. Try not to be anxious or nervous (impossible, but try). Be brave, have fun. AND let us know how it goes.


Jenna

[Amy Hepker]

Sarah, Please keep us posted. I hope you did go as it is hard to do at first, but relax and don't do anything you don't want and be careful. Take a cab, walking is risky. Just remember your a lady and you have to be careful. If you do walk don't stare at people but know what's going on. If a car fallows you try to get a license number and find a safe place. Even if you are a crossdresser you still have the right to be safe. Laws are there to protect us even if we are someone else.
Good Luck and GOD BLESS US ALL!!!
AMY

[Sandygal]

Hi Sarah....You lucky girl! You have a club that would accept you only four blocks away? You are dressed and planned to go there all week I bet. Put your fingers onto that phone and call that cab. The cab driver won't think twice when he or she sees you. They have seen it all. You go girl and tell us all about it.....Have fun...Sandy

[Katelyn]

FIrst off, you look great! I'd say passable. I do agree that you need to try smiling. That's the advise I got a few days ago. Also, Where did you get that Dress? It's beutiful! I'm Jeoulous!! :gorgeous:

[Joni Beauman]

I agree with ggg and Carissa - you look great, but look as happy as you have a right to feel in that lovely. I guess I probably have the "deer in headlights" look often too. I like the option of all dressed up and no escort better than what is my predicament in this small town: all dressed up and no place to go. Joni

[MarieTS]

Clearly passable! Give it a try.
Maybe you will meet someone there in the same predicament you can have future outings with!
Good luck and enjoy!

[Ashley Helen]

Lovely pictures just lacking a litle smile. You certainly seem passable from what I can see. In your position I would certainly be way about going out alone to a club I had never been to and wouldn't know anyone there.
Is this a tg friendly club? If so, and it being so close to home, you should have plenty of future opportunities to go there.

Love

Helen xx

[Shannon CD]

Sarah,

I'm in a similar boat. I have waited so long for my GG friend to call back and let me know whether or not she can go that I have missed my opportunity. I should have gone without her.

Let us know how it turned out.:2c:

[jsarah]

http://members.shaw.ca/slimstories/jsarah1.jpg

Alrighty! There, I'm smiling.... :)

aaaaaand! I DID IT!!

I went out. I even did it walking. And the first thing I can say is OI my feet hurt! I think I need to get a wide shoe before I do it again ;) capet and concrete are two different things when walking in pumps. lol

Well anyway, I made the choice to go and went, walked the 4 blocks, which in my city are pretty short blocks so it is more like 2 and a half, and got to the club. I was shaking the whole way there. I think I chain smoked 2 ciggies in the time. lol.

When I got there there was a short line up the stairs that I had to wait through, but didn't take too long. A guy and girl in front of me in line sort of noticed me and I saw them give a chuckle which of course added to my lack of self esteem at the moment, but dangit...I had made it this far I wasn't turning back.

Checked my coat (unfortunatly a mans coat...I'm still building the wardrobe) took a breath and in I went!. It was PACKED full of people. I was still somewhat shaky so I went to the bar to get a drink. I became the shy girl at the dance though and found a nice piece of wall to stand by while I sipped my drink and smoked a bit more.

I relaxed a little bit when I noticed a few other TG's (though got all jealous cause they all were much skinnier and looked way better :P) and when they walked by they would smile...and not a laughing at me smile...almost a "you're new arn't you...it'll be ok" smile. lol.

Well, one of the TG's came up and said hello and we chatted briefly. I let her know this was kind of my "outing" and asked me if I'd like to go to the lounge area downstairs where it was a bit more quiet and talk. I agree'd. The club has the upstairs which is the dance bar (and I'm not confident enough to do the dancing yet) and then downstairs is a lounge that is a bit more casual.

I felt better in the lounge to be honest. It took some pressure off of me and there were more TG's down there as well so that made me feel better. We talked for a bit, and got a bit of a laugh out of how we both chose Sarah for our names (Sarah has been the name I chose since I was 12...but that's another story). It was nice and I was so thankfull for her, because without her I think I would have stayed for that one drink and went home.

3 drinks later and I was still smiling and having fun. A couple guys came over and sat with us. One took my hand and gave it a small kiss and I knew I was gushing. lol. I had never felt like that before and it was AWSOME! some of the TG's that were there came across as really snoby, but I suppose that happens anywhere you go with any group. Most of them though would smile when they came by and that helped alot

I also met the club owner, who was a fabulous man! He and his boyfriend run the place. He asked me if I had been there before, and I told him I had briefly but not dressed....and mentioned this was kind of my outing. He bought me a drink and told me if I ever had any issues with anyone to let him know. THAT made my night. I felt welcomed and flattered that he would take the time out to do that for me.

In fact the only thing that really bothered me was one guy who came to bum a smoke off of me asked me "where did you get that wig" and for some reason it kinda hurt that he could tell it was a wig. I had to cut my hair recently for job interviews which was the reason I bought the wig...and I don't know...I had hoped it would pass as real hair. But if that is my only complaint, I'd say it went well!

Around 1am I ended up feeling like it was time to go. Baby steps you know....eventually I will be able to stay out all night, but my feet were hurting from my pumps and I was still a bit shaky so I wanted to go home. my new TG friend gave me her # and gave me a lift up the street home so I wouldn't have to walk.

So bottom line, talk about a dream come true! I am so glad I listened to my heart and the suggestions on this board and went. for years I have dreamt of this and it lived up to my expectations (though is it a bad thing to wish I had gotten hit on a bit more? lol) it's like vindication in a way that YES I can do this. And I know I will do it again.

Thanks all for listening and the advice! So glad resources like this are here to remind me I am not alone :)

[jsarah]

FIrst off, you look great! I'd say passable. I do agree that you need to try smiling. That's the advise I got a few days ago. Also, Where did you get that Dress? It's beutiful! I'm Jeoulous!! :gorgeous:

I got the dress at Sears in canada actually, for only 47 dollars on clearance! Such a deal. I shop there semi often actually because I know my sizes there.

[Sheila]

jsarah,
sounds like you had great night, the dress looks good and the smile is great. Well done you:thumbsup: :thumbup:

Jess(so)

[Sandra]

See what a difference a smile makes :) nice pics glad you had a good time

[Jenna1561]

Sarah,

Your smile makes a world of difference. Happy to hear you had a good time; I'm sure many more good times are to follow.

Jenna

[Tina Dixon]

I think you look fine and glad you went out, that door can be a hard obstacle to go threw at times.

[Joy Carter]

In the eighties Hall and Oats did a song "Sarah Smile" Do find it Hun it will enspire you to do the same. You look so fab, I'm glad you had a swell time of it. I'm sure you haven't come down yet.:hugs:

[Priscilla Ann]

Congrats, Sarah on what I would call a very successful outing.

[Amy Hepker]

Great Sarah, It is a wonderful feeling. I went out with my second wife at Halloween to a bar. A roughneck kind of bar, with some bikers. Let me tell you I was shaking at first, as I made into the bar everyone was looking at me. They could tell right away I wasn't a real Female. Overdressed for this bar. We ordered drinks and I began to relax, there wasn't anywhere to sit so we had to stand. There was one guy who was really drunk, he was looking at me quite a bit. He was to drunk to say anything. We ended up over by the Pool Table where there were other GG ladies standing. I felt good to be talking with them about this that and everything else. On the way out there was this guy at the bar that said something to me on the way by. I did not hear what he said, athough I know it wasn't bad. I think he was hitting on me. The feeling we get when we are eccepted in a place like this is a feeling like no other. We feel that we are eccepted even though we may not pass as female, but accepted for who we are. People expressing ourselves in our way. We did go to another bar that night. Again it was the same kind of bar. We walked in and 2 large guys sitting at the bar noticed me and one said to the other "there you go" I didn't know what he was talking about for sure and did not want to stick around to find out. I only want Females not males to relate to. Nothing against anyone here, as we are all sisters here and I wouldn't be afraid to be around any of you.
GOD BLESS US ALL!!!
AMY

[jsarah]

Thanks! I know next time I go I'm going to take my girlfriends with me (in fact we're planning on this saturday) because I think the thing that made me the most nervous was the lack of my support system. Only a few people here know about this and it would have been nice to have them there to lean upon when I was feeling anxious. But all in all it was such a big step to me that I finally overcame! :)

[Michelia]

Sarah, I enjoyed reading your story. And if I had seen this thread before I would have told you looked pretty and passable. I am dreaming of the day I can do what you did, although I am not nearly as pretty and passable as you. Thanks for sharing it all with us.

Michelia

[Valerie Nova]

Well, you're no hottie, but you do look like a woman. If I saw you at the grocery store, I would never suspect anything.

Glad to hear you had fun!

[RedBaron]

Sarah,

Good for you that did go, congratulations ^5

I remember my first outing in skirts. At that time I was wearing an ankle length broomstick skirt, a leather west, bolo tie and cowgirl hat, all western style. I don't pass, I am just a guy in skirt (wearing a beard).

don't drive when I go out, I take the bus. On the first step onto the bus, I stepped on my skirt. :redface:

Here I was in a somewhat precarious situation. If I continued up the steps, my skirt would go down and I would put up quite a show., or I would fall flat on my face. Somehow I managed scramble up the steps without making too much of a fool of myself, but it was not a good start of the evening.

I had selected a small neighborhood bar to go to. It usually had only a few people in there. When I got there, it was quiz night and the place was packed :sad:
But I didn't intend to turn around at this point, so I went in.

I ended up having a great time, nobody said anything negative, especially the GGs were very supportive and actually defended me against even the slightest hint of animosity of the guys. It made my day, and I have been wearing skirts ever since. I still wear broomstick skirts sometimes, but by now I prefer shorter skirts, the shorter the better. But with winter coming, I think my broomsticks will see increased use for a while. :sigh:

[Sophia Rearen]

Sarah, I too am happy for you. This is one of those stories that need to be told and then retold. As most cd's focus on the negative what if's, you were able to walk out that door and experience a positive what if.
It's not always going to be great, nor is it always going to be bad. But, had you just stayed in that night you would have lost that chance of having a fabulous night. I congratulate you.

[Sophia Rearen]

On the first step onto the bus, I stepped on my skirt. :redface:

I still wear broomstick skirts sometimes, but by now I prefer shorter skirts, the shorter the better. But with winter coming, I think my broomsticks will see increased use for a while. :sigh:

No doubt, less of a trip factor, unless you walk on your knees? :D

[RedBaron]

No doubt, less of a trip factor, unless you walk on your knees? :D

What a great reason for wearing mini skirts, I never thought about that :D (as if I needed an excuse :cheer:)

[Snookums]

depends how many pints of black and tan I've had:D

[Angela Burke]

Sarah,
Great to hear your night out went ok.
You are so brave girl!

[Aslan73]

Sarah - your smile says it all. It brought a smile to my own face being glad that you had a fantastic time. It never hurts to get to know the owners and staff at various establishments. My gf's took me out to a club/lounge last year and somehow we found ourselves in a strip club. Some time later in the evening, several "guys/rednecks" made a comment; you should have seen the look on their faces when several dancers, one bartender, and the owner bounced them out while preaching to them about how to treat a lady. While being alittle more invigorating of an evening than I had planned, I appreciated the support and found out that one of my gf's knew the owner and had confided in him what they were up to.

Thanks for bring back some of my memories of first "going out" lol.

[EricaCD]

I absolutely loved reading this thread - both the first post and then the resolution. Good for you and I am really happy it was such a positive experience. This made my evening!

Best,
Erica

[paulaN]

I loved your story. I am very happy that you had such a good time. Now that the ice is broken there will be no stopping you now. I think you look passable and lovely. A real nice look with the smile.

[Tammi_52]

...will only help to encourage others (maybe me), Thanks for having the guts to go out abd passing your experience on to others. HUGS.