Differences between knowing and wishing

[Katelyn]

HI girls.
My question has to to with the difference of knowing you were supposed to be a girl and wishing you were supposed to be a girl. I don't feel as if I am a woman trapped in a man's body, but ever since I was a child, I had wished that I was born a girl. I was wondering if anyone who wished that they were born a girl still pursued SRS? If you did, did you regret it later on?
:confused:

[AmberTG]

Wow, that's a really good question, I feel the same way. I told my therapist that I felt that way and we had an interesting discussion about it, but it didn't change the fact that I have gender issues, just the way that I perceive them as opposed to the way someone else perceives their issues. I'd like to see the answers to this question.

[Lisa Maren]

I would love to see this question answered, too. I'm the same way; I don't feel like "a woman trapped in a man's body". I do feel that I wish I were a girl. I find myself thinking/feeling that at least briefly most days.

Hugs,
Lisa

[cindianna_jones]

Clarissa,

This is how I felt. From my earliest memories, I wanted to be a girl. It consumed my whole life. I did not feel like I was a woman trapped in a man's body.... I only wanted to be a girl with all my being. It was only a minor matter of semantics with my therapists. I did pursue my desires. I had my GRS 19 years ago.

Did it work? I no longer have those thoughts in my head. I am free to be creative with all of the things that I love to do. As a male, I would have been much more successful financially. But I've been very happy these past several years.

Cindi

[MJ]

wow that is a very good question. thank you. i see my shrink on the 26 and i will discuss this. it will give us something to talk about. i have known since a young age that i should be a girl but i also wish it too. thank you Clarissa this is going to bounce around my head all week...

[Stephenie S]

Good question!

I have known since before I can remember that I should have been a girl. Now for my entire life, I "knew" that there was nothing I could do about this. I knew I was SICK, SICK, SICK. If I said anything, they would lock me up with the other crazies. So I did my best to be a good "guy". And I did all right. I had a sucessful life.

So am am not unhappy with my male body. I know it was the wrong one, but it was a good one. It served me well, healthy and strong, and pretty good looking too. So ask me about my penis and testicles? Hate is too strong a word, but I don't like 'em. Wish they were gone. They just get in the way.

I now know that I can do something about this and I am. The time for action is here. I don't have all that much time left and I am going to spend the rest of my life as happy as I can possibly be. That means doing ALL I can to be the woman I know I should have been. The woman who has ALWAY been there inside.

What's the difference between wishing and knowing? I wished my entire childhood. Wished and prayed and hoped. Now I am grown. I know that wishing and praying and hoping are childish and that an adult ACTS. I am determined that I will not end my life with the thought, "if only".

Lovies,
Stephenie

And Lisa, if you are thinking about this on a daily basis, the time has come to seek professional help. Please find a good GENDER therapist. Your school will have resources also. Please use them.

Steph

[Lauren B]

My response to that question is "does it matter?"

I think all this question serves to do is try to separate the "real" transsexuals from the "fake" ones, implying that some women's reasons for transitioning are more legitimate than others'. The bottom line is that both the "knower" and the "wisher" still want to transition, and all other things considered equal, both stand just as good of a chance of leading a happy post-transition life as the other.

I hope my answer doesn't come across as too inflammatory, and I believe that Clarissa didn't intend for the thread to be as such, but I have noticed that on quite a few online forums, many women seem to be on a quest to create an "us vs. them" sort of situation, saying essentially that "if you don't fit this specific narrative, and don't have these specific end goals, then you have no business transitioning", which I think is very hurtful. Everyone's different, including us. Everyone's reasons for transitioning are different, even if they are to some small degree. Therefore, to me, the "knower" and the "wisher" should both pursue transition if they so choose.

I think the key regarding transition is to be honest with yourself. Listen to yourself, and only go as far as you feel is right for you, no matter what point that is. It could be SRS, or it could just be something far short of that. I think it only becomes a problem when someone has it in her mind that "unless I go 'all the way' and get SRS, then I'm not a woman- I failed", yet they only realized they went "too far" after the fact.

'K,,, I'll shut up now :p

[princessmichelle]

Hi all,

It seems that Clarissa struck a chord. Add my voice to the chorus: I refuse to say I AM a girl trapped in a boy's body,
but I know I really WISH I was born female, and have for a long time.

So it seems like the answer to this question is the answer to whether I'm a candidate for grs.

Is that too much to say?

"Princess" :heehee: michelle

[leahgurl]

I wished I was a girl starting in my early teen years, before that I was gender neutral in my mind. I also hate being thought of as 'male' and treated like one. I am not, i am female.

[Josephine Bonne]

HI girls.
My question has to to with the difference of knowing you were supposed to be a girl and wishing you were supposed to be a girl. I don't feel as if I am a woman trapped in a man's body, but ever since I was a child, I had wished that I was born a girl. I was wondering if anyone who wished that they were born a girl still pursued SRS? If you did, did you regret it later on?
:confused:

Clarissa, for me the answer is BOTH; I have always felt that there was a mistake and I should be a girl, as well as oh I so want to be accepted as female! Having felt this way actualy forced me to try and be very male for many years when in fact I do not like much about how men think and act. Great question and thread.

[celeste26]

It is to the doctors who have the "keys for approval" for SRS that this matters. They are the ones splitting hairs.

On the other hand, how many have gone through with all the various surgeries and found out that they not should have? Is one too many?

This whole long process is made hard just to weed out those not sure and the wishing vs knowing is a sharp cutting edge.

[boi_0h]

HI girls.
My question has to to with the difference of knowing you were supposed to be a girl and wishing you were supposed to be a girl.
:confused:

Just to clarify...did you mean knowing you were supposed to be a girl, and wishing you were a girl?

I know you specifially asked the ladies, but from a guy's perspective, being that I have so recently "found myself" and realised that I am an FtM...I would say that I always wished I was a guy until I found out there was such a thing as transseuality, then I knew I should have been born a boy.

[Sarah Smile]

Just to clarify...did you mean knowing you were supposed to be a girl, and wishing you were a girl?

I know you specifially asked the ladies, but from a guy's perspective, being that I have so recently "found myself" and realised that I am an FtM...I would say that I always wished I was a guy until I found out there was such a thing as transseuality, then I knew I should have been born a boy.

I'm having a similar experience. For thirty years, I wished I was a girl, and always assumed I had to be a guy. Now that I know in my head that I can transition, I know I should have been born a girl. It's funny, though. For many of those thirty years, I knew what transgender, transitioning, etc. was. It just literally never even occurred to me to apply those terms to myself, for some reason.

[Teresa Amina]

Oh, those wishes, long ago and not so long ago! I hid well for most my life, though they would sneak through in awkward moments when least expected. Build the walls, find the distractions, look the other way. Still, a crack here and there, a bright, disturbing light shining through a small hole in the defenses- "you still do, you know.."

[MarinaTwelve200]

When I first started Cding, I WISHED I was or could become a girl----Despite the "hardships " that would entail, UNTIL I realized THAT "wish" was but a fantasy that I was using to "get off" with.----Sorta "sado Masochistic", one might say. As becoming a girl meant (for me) "Humiliation" and loss of status, not to mention becoming "helpless" and at the mercy of men.

THAT kind of stuff is a TURN ON for lots of us--SO LONG as it is in fantasy form. Happening for REAL would be HORRIFYING.

It took a while to realize how my psyche was working though, thats why I strongly stress and tell people that such WISHES may not be what one really wants at all---but is merely a "turn on" fantasy.

I Know its VERY HARD to tell the difference between a sexually driven (logic blinding) fantasy and a real wish., but you can get a clue by observing or remembering HOW you may have reacted to a Real Life attempt(s) at forced fem on you. Did you cheerfully let your mother put makeup on you for a school play , or did you FIGHT it? Did you fight off a friend"s (or group of friends) attempt to put you into a dress --even as a joke?--Or did you dress up willfully?

Our ACTIONS and reactions tell us how we REALLY feel.---our thoughts and fantasys can often fool us.

[Stephenie S]

Dear Marina,

There are some of us for whom our TG thoughts are not erotic.

I did at one time "get off" on CDing. That aspect of my life is LONG gone.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Natasha Anne]

This is such a wonderful question. I have wished I was a girl since I can remember. Having just had 1st stage GRS I can honestly say I do not wish to be a boy.

What I'm getting at, is that the wish in my case was an expression of the same thing. I was trapped by my male body, but my outlet was an expression of a desire to be female.

Perhaps they are different expressions of the same thing.

[Katelyn]

Just to clarify...did you mean knowing you were supposed to be a girl, and wishing you were a girl?

I know you specifially asked the ladies, but from a guy's perspective, being that I have so recently "found myself" and realised that I am an FtM...I would say that I always wished I was a guy until I found out there was such a thing as transseuality, then I knew I should have been born a boy.

I know I pointed it towards the girls, because I am a male wondering what it would be like to pursue being female, but I should've not limited it to only MTF. I apologize for being narrow minded, and I am glad that you answered. Every little bit of Info helps. What I should have said for anyone who wished or knew to be the opposite gender. Also, That clarification was right. Knowing that you were the opposite gender and wishing that you were born the opposite gender.

[GypsyKaren]

I honestly don't know what I felt, whether I was wishing or knowing, I just knew that something wasn't right. This was back in the 50s and 60s, and we didn't have all of the information about it like we do now, we didn't have Google and the like, so it was an unknown and hidden subject. Back in 1968 I saw a big article about transsexuals and sex change operations in a magazine, and then it was all clear to me, I knew then that I was a girl.

Karen

[AmandaM]

I've wished I was a girl since the age of four. Don't know if that means I should be one. But I definitely don't feel like a boy. I admit that I could/possibly/probably be TS. But, I also do not close the door on the category of TV with TS tendencies, where the TSism comes out more at times of stress, etc. What do you think of that? Do you think it could relate to the "wanting to be" argument?

[Deborah]

I do feel as a woman in a man's body, but i'm not transitioning or SRS so i suppose i'm non-op. However, i wish i were born woman so that i could have kids etc.

[Poltergeist]

I think this is a difficult question... for as long as I can remember, I've always felt that "me" was something that only exists somewhere behind my eyes... the rest isn't me at all. But do I wish or know that I should be a guy... I don't know, to be honest I've always kind of seen myself as deformed, but in reality, I know that I'm not... or am I? I think that depends on why you think you're transsexual - if there's a psychological or a biological reason. And I'm not sure which one it is, so I don't know if "knowing" that I'm supposed to be a guy isn't just me not being able to accept the truth.

[CaptLex]

I don't know if it's different for MtF TSs (as some things are), but for me, I "knew" it without doubts when I was a child - my earliest memory of it is at 4-1/2 years old. Once I hit puberty and my body developed differently than what I "knew", I had to accept that I could never be a boy and went into a form of denial where I told myself it was mostly wishful thinking. Many years later the walls of denial had to come tumbling down and I re-discovered and accepted what I really knew all along, with the happy realization that I can be what I've always known. :D

[Kimberley]

I would have to say that I honestly dont know what it means to be either male or female. I know what if feels like to be me. (We wont go there)

As a child my preferences for play and socializing were with girls but I was "forced" to be a boy, act, play, etc. Today I still live with the contradictions and resulting confusion of this situation. Wishing? Feeling? Hoping? Who knows?

I cant justify my feelings or my actions other than they just are, they exist. I cant say I have given up questioning all this but I am more at ease with myself than I was while trying to survive in this world without transitioning.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Maggie Kay]

My desire to be a woman has been developing very strongly as I get older. I never really crossdressed much until my fifties and in fact don't have a dress. However, I definitely dislike being a man. I do dress in femme clothes and do just about all the other TG things. SO to the point, I have thought about the concept of the "woman trapped inside a man's body" and it occurred to me that it is a matter of what I was brought up to think. I mean, our mothers tell us who we are and who we are supposed to behave when we are tiny tots. It never occurred to me that it could be any other way than what she said I was. However, I was very unhappy trying to be a male. I just didn't get it. I was no team player, didn't like sports, played with the neighborhood girls, etc. I do not like the company of men. I get nearly sick dealing with them and now that I am self employed, I avoid them almost completely except on the Internet. This makes me wonder, I want to be a woman but am totally repulsed by men??? Women's clothing is designed to be attractive to men.... I want to be attractive but not to them. Twisted huh? Wanting to be a woman but knowing that it is impossible makes me feel like I am going to explode. I envy those who can get help and even GRS but my situation makes these options impossible.

[Renee Talia]

I definitely wish i was born a girl, on the fact of knowing and wanting to transition into a girl, well..... I am still trying to figure that one out, as is a lot of people I assume.
Great Replies everyone,
Jenna

[carrentate]

there is no answer to you your question, life is a piece of shit, it's only how you want to live it, i would just say be who you want to be, do what is needed to be how you feel is right, look after your self, no one else will , be true to your self and do all you can to live your life as you want, we only get one shot at it!! if there is a god then he's a real c**t, so don't rely upon him to help, he only seems to deal in death and destruction, just look at the middle east all these so called devout muslims killing every one they don't care

there is no god so live your life best way you can, sorry to sound so negative, but tjhats how I feel, be true to yourself if there is a god he'll love you for it

carren

[MarinaTwelve200]

Dear Marina,

There are some of us for whom our TG thoughts are not erotic.

I did at one time "get off" on CDing. That aspect of my life is LONG gone.

Lovies,
Stephenie

Well, its gone for ME too, now. I realized that the "erotic" aspects were mere secondary aspects of my CD experience---being a young Hetro male, and in the "Ultimate contact" with a "girl".

The REAL urge seems to stem from a "NEED" to ocasionally shed my personal and male identity, and totally become another "not me" person. All my worrys and obligations simply "melt away" and I enter a state of blissful, ultimate relaxation.

My point is that Strong drives and erotic feelings can SOMETIMES "Mask" the real reasons we do things, even from our selves. I too, wished I was a woman at one time---but I didnt realize the REAL reason why. ANd it turned out I really didnt want to really BE a woman after all. My feelings and emotions blocked my logic.----I now can see why those sex change therapists are so insistant on a lotta counciling before they recommend that one undergoes SRS.

[LaFem]

I knew I should have been a girl since age 5, and that is a long time ago, when the only TS in the world was Christine Jorgenson. Talking about it was simply not possible in my conservative world and family, so I CD'd whenever I could. I wished and wished, but of course no success. I truly believe that if SRS was available (and as advanced as it is today) I would have done it then. I've lived in this male body for over 55 years, and not a day has gone by when I haven't doubted myself. I've always thought that if you really are a TS, no price is too high to become yourself. I'm still trying to put all this together.

Thanks for this great thread.

[livy_m_b]

Someone earlier has said that the only people to whom the answer matters are therapists who think thereby to make some distinction. But, in fact, whether a person describes herself as "feeling like a woman trapped in a man's body" or "wanting" or "wishing" to be a woman probably has more to do with the life experiences of the individual and the degree of introspection than anything else. For some of us, "feeling like a woman" is as far as our reflection goes, and that's not a negative, since it's as far on this particular point as it needs to go for these individuals. Others can start out saying they "feel like a woman" and then struggle with the various intellectual challenges to that statement and end up saying that they "want" or "wish" to be a woman or that that they "emulate" women or that they "prefer" being a woman etc. I think making distinctions among these descriptions of a person's internal state of consciousness is probably doomed to conclude that there is no consistent usage. Now, as to those therapists for whom it seems to make a difference, the difference between "knowing" you're a woman and "wishing" you were a woman might seem to suggest that there's more flexibility of choice in the person who just "wishes" it as opposed to the person who "knows" it - but that's either going to be an artificial distinction or no distinction at all. A good therapist will evaluate the person as a whole and help the individual determine how far it is necessary and possible given all the circumstances to go to alleviate the feelings of discomfort that arise from gender dysphoria and will help the person to accept the "things I cannot change, change the things I can, and have the wisdom to know the difference." Yes, it's trite, but most truths are. Keep your eyes on the ball and don't take any wooden nickels, I always say.

[celeste26]

Outside of just going to Thailand and spending the money without therapy, the people and institutions which control the the official designations for gender are the medical establishment (like it or not) everyone who gets involved with this issue must meet their approval for such surgery or it is not performed (in America at least).

The other side of the coin so to speak is just going without surgery and claiming a new staus without their approval.

As a long term crossdresser, and not a transexual, I dont face this approval process, but I recognize the need for such things for others. Obviously the standards that are used vary from therapist to therapist and from surgeon to surgeon still they live and work within the medical establishment and need to meet their own approval systems. It is so hard to get away from meeting other people's standards isn't it? In an ideal world none of this would ever happen anyway (no gender problems and no need for approval from others either).

Growing up as a crossdresser involves wishing and hoping of one sort or another and On many occasion I have been there wishing I was born differently,needless to say these wishes were not fulfillled and I have since stopped wishing like that anymore.

The transexuals that I have met so far have a knowing in their bones on this matter, it is not a matter of wishing. SRS is primarily a correction of a condition and is not a matter of fulfilling a wish.

[Kimberley]

Outside of just going to Thailand and spending the money without therapy, the people and institutions which control the the official designations for gender are the medical establishment (like it or not) everyone who gets involved with this issue must meet their approval for such surgery or it is not performed (in America at least).

The other side of the coin so to speak is just going without surgery and claiming a new staus without their approval.

As a long term crossdresser, and not a transexual, I dont face this approval process, but I recognize the need for such things for others. Obviously the standards that are used vary from therapist to therapist and from surgeon to surgeon still they live and work within the medical establishment and need to meet their own approval systems. It is so hard to get away from meeting other people's standards isn't it? In an ideal world none of this would ever happen anyway (no gender problems and no need for approval from others either).

Growing up as a crossdresser involves wishing and hoping of one sort or another and On many occasion I have been there wishing I was born differently,needless to say these wishes were not fulfillled and I have since stopped wishing like that anymore.

The transexuals that I have met so far have a knowing in their bones on this matter, it is not a matter of wishing. SRS is primarily a correction of a condition and is not a matter of fulfilling a wish.

*****************
You are somewhat correct in the statement that the medical community control transition. There are set standards that anyone wanting transition must meet, however they are still open to interpretation on a case by case basis by the pdocs. However the approval of more than one must be met so in that regard the standards are less flexible.

Ultimately we are responsible for our own care and destiny and so some opt for that trip to Thailand. The Harry Benjamin Standards of Care are pretty much universal in the Western world.

I would like to propose that there are far more TS who are non op and will remain so than those who do full transition. There are a lot of us on this site and we often are labelled as TG, Genderqueer or whatever. For us transition would be preferred but for other reasons we rule it out. Generally, we also pay a heavy price mentally for this decision.

It is important to realize that in order to transition you have to be "mentally healthy" while at the same time be diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria. In other words, they want to ensure you are making a sound decision with a clear mind not one that is cluttered with other conditions. It is a Catch-22 situation. You have to be healthy but sick.

Transition is a correction in that it aligns gender with sexuality but it is not a cure and that is what the medical establishment want to be assured of before approving SRS.

As I said before, wishing knowing or whatever is irrelevant. What is relevant is how we feel, nothing more and nothing less. One cannot put an accurate descriptive to a feeling or emotion. This is why the psych community is needed, to sort all of this out so mistakes are minimized. They can never be eliminated but minimized is a reality.

Kimberley

[Siobhan Marie]

I know that I'm a woman trapped in a man's body although I realised this recently but have never ever felt right inside and now I do and it feels so good I can't tell you. The next step for me is full transition. I know and understand that GRS is not a cure but its something I need to do for me as I need to align my gender with my sexuality. I'm a lesbian and I'm in the wrong body.

I will do this, I have to do this and I know and understand that it will take time and that I have a long way to go, but I will get there, eventually.

There is one good thing that's come out of this is I feel so much better in myself now that I know and what I am and I'm sleeping better than I have done for a long time and believe me that is a good thing.

:hugs: Anna Marie x

[marie rose]

Excellent post Livy. I believe I have always felt I should be a girl however Up until a few years ago I can't say I ever thought I was a girl. I just felt I was me and I didn't stop to think if that me was male or female although I knew my male genitailia was wrong. However, In the last couple years I've started to educate myself about the condition and now believe I was probably born with a female brain in a male body.

[Sarahgurl371]

Well, its certainlly my "million dollar question."

I started my quest a couple of years ago now, and I am not any closer to answering the question of the difference between "knowing" and "wishing". I am one who has since my teens, "wished" I was born a female. Not because of some perceived priviledge, or social standing, but because for some unknown reason I want to be a girl.

I have read many personal biographies from those who have transitioned and have found that while there may be similarites, there are also alot of differences. There are many things that are said by post op TS's that I totally "get", and there are things that I don't.

I have been seeing a specialist weekly for seven months now. We have discussed this particular issue at length. His opinion is that humans are all different, and that how we each perceive things is unique,different and relevant to our life experiences. Socialization has a huge impact in how we perceive ourselves. He also has diagnosed me as gender dysphoric, probable TS.

I agree that many can be caught up or fooled by erotic feelings, or others, and that we should all be "checked out" by qualified doctors to ensure that there are no underlying mental conditions complicating things.

As far as the "sexual" feelings are concerned, a question - when do you feel sexual? When you feel lousy and depressed, or when you feel happy? So sexual feelings while presenting as the "wished" gender, if not an addiction or a fetish, would mean that you fell well as this "wished" gender and that if we accept that people feel sexual when they are happy, we could assume that the sexual feelings are natural? Or repressed sexuality comming out.

I have noticed in my quest that many professionals and ourselves, put alot of weight on sex. Many pre-op TS people state that there are no sexual feelings associated with their desire to transition (cuz that would possibly raise a red flag). But when interviewed after SRS, talk of their sexuality openly, and that they have always has a desire to be sexually active as their "wished" sex. This is not always the case, but it certainlly exists within the community. For many years, I thought that I cannot be TS because there is a sexual component to this all.

I also believe that its possible that in the process of allowing oursleves to investigate this all, to gain some experience in how we feel, that we can become even more consumed by it. Meaning that we are either really fooling ourselves, read feeding an addiction or fetish, or experincing the bliss associated with finally comming to terms with who we are and how we should appear. Which is true? Alot if introspection and self analysis is in order to figure it all out.

If you are asking these questions, do yourself a favor. READ. TALK. LISTEN. Read the standards of care, read biographies, talk to others, talk to a gender therapist, hell, talk to two of them. Listen to people and their experiences. If you are worried about spending the money on therapy, what do you think it will cost to transition?

I wish I was one who "knew" without a doubt that I was a normal male, a CD, or a TS. I am not. I do not fit into any neat little category. The water is always a little muddy.

Also, a quick plug of Cindi Jones's book since she contributed to this thread. It is worth the money. My Squirrel never stops. If you are one who thinks that you may be TS, this book is very descriptive as to how she felt, and what this all costs.

[Sakura Kinomoto]

For my case,I knew that there wasnt something right with me because I never fitted in the world of men.I was always a different kid,never did what the other boys did and I still do.I dont want to be a boy,that is for sure.

My Hormone therapy is around the corner,I am getting courage to tell my parents.Enough hiding dont you think?Why must I be something that I dont want?

[Celine_kaye]

I've always "wished" I were a girl. Do you think it's ok to "wish"? Sometimes wishes do come true...

[Josie06]

You have posed a question that makes me think a lot. I thought it was one or the other. But ...

I've always felt since I was around 5 years old that I was supposed to be a girl. The clothing, the dolls, the pretending games were just the right fit. Not football, army and GI Joe. As I got to be a pre-teen and a teen when ever I saw a TV show or movie I always identified with the female characters, not the males.

In my younger years I found myself when I was young wishing I was Loretta Young in those wonderful gowns, Donna Reed and Barbara Billingsley raising children, when feeling adventurous Dianna Rigg as Emma Peel ... one of my favs was Elizabeth Montgomery on Bewitched (just a beautiful woman). I knew I was them in each and every show.

As I got older I had to conform to what society wanted me to be, a male and a father. I have a wonderful wife and children, who do not know this side of me. I would not change any of this ... although I still wish to live my life as the woman I know I am.

My inner thoughts and feelings and yes my wishes have never changed to this day. I still identify with the female characters in shows and movies.

Maybe it is both. Wishing to be a woman ... and having the great misfortune to be born a man.

Thanks for making the grey matter work. :happy:

[Vivian Best]

So am am not unhappy with my male body. I know it was the wrong one, but it was a good one. It served me well, healthy and strong, and pretty good looking too. So ask me about my penis and testicles? Hate is too strong a word, but I don't like 'em. Wish they were gone. They just get in the way.Steph

I feel the same way Steph does in the above statement! However, I do not feel the same way as she does about the rest of her life. I am the way I am and I probably won't change.

It is fun to think and wish though.

[Felix]

This is a great post and has made me think about stuff. I have only talked about this probably in the boys clubhouse but I feel I want to share here too.
My first thought of what I was must have been when I was 8. Lol my hairdresser asked me how old I was when I realized I was different and she couldn't believe I was only eight. Thing is I know this is true for most ppl who are in our situation we know when we are really young that there is something very diferent about us. I used to get very frustrated and I wanted to be a boy. I used to try to do things the way boys did them :o I'll let ya use your imaginations lol. I gave up on that lol! I was such a tomboy I did everything with my dad. I never liked really girly clothes although I probably wore them to keep the peace and tried to convince myself that I looked ok in them. It has been a strange journey for me and I'm sure there are others here who know what I mean I've been married got two wonderful sons and a step son and now I have started questioning my gender again. I don't wish for anything I think I look at things practically and with some logic. I am trying to cross dress more now even in the workplace. I don't know quite where my journey is going to take me but I just take each day as it comes and I generally sort my own head out as I have done all my life, each chapter bringing it's own challenges. I Know I am far more comfortable presenting as I do in a more masculine way and I know for sure that my masculine side is far more prominant in my life right now Where I go from here I'm not sure I am patient though so it helps. I have taked about 'T' with my partner but dunno really and not sure how far I'd go if I went on 'T' Does any of this make sense to ppl? Felix xx :hugs:

[Clare]

I don't feel as if I am a woman trapped in a man's body, but ever since I was a child, I had wished that I was born a girl.This is me too!

When I was a child, I wanted to be with, and do things with, real girls as I felt that I should have been "one of them".

Strange that as an adult, I don't have the desire to undergo GRS, but I still want to live life as a normal woman - their activities in general, clothing, makeup and so forth in everyday life.

[Josie06]

You really started the thinking jucies flowing with your question. I belive these things, wishing and knowing, feed each other.

Something inside me, I don't know how else to explain it, I just knew from an early age that my inner self was not a match for my outer self. I knew I was not who I appeared so wishing to be became a daily almost every minute thought. Dressing as a girl/woman became a way to express that outer self that I knew deep, deep inside that I was.

I still fell that way, still have thoses exact same thoughts and wishes. Yes, and still trying to figure out the best way to resolve them.

[Jodi Lynn]

Good question, I just wish I knew. I can remember at a very young age (5 or6) tucking while I was in the bath tub so I wouldn't have a penis. Growing up I didn't like playing with the boys, would rather play with girls. Love to play house ( I allways wanted to be the mommie), play dolls and dressup (way before I ever knew what a CD was). I have had this battle my whole life. And , like others have said I don't know at my age now if I could go all the way with SRS now. If I knew back then what I kinow now I would of then.

[Cathy Love]

I think this line:

I would have to say that I honestly don’t know what it means to be either male or female. I know what if feels like to be me.

Would describe it best for me. It wasn't as case of "Oh I feel trapped, I hate my body", or "I wish was a girl" more just "I wish I was just normal, like everyone else". It's just that being normal in my eyes is just a bit abnormal to a lot of other people.

I think I was about 15ish or so when I'd dressed fully (usual story of stolen clothes from mum/sisters) and I looked in the mirror and saw something which has eventually led me to the path I'm on now. I saw me. The true me. I saw passed the badly fitting clothes, the awful dress sense, the bad make-up job and horrible short stubbly hair and saw me, a girl. And a thought ran right through my head "Oh my God, there's me - I can see who I am meant to be".

Thankfully I had enough sense to grab hold of that crazy thought lock it up tight in a box and stick it a deep dark room for all eternity - never to be let out again....mmmmm....well years later it was only let out if the consumption of alcohol resulted in my mind wondering back to that particular door, asking if I could be let out to play, because I was feeling sorry for myself or something.

Later,

[Joy Carter]

Wish reincarnation was fact because it would explain why I feel the way I do. The wife says it might just be that I was female in a past life and that my spirit is so strongly female.

[Scotty]

I was born in the mid 60's and by all accounts the doc and my mom both believed I was going to be a girl, and then I wasn't........but it may have been wishing on her part too.

For me, probably wishing, can't say I was supposed to be anything because I was not.

You can't second guess the past, doesn't work.

[Calliope]

Although I understand the psychiatric and medical professionals' desire to not get sued, I condemn their Olympian power over the TS' life when there are so many individual circumstances to consider. With so much societal disapproval to cut through, the TS' life travels the most unlikely path in the first place. I would guess the 'garden variety' CD wants the dual role whereas the 'average' TS keeps pushing the female characteristics forward, at whatever the cost. I would have said, in my case, I 'merely' wished ... until the prodigious day arrived when I assessed my 46 years and realized I had led a woman's life all the way through (complete with high-testosterone female mates leading a 'male' life) - even during times I answered to 'male.' Well, I'm line for hormones now, so I'll see what the shrinks make of that. I present female 24/7 (almost effortlessly) so I'm certainly satisfied with my perception of the situation. The professionals might deny me the hormones but they won't have any better luck making me a guy; the armed services gave that a try (long ago) and failed.

[Theresa(TGirl)]

i've read a few of these and they are interesting,

but as to me,
i can remember as a kid not having anyone other than my younger sister to play with, and i was interested in guys toys, but i did grow somewhat of an interest in barbies, and i even at times later on play "pretend" type stuff and i would like to be a girl more than a guy and would actually insist on it. So i guess that more of me wishes to be a girl rather than wants it.

[Katelyn]

These are all good answers. One thing that boggles me is ever since I was young, I would even have dreams where I would look in a mirror and see myself as the other gender. Sometimes I would feel humiliated in the dream, and other times I would feel natural. I just recently had a dream like this this weekend. I saw myself with pierced ears, medium hair, and a more feminine face with makeup on. I was trying on earrings and I was having a stylist to style my hair. When I looked into the mirror I smiled and felt comfortable in my dream. I know this is off subject, but has anyone had similar dreams before??