Information

[Bobbie Lee]

I was talking to my wife the other day about my going out dressed. She is somewhat reluctant to see me do it, for many reasons but the one she brought up the other day kind of got me to thinking. I told her about my femme side and dressing about 6 to 7 months ago and she has been wonderful at helping me. Although she does not fully understand, nor do I sometimes, she is helping me so my first outing will go well.

The thing she is worried about is that I will be confronted by someone who is completely ignorant about gender identity disorder. She fears there might be an argument or confrontation if I am read by a guy who is very macho, homophobic or worse. We thought about this and she suggested I might get a pamphlet or card made that explains what gender dysphoria is and even list some information for them to look up on the subject. I thought I had seen something like this either in a book I have read or on a forum. Has anyone seen anything like this and if so where can I find it.

Bobbie

[KarenSusan]

She fears there might be an argument or confrontation if I am read by a guy who is very macho, homophobic or worse.


That might be a good idea, Bobbie, but I fear this type of individual has no interest in reading about Gender Dysphoria.

[EricaCD]

If you live close to Austin, I'd recommend going out there first. Even though there is certainly a large conservative community there, it's one of the most tolerant places in the South.

Karen Sue is right - if you encounter someone who is so horrified and hateful that they are moved to a confrontation, it's unlikely that educational outreach is on the agenda that evening. I'd suggest concentrating your efforts on finding a relatively "safe" (i.e., tolerant) place for your first few outings.

Erica

[StephanieCD]

A closed mind is very difficult to communicate with. A card or something might be nice to the people who you met that knew but were ok... if they ask why then you could give them an answer they could take home.

As for dealing with people who are worth being worried about - I have no advice because they are exactly why I haven't gone out with the local group of girls that goes out. I'm scared. My experience has shown me that the irrational can't be rationalize with and that's my best weapon - my mind. I'll probably pack a knife for my first trip out. Maybe even scout the area first to look for safe places. I'm a wimp!

Best of luck to you! Remember your smile and you'll be fine!

[Joy Carter]

I'm the gentle kind a sole who just wants peace and love. So if some ruffian does challenge me I'd have to say " Dear gentle person, what are you going to say when you tell your friends that you just got the beating of your life from a guy in a dress +? " Curtsy With The Index Finger To The Chin.

[Robin Leigh]

I told her about my femme side and dressing about 6 to 7 months ago and she has been wonderful at helping me. Although she does not fully understand, nor do I sometimes, she is helping me so my first outing will go well.
Congratulations on coming out to your wife, Bobbie! :hugs: Some support is much better than none. Also, the more we accept ourselves, the easier it gets for our SO's to accept us, too.


The thing she is worried about is that I will be confronted by someone who is completely ignorant about gender identity disorder.
I prefer the phrase Gender Identity Diversity. Crossdressing may be compulsive, but is no more a disorder than say, playing a sport, or a musical instrument or dancing regularly. But that's a topic for another thread...


She fears there might be an argument or confrontation if I am read by a guy who is very macho, homophobic or worse.
As others have noted, if you're in physical danger, it's not a time to give lessons in the fine points of transgenderism. Most violent transphobes are homophobes, and they don't really see the difference. To them we're all gay, and acceptable targets... :( :Angry3:

I advise staying away from rough areas, especially after dark. You will feel (& be) a lot safer out dressed if you have a companion (or two). Are you going to try to pass? Will your wife be accompanying you? If she's worried about being recognised, she can wear a wig, too. And maybe think about going to a different suburb or town for your outing.

If you don't go walking around the wrong places at the wrong times, it's unlikely that you will have to worry about being physically attacked. The worst you can usually expect is to be embarrassed by laughter or name calling, which can happen even in the more civilized parts of town. But even that's rare, these days (in my limited experience).

If you've never been outside at all dressed en femme before, I suggest you take it in easy stages. When you first step out, the adrenaline will be pumping. There's no point adding to that with needless fears. You ought to go out feeling comfortable & confident. Don't do it just because you feel compelled to get it over with. You've waited this long, a few more months aren't going to hurt. :)

Robin

[Bobbie Lee]

I posted this on several forums and groups and have gotten almost the same response form all of them. For the most part everyone thinks that it would be wise to avoid persons who could possibly harm anyone presenting as the opposite sex. I agree whole heartedly with that and know that someone who is closed minded can not be talked to and that a pamphlet would not be any help at all. I am planning on going out as Bobbie soon. I thought I was ready until I read all the replies; I may have to work on some of the details and rethink my original plans. I am a Police Officer and usually can talk my way through any verbal confrontation, so well that I have rarely ever had to resort to anything physical.

I am still thinking that some sort of information pamphlet would help, not for the closed minded, but for those that might just question why we dress. Someone who just wants to know what a male is doing in female clothing. It might be an educational opportunity for the public, to help them understand why we do what we do. I know I have seen something like this on a site or possibly a book I have read.

Thanks to everyone for the information and pointers on how to hopefully make my first outing a pleasant and safe one.

Bobbie

[vbcdgrl]

IMHO, anyone who is confrontational isn't gonna back off because you hand 'em a pamphlet. I wouldn't try to argue with 'em either.

Vikki

[Fallen Angel]

Hi bobbie,And even though Ive awsered this question on another forum Im also going to answer this here for some others who may want to take there first steps out as well.

Since Ive been going out for a very long time (over 15 years in puplic ) Your going to have the few that are going to make a comment Male or female.I just dont let them get to me.Trying to confront a persons comments just lead to more proublems.

If you looking for cards to hand out regarding gender disorders like many of the Girls have said Its not going to change the thoughts of those who are homophobic.

If your planning on takeing your first steps into the unknown many of us inclueding my self have use holloween (Our formal holiday ) to do so.
It gives you the chance to be among the public.And see what peoples reactions are going to be.


I also reserched places to go to that where cd,tv,ts freindly most of wich are going to be more likely in the Gay community.Go in drab check them out and if you like it Go back dressed,Drag Queen shows are another place you can go dressed up to suprised just how many of us Girls show up at those .

Ive found some great places to go to and have Made some really great freinds along the way.

Since your planning your first venture out I would sujest haveing some one else with you,your less of a target while in the company of otheres than if your by your self.

Id try a week end get a way possibly.You could take your time getting dressed no worries about being discovered and R and R with your wife.

Heres a few good tips

Research -for places to go to under alternitive life styles or gay and lesbein bars,nite clubs,there are a few links in ya hoo and you type in your state and a list of places pop up.

Go there in drab and check them out if you like it go back dressed up.

Never venture by your self,always have some one with you .

Park as close to the place as possible or a well lite area.

once your inside try to find a few girls to sit close to if possible

You may also want to ask the Bar Tender,Wait Staff,Hostess or Greetor what there restroom policies are.

Since your planning you outings with your wife be patiant with her this is a big culter shock and it does take time to ajust to it.The more she goes the more comfertable she'l get.

you8 also may want to look trew the arcives here there may be some information or brosheres on gender dissorders.Im sure if you ask one of the moderators here on the forum they will helpn you locate the information your looking for.

I wish you the best on your first venture out may it be full of fun and enjoyment to both of you Huggs Angel

[Bianca T-Girl]

The safest thing that I do is only go out with a guy preferably a tall stocky one, or even two if you know of any. A lot of CDs fit that gategory and might be only too pleased to help you out. You won't get guys trying to chat you up then. They still look though but that's all. The trouble is, that if you're alone, 9 times out of 10 a guy will come up and talk and if he sees what you really are, that's where the trouble starts. You must be careful.

Bianca.

[Francesca Chantel]

If you live close to Austin, I'd recommend going out there first. Even though there is certainly a large conservative community there, it's one of the most tolerant places in the South.

Erica

Erica is correct. Even my wife and I would love to go out to dinner with you sometime.