I got read today

[Jesse69]

Today I dressed up in my Amanda Smith size 4 dress suit that I look good in. Put some powder, breastforms, and pantyhose on - no lipstick. I went to Dillards and browsed the lingerie and all the womens clothes sections with no one reading me and the women shoppers just thought I was another woman. Well, there are 3 womens suits I was looking at in the second floor. I should have just grabbed them and walked into a fitting room to try them on, but I went to a sales lady and asked if I had to go to a person to go into a fitting room. She referred me to another lady who would help me. Well, now I had to talk more and I didn't use a good fem voice. I was testing to see if I could talk a little like I regulary do without altering it to a fem voice too much. Well, as I talked to the lady I said I don't know whether a size 2 or 6 would be better and that can I try them on. She read me by my voice and said I have to go to the mens section to try them on. Then she ask is this for a woman or a man. I said a women, then she said is it me? And I said yes. She told me again I had to use the mens room or just buy it and return it. Feeling I got read for good, I said nevermind and just walked out the store. No sense getting into trouble when there was a security guard by one of the registers. As I was leaving going down the escalater word spread about me and the other ladies came around just to get a look at me as I was going down. So now I'm a marked imposter and will never go back to Dillards in drag. Now I know I have to really work on my voice or I will get read.

I guess I'm passable by looks but not on the voice unless I work on my voice. Is anyone else here similar? Do any of you have stories of how you shopped en femme and got read? What happened next?

My confidence was just deflated, and now I don't know if I should go shopping in drag to Nashville next weekend.

My last time shopping before this I totally passed at Target buying fem stuff and browsing at Dillards looking at the lingerie and I had to talk very little to the lingerie lady.

Do any of you shop in drag knowing that the sales ladies know your a guy?

[Karen Johnson]

I've never shopped in drag, but I have bought clothes for myself and gotten some looks. I just act like nothing is odd about me being where I am doing what I'm doing. It really isn't any of the business and after all, I am a man and not a woman. I suppose it would be different were I trying to pass, but I'm there for me, not them.

[SBryder]

Yeah, when I go out, I have to find loopholes to get around speaking... I'm just tricky like that XD I can pass "okay" look-wise (though I'm terrible with eyeliner...) but my voice... Definitly room for improvement. That's why I've only gone out twice dressed, and both times doing things that didn't require talking, namely Wal-Marts self checkout.

[GG Vanya]

Today I dressed up in my Amanda Smith size 4 dress suit that I look good in. Put some powder, breastforms, and pantyhose on - no lipstick. I went to Dillards and browsed the lingerie and all the womens clothes sections with no one reading me and the women shoppers just thought I was another woman. Well, there are 3 womens suits I was looking at in the second floor. I should have just grabbed them and walked into a fitting room to try them on, but I went to a sales lady and asked if I had to go to a person to go into a fitting room. She referred me to another lady who would help me. Well, now I had to talk more and I didn't use a good fem voice. I was testing to see if I could talk a little like I regulary do without altering it to a fem voice too much. Well, as I talked to the lady I said I don't know whether a size 2 or 6 would be better and that can I try them on.

I'd say this was the dead giveaway and not your voice. No GG would ponder whether a size two or six would fit better. A size spread of TWO would be more plausible but a spread of FOUR sizes???

She read me by my voice and said I have to go to the mens section to try them on. Then she ask is this for a woman or a man. I said a women, then she said is it me? And I said yes. She told me again I had to use the mens room or just buy it and return it.

I think you would have gotten a more favorable reaction if you'd simply said "this is for me, I am a transgendered male". If I'd been your SA your evasive response would certainly have given me reason to be suspicious.


Feeling I got read for good, I said nevermind and just walked out the store. No sense getting into trouble when there was a security guard by one of the registers. As I was leaving going down the escalater word spread about me and the other ladies came around just to get a look at me as I was going down. So now I'm a marked imposter and will never go back to Dillards in drag. Now I know I have to really work on my voice or I will get read.

Jesse, no offense intended, but why do you always seem to be so aggressive when out in public dressed? Wouldn't you agree, in retrospect, that "marked imposter" is a bit over the line in describing your experience? Again, I feel it is your *reaction* rather than your *actions* that result in what you feel are negative responses from others when you're out and about.


I guess I'm passable by looks but not on the voice unless I work on my voice. Is anyone else here similar? Do any of you have stories of how you shopped en femme and got read? What happened next?

My confidence was just deflated, and now I don't know if I should go shopping in drag to Nashville next weekend.

Were I you, certainly I'd go shopping, but I'd be more upfront about myself and less offensive/defensive in my interactions with the SA's.


My last time shopping before this I totally passed at Target buying fem stuff and browsing at Dillards looking at the lingerie and I had to talk very little to the lingerie lady.

Do any of you shop in drag knowing that the sales ladies know your a guy?


In any case, I wish you well in your ventures.

[Tina Dixon]

Hell call and ask for the Manager and tell the person you were treated like crap, they could have accommodated you better than that.

[jennifer41356]

I go shopping as a woman all the time and never have a problem..I havent had a salesgirl say to me are you a boy or a girl?..I usually pick out what i want and go try it on...At Dillards I have had saleswomen ask if I want to start a dressing room and I say yes...I am lucky to have a fem sounding voice, people on the phone always call me maam, so it hasnt been a problem, I would think as long as you act like a lady, they wont think any different of you

it sounds like you were doing well until you made a request that got them thinking, try it again and this time just walk right in, if you buy anything they wont care who you are, becasue they will get the commission
good luck:thumbsup:

[BrendaB GG]

The best thing to do if someone asks like this is to say that you are transgendered. Most large companies have non discrimination policies, and probably this salesperson just didn't know what to do.
Brenda

[kathy gg]

Jessee I would think about caling ahead and asking if there is a handicap or family change room, maybe even getting a managers name.

I dont' know what the changr rooms are like there, but not all change area's have doors and women do walk around pretty bodly in the change rooms.

I think that the sales person was a little snarky for sure, but they might have a dressing room policy. Every store is different. ANd it is not like you are in NYC shopping in Soho, you are in a more conservative city, chances are they are little uptight. To battle the uptightedness you have to go to the top and not mess with the SA's.

Dillards is a fancier store, unless you are flawless in your presentation they are going to be a little more uppity. Not saying it is right, but that is the way some places are.

[jo_ann]

I can understand some stores not wanting a man to go into the ladies room.. but yeah, had you said you were transgendered they probably would have no choice but to respect your wishes, otherwise I would have asked for a manager, and if they still said no, I'd write to the corporate office.

[MJ]

hi i had the same problem here in Canada at sears. again it was my voice and she said i have to use the mens change room. they lost a sale that day. i also have a voice coach and she help me.and at the end of June my b-day i went back to treat myself and this time when the clerk ask me would i like to try it on. i said yes and i went into the womans change room it was so great i did it. my voice is not were i want it but it does work. i sound like Cher when i sing and talk now. if it's good enough for her it's good enough for me

[Denise01]

I am sorry to hear the you had such an unhappy experience.

Just last Friday evening I decided to go shopping and was in a Ladies shop in one of the malls about an hour from me.
I was looking at some of the skirts, and the sales girl asked me if she could start a dressing room, and would i like to try them on.
When I was in trying on the different skirts, the store manager came back in, and i heard the sales girl tell the manager, that she had a lady in the one room trying on some outfits.
I needed the next smaller size than the one i was trying and she got it for me, to try on.
When i had this one on, she asked how it fit, and could she see it. Both the sales girl and the Manager, treated me non other than any lady out shopping, and if they did realize i was a man or TG sure did not show it.
The sales girl also, mentioned that the skirt would be great to wear out for dinner, to a funciton, or even to a theater night, and she felt is was so nice that ladies were starting to wear more skirts to theater funtions etc.
In fact, they had a jacket they asked me to try on, that was not selling, and the Mgr. said the head office wanted the opinion of the ladies shopping about the jacket and maybee why it was not selling as good as the slacks that went with it.
When i was shopping, i was totally femme, wearing a skirt and coat, that one might wear to an office, and it was appropriate for the day and time of day.
Went out for dinner after, and again was treated like a lady at all times

Good luck on future shopping, and hope you do not run into the same problems again

Denise

[Jesse69]

GG Vanya -- I was looking at a Stresa suit and they only had size 2, 6, 8, 10. The 2 seems like it could fit but the 6 looked cut big. If they had a size 4 I would have bought it with no fitting. But I was wondering if I'd look good in it - so that's why I wanted to try it on and look in a full view mirror before buying it. And then there was a marked down Kasper size 4 pants suit I wanted to try on too.

This was my first attempt to try on clothes in drag and I failed. I really think it was because of my voice, because I didn't try hard to sound femme. Otherwise, when everyone looked at me there was no reaction like that's a guy. When I see regular women everywhere I sometimes notice that they even have moustaches! So I was wondering if my voice was important.

This was the first time I definitely got read and by a sales lady so I do feel like a "marked imposter." Like the rest of them did come around to give me a look. So embarrassing. And Tina, I wouldn't raise a fuss with a manager and risk the police, because the nearest person who can bail me out is my brother who is 408 miles away. And he would be very pissed off at finding out I was shopping in drag.

I don't want to tell people I'm a transgenderd male. The reason why I tried shopping in drag lately was because if I shop for womens clothes and stuff as a man I get this big gay reputation that follows me around. Its even affected me at many jobs.

When I walked into the store a women leaving looked me in the eye and said nothing.

[Michelia]

This subject really interests me as I dream everyday of the day I can go out in public. You say in your second post in this thread that this was your first time shopping in drag. But in your first post you say you had already shopped and had "passed". I am missing something here. I think if you already shopped and passed you are doing well. We cannot hope to never be read or ever be humiliated or have anyone talk about us. That comes with the territory. You sound like you are quite passable and doing well. Do not be discouraged by the attitudes of some. I think we also need to be respectful of others sensitivities and the fact that most of these other people have been raised in another world. We are in a gray area here. Maybe I will get pummeled by what I am saying in this email but we should make allowances for different stores and the different cultures of people in those stores, just like we do in our jobs. I cannot go in drag to work and nobody there would accept it. If we want people to be tolerant of us, we need to apply the same tolerance to their ignorance. Getting mad only works against us all. Being nice and taking your business elsewhere is a good option.
I have not had the incredible luxury of shopping in drag yet. But I can tell you that I have about four stores where the girls look out for me and tell me of newly arrived stuff and recent mark downs. A couple of them are womens stores and I use the fitting rooms for women even in drab. There are plenty of nice stores and clerks out there. Enjoy them! Don't let one bad experience sour you.

Have fun in Nashville. I will be thinking of you.

Michelia

[Sejd]

Hi Jesse69
You got some courage dude!!!!!! I went shopping at Macys, but with my SO and that was hard enough. I take off my hat to you! well done, sory that the b.... treated you that mean. She could have been less of a nazi and just let you do your shopping. Well that's my oppinion ater all. I have thought that maybe you could just pretend to be deaf or something? I mean, a lot can be said with very few words, the thing is, if you don't say it, she will.
Hope you won't get discouraged, you are very brave.
hugs
Sejd

[Joni Beauman]

I've gone en femme and drab and never had a problem - be selective about where you go. Some stores are known to be accommodating. I think mid-size stores might be better, in general (Catos, Dress Barn) than, say, Bergners, Sears, or Pennys. Find one or a few and you have safe and even supportive outtings. Occasionally I try someplace new and so far it is always positive. Joni

[Krystal Lee]

Jesse69,

I myself have shopped both in drag and male mode. I enjoy shopping in male mode but pressing things, you know lace peeking out of my blouse, hip hugger girls jeans and lacy panties, that kind of thing.

I have found that a call ahead we work wonders at opening doors for me. Often after I have been shopping as a feminized male I will call and ask for the SA that has just helped me and ask her if I come back when they are not busy if it would be possable to use a fitting room and try things on.

I have found this approach works for me as the SA's have just interacted with me and usuall I am allowed to come in and use the fitting area. Often the responce is we are not busy now!

When in drag I don't always "pass" but figure, so what! Admitidly some days are easier than others. But is that not true with everything?

Keep having fun and don't worry so much if you are looked at by the SA's, after all they won't kill you and eat you! :eek:

Hugs Krystal.

[joanne_mi]

I think the whole 'dressing/rest room' thing is quite a quagmire for us. I, personally avoid it alltogether. And, in the saleslady's defense, she dosen't know you, nor had any idea what your motivation was. To her, you could have dressed that way for the sole reason of snooping around the ladies' dressing room. The average person has no clue what being TG is, their limited worldview of this has been brought to them by the daytime talkshows (thanks Jerry Springer!). If that were my only knowledge of what we were all about, I'd be apprehensive too.

For the other side, she didn't have to be so nasty about all of it, and if she were confused about the store's policy regarding this, they could have gotten a manager to explain it to you. If I ran a store, I would have made some sort of concession to you that still respected the privacy of my female clientele.

I suspect my opinion may not be that popular here. I just hope it adds something to the conversation. It's not designed to insult anyone.

Edited to add: Insisting you use the men's dressing room was pretty stupid on her part. It would put both yourself, and whatever men were in there in an awkward position, and may have caused even further trouble.

[julie w]

I have been shopping femme many times but have never used the ladys
change room ,I am not at that level yet , I take my mini tape measure and
usually get the right size

[Snookums]

Today I dressed up in my Amanda Smith size 4 dress suit that I look good in. Put some powder, breastforms, and pantyhose on - no lipstick. I went to Dillards and browsed the lingerie and all the womens clothes sections with no one reading me and the women shoppers just thought I was another woman. Well, there are 3 womens suits I was looking at in the second floor. I should have just grabbed them and walked into a fitting room to try them on, but I went to a sales lady and asked if I had to go to a person to go into a fitting room. She referred me to another lady who would help me. Well, now I had to talk more and I didn't use a good fem voice. I was testing to see if I could talk a little like I regulary do without altering it to a fem voice too much. Well, as I talked to the lady I said I don't know whether a size 2 or 6 would be better and that can I try them on. She read me by my voice and said I have to go to the mens section to try them on. Then she ask is this for a woman or a man. I said a women, then she said is it me? And I said yes. She told me again I had to use the mens room or just buy it and return it. Feeling I got read for good, I said nevermind and just walked out the store. No sense getting into trouble when there was a security guard by one of the registers. As I was leaving going down the escalater word spread about me and the other ladies came around just to get a look at me as I was going down. So now I'm a marked imposter and will never go back to Dillards in drag. Now I know I have to really work on my voice or I will get read.

I guess I'm passable by looks but not on the voice unless I work on my voice. Is anyone else here similar? Do any of you have stories of how you shopped en femme and got read? What happened next?

My confidence was just deflated, and now I don't know if I should go shopping in drag to Nashville next weekend.

My last time shopping before this I totally passed at Target buying fem stuff and browsing at Dillards looking at the lingerie and I had to talk very little to the lingerie lady.

Do any of you shop in drag knowing that the sales ladies know your a guy?

Dillards is bad for that,I once bought some cute Nine West platform shoes at the Dillards here,as usual I had to try them on,I bought them paid with my Dillards card,and on the way out I was detained and interrogated by store security,they felt entitled to know why I tried on women shoes then bought them,I just sat there requesting an attorney.
I complained to the Dillards customer service,returned the shoes,the sales person gave me a rash of crap when I did that they didn't want to take them back and credit my account,the shoes were unworn,paid my balance and closed my Dillards charge account,thats the best way to deal with companies like that.

[Karren H]

Don't let it get you down.... If my ego was deflated by the number of time I was read I'd owe someone some ego.. Hehehe.

And I don't care anyway if someone knows!!

Love Karren

[JenniferMint]

Dillards is bad for that,I once bought some cute Nine West platform shoes at the Dillards here,as usual I had to try them on,I bought them paid with my Dillards card,and on the way out I was detained and interrogated by store security,they felt entitled to know why I tried on women shoes then bought them,I just sat there requesting an attorney.

Weird... you had already PAID for the merchandise, and STILL they gave you trouble?

I wonder if they thought you were credit card frauding.

[RedBaron]

I try on on clothes all the time, whether I am in skirts or in drab. I never had a problem. At Sears they ask me to go to mens changing room, I don't have a problem with that. At other stores, especially smaller stores they don't have separate change rooms, so I change with the girls.

Nobody has ever asked me who the clothes are for. Why should they? It is none of their business, and all they want is sell their products. There is one exception to that: I was bying some panties and garter belts in a fetish store in drab. They asked me whether they were for me so they could help with the size (which I gratefully accepted).

I show confidence and talk straight with the staff and I never had any problems. I think that is the most important thing when buying clothes.
:2c:

Maybe I should be hesitant and get in trouble, so I won't go shopping that much and would spend less money on skirts and would need less room in my closet ..... Nah!!
:tongueout

[Phoebe Reece]

It always is a matter of where a store is and who is managing the store for what policies are going to be emphasized. I have shopped dressed femme many times at the Dillards store at Perimeter Mall in Atlanta and never had a problem. The SA's in the women's department know I am a CD and have had no objections whatsoever to me trying something on in the womens dressing rooms. Whenever I shop there, the girls that have sold me something before are particularly quick to be friendly and help me in any way they can. The management of this store wants sales and the way to get that is to be friendly and helpful to the customers, however unusual they may appear. I have had similar good experiences in J.C. Penney's, Macy's, and Bloomingdale's stores in Atlanta.