help me understand

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

well... im alittle nervous, as i feel slightly embarrassed, but i hope ul be able to help me out. ive been with my preasant boyfriend for nearly 2 years now. but, a couple of months ago, he told me he cross=dresses. i was quite shocked, but not put off. he has a thing for stockings as well, and i found that abit strange. but i go with him shopping, watch him dress, and listen to him when he talks about it alot. he says he still thinks its his dark, werid nastie secret, but ive brought him round to try new colours, outfits etc. its just sometimes i have a problem making my head ajust to what hes doing. hes STILL my man, but when he dresses sometimes it takes over, and i feel neglected.
i sound selfish i know ( sorry), but i love him with all my heart'soul, and i just need to understand alot more. also i have a young child, and i worry that maybe im doing wrong thing by being with him. id really appreciate some advice plz :):love: :love:

[Tamara Croft]

Hiya and welcome again to the forum :)

Your situation sounds very much like mine was 7 years ago, new man, but I too had a young child, she was 4 at the time. Then came the shocker, my man wore womens clothes, which, freaked me out. It took me 5 years to find this place and start learning what it means to be a CD, but reading a lot of the threads helped me understand. CD's do feel like they are weird, they don't belong, outcasts etc, even if we support them 100%, because society has yet to fully support and understand them also, they will still feel that it is their hidden secret.

When CD's dress, they tend to become this overly girly, vain, me me me, person, my Tam is the same, like a teenager ;) You will find that the majority of CD's on this forum are exactly the same lol!!!! They turn into another persona and like you, I too feel very neglected at times, but that is something we work on.

I'm sure other members will have plenty of other advice for you, I just wanted to know that you're not the only one to have been there :hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

The key, Hon is to control the crossdressing and not vice versa. I've accomplished just that. It took a lot of work but it was well worth it. It sounds like you love him, so my suggestion is communication. You need to know just where you stand in relation to his CDing. Not to give ultimatums but if the choice needed to be made, what is more important to him? His attitude towards it needs to be defined also. I see nothing "dirty" about wanting to emulate a woman. A lot of my best friends are women and they are great people. I have no problem being either Richard or Ericka but a lot of CD's wish they could just be a woman. Sounds like your relationship is worth the effort, so it's up to you guys and you owe it to yourselves to perhaps discover it together. I wish you well.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[Angie G]

Your not wicked the man yu love is a crossdresser that don;t make him a bad person misunderstood by alot of people maybe even by himself you could do alot worse for a BF if he is good to you and your child not abusive or do drugs I don't think you have a lot to worry about I don't think anyone can make someone a crossdresser if your child has questions explain it as best you can if your o.k. with it don't end a good relationship over this.
If you can get him here maybe we can get him to undrestand you needs and not just his.:hugs:
Angie

[Tree GG]

There's all the relationships in a family: Me & him; him & kids; me & kids; us & kids; then comes "her & him"; "her & me" but no "her & kids" or "her as one of us". It's very confusing and clandestine. And when he rearranges the bedroom to install better lighting over my antique vanity (one of the few "things" I've ever purchased for me) so "she" can use it.....well, yeah. I'm ashamed to admit I feel threatened, replaced and neglected.

I know all relationships need time & work, so CDing adds another one that does require the other relationships give up some of their time allottment. I am not comfortable taking from the kids' time - and he absolutely does not want them to know (so he says; I think he'd really like to be open with them but can't).

So, if you & he can find time for all the relationships & he is a good roll model/person to your child, I don't think you're doing anything wrong by being with him. It'd be far worse to have a non-CD partner that is emotionally/physically/verbally obusive to your child.

[Sandra]

Hang around here and read some of the threads you will see you are not alone. Why are you worried that you doing wrong being with him?. Children can and are brought up in family's where there is a CDer with not many problems and as Tree has said


It'd be far worse to have a non-CD partner that is emotionally/physically/verbally obusive to your child.


When a CDer firsts comes out to an SO/partner they are like a kid in a candy shop they want everything and they want it now, some tend to forget that we as SOs are still around and they need a gentle reminder that we are still here. I would have a chat with your BF and tell him how you feel, one thing I have learnt is there has to be communication.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi

Welcome to the forum

I want to congratulate you first, not every wife/so tries to find out more about crossdressing and some wont even try.
I agree with what has been said already we cd's can be like a kid in a candy store and sometimes forget how important a loving wife can be.

It is usually because we have kept the secret for so long, that we find a problem to slow down and consider how others may be feeling.
Why did you not tell me earlier and a feeling of betrayal seems to be the biggest problem to overcome.
You will find you need to decide a lot of things between you and if you need advice this is the place.

for example, do you tell any children ? relatives ? others ?

I would suggest not untill you find out exactly what level of crossdressing you and your husband are happy with.

I would myself would never dream of telling any of my relatives or friends outside of this forum
Children is a difficult question to answer as only you can really know.
just remember that you cant put the genie back in the bottle.

[Amy Hepker]

Hi,
Crossdressers are people too. WE can LOVE! We are able to LOVE! and we desire to be LOVED! Please sit down and talk with him/her and find out what he really wants. Does he want a relationship or does he just want you to help him dress. He may have to search himself out before he can know himself. Let him know how you stand and how you feel about him. Please give him the chance. I don't feel that a Male to Female crossdresser is that bad around your little girl as much as it would be if you had a little boy. If he is to be around your little girl then she must be informed as to why, either that or she should not know that Him/Her are the same person. Girls can and will be anything or anyone they want. A boy is to be a man someday and that's the way the world wants to see it. Please keep an open mind and open arms, talk, talk, talk!
GOD BLESS US ALL!!!
AMY

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

WOW !!! i cannot believe how understanding and helpful u all are. thank-u xx myself and my c/d partener are in our 40's, so we are dealing with this in a adult way. he is so thoughtful, and consierate though with me when he c/d. he NEVER pushes it in me, or makes me feel uncomfortable. i think its abit of jealousy with me really. he says hes been doing it since he was young, so it was there be4 me . infact our love=making is amazing with it as well, which surprised me, and i have such admaration for him when he dresses, its like i become his sister as well, and want to protect him .
but being on ere now, makes me feel so much more comfortable, and i hope to enjoy and help others as i learn. THANK YOU ALL XXXXXXXXXXX:thumbsup:

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

:2c: iam so impressed with everything iam seeing on this site. to be honest, i was afraid of what i didnt understand. and i feel now i can disclose with my new found friends why it has been along hard slog getting to find out about my c/d boyfriend.
when we first met i was completley honest with him about my life. :o .
for what i told him made a "HUGE" differance to him telling me about his dressing. my "real" father had a sex-change when i was 7. everything was kept from me, and i was taken to live with my grand-parents. and that was that !!!! but, in a way, this has helped me when my boyfriend told me about his dressing. i WANTED to understand, not hide and throw up !!!
:love: we all have parts of our lifes we would rather not disclose, but on hindsite im glad that my past has somehow helped me come to terms with my boyfriends dressing. i feel so relaxed and able to talk about this on her. i cannot thank u enough xxxxxx keep up the good work xxx:bye:

[Julie York]

Your "Karma Angel" must be having a ball!




But seriously...welcome to the forum. I hope you find the answers you are looking for.:thumbsup: