Feeling discouraged.

[durden]

Although I really shouldn't be... I'm feeling discouraged lately. I'm only 2 months into my T injections, & I know that I should be realistic & be more patient, but lately I'm feeling kind've down. I know that it takes time to start noticing results, but I'm feeling disappointed because I've only got a small handful of changes that are so far noticeable. My voice has already dropped quite a bit, and I feel like muscles are developing around my jawbone [weird I know, but I can feel a difference.] Other than those physical changes, I feel like there aren't any others to take note of. In the physical sense I mean. I guess in the back of everyone's mind you're kind've hopeful that you're going to be lucky & have a whole truckload of changes hit you within the first month. I know, I know, I'm being unrealistic, but I can't help it. I wish that I had some facial hair, or side burns, that the hair on my arms would darken up, or that I even had some packing on of the muscle already.

I'm feeling like I'm stuck in limbo lately. That I'm in the awkward phase where I'm not yet passing. I just want a few more physical changes to come my way so I don't feel so uncomfortable w/myself [if that makes sense.] It's like I see this great huge picture of myself, of what I'm going to look like... except it's still not the face I'm seeing in the mirror yet. I even feel kind've uncomfortable in public. I've kind've been avoiding it lately. The trips to the grocery store & stuff. Has anyone else felt like this too?

Patience is the key here, but what do you do when you forget to keep it at the front of your emotions? Did any of you feel the same way that I do at the beginning of your hrt? What did you do to boost yourself back up?

[CaptLex]

Ah, yes, patience is hard to drum up. At the beginning I was more concerned with how the T would affect my health and how it would make me feel, rather than how quickly it would change my appearance. I knew the changes would be slow for me because I've begun my transition in middle age. I knew it wouldn't be as obvious for me as it is for the guys in my support group who have started much, much younger, so I didn't expect much. The first physical things that happened were that my voice started dropping immediately, my skin became very oily and my libido went through the roof. So, as long as I saw that something was happening, I wasn't too concerned with the timeline yet. I was just happy that the T made me feel more "normal", with less hormonal fluctuations and less moodiness.

At that time the physical transition seemed to be in sync with the mental transition, so that was okay. I recently had my dosage increased, though, because I felt like I had reached a plateau - and that the physical changes were starting to lag behind the mental changes. I think what helps me sometimes is when I sit back and think about how much has actually happened since I started (when I read back through my journal). As I'm sure you know, everybody is different and things like genetics will determine what changes and at what speed. Some guys in my group have been on T for a year or a year and a half, and are only now starting to see facial hair. Because of my PCOS, I already had facial hair before I started on T, so it's been coming in kind of quickly for me. Patience is hard, but I think it helps to talk about it with others that are going through it, and it also helps when someone comments on changes they've noticed.

Hang in there, Durden. You may look back in a couple of months and marvel at how much you've already changed.

[JenniferMint]

I even feel kind've uncomfortable in public. I've kind've been avoiding it lately. The trips to the grocery store & stuff. Has anyone else felt like this too?

I'm M2F, but I have noticed myself being uncomfortable while trying to present as female in public, because I'm afraid of being read or something.

I just force myself to go about what I wanted to do though... and everyone else goes about their own business too, since they went to the grocery store to shop, not to laugh at me.

[bi_weird]

You're certainly not alone in being nervous in public. I'm much more midline than you (so far my 'transition' has involved a few clothing purchases, and that's as far as I can see it going in the near future) so I know I'm not feeling what you're feeling, but even I have times when I can hardly make myself leave the house. I just feel like everyone can see right through me and thinks I'm a freak or something. Two things I've noticed, which are the only reasons I leave my room sometimes. First, a lot of people (even housemates) just don't notice. Second, when I do go places even if I don't want to, I feel better. When I make myself live my life no matter how odd I'm feeling, it helps the weirdness to go away, and I remember why I'm even dealing with this in the first place: I want to live my life my way.
I hope things get easier for you, and I'll be thinking happy thoughts for ya.

[MJ]

hi durden
i know how you feel going m2f why is it taken so long. i know Rome was not built in a day but i sure wish this estrogen would hurry up and do its thing i guess we both have to Wait

[kittypw GG]

I don't have any first hand knowledge about hormones but I did watch a show the other day that featured a ftm. I could not believe my eyes. This dude was a hunk. He said that he went to the gym and worked out. This helped him physically and mentally. You would never have guessed that he started out his life as a girl. I'm telling you he was ripped. Exercise could really help. Good luck. Kitty

[fiona_libby]

Hi Durden

I suppose your transition could be likened to the journey through puberty which just does not happen overnight. Looking for changes eveyday means you are looking at subtle changes and you may not see the overall effect that someone who may only see you after a longer period of time may be able to see.This is not really addressing your anxiousness to get through this stage and get on with your life, unfortunately I have no piece of wisdom to make this journey of yours go any faster, sorry :sad:

All I can offer is my encouragement :happy: and best wishes and hope that with these thoughts from me and from others on this forum that when you do see some major changes you will look back and see it did not, in fact take so long to happen.

I applaud your courage to do exactly the things that will make you happy. Me, I am a wishful mtf at the moment and I just do not have enough strength to be totally honest with myself or for that fact with anyone close to me.

Hugs :hugs:
Fiona